The Committee to Protect Bloggers has declared February 22nd as Free Mojtaba and Arash Day. The commitee asks that bloggers dedicate their blog to the release of Iranian bloggers Motjaba Saminejad and Arash Sigarchi.
Why not me? I'm in prison for a much longer time then they are, and there is no cry to release me :-)
Anyway, I'm all for freeing prisoners, so let them go!
Scot Hanselman has a list of question that you would interview a .Net candidate with. Here are my answers (without using MSDN/Google/Help/etc, just my head):
There are 102 questions, I couldn't answer 20 of them (19.6%), (you judge if I was correct or not).
I'm weak in ASP.Net & Xml, but that is no surprise to me.
Everyone who writes code
Mid-Level .NET Developer
Senior Developers/Architects
ASP.NET (UI) Developers
{Note, I'm not much of ASP.NET UI developer, but I'll try it anyway}
Developers using XML
(I don't like the angle bracket tax, and it shows)
[Rant]
I hate them because they are complicate beast that make me work too hard to get what I want from them. The current frustration is Sql Server Express, which is probably a good DB, but I just can get it to work!
The main problem is that I want to allow access for the asp.net account, but it just won't work! Express Manager shows no way to do it, and for some reason, SQL Server Computer Manager throws the following message:
Snap-in failed to initialize.
Name:SQL Computer Manager
CLSID:{6BB32802-92E6-11D2-9967-0080C7DCB3DC}
I can log in via osql.exe if I'm admin, but I don't know how to allow an account to log in. I think it's something on the lines of sp_allow(), but it's just stupid that I've to get to this level to make something so simple work!
[/Rant]
Even without editings, posting those stories took some time, and the length of some of them astound me, the last two in Towers of Midnight are each 100 pages long (meaning that the full Tower of Midnight is actually a fair sized book), this is scary.
[I think that I just created a stress test to my blog software and any aggerators that are reading this - some of those stories are close to 0.5Mb]
I'm very pleased to find all of that again, I've some more stories somewhere on my HD that I'll search and post if I can find them. (Again, the backup cd is gone and the HD crashed.
My heartfelt gratitude to the Dragon's Library and to Ulrike Großmann for preserving those stories.
All in all I posted ~30 stories, represnting nearly 3 years of works and dedication for the Wheel Of Time. Only 0 years, 7 months, and 17 days to go until Knife of Dreams is out...
[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ Sometime on 1998]
I got (slightly) tired of writing about our well know characters, this story takes place about 500 years before the books, and tells the story of the impossible love of two people, Selar and Dal. It took me more than 25 hours of writing, (not in a row, luckily) And I think it's as good story as I ever wrote.
The Aes Sedai opened her eyes carefully, the last memory she had was of pain, seering pain. Claws tearing her flesh, canine teeth sinking into her shoulder. The flash of a black night sword stabbing through her stomach. And the sight of an eyeless fade growling in satisfaction as it pulled out the sword.
She was lying in a bed, and above her a ceiling's dark stone that was smoother than any craftsman could ever do. The bed was soft, and she was covered with three or four blankets. She didn't recognize the fur they were made of, but it was soft and pleasant. Trying to sit up was surprisingly easy, she felt weak, but none of the injuries she'd taken left a scar on her skin. Healing, she thought, only Healing could have saved one from a wound that was caused by a sword that was forged in Thakan'dar. But there was no one to Heal her, she should have been dead. A single lamp gave all the light, surprisingly strong for one, there was no windows.
She rose from the bed, the room that held her was perfectly round, there was a tray with food and wine and water on a small table, and a dress and a shift was neatly folded on the chair nearby. She put on the dress and the shift hastily, red faced. It wasn't any linen she knew, though it was smooth as silk. When she finished dressing, there was no stockings, or shoes, she turned to observe the room. It was certainly comfortable, though small, with no luxury beyond what was necessary. The chair and thetable were the only pieces of furniture in the room, plain pale wood. It took her some time to notice the one thing the room lacked. There was no exit. She calmed herself quickly, if needed, she could carve herself a way out with the Power. How did I come here? That question was the most important. Her stomach rumbled suddenly, and she turned to the table. She didn't think she could touch saidar anyway, she was too weak for it. Later, she decided, first I must eat.
There was enough on the plate for five or six hungry men, whoever made it knew how much energy Healing took. But she was still surprised to see that she ate everything that was on the table and was still hungry. The food, like everything else in this strange room was good but plain. But she was so hungry she would have eaten it even if it had been the worst meal she had had in her life. "Light, I think I could eat a Trolloc right now." she murmured, quite loudly.
"I don't recommend it, Selar. Trollocs aren't really all that tasty. I have a sheep for you, if you're ready to eat something that didn't came from the Dark One," said a mocking voice behind her. She jumped to her feet, her heart racing.
The man behind her was vaguely familiar, maybe two or three inches above average height, with brown hair. His eyes were pale blue, almost azure, and the contrast between his eyes and hair made him look exotic. He had a wide mouth, with a mocking grin on his lips, he also had a hawk nose and high cheek bones. His hair was done in Arafellian style, many thin braids with a bell at the end of each braid. She had never met anyone like him in her life, she would have remembered him, for his eyes if for nothing else, but he was somewhat familiar. Right now she cared nothing about it, he held another plate in his hands, loaded with as much food as the first one. Her stomach rumbled again, as if she hadn't eaten in days. The man arched an eyebrow and put the plate on the table. Seating on the bed, he made a sign for her to eat.
He was obviously amused by the way she attacked the food. She didn't care what he thought of her, light, but she was hungry. "Who are you?" she tried to ask. "How do you know my name?"
"Later, Selar," he said, his smile widening, "Finish eating first." His voice was familiar too, though she didn't knew why. She looked at the table, more than half the food wes gone. But she didn't think she could eat anymore, not in the next hour or so. Then she would be hungry again.
"That is enough," she said, "now we can talk." She tried to make it sound like a fact, she hadn't been Aes Sedai for long, she was risen to the shawl the day heescaped, and she insisted that she would take part in bringing him back. She wanted him to suffer, for all the pain he had given her.
"You know me, Selar," the man said, he folded his hands in his lap and leaned against the wall of the room. She stared at him for a moment, then at the walls.
"There is no way in, how did you enter?" she asked, she would have touched saidar and pry the answers loose from him if she wasn't so weak.
"Have you forgotten me already?" he said, but she had never met him in his life, "Now do you know me?" His voice changed, became slightly higher, in a different accent, a voice she did recognize.
"You!" She gasped, it did explain everything. "Dal!" She didn't care about being too weak to touch saidar, didn't care about him being stronger than her even when it didn't take all of her strength to rise from the bed. She launched herself at him, fingernails searching his eyes.
He caught her hands easily, and forced her back. "Stop this, Selar. I don't know whatyou are so angry about, but -"
"You don't know what I'm angry about? You lied to me, cheated me, and half the White Tower. You killed ten sisters I know about. And ran away when you had all but promised to be my warder." The last had hurt more than the rest, she wanted him to be her warder, more than anything in the world. And he said he would wait for her being Aes Sedai, she knew he had refused offers from several Aes Sedai. But on the day she was tested, while she was still shocked and afraid from the test for being Aes Sedai, he ran away, after murdering ten Aes Sedai. "You are a liar, Dal. And a thief, and a murderer. And there are also half a dozen other things I probably don't know about that you did. By the laws of every nation you are ought to be hanged." The last came as a hiss, she tried to hit him with a fist, but he simply caught her fist in his hand, he showed no sign tht he even noticed it. With him, it was a reflex.
He rose from the bed, "We will talk later, Selar," he said, his face and voice were cold, "You need to rest." With that, he walked to one of the walls, the stone seemed to... vibrate under his hand, and he stepped through the stone. She tried to follow him, but when she tried to walk through the stoneit was only stone, the only result were few bruises.
"You're Aes Sedai," she reminded herself, "you're not a child anymore, Aes Sedai." With that, she took one of the plates and threw it on the wall. It took her time to regain coherency, but when she did, the room, so neatly arranged before, was a mess. She had somehow managed to break the chair, and the table had been thrown at the wall more than once, save the bed, nothing was left untouched.
She felt a stab of guilt, she was never like this. But the truth about Dal had hurt her more than anything else could. And he had shamed the entire White Tower. That a man that could channel had been training to become a warder for more than three years, without anyone once suspecting him was more than shaming. And every one in the Tower knew that she wanted Dal to be her warder, she had became the joke of the Tower. At least he had the courtesy to wait until she was tested for the shawl, and passed. She didn't think that she would have ever become Aes Sedai with this in her past. And the Amyrlin threatened to still her. As if she thought she had had the slightest knowledge about Dal's abilities. She had every reason to be angry with him.
She wanted him back in the Tower, gentled, so he would feel pain as much as she did. Had she not already chosen and had been accepted to the Blue Ajah she would have chosen red, because of him.
She sank to the bed, she didn't know why he had run away, or why he killed those sisters, ten sisters, each was killed with the One Power, none but him could have done it. And the novice guarding the ter'angreal no one knew the purpose of was found unconscious in her position. He stole ter'angreal from the Tower, five of them. None knew what they did, but every sister feared that one of them or more might be an angreal, or even more frightening, a sa'angreal that worked for men that could channel. With this, he might be stronger than thirteen sisters, he would be unstoppable.
The gasp made her rise her head, Dal stood near the wall, and stared at the room wide eyed. "Apparently, it was a good idea to leave," he said, "I brought you some food, if you're hungry again." He was carrying a bowl in his hands, a soup of some kind. He looked around at the ruined room, there was no place to put the bowl save the floor. The table rattled and rose up in the air, without a hand touching it. It turned and settled down on the floor. Dal put the bowl on the floor, ignoring her. She sat frozen, she had never seen him channeling before, and knowing that someone can touch saidin, and actually seeing him touch the tainted male half of the True Source were two different things.
"Now we can talk, Selar," Dal said, "You can clean this mess later, if you want to be a little child I can leave you here until you calm down."
"Why did you kill those sisters?" Selar said, "They did nothing wrong to you. And why that way?" She rose and walked to the table, only then realizing she had no chair. Dal saw her problem, and moved the table so she could use the bed as a chair. He used the power again, and she had to hide a shiver.
"They were reds. And they found out what I really am, so..." He shrugged as ifit was the most natural thing in the world, the Aes Sedai he killed were torn apart, limb from limb.
"How? No one even suspected that you could channel for three years. How could they know? How?!" She was in fury. She didn't believe him, if he had hidden it for so long how did they uncover him? "Did others found out about you before? You killed them also?"
"No one found out about me, ever," he said, angrily. Then shook his head, "It's a long story, why don't you start eating while I'll tell you about it?" She nodded, he never was ready to be pressed, but if she kept the leash loose he usually did what she wanted of him.
"It started when I was nineteen, I lived in a small village in Arafel when Trollocs raided the village. They took us to the Blight. The Myradraal, he meant to take Elar and have the rest of us watch him." There was pain in his voice, "Elar, she and I were supposed to marry that spring. I tried to stop them, but I couldn't. The Myrdraal told the Trollocs to bring me closer so I could see better what he was going to do to Elar. I remember that I reached out and grabbed something, I didn't knew what it was, only that it kept me from going mad." Selar never thought that saidin could keep a man sane. "It was liquid fire in my veins, and I used it to destroy the Trollocs. The Myrdraal I skinned, that was what he promised that he would do to me, after Elar had died." He stopped to take a breath. Selar had to remind herself how much him running away had hurt her. She wanted to take him in her arms and promise him that everything would be fine. There was so much pain in his voice.
"Elar, she didn't even want to look at me afterward. I brought them out of the Blight and left, I went to the White Tower. At first I thought that if I would turn myself in, if they... then I might came back and return to Elar." He took deep, ragged breath. His eyes were closed. "But saidin called to me, and I couldn't refuse its call. After the third time I knew that I couldn't live without the Source."
"But you still came to the White Tower," Selar noted. "Why?" She hadalmost finished the bowl of soup.
"Do you know a better place to learn about the One Power?" He didn't wait for her answer, "I went to the White Tower, and asked to be trained as a warder."
She remembered the day he arrived, a young man that had nothing but skin on his bones. With dead eyes, he said that his village was destroyed in a Trollocs raid. He also said he came from Saldaea, not from Arafel. He wanted to be a warder, to fight the Shadow, as he said. And had almost black eyes, a typical Saldaean. The Tower was ready to accept him, she rememberd the day he came, she saw him when he entered the Tower. Everyone that entered the White Tower was nervous, but that man had enterd the Tower as if he owned the place.
The warders said that they rarely had had such a good student, he knew only little about swords when he arrived, but he learned. And he was very good at learning. After half a year in the Tower he had some flesh on him, but he still had that dead look in his eyes. He wasn't interested in anything save his sword. The One Power fascinated him, but unlike most men, he wasn't afraid of it.
The young men trained to be warders were almost the only place were Novices and Accepteds could talk with men in their age. But Dal never seemed interested in girls, he was just polite enough, nothing more. And he fascinated her, she had never met a man that could simply ignore women. She had made a decision one day, she would make him laugh again.
It had taken her more than a year, but she did it. She thought that if she would have known how hard it would be she would never have made that promise. But the joy she felt when she heard him laughing was worth all the time she spent on it. He had such a lovely laugh, but more than all, her reward was seeing that dead look dissipate from his eyes. Half a year later she was tested for the shawl, and passed, at the same day he left the Tower.
"I learned much there," his voice startled her from the memories, "not only the sword." He smiled, not a pleasant smile, "Earth is a talent men have, and I have a ... trick, I can pass right through stones or metals." She remembered how he had exited the room before, and shivered. "I read everything in the White Tower library about saidin, most of it was just useless garbage about the breaking, and why every man that can touch saidin must be killed." His voice was full of bitterness. "But I found a few books that could help me, mostly about the Age of Legends, but there were few recent essays about..." He caught the look on her face and stopped. "Never mind, you won't be interested in it."
"That was why you stole those ter'angreals?" Selar asked, "Was it worth the life of ten Aes Sedai?"
"It wasn't I who killed those Aes Sedai," Dal said with a sign, "It was an accident."
"And you expect me to believe you?" she asked scornfully, "They were torn apart, they found Lealan's head fifty feet from her body." So the Amyrlin had told her, and no Aes Sedai could lie.
"Those ter'angreal I took, one of them was supposed to give me access to saidar. If I would have known how it will give me this access I would never have used it." He sounded as if he was telling her the truth, on the other hand, he had been lying to everybody for three years, all the time he was in the Tower.
"No man can touch saidar, you fool!" she snapped at him, did he thought her a fool? "That is something even the such of you should know."
He took something from his belt pouch, a wide bracelet, one that belonged to a man. It looked like glass, but nothing could break it. Inside the glass, floating within in, there was the ancient symbol of the Aes Sedai. "This forces a link between any female that can hold saidar and the man that is using this ter'angreal. I never thought about how it would give men the power to draw saidar." He threw the bracelet at her, she caught it out of instinct. By what she knew of this ter'angreal nothing she could do to the thing would have any affect on it, but she still didn't like to touch it. "I broke the link as soon as I understood what it was doing," Dal continued, "but those Aes Sedai already knew, I had no choice but to kill them. I had taken a sa'angreal from there too, but it was still hard to kill them." He didn't even blink saying it! "And about my methods, Selar. It doesn't matter to the dead how they died."
"Even if we assume that you had to kill them, what was so important to you so you had to steal it?" She glared at him, "You took a sa'angreal, a ter'angreal that created a link between man and women, what more?" She had to know what those ter'angreals that he took did. None of them worked for women.
"The one that look like a flower was supposed to protect me from the taint," he said, he suddenly looked as if he was about to collapse, "It creates the illusion that saidin is clean when I use it. But it's illusion only, the taint is still there, sipping into me, even if I don't feel it." He looked at her then, with eyes that were no longer dead, eyes she almost wished would be dead. All the tiredness in the world, all the pain, all the sorrow were reflected from his eyes. Mixed with that strange,stubborn look he had sometimes, the determination not to surrender. In the Tower she had sometimes wondered what he was so determined about. But the only time she asked him he laughed and said that he was determined not to fall in love with her. She laughed at his answer, she remembered in fondness, and called him a fool for trying to fight the Wheel of Time. Now she knew, and her own words became bitter.
"The others, what do they do?" she asked quietly, it took all the will she had, not going to him and hug him tightly.
"Aes Sedai to the bone," Dal murmured, and she winced, from him, it was more than a curse. Even though he said it in neutral voice, she would have preferred to hear hate, or fear. Something, save this coldness.
"This is a sa'angreal, one that were made for men," his smile was merely showing his teeth, he wasn't amused at all, "with this, I'm more than strong enough, stronger than any thirteen women." He held a small statue, a man, carved in wood or maybe stone, holding one hand in greeting.
"If you can use the sa'angreal to draw enough to be stronger than a circle of thirteen women," she started, it was the Tower's worsed nightmare, it wasn't a surprise for her that she did shiver. On the other hand, she had never been afraid of him, not even when she learned that he could channel, "Why did you have to kill the Aes Sedai?"
"It wasn't this sa'angreal I used to kill the Reds," he empathized the last word, for the like of him, there was a difference, "I found this sa'angreal later. When I killed them I had to use a lesser one, barely a sa'angreal at all, it was more close to angreal's level than to sa'angreal. I left it in the Tower when I found this." This he put back in his pouch, no wonder he didn't trust her with it.
"You need to sleep, Selar," he said suddenly, "I didn't heal you so you would die from exhaustion." He took the table and put it near the wall, with his hands, not with the power. She knew that she could never tell him how reliefed she was for this.
"Do you mean to leave me locked in here, Dal?" she asked, she would refuse to show him how this unnerved her.
He looked at her surprised, "You're too weak to touch saidar now, aren't you?" he said. She didn't mean to let him know that even with saidar in her she couldn't do it, Earth belonged to men, not to women. "I will leave it open, Selar." This time, when he touched the wall, the rock didn't seem to become liquid again, it was ripping open, until it was a door, tall enough for him to pass comfortably. "Sleep well, Selar," he said, "Healing take much of your strength." As if she didn't know that.
He went through, and the lamp's light winked out. The only light that was left came through the door. She rose to her feet angrily, and only then she remembered how weak she was. He was right, she wasn't sure that she could make it to the door, nor that she could even undress by her own. She lied on the bed in her cloths, if he thought that she would ask his help he was wrong. The bed was soft after all those night of sleeping on the ground, chasing him. Or even compared to the bed Accepteds had. She fell asleep almost immediately, not caring where she was or that he was so close to her. Well, she did care about it, he was too far for her to feel comfortable. She wanted him on her side.
Dal stood near Selar's bed, she breathed slowly, he unraveled all the lights save one, and there was almost total darkness in the place he called home. For him, it was no problem. Saidin filled him, and even the darkness that surrounded him was bright as daylight when he held saidin, he could afford himself that moment of pleasure, looking at her. She was the most irritating woman he had ever met, she had a talent to make him do whatever she wanted. No one had ever done such a thing, not even Elar. He chased the thought out of his head, he knew where it might lead. There was no doubt about her being the strangest creature that he had ever met, she had tied a string around his heart, a heart that he guarded better than his secret. Sometimes he wondered about it, and then released it as unimportant, it didn't matter how she did it. Facts were facts, he had toyed with the idea to stay in the Tower more than once, to be her warder. But he couldn't. The taint, burning inside him, was the only reminder he needed. As much as he wanted to, he would never let himself kill her, never be another Kinslayer.
He could never do her any such thing, he was a man that could channel, the future only held madness for him. He couldn't force her to be bonded to him, not ever. Even now, when she knew, he couldn't do it. He had made vast research in the Tower, doors wasn't something that could stop him, nor guards. And he knew how to create a warder bond with saidin, but he would never do it. Not to her, any other Aes Sedai he hated with passion, but her... it was different with her, much different. He was as quiet as death itself as he left the room. The sleeping woman left in the dark, to her dreams. Dreams that he would never allow to become true.
When Selar woke the next morning she woke into darkness, there wasn't even a shred of light. Hastily she opened herself to saidar, she had needed that sleep, even if she would never admit it to anyone save herself. And a globe of white light appeared. She hated the dark. And Dal knew it.
She wasn't in the room she'd awoken in the day before. That was the first thing she noticed. The bed was much larger, though still plain, Did this man have nothing decorated? she wondered, the second thing she noticed was that she was lying on the bed in her skin alone. She had gone to sleep with her cloths she was sure of it. He must have undressed her, her cheeks felt like fire.
"So you're awake," Dal said, he was seating in a chair, watching her with one of those small smiles of his, she threw the pillow at him. He caught it in mid air. "Dress yourself, you're leaving," he ordered, with that he stepped again through the bloody rock and were gone. Her clothes, those she had worn before the shadowspawn attacked.
Twenty-seven sisters, all of them strong in the power, thirteen Reds, five Greens and the rest from her own ajah. The warders had followed him all the way from the Tower. When it was clear that his destination was the Blight the Reds immediately stated that he must be a DarkFriend, Selar didn't believed it. Reds could be as good as Whitecloacks when it came to finding Darkfriend in every man that could channel. She remembered an argument between two of the warders, it was always dangerous to enter the Blight, but even the warders thought it safe when so many of them were Aes Sedai. They were wrong. A message that was left on her pillow, in Dal's hand writing, had warned them that if they would enter the Blight they would die. The warders had been watching, and nothing could escape a warder eye. But Dal did, and to think that he had entered all the way to her tent and got away with this had set every Aes Sedai in fury, but most of all her. He had left a rose there, too. And that angered her more than anything else.
Dal was right, as it turned out. As soon as they were deep enough in the Blight so they couldn't flee in time they were constantly attacked. Trollocs, Fades, other shadowspawn that no one had seen since the Trolloc Wars. They had no other choice but to stand and fight, and all along they could see a tall figure on a horse, watching them. Every sword that had been aimed at her was diverted, and every shadowspawn died in flames. Dal didn't bother to protect the others. Shadowspawns had tried to attack him too, but lightning stroke them down, sometimes they were swallowed in flames or simply exploded. She had gone beyond fury, and with all the amount of saidar she could draw she striked at him, a lightning as wide as a tree strucrk him. He had only an instant warning, not enough to protect himself. And the shadowspawns gathered over his body, they left them. The warders that survived didn't bother to talk, they hit the horses with all their might, and all of them began to flee the Blight. They passed maybe half a mile before the Blight itself started to rise against them, trees tried to catch them, the ground itself seemed to be full of traps to catch a horse's leg. Her horse fell suddenly, and she landed heavily on the ground. In that moment the shadowspawn returned, she remembered facing them with the power, until that Myrddraal put his sword in her ribs. Then it all darkened, but she thought she remembered Dal appearing, pulling his sword out of the Myradraal's back, he scoped her up in his arms, calling her a fool, and then it was only the darkness that swallowed her.
She stared at the riding dress she held, it was the one she had worn, but there were no stains, not even one cut. And no signs of someone fixing them. Saidin again, but she wore them anyway, she couldn't let him think that she was afraid of him. She stared at the room when she finished dressing, she though it was his room. Two swords lied in the corner, even in the Tower, although he was supposed to be a Saldean he insisted on learning the manner of fighting with two swords. There was a pile of books on the floor. She took one of them and opened it, "Saidin after the Breaking of the World" it was titled, by an Aes Sedai that lived more than thousands years ago, according to the date on it.
"Not a good book," Dal said from behind her, "a Red wrote it. But she mentioned certain things that men that can channel did, from walking through stones," he smiled shortly, not a pleasant smile, "to knowing when a woman is holding the True Source." Selar stared at him, if he could tell when she was holding saidar... It wasn't a pleasant thought.
"Come, you are leaving now," Dal said.
"Leaving? To where? Where are we anyway?" she asked, if he thought that she would just follow his orders he was about to have a surprise.
"You're in my home, Selar. And I'm taking you to the Blight border, you should be able to walk safely from there." he said, he smiled no longer.
The swords rose from the floor and floated in the air to him, it made her shiver. He was there instantly, "I will never harm you, Selar, you have my word on it," he whispered, his hand caressing her cheek. She stared at him, it was just like he was before she found out about him. Then he blinked, and moved away, hard and cold all of a sudden. "We need to go now." He took the swords from the floor, where they had fallen, and donned them on his shoulder.
She nodded, she had made up her mind about him, and the laws could go to the Pit of Doom as far as she cared. But there were still few things she needed to know. "Why did you came to the Blight, Dal?" she asked. For a moment or two she thought he might refuse to answer her.
"Do you know a better place for me to be?" he asked. "What can I damage here that isn't worth destroying? Here, there is nothing I care about, here I can go mad without anybody being hurt."
"Dal," she started, then fell silent, unable to continue. "you gave me a note, warning me not to go to the Blight. How did you know? The Reds thought you are a -"
"DarkFriend?" he said in a flat voice. "I'm not, though I don't think you would take my word for it. Anyone who enters the Blight is taking a risk. And anyone fool enough to enter in such a force... you were spotted miles away. And so many Aes Sedai..." He didn't have to continue. "I made sure that they would take none alive, that is the best I could do for them, Selar," he said, seeing her reaction, "I could save none but you." He moved to the wall, and again there was an opening growing wider in the stone. "Any other questions?" He led her during a seemingly endless corridor, at some point he stopped, looking at the wall. "Wait here, Selar. It would take a moment only." He sank through the stone again. She turned her eyes away hastily, it made her want to vomit.
It did take a moment only, and he brought something back, a small sack he hed in his hand. "It's not far anymore, Selar," he said, his voice sounded sad. This time is was far. They walked for an hour or so before the corridor ended. "Here it is," Dal said, "I was hunting while you were asleep. And I got us horses."
"In the Blight?!" she asked unbelievingly, "There are no horses in the blight, you should know that -" Her breath stopped, he opened another hole in the wall. She had almost gotten used to this, almost, she thought that she could never really get used to man channeling. Two horses stood there, skin black as night and fiery eyes. There was only one way to get horses in the Blight, to steal them, and there was only one creature in the blight you can steal a horse from. "Myradraal's horses," she whispered, no one ever rode Myradraal's horses. No one ever thought of trying.
The horses weren't shadowspawn, she could have sensed it, but they were definitely the finest she ever seen. She'd always loved horses, and they were beautiful horses. "Will they let us ride them?" she asked, she wanted to ride them. They looked like they could run faster than the wind.
"They do, they are just horses, the finest you can find, but still horses," Dal said, "I rode them back here," his eyes shined, "it's like riding on the wind, I think that they could run forever." He put a hand on one of the horses shoulder, the animal looked at him, it looked intelligent.
"Help me with the saddles," Dal said. Selar smiled inwardly, and touched saidar momentary, the saddle floated to him. He accepted it without even blinking, she felt disappointment for a moment, if she had to be nervous about him channeling near her she had every right to expect him to be nervous around her. Only he wasn't, he never was, not even back in the Tower.
After he had saddled both horses he offered her a hand, to help her up. She ignored his hand and climb to the saddle herself, he muttered something about stubborn women that she pretended not to hear. She had her plans for him, and she wouldn't let him escape this. You had to let a man think he had some freedom, or else he might simply tear away the leash from you. And she meant to put Dal in a leash, if he would agree to it or not.
This time Dak took a deep breath, he started to sweat, and the entire left wall rose into the air. It was a huge rock, and it floated in the air just enough for them to pass. "I can hold it for a while," Dal said, his horse trotted forward, "but this isn't easy. Are you coming?" With this, the horse he was riding began to run, she heeled her own horse after him. They were as fast as the wind. The huge rock landed softly on the ground behind her, they were in the Blight, she could feel the taint of the place. Her horse was racing after Dal's. "What are you running from?" she shouted at him.
"The Blight, they know me, they won't let me leave," he shouted right back, "Look." He was right, it happened just as she saw it before, when the blight itself tried to stop them. Fire blazed around them, Dal was channeling, and saidar filled her too, she realized. She had never been so afraid in her life, not even when she thought she was going to die, but the display was marvelous. They rode like the wind, her hair flew back, it was almost like flying. They both channeled, and the Blight gave way before them. Fire and lightnings shot to hit trees that moved, or the shadowspawns that seemed to be everywhere. The earth erupted and sent streams of dirt and fire into the air.
"How far?" she shouted at Dal. They couldn't continue doing this for long. But light, it wasn't something she would ever forget.
"An hour, if the horses can keep on in this rate," he shouted back. "Can you channel for that long?"
She groaned, channeling for so long, with all the power she could draw, would bring her near exhaustion. "I think I can." Their life depended on how long those horses could run. She could remember only how long they ran, channeling with every scrap of saidar she could draw. She had learned how to ignore heat and cold, but she couldn't spare the necessary concentration for it, her face was covered with sweat, the Bight may be in the far north, but they were hot. She lost the sense of time, concentrating on burning everything she saw, after some time she stopped using fire, it was hard for her to do so. Now she used air, a club powerful enough to break bones or kill. Their horses raced like two black ghosts, faster than any normal horse could. The cold wave that hit her was the only thing that told her that they were out of the Blight. The sweat on her face began to freeze.
She pulled the reins hard, and the horse began to stop. She saw Dal from the corner of her eye, he drew one of his swords and hit her horse with it, leaving a red trail. "We are too close to the Blight," he shouted, "they might come after us." Her horse launched itself forward, his speed was unbelievable. At least now they didn't have to channel. And although Dal looked back often there was nothing there to fight.
Finally Dal brought the horses to a stop, near a lake, one of the thousands lakes of Malkier. She nearly fell off the horse, channeling took physical strength, and she had channeled for long. Dal looked even worse than she felt, he slid down the horse and emptied his stomach.
She hurried to him, but he pushed her back. "I'm fine, Selar." He looked like he was about to fall off his feet, but he insisted that they would take the saddles off the horses and tie their legs before he agreed to rest.
"You can go to the Tower from here," he said when they finally sat down, neither one of them had the strength to make a camp, they simply lit a fire and let it burn. It was still not noon, but she felt like she had been working all day. "No one would harm an Aes Sedai here. You might also find some sisters in here so you can have your report sent to the Tower by pigeon."
"What are you going to do?" she asked, "You don't mean to go -" He simply stared at her. "Are you mad?" She winced when she understood what she had said, but went on. "We barely survived going out, and you want to go back on your own?"
"I might be mad," he said, "But Selar, the Blight are the safest place in the world for me." As simple as that.
"No it's not!" she shouted at him, "Do you want to die? Do you?" She rose to her feet, it felt like she was trying to lift a mountain. "I'll not let you die," she said, touching saidar was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. He was on the other side of the fire, but it felt like walking a mile. She sat down near him, close enough that she could touch him. "I'll not let you die, Dal. Do you hear me, I will not."
He made no move for a long time, he didn't even seem to notice her seating next to him. "I'm a dead man already, Selar. Can't you see it? I've been channeling saidin for three years, every time I touch saidin I feel the taint sipping into me." His voice was angry, and full of frustration, and he pointed at the place where he had vomited. "At best I have a few more years, but I could go mad tomorrow, or the day after. I can't have this, don't you understand? I can't live in fear that I would go mad and kill you, I can't live like that."
She didn't really listen to him, only to the sound of his voice, was she doing the right thing? She didn't knew, but she did knew that there was no other way. She wouldn't, couldn't, let him go away. She took his hand in hers and stared at him, the flows she readied were the most complex she had ever woven. "I don't care, Dal. I will not let you die. I can't let you die." She blinked hastily, to make the tears go away, but he saw it.
"Selar," he whispered, he put his finger under her chin and titled her head so she would look at him eye to eye. "Can't you see? There is no other way." Saidar made her more than aware of his touch, she had made up her mind, and channeled, flows of Spirit, for a moment she feared that she was too tired. Then she felt it happening, and let go of saidar. Dal snatched his hands off her.
"A warder bond!" he said, she could feel nothing from him, only that awful tiredness that only reflected hers. No emotions whatsoever reached her through the bond. "Are you a fool, Selar?" he seemed to be wanting to shout, but was unable to spare the strength for it.
"I'm no fool, Dal," she snapped at him, and yawned, she was too tired to fight with him now. "I'm too tired to think straight now, and so are you. I'm going to sleep now." She saw the shock on his face. "You go to sleep too, Dal." she ordered, he was her warder, after all. There was not even a blanket, Dal hadn't thought of it. But neither had she. She lied on the ground and closed her eyes. Light, exhaustion was nothing compared to how she felt.
"You never think straight," Dal said, but she did heard him lying on the ground. The emotionless began to fade slowly, but tiredness was still the strongest thing she felt. And anger, at her, she thought. But woven underneath it all, there was something she couldn't recognize, fear and frustration and hate, this time she was sure it wasn't directed to her, but to himself. She couldn't understand why, and was too tired to think about it. Exhaustion took over, and she fell into sleep. The last thing that registered in her mind was that he had already fell asleep.
It was his wakening that woke her, her entire body ached from sleeping on the ground. By the dark sky they had slept almost the entire day. She sensed no anger in Dal, nor fear or frustration or hate. But she could feel his emotions, it wasn't like before, when no emotion reached her from him. "Why did you do it?" Dal asked, "I can't believe it's just to bring me back to the Tower. Not you."
"Of course not," she said, she had entirely forgotten about the Tower. "I don't want you to be gentled, Dal." He arched an eyebrow.
"Don't you? Why?" All emotions drained from him.
"I love you," she said, "I don't want you to die. Or be hurt. Is there any better reason?" Emotion flooded him, he was surprised, pleased and happy. But more than all, stronger than she could believe was love, a feeling she felt in herself, love strong enough to overpower anything.
"It doesn't matter, Selar," he said, there was no evidence in him for the shock he felt inside. Nothing at all. "I will still go mad, I can't let myself hurt you, you must understand that -"
"Shut up," she commanded, she grabbed a handful of his hair, the bells in his hairs chimed as she pulled his mouth to hers and kissed him. She had kissed him before, but never before she could feel what he felt. It was more than strange to feel how he felt her kiss. More than strange, and certainly more than pleasant.
This story is based on a diary that was found in one of the corners of the White Towerlibrary. The diary belonged to the Accepted Selar, and she wrote in it after she became Accepted. The diary simply stopped shortly after Selar bonded Dal. Selar, of course, is a well known name all through the Borderlands. A heroine that lived between the years 541-568 NE. As Aes Sedai can tell or write no lies, the records dated before Selar became Aes Sedai can be doubted, but not those after her swearing the Three Oaths. It's well recorded that Selar and her warder, whose name was Lar, survived things not even Aes Sedai can. If Lar was actually Dal, then it explains how she survived so many battles. Selar, although belonging to the Blue Ajah, had spent all her life in the Borderlands, fighting the Shadow, and it is confirmed that twice at least she was attacked by large numbers of DarkFriends and shadowspawn, and some unconfirmed rumors even claims that she was attacked by the Black Ajah more than once, and survived. While searching in the White Tower archive I've found two records mentioning a warder to be named Dal, one saying that he was accepted as a student of the warders, the second, an order to find him and bring him back to the Tower, dead or alive. The second order was Sealed to the Flame at the time. No reason was given for the second order.
Selar and Lar died in 568 NE, they were known to have left the army of Malkier and Shienar, only two days ahead of a battle with the largest number of shadowspawns ever seen since Arthur Hawkwings time, maybe even since the Trollocs Wars. Their tracks led straight to the Shadow's army. A DarkFriend that had been in this army was caught. According to him Selar and Lar had both came to the camp, and been taken prisoners and brought to the Shadow's general. Soon after that a huge explosion wiped out most of the army, any living creature twenty miles away died. And the explosion was strong enough to be seen in the Borderlands as well. Selar was a strong Aes Sedai, but nothing she could do could cause such damage to the army. An interesting speculation would be that she and Lar, or Dal, whatever his true name was, had learned to link themselves, and then killed themselves together with the Shadow army. The diary was returned to the Tower together with her and Lar's belongings, with all five stolen ter'angreals as well. Whatever the truth really is, Selar will remain a legend in the Borderlands for as long as memory serves.
Selar's Life and Death
Written by: Verin Sedai
[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ Sometime on 1998]
What would happen if Rand and Elayne would meet each other in Tal'aran'rhiod? Here is the answer, as always, I hope you will enjoy it.
Rand let go of saidin, and the gateway behind him winked out. He wished he knew more about this reflection of the world. He knew some of its rules, most of them came from Lews Therin's memories, but his ignorance bothered him. It was important. He didn't have to look at himself to know that he had changed. He was still at the same height, but dark brown hair replaced his reddish, and his eyes were almost black, the skin were much darker and the body was older, much older, though only twenty more years had shown on it. Lews Therin's body, it happened to him before, when the man had tried to take control on him, it happened more often whenever he came here, and he didn't try to fight it anymore. He was what he was; denying what he was wouldn't change it. Before, when Lews Therin had tried to take over him, he could see the internal fight between them. Here thoughts could change things, could kill you. Two incidents had thought him that. After those incidences he had avoid this place as much as he could. And tried not to think at all as long as he was in this strange world.
The first was when he tried to think about the taint, saidin pulsed in him, and the taint twisted his stomach. He wondered how much he had before he would go mad, how long before he would start to rot. He was ready to return to the real world, in his rooms in Caemlyn, when he passed near a mirror. The shock had cause him to loose control on saidin, and for a heartbeat that last forever the power tried to destroyed him, it was a war he nearly lost at, and the fight was won only by hair width. And left him as weak as a baby.
He left that world as fast as he could. But still had nightmares for days about the face he saw in the mirror. Rotting flesh with red, angry gaps that showed the bones. Only the eyes were saved from the rotting, almost all his face had surrendered to the corruption of the taint. Nightmares that had sent him awake with screams that he could barely stop more than once.
The second incident had happened the next time he had to visit this place. He had kept his thought strictly on one course, finding how many soldiers Sammael had added to his army. He had tried to anyway; he tried not to think at all. But an acid comment Aviendha had long time ago had floated to his mind; that he never seemed to think at all. That was all he thought about, that acid comment, he was sure of it. But he found himself in that snow hut in Seanchan again, Aviendha in his arms, both of them naked.
Light, but it was tempting, he thought, half with regret, half with determination never to let it happen again. He almost stayed there, almost. It wasn't as if she would ever know, or that someone could be hurt from it. But he would know, and he couldn't do it. He hated himself for not surrendering for the temptation, but it would be much worse if he would have. He signed regretfully at the thought, he wished for it more than anything else did. But in his mind, what he did was worse than a rape. No matter if the woman had been real, or a creator of his imagination. She said she would not, and he wouldn't even think of it.
It had changed, now. Min claimed that Aviendha loved him; and Elayne too. And there was only one way she could be so sure of it; she had never met Aviendha in her life. She must have seen it in a viewing. And Min's viewings always came true. Even when you didn't want it to happen. He did want Aviendha and Elayne and Min to love him. But he knew it is a weakness, he knew it would cause him troubles. Many troubles, but his heart was one thing he couldn't order about, and he loved those women with all his heart. Not that he would ever tell this to Min or Elayne or Aviendha, already Min always had her way with him. If he would ever let her know how deeply he loved her she would use it, she wouldn't be able to not use it. Women were all the same about it, and he knew it more than from his memories alone.
A pretty woman is a partner in a dance; two pretty women mean trouble at home, three pretty women are a reason enough to run. It was an old saying in the Two Rivers, but it didn't sound right for him. Maybe it blended with a saying from the Age of Legends. He sometimes had hard time separating Lews Therin's memories from his. And sometimes, like now, they blend together. Elayne's image, for example, he couldn't think of her without remembering Ilyena, they looked so much alike each other that it was a reason enough by itself. But not the sharp, deep pain that followed the other woman's image in his mind. Lews Therin was Kinslayer, not him. Never me, he thought, but the body he used now, the body he took almost anytime he was now in this world, remind him other wise.
I - Lews Therin, had no choice, not one bit more than I do. It happened again, it was as if he started to think about Lews Therin as himself. Maybe they were the same; he was the Dragon Reborn, no doubts about it. And Lews Therin was the Dragon. But he wouldn't follow Lews Therin's fate for the world or the wheel. Nothing worth this price, light burns me, nothing worth all this pain again.
He remembered the pain, remembered so much he didn't want to. But there was knowledge in those memories. Knowledge he had to have, had to use. He had to face the Forsakens, and they had all the knowledge of the Age of Legends. All he had was a pile of memories; sometimes something seemed to alert them, to make him aware of them. But most of the time he wasn't even aware of it. The other day he woke up knowing, knowing that he - Lews Therin, had always love to see Ilyena in green.
And it happened to him again and again ever since Lews Therin appeared in his mind. What was so important in a single yellow rose that he had once gave to a woman her face or name he couldn't remember anymore. But this had slipped to his memories together with knowledge about shadowspawn, and the Forsakens, and the Dark One and the One Power. There was no order in the memories he acquired from Lews Therin, not that he noticed. The memories of battles and a dinner he couldn't eat because he was supposed to be tested tomorrow, to know whatever he could channel. The sense of failure when he was told, at the age of ten, that they couldn't be sure about it. He could dimly remember other tests, other failures, until he stopped coming, he was sure he couldn't channel. And how surprise he was when a man arrived to his house, saying that he sensed someone channeling closely. He was tested and passed that day, and had taken away from home to learn about the power, how he could use it.
So much memories, so much pain, and joy and sorrow and happiness. But there were holes in all those memories, he could remember how he learn to channel, some of it, he was sure that he didn't remember the tenth of it. But in all those memories that slipped by the bar between him and Lews Therin there wasn't a single time he could remember touching saidin while it was still clean. And he searched his mind for this particular memory more than once. And it didn't matter that there were times he remember channeling, he couldn't remember the touch of saidin without the taint.
Rand shook his head in anger; thinking about those memories often led him that way. And he had a target coming here, if he was right he might find Elayne and Aviendha. He had only the slightest clue about where they were now, somewhere in Gehalden by now, he thought, but now there was no reason he wouldn't pick them himself. And, knowing Mat, the man would be grateful for this. Mat didn't like noblewomen, or nobles in general. And ever since Malindra's death he tried to stay clear of Aiels too.
It was a memory he was suddenly aware of, he thought of ways to find Elayne when this came to his mind. A way to use this world to find things you need. He closed his eyes and concentrated on Elayne.
Elayne, I want to be where Elayne is, He ordered, focusing on Aviendha's face as he added her to the order.
Elayne, Aviendha! One woman with blue-green eyes and red hair that fitted to her temper, a second with blue eyes and golden curls. So like another woman he remembered. All his longing to them, all the craving he felt, all the yearning his felt for them. He hadn't seen Aviendha for more than a month and a half by now, Elayne he hadn't seen for more than half a year. And he had missed them so much.
The world moved around him, and he stood in the shadow, unobserved. And stared directly at Elayne's face.
He didn't move, and for long time, very long time, all he could do was to stare at Elayne. Oval face surrounded by golden hair, blue eyes that were now tired and worried, but could be softer than he could ever believe. A mouth that he yearned to kiss and a nose that she usually pulled up at people complete the image. She was so beautiful, so perfect that his heart tried to explode. He thought that his heart might break out of his rib cage. After a moment or ten, when he could see anything beside her face he scanned the place he was in.
A room filled only with old plain chair and shaky table, Egwene was there too, dark hair and eyes, in blue and green dress, and some kind of a vest in red and blue and yellow and green and white and brown and gray.
The amyrlin stole! He thought in shock, wishes could became true here, but he never thought that Egwene wanted to be the Amyrlin Seat, or that Elayne would let her play at being the Amyralin. All it could mean was that she was truly the Amiralyn Seat, how could she-?
Any guess would probably be wrong, and Elayne could tell him how later. He gave a start, and then froze, Elayne didn't notice him, when he saw that Nynaeve was in the room too. His face burned, concentrating on Elayne so much that he didn't even noticed her. Nynaeve wore yellow dress, and had a shawl on her, a yellow shawl, not surprising; really, Nynaeve always wanted to heal anything. But her hair was with ribbons and flowers, as if she had married not long ago. He pushed curiosity away from him again. Elayne could answer everything. But something warned him from appearing in front of the two other women, he returned his look to Elayne. Searching for the changes that must have been there. He found what he looked for.
She wore red and white dress, with the lions of Andor on the sleeves. A dress fitting to a queen, he smiled at the thought. She was a queen, after all, or would be, soon. Though it showed more of her breasts that a queen would show. She was ever prettier than he remembered, if this was possible. But her eyes were red, as if she hadn't got enough sleep, and she was worried. He had no idea how long he observed her, it could have been an hour or a heartbeat.
But now Egwene talked for the first time, though he might have heard her before and ignored the sound. All he cared about was Elayne. "Are you sure, Nynaeve? Mat could just be at some inn, drinking all the ale and wine they had." Even her voice was different, more confident, more commanding. She had an air around herself, an air of command; she could easily match Amys. Though not Sorilea, or Cadsuane, the Aes Sedai's name brought bad taste to his mouth, like the faintest brush of saidin.
Elayne flashed, "Of course we are sure, Egwene! Do you think we would have been so worried just because we thought he might be drinking? And he wouldn't, I know he wouldn't! He should have been at the farm two days ago, and he isn't. All the other men have already returned. And would have been gone searching for him if we wouldn't have stopped them. Mat knows how much this is important, we told him. And he would have returned. The only reason not to return is..." She stopped and swallowed, but continued; though in a voice that was considerably smaller, "The only reason for him not to return is that he can't! Can't you see it? You have grown up with the man!"
Rand titled his head, thinking; Mat wouldn't have left Elayne's side even if he had two broken legs, but where was this farm? And why they weren't on their way to Caemlyn? And who was this Brigitte? He met the woman once, long ago, at Falme, and Lews Therin's memories showed him a woman that looked much like her, a woman that could hit a fly two hundred paces away with a bow. Teadra? Was that was her name? Never mind that, Elayne must be meaning another woman that took the name.
He reached a decision, and stepped out of the shadows, none of the women noticed him at first, Elayne and Nynaeve was staring at Egwene, glaring at her would be more exactly. And she was staring at them with a stubborn look on her face. When they saw him their reaction was nothing he expected...
Elayne glared at Egwene with fury she barely controlled, Amyrlin or not Amyrlin, Mat had saved Egwene's life too, in the Stone. How could the woman be so blind about Mat? She admitted that she herself was as blind before they went to take the bowl. That conversation she had with Mat, when he had given her his medallion, had changed her view on him. She thought much about him the last couple of days; it wasn't like him to disappear in the air like that. It wasn't a thought she would have a week ago, but it was true, Mat wouldn't just abandon them. And he should have come to the farm long ago. Egwene had grown on the same village with Mat, how she could be so blind about it? Glancing at Nynaeve, she thought she had the answer, Nynaeve had grown with him too, but she still had hard time accepting that Mat could be responsible man when he wanted. But she had been as worried as she herself was, and she also didn't think that Mat stop for drinking, the other men returned almost a day and a half ago, and they brought back Olver, Mat might search for Olver in the city. But Thom said that he had set a point for all of them to gather every hour or so. He was the only one who weren't there, they waited for half a day before taking Olver to the farm and they meant to go right back to search Mat if she and Nynaeve wouldn't have... Her thought stopped on their track when Egwene's eyes widen and she gasped. The light of saidar surrounded her and Nynaeve, and Elayne embraced saidar before she had even started to turn the power rushed in her, until the sweetness became so strong in was painful. Until she thought she might burst. Nynaeve did the same, but she wasn't the one using the original ter'angreal, and any novice could have overcome her easily in her condition. Moghedien, that was her first thought. Moghedien would to get back at them, and even thinking of what she might do to them cause her nightmares.
But it wasn't Moghedien she saw when she turned around, it was a man, and Moghedien wouldn't disguise herself if she had no need to. And she could have taken the three of them easily, when Nynaeve wasn't fully in here. The relief almost make her release saidar, but she hold on to the power, it help her to stabilize her knees, she almost fainted in that first moment.
It was a man, one of the tallest she had ever seen, as tall as Rand, even the thought of him made her heart miss a beat, but he wasn't Rand. The man was in his mid forties, maybe a year or two more. There were white streaks in dark brown hair, and his eyes were dark pools that seemed to shine in his face. He had big nose, but everything in this man seemed to be bigger than normal, and a mouth that now held the faintest smile possible, and a skin that was almost as dark as the Sea Folk's. The eyes, more than everything else, draw her attention, there was something there that was almost familiar, but it was buried underneath all the sadness that had been engraved into that face. He wore plain black coat and breech, though they looked like silk, in Andorian cut. But this man never came from Andor, nor from any other country she knew about. A man that was more than handsome, in his middle years, standing in tel'aran'rhiod where even the Wise Ones never met a man. The only man that she had ever heard of that was here was Gaidal Cain, Birgitte's lover. And any other of the heroes of the horn wouldn't reveal himself like this. Or Rand who came here by the flesh, but this man wasn't Rand.
"Who are you? How did you reached here?" Nynaeve's voice sound harsh and dry. The man ignored her entirely, focusing all his attention on her; she didn't like the way he stared at her. He had a hungry look in his eyes.
"Stop this, it's itching." The man said pleasantly, it still sound like an order. He rubbed his forearms, maybe because it was itching, maybe to make sure they would know what he was feeling, and more importantly, how.
A Forsaken, a male Forsaken. Fear hit her like a hammer. But she held on to saidar and was ready to fight him, even if it was useless, she would not go down without a fight. That was the only answer, even if one of Rand's men was a dreamer he wouldn't in such control on himself. Or be so peaceful around Aes Sedai. And there was the accent too, she had heard such accent from one mouth only, Moghedien's. If she needed any more confirmation. She did nothing, though; she knew that if she would try to leave the dream she would stay here, he knew enough to block anything she would do. And there was no use to try to attack him when he was stronger than both herself and Egwene together. She didn't count Nynaeve, at the state she was; she was no good with the power.
The man ignored their reaction, he looked at Nynaeve closely, and, the only way to describe it was that one moment Nynaeve was foggy, and the next the other woman was here as much as she and Egwene were. And the power blazed around her like the sun itself. They linked; Egwene was the one in control they didn't even have to think about it. And a shield strong enough to bind anyone, anyone at all, had reached to block the man off saidin. She felt the victory in her. And in the other women too, and wonder too. He wouldn't have brought Nynaeve here, it had to be him; there was no other explanation.
Once, when she was a child, Elayne once fell of a window to the garden below, a fall of ten or fifteen feet, Eladia was there before she finished to fall, or so it seem. And the red Aes Sedai had said that without healing she would have probably dead, she had landed on a rock, and it broke every rib in her body. She was healed, and was fine, but she remembered how landing felt, what happened was four or five times that. The shield broke apart, and the link broke when the light of saidar faded from Egwene and Nynaeve. The man hadn't shielded her, and she felt cold fingers around her heart for this. She still held to saidar, but it was useless against him, not while he could shield Nynaeve and Egwene while they were holding saidar, and linked to boot. She was sure that he's strong enough to shield her too, but he hadn't, why?
"Take it as a lesson, Aes Sedai." The man growled in anger, "If you will try to do this again I will make both of you beg to be stilled." He looked at her when he said it, and the hunger in his look tightened the hold of those cold fingers on her heart. "Now, we're going to go to a more comfortable place. And I want you to promise me that you wouldn't try to escape." His face hardened to stone, and suddenly he had a presence around him. An air of command, and not even Suian had such a commanding presence. "If you will not promise this I will simply tie those shield and send both of you out of this place. The shield are too strong for you to break, even while they are tied," A smile appeared at the man face, and he glanced at Nynaeve before returning his gaze to her, "and you can stop trying to break this. You are stronger than I thought, maybe even as strong as Moghedien," hate crossed his face and gone in a flash, "but, Nynaeve, nor you nor Lanfear would ever break this shield. Not in my lifetime." Nynaeve stood rigid, staring at him as if he was the Dark One himself, but he ignored her. "Now, do I have your promises?"
What choices they had? They promised, at least, Nynaeve and Egwene promised. When she tried to promise the world of dreams shift around them. Nynaeve and Egwene looked at her with fear, for her, why did she get this special treatment? The only answers she had were too horrible to think about.
She looked around, she thought she recognized this place. There was a small river flowing near by, and it was the middle of the night, trees grew all over the place, hundred paces high or more. They were standing near two huge doors; the sign of the door were nine golden bees. Illian, where Sammael rules. She cursed under her breath, the man heard her, and rose an eyebrow mockingly.
Nynaeve hissed, and Egwene gasped, "You're Sammael, aren't you? Or one of the other, Sammael rules here, and he can enter tel'aran'rhiod as much as you can."
Anger burned in the man's eyes for a moment and died in another. "I killed Sammael, and this is one place where I rule, little Amyrlin. Sit, we have much to talk about."
"Who are you?" Nynaeve asked as soon as they were all sitting. "What do you want from us?" The man had removed the shield from her, Elayne could see her touching for a heartbeat in the True Source and releasing it, that gaze... She barely stopped a shiver.
"You can call me Carniera, Nynaeve." The man said quietly, but she had heard warders talking that way, just before they attacked. Nynaeve must have heard this in his voice; she became sullen all of a sudden. Glaring at the man. Carniera, the meaning of the word in the Old Tongue was the first. None of the Forsakens was named Carniera, but it could be a title as easily. "And I want her," he pointed at her, and her stomach became ice. "And some information. What happened to Mat?"
"What do you want from me?" She asked, she was proud in her voice, a bit dry, but not at all like the squeak she thought it would come.
"You will have to kill us to have her." Egwene said, her voice left not doubt that she meant it exactly the way it sounded. She would force this Carniera - was it really his name? - To kill her and Nynaeve before she would let him have her. Even though she knew it's foolish, the man would probably kill them and have her anyway, but she was still cheered up by the thought. Her friends hadn't abandoned her.
Carniera rose an eyebrow lazily, "I doubt that you would want to kill me, at the end, we want the same thing. Now tell me about Mat, what happened to him?"
"He disappeared in Ebou Dar - " The last words came out as an order, and she began to answer before she could close her mouth. She didn't mean to say even this, she would give him nothing without understanding why he wanted it.
"How under the light did you reach Ebou Dar, This city is a vipers nest, and it only become worse as time passes?" Carniera asked, he had tensed.
"Why do you want to know?" Nynaeve snapped at him, she looked like she want to go there and box his ears so they would ring till Tarmon Gai'don. He just looked at her, not glaring, or even staring hard, but she was the first to turn her eyes. And she started arranging her skirts carefully around her nervously.
"Pawh!" The man jumped to his feet in blinding speed, he seemed to flow from one stance to another, as it he had no bones in his body. And the world had shift again. She was in the garden where she first met Rand, despite the heat wave the plants were still green, and the grass was soft beneath her.
"They would give me nothing," Said a familiar male voice behind her, "but you will." She whirled around, embracing saidar. And saw what she thought she would see. A man with reddish hair and blue gray eyes, as tall as Carniera, and dressed the same way. Rand! Carniera pretending to be Rand!
She didn't realize that she had moved before her hand landed on his cheek, with all her strength behind it. "How do you dare?" She all but screamed, she slapped him again, his head barely moved, she thought it hurt her more than it did to him. She kicked him. Cursed him. Slapped him. She even tried to use the Power against him, but every time she tried to weave something her flows were cleanly sliced. The man just stood there, until she exhausted herself. Finally she moved away, searching for a curse she hadn't used yet. The man, she refused to think about him as Rand. She didn't know or care how he had found out that she loved Rand, but he will not use that to pry information out of her.
"The first time we met was here." The man said in a quiet voice, he didn't seemed to be bothered by her attack on him. "I wanted to watch Logain, so I climb on this wall, and fell into the garden. You took care of the wound, and probably saved me from Elaida." she didn't believe him, he could have learned as much from any guard that was there that day. He saw that she wasn't convinced and continued, "the next time we met was in Falme, I got this wound on my side." his hand dart to his side and fell off. "But I was unconscious that time. The next time was in the Stone of Tear. Where you gave me two letters. In one you said that you loves me, the exact words were, 'my heart belongs to you only', in the other you said you never want to see the sight of me again." She suddenly had no air to breathe, there was no way he could have known this.
"You're lying, Rand would have never behaved as you did! Never!" But she had wanted to believe him. Light, it would be so good to see him again.
"One day after the bubble of evil tried to kill me you and Egwene came to my room. I had lost my temper and ruined the entire room." He smiled suddenly, fire blazed in his hand and he handed her a flower. It was cold fire in her hand, a perfect golden red rose. "I promised you a flower that day."
"You're him." She whispered, "But why all this... masks and all this behavior?" She wasn't aware of crossing the space between them before she was in his embrace.
"Necessary, Elayne. I don't do such thing because I enjoy them, never for fun, never for glory. Duty is all what I've left." He whispered to her hair, his arms around her; that was all she was aware of, nothing more. She rose her face to him and kissed him, as thoroughly as she had ever kissed him before. Rand's hand moved over her bare back as he pressed her even closer to him. Her bare back, she was standing there naked! She knew she had to pull away, to fix her mind on a dress. But with Rand kissing her all she could think about was how much she loved him. She barely noticed when Rand's cloths were gone too. But as he lied her on the soft grass in the she was sure in one thing, even embracing saidar didn't make her feel half as alive as being in Rand's embrace.
Aviendha had been awaken when Birgitte rushed in the room she shared with Elayne, the woman was fully dressed, in those strangely cut cloths. And she held a bare dagger in her hand. She stopped near Elayne's bed and started cursing.
"What happened, something happened to Elayne?" Aviendha asked, fear striking through her. Elayne had gone to tel'aran'rhiod and it could be dangerous. It could be more than dangerous, and Elayne never knew how to be careful.
"She is afraid, Aviendha. And I never felt such fear in her before." The woman growled between curses. Aviendha had never seen Elayne's warder like that. "And she would have stepped out of the dream if she could. Someone is holding her there, someone who terrified her."
"Moghedien?" Aviendha asked, she had rose from the bed and moved to kneel near Elayne's, it had taken Elayne long time before she convinced her to sleep in a bed.
"I don't know, but who else it could be?" The warder sounded desperate, and afraid. Aviendha knew that Elayne and Nynaeve had held Moghedien captive, and that she escaped them and seek for revenged. She had tried before to kill Nynaeve, and she would try again. "And I can't wake her. If Moghedien hold her she will never let her wake."
"Is there anything we can do?" She asked, she didn't think so, but if there was any hope...
"Nothing!" The growl can from deep in Birgitte throat. "All we can do is wait." Aviendha fist tightened on her shift. She could never accept such times where there was nothing for her to do but to wait. But ever since meeting Rand she had been forced to learn this lesson. In the battle over the Tree-killers City, when he almost died, she had sat there all night long. Watching his chest stir. All those night when she barely stopped herself from walking to him. All the time after they went to Caemlyn, when he was so cold and distance. She had to learn how to wait. She sat on the floor, and put her hands firmly on the floor. She thought she might start shaking any moment. Elayne tried to pretend that she wasn't afraid of Moghedien, but she admitted, on one of the nights when they lied in the dark, telling each other secret they shared with no other, how much she was afraid from the woman. Moghedien was stronger then Elayne or she herself was. And she had more than enough reasons to want to revenge Elayne.
She had no idea for how long she was sitting there, her thoughts rambling, she want to have Rand to herself, all of him to herself alone. But she didn't want Elayne to die. She was ready to share Rand, she already agreed to share him with Elayne. And she would accept almost any woman at all just to have some part of Rand. The other possibility, have nothing of him, was worse by far. She sat there, her thought spinning, for a time that looked like eternity. When the door was open, and Nynaeve hurried on, her face paled.
"Is she…?" She asked, her voice full of urgent and fear.
"She is fine, for now. She is angry, very angry. But she hadn't been hurt." Birgitte said. "What happened? Did Moghedien...? How you returned, Moghedien would have never let you escape?"
"It wasn't Moghedien, Birgitte. A man -" That was all she had time to say before Birgitte was near her, her eyes blazing.
"Tall, black hair, with hawk nose? Or blonde, not very tall, with a big scar on his face? " She sounded so like Sulin that Aviendha almost expected to see the maiden standing near the warder.
"No, he was tall, but with brown hair, and he didn't have a hawk nose. Or a scar" Nynaeve answered immediately.
"At least it isn't Demandred." Birgitte signed with relief. "Demandred always wanted anything Lews Therin had. Do you know who he was?" Demandred always wanted what Lews Therin wanted? How the woman could have knew that?
"He said his name is Carniera, do you know him?" At Nynaeve's words Birgitte slide slowly to the floor. As if her knees couldn't hold her anymore, her face was pale. "What happened? You know him, don't you? Who he is? He had Elayne, and he said he is going to pry whatever he wanted to know from her. Who is he?"
"Carniera, don't you know what it's mean? It stand for carniera a'sedai." She looked at them expectantly, Aviendha knew the Old Tongue when she heard it, but she knew the meaning of few words only.
"It mean the first servant, isn't it?" Nynaeve said hesitatingly, "Hardly a name for a Forsaken."
Birgitte look like she was about to explode, "He is not a Forsaken. The First of the Servant, the Lord of Morning, Prince of Dawn, Lews Therin Telamon! It must be him, none of the Forsaken would do such thing, they could do to you whatever they want."
"Lews Therin? He's dead, Birgitte! Dead for three thousands years -" Nynaeve all but shouted, but she stopped with her mouth hanged open when she realized what Aviendha understood as soon as Lews Therin's name was said. Lews Therin, it was easy to think about it that way, Lews Therin was the one who was alone with Elayne. Rand wasn't alone with Elayne, Lews Therin was. "Rand? I know him, he would never behave half as arrogant as that man was."
Birgitte suddenly granted sourly, and Aviendha turned her look to at Elayne. She was still breathing, with no sign on her, she had a tiny smile on her face. Aviendha didn't doubt why, she would have smiled too, had she been with Rand.
"Is something wrong?" Nynaeve asked, all the anger in her voice melted away.
"Something," Birgitte gasped, "everything would be more exact. Light, I knew it's going to make us troubles."
"What are you talking about?" Aviendha asked, she had to take a hold on herself, she very much wanted to grab the other woman by the shoulders and shake everything out of her.
"What do you think, Aviendha? I feel everything Elayne feel. Everything! What do you think I feel now?" Aviendha's face became pale, she couldn't find enough air to breathe. She stared at the sleeping woman, that smile on her lips seemed to widen a bit. Jealously surged in her in waves that threatened to drown her. With one last look at Elayne she brushed roughly against Birgitte as she trotted out. Out of the room, out of the farmhouse.
He is as much her as he's mines, she thought darkly when she breathed the night's air. Cool only compare to the day's heat. She wondered how hot it was in the three-fold land, if in the wetlands it was almost as it was at home.
Birgitte followed her, her face fixed in a strange expression. Controlled pleasure and sympathy. "The Wheel weaves, Aviendha. And its weaving must be accepted."
Aviendha nodded, she had to accept the weaving of the Wheel, and she had already learned that fighting the Wheel is useless. "It still don't mean that I must like it." She murmured, then she blushed; she didn't meant to say it aloud. "I mean..."
"I know," Birgitte laid a hand on her shoulder, "neither one of you are going to like it. But you have no choice about it. No more than he has. And it's much easier for you than Elayne."
Aviendha just stood there, she could see the reason in Birgitte's words, and wasn't surprised that Birgitte knew about her and Elayne both in love with Rand. There was little that a woman could keep secret from her warder, but Birgitte didn't know about Min.
"Now, if you don't need me anymore, I think I will go and find myself something to drink, something strong." Birgitte said lightly and left. Leaving her hugging herself.
I agree to share him, the light burn me, I agreed, but how could I know how hard it would be.
Elayne drew away from Rand slowly, she didn't want to leave him, never. He touched with one finger in her cheek and stepped through the gateway, it closed behind him, leaving her alone in the World of Dreams. She waned him to go back, want him to kiss her again, and ... She flushed, her cheeks must be on fire. It must be morning already in Ebou Dar. Not that they had... she stopped again, and felt her cheeks becoming even warmer, if this was possible. Most of the time they talked; just talked. There was nothing wrong talking with a man you were in love with. Even if you sat in his lap all that time. She sighed, and left the dream.
She was lying on her bed, and for a moment she didn't open her eyes. She had to rise up, to calm down Nynaeve, the woman must be going mad of worry. But she didn't thought she could find the will to rise. It was all too easy to just lie there, and remember this night event.
"Enjoying yourself?" Birgitte's voice interrupted her just as she remembered how Rand... Light, am I going to blush the rest of my life thinking about it? She opened her eyes, Birgitte was seating on a chair, her eyes red, but there was a slight smile on her lips. A knowing smile. The red on her face deepened, and she groaned, the woman knew. She forgot that Birgitte could feel what ever she felt, even when she was in tel'aran'rhiod. "What happened? After that, I mean, I know most of it, but the last three hours I didn't felt anything that..." She seemed to search the right word for it, but kept her mouth shut when she glared at the warder.
"Where is Aviendha?" Her bed was empty, and she expected that Nynaeve would be here too.
"She had gone for a walk. And I'm sure you wouldn't blame her for it." Birgitte rose one eyebrow, not even bothering to hide her amusement, and Elayne blushed again, would she live the rest of her life with her cheeks red?
"Would you find her for me please, Birgitte? We need to talk." She thought she might be able to control her blushing this time, but her cheeks heated again when Birgitte laughed and left the room.
She rose from the bed and changed her shift, then she took the finest dress she could find. Rand said that he would come here as fast as he could, and she meant to be dressed before he will even come close.
The dress she had chosen finally was green and blue. A dress that looked much like the dresses she wore in Caemlyn, after what happened, she didn't think she could face him with an Ebou Dari dress without blushing.
"You wanted me?" Aviendha stood on the doorway, her hands clutching her dress so hard that the knuckles were white. Her voice was absolutely clear of all emotions. Elayne understood her fully, she remembered how she had felt when Aviendha told her that she had lied with Rand.
She smiled at the woman, she had some news that would make Aviendha happy. Aviendha's hand only tighten more on the dress, "Do you mind helping me with the dress? Rand is coming and I don't want to..." That was all she got. Aviendha was on her side in a heartbeat, and all the anger seemed to melt away from her.
"Rand? How? When he is supposed to be here?" The words came on top of one another, and the other woman already started buttoning her dress.
"You already know that we met in Tal'aran'rhiod, we talked - "
"Between other things." Aviendha murmured quietly, but not too quietly for her to hear it. She ignored the comment, she thought that the red in her cheeks had lessened, just a bit.
"We talked, and he said that he would come here as soon as he can." She turned to look at the other woman, Aviendha smiled, "And he said he had Illian, he killed Sammael and became the king." She didn't really believe that the crown was offered to him, such things could happen only in stories, but she would find out the truth later.
Aviendha just nodded, "He wanted to go after Sammael ever since he tried to kill us." Elayne remembered it, Egwene had told them about it. "He almost got himself killed that day." Anger entered to Aviendha's voice."He never once took care of himself."
"Then it'll be our job to make sure that he would." Elayne said lightly, Aviendha laughed at that, she finished buttoning the dress and move back. She had a strange look in her eyes.
"It might be harder then you can expect, Elayne. I don't think he understands the meaning of taking care for himself." Elayne could believe that easily, she loved Rand with all her heart, but sometimes he was so stubborn she wanted to box his ears. "He does take care for others, more than he should have." Aviendha continued, "Much more."
"There is one other thing, Aviendha." She said quietly, she didn't really like what she was about to say. "Min is with him, she had told him that she love him. That we all love him." Aviendha fell silent, And Elayne shifted her feet uncomfortably, both of them understood what it must mean.
Aviendha shocked her head, "It doesn't matter, First Sister. What must be will be." Elayne couldn't understand how the other woman could take it so peacefully.
"So you had finally decided to wake up." Nynaeve's voice made her start, and even Aviendha looked startled, "Do you have any idea how much you've worried me? And Egwene? Do you? Did you even care?" Nynaeve was always furious when she was afraid. "Are you fine? He didn't hurt you, did he?"
"I'm fine, Nynaeve." If she divert Nynaeve's thought to another direction she might escape the lecture the woman was about to give her. "It was Rand, the man we saw." She stopped as the woman made a sound more a snort than a sniff. Lan leaned on the wall near Nynaeve, his face blank. In the color shifting cloak that made him look like a part of the wall.
"Birgitte told us that." And other things, apparently, things that she shouldn't have. Nynaeve had very strong ideas about modesty. "Why he was so... arrogant?"
For a moment Elayne wondered if Nynaeve was afraid only for her, or was it that a man could outmatch all three of them linked. It was disturbing, Rand was by far stronger than she thought. "He said it was a joke." He saw the look on Nynaeve face, and Aviendha, Nynaeve must have told her what happened, the parts when they were together, anyway. "Don't ask me, he thought it funny, maybe he learnt some Aiel humor." Aviendha straightened up, and began arranging her skirts carefully, she seemed to think that the strangest things are funny. What under the light is so funny about a man that had asked to kiss a maiden? She had no idea, but Aviendha almost broke her ribs laughing. Birgitte understood it, she was the one who told the joke. But both Birgitte and Aviendha gave up finally, Aiel humor was simply too strange to understand.
"A joke, I will show him jokes." Nynaeve muttered, "He thinks that frightening us half way to death is funny? I will box his ears till he will hear rings from now to next Sunday."
Aviendha smiled at the dark woman, but kept her mouth shut. Elayne remembered how Rand was, even after he had taken her to the garden where they had first met, he was harder than any man she ever saw save Lan. She felt Birgitte coming closer, running closer, and turned to face the tall woman. Birgitte was... excited, that was the word that came to her mind.
Aviendha tilted her head, she could hear footsteps, but they were to light to be Rand's. It took another moment before she saw him. He looked tired, tired to death, he made no sound as he walked toward them. There was a small smile on his lips, and his gray blue eyes shined, as if he had found something funny. He had changed since she had last saw him, changed more than he should have, it was almost as if he was another man entirely. The way he moved, as quiet as the night, he seemed to flow from one position to another. And he carried the sword she gave him on his side as if it was part of him. He was clad in death black, it made her wince, she had never mentioned to him the d'tsang, why should she? He would never be a despised one. There was a small sign on the left side of his breast, a dragon in red and gold, it shined as if it was metallic. And the light almost caused her to believe that it moved.
The greatest changes, however, was in his expression, he was never weak, ever since the beginning. And with every passing day he became harder and harder. She never minded it, the harder he was the better. Weak people died in the three-fold land, and elsewhere. When she left him he was harder than any man she had ever saw, harder than rock or steel. Now he made the man she saw when she left him look like an innocent boy of five. He carried himself with an air of power. A power that hadn't come from the One Power, but from will. Only the old Wise One, Sorilea, and the Mistress of the Ships could match him, and maybe even these not. The idea of Sorilea pulling back from anyone was one she had a hard time to picture in her mind. But seeing the man in front of her, she could believe it. It didn't matter, she still loved him, loved him so much that her heart raced the moment she saw him, she felt as if she was about to explode any moment. Light, it's not fair for a man to be so beautiful, She thought, he was the most beautiful man she had ever saw. Her heart ached, she longed to be in his arms for so long, she had... she stopped thinking about him. Tried to, anyway, the best she could do is to push him to a corner of her mind.
She was so focused on Rand she didn't noticed at first the woman on his side, she was short, barely reaching Rand's shoulders. With brown eyes and dark hair. She had a glint of amusement in her eyes, and she looked as if she always found the funny side in anything. It was her cloths that make Aviendha stare at her, she wore breaches and coat in pale blue, almost azure. Aviendha didn't knew that wetlander woman wore men's cloths. The strange woman stared directly at her, and her eyes widen slightly, in recognition, Aviendha thought. But she had never seen this woman before.
"You're Aviendha, aren't you?" The woman asked, in a soft voice and an accent she didn't recognized. She didn't wait for her nod, "I'm Min."
So this is Min, this is the third woman she had to share Rand with. Elayne had described her, but not enough, apparently. Aviendha had to admit that the woman was more than pretty. She could understand how a man could fall in love with her. She was also few years older than Rand. And -
"You!" Rand's cry had shocked her off her thoughts. "Teadra, what under the light you are doing here? You are dead! I saw you dying!" He was staring directly at Birgitte, and there was no sign for the calmness he usually surrounded himself with, he was obviously shaken. Min looked startled and afraid. Aviendha felt the hold of fear in her too, if he was going mad... There was nothing she could do about it, nothing! It was so frustrating she wanted to scream. Elayne and Nynaeve shared one glance, and turned to Rand, their face mixed between stupefaction and horror. Birgitte's face drained of blood, she looked like death.
"Lews Therin," She said with a bow, then continued in the Old Tongue, Aviendha knew only few words in the Old Tongue, and she knew that Rand know no more than she did. But he seemed to have no problem. Birgitte talked for a moment or two, with Rand listening to her with face like thunderstorm. No one save Birgitte and Rand made a move, or a sound. Rand sometimes ask a question or two. But most of the time he listened, and Birgitte became even paler. Elayne looked sick, and Lan was supporting Nynaeve, she looked like she would collapse on the ground. She heard Moghedien mentioned few times, but that was all she understood. Birgitte was in midword when Rand throw back his head and laughed. The stillness that had held every one else seemed to break.
He had tears in his eyes when he finished laughing, and he had to lean on the wall to stay standing. Rand rarely laughed, sometimes she thought he had no sense of humor, "The light burn my soul," He said finally, wearing a grin as wide as she ever saw at him, "you didn't tell me about Moghedien, Elayne. You thought I would be angry?" He found Moghedien amusing? There was nothing to be amused about in Moghedien, wetlanders' humor was beyond her, but none save he was even slightly amused. He raised a hand to stop Elayne, "Never mind that." With a shake of his head he turned to Birgitte, "I will talk with you later Teadra, we have much to talk about. Caution, for instance." Birgitte nodded and all but run away. Elayne looked at her in amazement.
"What under the light you did to her?" She asked, her voice required answer. Rand ignore her, he was observing Lan.
"It's good to see you too, Lan." He said, "But I think that Nynaeve could use some fresh air." Nynaeve moved mechanically, supported by Lan.
"Is there any place where we can talk, privately?" He asked her, and she jumped.
"Here," Elayne answered, "this would fit." She pointed at the room she shared with her. Rand nodded, and followed her, Aviendha walked side by side with Min. And neither one of the women did any effort to hide that they were examining each other.
The room wasn't big, only two beds and a small wardrobe, hardly enough for her and Elayne's cloths. Rand took one look at the room and gave Elayne an accusing stare. Elayne stared right back at him, face blank.
At first Aviendha thought that her eyes was fooling her, but the walls were growing apart, the room was becoming larger. Rand stop whatever it was he was doing when there were enough room for all of them to seat comfortably on the floor. His grin held no mirth, but his eyes were locked on Elayne. The woman simply sat on the floor, without showing any expression.
"Are you going to do this always?" Min asked, she fold her hands and her foot began tapping on the floor, "Stop this right now, this is no contest. Light, you love each other. You're not rivals, or have you forgotten this." Min turn her gaze to Elayne, she seemed to forget that Rand was not three feet from her, "I don't care whatever he had surprised you before, it's no reason to behave like he had stabbed you. And this isn't a game to know who has more pride than the other." Rand tried to hide a smile, but failed, and Min turned to him.
"That is enough Min," He said, "seat down so we could talk comfortably." For some reason Min blushed like the sun. "You too, Aviendha. I don't want to break my neck." Aviendha sat down, and Min followed her.
"Teadra?" Elayne asked, she had spot of color on her cheeks.
"That is the name I remember her by." He rose a hand, Aviendha could easily see hundred questions in Elayne's eyes. "It's a very long story. And I will tell it all, in a moment." He looked at Min, "You saw something, what is it?"
Min straightened up, and began straightening her coat, her eyes not quite meeting Rand's. "Nothing of any help for you." He just continued to look at her. Aviendha smiled inwardly, it had happened to her too, sometimes. Rand just seem ed to know what she was thinking, sometimes before she even thought it fully. Min grimaced, "Only something I already told you, all the three of us love you." The grimace gone, and she grinned, "And that you love us. Among other things, Aviendha has a snow blizzard in her past, and a broken bracelet in her future." Rand blinked at Min and his gaze turned to her. She was surprised when she didn't felt heat in her cheeks. But she touched her belt pouch, where she kept the bracelet Rand had given her. It had never left her, since the day Rand had given it to her. She thought of it at first as a chain of slavery, now it was something she would carried proudly.
"You were about to tell us something, Rand." Elayne interrupted, "How do you know Birgitte?"
Rand took a long breath and lean on the wall. "If you want me to start at the beginning, I think it started in Tear, I began to remembers things that I shouldn't. That I couldn't have possibly know..." He barely stopped to breath, he told them everything that happened to him, from Lanfear's offer to him to his second time in Ruidhean. Aviendha was with him for all this time, she thought she knew everything about him, but now...
"You had captured Asmodean?" She asked unbelievingly, "Where were you hiding him all this time?"
Rand gave her a sad smile, "I'm sure you remember my gleeman." He said, with no sign of mockery in him. For a long time all she could do is stare at him, Elayne looked at him wide eyes. And Min looked like her eyes might just fall off her face. Jessain Naetal, Rand's gleeman, was a mystery for her. Rand had talked to him for hours sometimes, and always alone. Now she could understand why, but the idea that she had talked with one of the Forsakens horrified her, she even shouted on him. He was certainly different than she expected.
Elayne was the first one that recovered, "How did you held him?" She asked, "We put an a'dam on Moghedien and she still escaped us, how did you make sure he won't run away?"
"You let Moghedien escape." That wasn't a question, Rand voice held no emotions, and his face was blank mask.
"Someone freed her, a man that can channel, she couldn't have escaped on her own. And we didn't think that ... " Elayne spoke so fast that the words came on top of one another, but her voice faded.
"It doesn't matter anymore, she run. We will deal with this later." Rand said with a sigh.
"What did you do to Jessa - Asmodean?" Aviendha asked, she didn't saw him ever since the day they attacked Caemlyn. "You killed him?"
"He escaped," Rand said, his knuckle became white and he rose his head and stared right at her eyes. "he run away after I killed Rahvin, after ... what happened there." He closed his eyes for a moment, pain on his face.
"You can tell us about this later, Rand." Min said softly, she touched Rand's arm lightly, "What happened after you caught him?"
Rand gave her a thankful look and continued the story, Aviendha could see that Elayne wasn't satisfied, for that matter, she herself wasn't. But Min was right, he could tell them this later.
"In Ruidhean there are two statues, ter'angreals," Elayne's head whipped at him as soon as he mentioned ter'angreals, sometimes Aviendha thought that Elayne loved studying ter'angreals as much as she did Rand. "they were created in the Age of Legends to be use as a weapon against the Dark One. Two Sa'angreals were created, one for saidin, and one for saidar. With either one of those Sa'angreals one can draw enough to do anything." He looked at her and then at Elayne, "I have used callandor, and even callandor's power is nothing compare to the great Sa'angreal. And I touched only half of what it allowed you to draw, the other half was Asmodean's. We destroyed Ruidhean before I won the battle. We could have as easily destroyed half the world, or all of it." He shivered, Aviendha never saw him like this. So... human, he bared his heart and soul for them. She didn't know how he found the courage to do so. But she was more than delighted to know he trusted them so much.
"You have those statues?" Elayne asked "Both of them?"
"I have," Rand said, "I will give you the one you can use if you ask. Elayne, I know you're strong, but it can drive you mad. The sense of all the power you can draw. With a thought you can make a mountain or destroy a country. And it will not even make you breath hard. It's too powerful to play with." He had a note of fear in his voice. He was afraid of those Sa'angreals being used, Aviendha couldn't imagine him being afraid. But he would still give her, or Elayne, the statue if they would ask. How much his trust in them reached? Was there any limit to it?
"I will not ask you this, Rand." Elayne said, her voice sound very small suddenly. Aviendha understood it easily, if it could make Rand afraid... She had never seen him afraid, not even when Sammael attacked him, if this could shaken him enough to make him show his fear, she didn't want to think about it.
"Why don't we hear your story, Elayne?" Min suggested, her eyes were full of concern, Rand had his eyes close, but his knuckles were white around the belt of his sword. He was more than afraid of it, but he would give it to them. Her heart ached, she couldn't even begin to explain in words how much she loved him in that moment.
"Rand," Elayne rose from the floor and kneel near Rand, "I said I will never ask you this, what more do you want?" Neither one of them liked to see Rand like this.
"Do you know how Ilyena died?" Rand asked suddenly, Elayne blinked, Aviendha didn't saw the connection. Rand rise a hand, a flame burn there for a heartbeat and gone. He turned his gaze to her, "And I've seen you die once, Aviendha. It drove me mad, more than saidin could ever do." He shifted his position against the wall, every sign of weakness in him gone.
"On Caemlyn, Rahvin killed you, you and Mat and Asmodean. I saw you dying. I used a... weapon, it's called balefire, that burned his deeds from the pattern. So he didn't killed you, but the memories remain, and I remember what I felt." He continued his story, voice and face smooth, she could read nothing in them. Aviendha stared at him, she could remember no such thing, but it explained much. If he wasn't going mad, if he wasn't … she wouldn't think about it! She wouldn't!
"That is why you were so cold?" She asked, that coldness had caused her more pain than she could ever let him know.
Rand's eyes harden to gray crystal, "I have seen you die, I would do anything to avoid this again, next time there might be no balefire."
He continued talking, Elayne wanted to know every detail of his doing in Andor. Especially about Taim, and the Black Tower. At some point he fell quiet, he look almost... nervous, a man that don't know the ground he step on. "When Verin and Allana came to Caemlyn I went to visit them, to know what they are doing there. That time Allana had..." He stopped to take a breath, not meeting their eyes. He seemed unable to continue.
"You let her bond you?" Elayne voice was quiet, and dangerous. There was a glint in her eyes, and saidar filled her. Min turned her head to look at Rand, she didn't said much so far, but now she looked startled.
"Did you?" She asked, so far Aviendha thought her weak, but now her voice, and expression, was harder than stone. She could have been a good Wise One.
"I never let her do anything," Rand said defensively, "she did it on her own." He barely finished talking when Elayne jumped on her feet and he had been floating in the air on flows of air, a heartbeat later he was smashed against the wall. He grunted sourly when he was thrown against the stone wall.
"She bonded you!" Elayne almost scream, Aviendha touched saidar hastily and waved hastily Fire and Spirit to cut Elayne's flows, the woman was preferring weaves that could kill Rand. Rand eyes focused on them, and a stone wall seem to drop between her and saidar, the light of saidar were gone from Elayne too.
"Now listen to me," Rand said firmly, his eyes blue fire, he had a hand pressed to his side, where the old wound was "I was never asked if I want to be her warder, if I was I would have refuse. If there was any way to break the bond I would. Need I make myself clearer?"
Elayne ignored his words, she looked like she want to kill him with her bare hands. Min stood, leaning on the wall, her face so pale that Aviendha thought that she had fainted. "She, Allana, could feel whatever you feel, isn't it?" Aviendha barely recognized Min's voice, it was low and fierce, "That was how she knew about us, isn't it? She felt it." Her voice was frozen, and she held a dagger in her hand, "I will kill her, I will..."
"You won't," Elayne said suddenly, emotionlessly "if you will kill her Rand will die." She seemed to gain control on herself again, "I want your bond Rand, Allana will give me it if I have to skin her first."
"You can move the bond?" Rand asked, obviously surprised, "I didn't know that."
"She can move it, and will do it." Elayne stated, it was a statement of facts.
"Why didn't you told me, Rand?" Aviendha asked, "I could... do something." She regretted the hesitation, but she had no idea what she might have done.
Birgitte knew it meant trouble when Lews Therin recognized her, he should have never been able to do so. Not while he's alive. It hinted about things that she preferred not to think about, she was always a soldier. Never a philosopher. She went outside, and went to her training area. Arrow after arrow hit the target, exactly where she aimed them. After so long she needn't even to think about it. She was good, better than anybody she ever met was. But even she needed the practice, as always, the bow reminded her of Gaidal. She fought the sadness in her, forcing it down. Moghedien promised her that she would cry as long as the Wheel turn, and sometimes she wanted to. Losing Gaidal had hurt her more than anything else the woman could have done had.
The sense of someone watching her made her turn back, Lews Therin, No! He's Rand al'Thor now, she thought, watched her. "What do you want, Lews Therin?" She asked coldly, she turned her back to him and continued practicing.
"Good as always, Teadra." He said quietly, "Tell me how you reached here, everything. I saw you dying in Rorn M'doi, I avenged you death that day. How did you come back here."
Birgitte grimace, she wasn't afraid of him knowing about her, not in the same way she fear other to know, it was different with him. He would never think about her as the heroin that can do everything, as other did. He would treat her as a girl he needed to take care for. It didn't matter to him that she could take care for herself, he did the same with the others. Maybe because he was the older, maybe because it was just the way he was.
She told him her story, talking in a voice that she kept as much emotionless as she could, he simply listen, at some point he took the bow from her and started shooting at the targets, he was as good as she was. Every arrow reached the target. When she finished, with Mat asking her to protect Elayne and Aviendha and Nynaeve, and then disappearing, he looked at her with a troubled look.
"I'm one of them, am I not? One of the heroes of the horn, I mean. You said so before, in Falme." She wasn't sure whatever it was a question or a statement of facts. But she nodded, there was no point in hiding what he already knew.
"Interesting." He murmured, "How is Elayne?" He asked suddenly.
"Elayne? What do you mean? You just talked with her for three hours." She smiled, "What did you do to anger her so? She was never that angry."
"I did nothing," He signed, "she would tell a different story, of course, but I did nothing." Birgitte shocked her head in wonder.
"You always seem to search the women that give you troubles, Lews Therin." She said, then blushed, she shouldn't have said it.
Pain and fury burn in his eyes for a moment, "That I do, Teadra, light help me, that I do." He whispered, "Where do they keep the Bowl of the Winds?" He asked in a louder voice.
I will not write anymore this story, this is how it ends, I've said it before, I'm not Robert Jordan, and have no intention pretending to be him. (Check the grammar or the spelling and you will understand why I can't pretend to be RJ. :-) ) Anyway, I feel the urge to write dozen more parts of this story, I probably can, but I learned to be careful of such things, it usually drives me mad. Anyway, don't worry, I already got the idea for a new story, WoT one, what else. And I mean to make it as long as I can. Considering that this story was supposed to be only one part and max of 5 or 6 pages, and that it end with 22 pages and three parts, you can see what happen to me. I hope you enjoy it, and even more so, I hope that you will contact me and tell me what things were wrong, what can be improve, what you want and so on.
[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ Sometime on 1998]
Rand was sitting on his throne, the council of nine had taken almost all his time. Min had a hard time hiding a scowl, it wasn't Rand's fault. And she knew from the beginning that he would be busy with affairs of state most of his time. But it didn't mean that she had to like it. Rand might look as if he was made of rock, but she could see the signs on him. The way he moved, the way he tilted his head. He was tired to death, not the tiredness that sleep could heel. He needed to go away for a time. Somewhere where he could be only Rand al'Thor. Someplace where he could just rest. But she knew it was useless, Rand wouldn't allow himself a rest before he collapsed, and he came closer everyday. Those wounds he had on his side hadn't healed, and she knew he was in pain from them. But he continued, as if he thought that if he would just rest everything would collapse on him.
She had tried to talk about it with Cadsuane, just talking to the woman required from her to gather all her courage. And she convinced Cadsuane to talk with Rand, convinced wasn't the right word. It wasn't that the woman tried to be rude, it just seemed that she was unable to let her finish her sentences. Before she got more than a word or two the woman patted her shoulder and told her that she would make sure that Rand would rest. But Min already knew it was useless. Rand may be ready to hear Cadsuane, but he wouldn't do what she want. Whatever Cadsuane thought.
She was right of course, Rand told Cadsuane bluntly that this wasn't her business at all. And when she tried to press him... Rand could be just as overbearing as Cadsuane, maybe more. The look on the Aes Sedai's face when he refused was of utter surprise. Min thought that nobody had refused the woman in so long a time that she had forgotten how it felt.
She glared at Alanna, standing behind the throne, for some reason the woman supported Rand. Although she refused to answer her why. For that matter, Rand only said that he can trust Alanna more than any other Aes Sedai. She was so angry then that she asked him if he thought that he can trust Alanna more than Elayne. She made a point not mentioning Elayne, or that Aviendha woman, near him. As long as they weren't near him he was only hers and she didn't want him even to think of them unless he had too. Rand had gone quite for few moments and then answered he does trust Alanna more than Elayne! He refused to answer why. And Alanna merely ignored her questions about this, although she was friendly enough when she didn't tried to dig why Rand trusted her so much, friendly for Aes Sedai, that is.
She was shaken out of her thoughts by Rand's sudden jump, he made a strange move with his hand, as if he was trying to swift something off, all the eight members of the council of the nine, they were still arguing about who needed to be the new member, had flown straight at the wall. Min jumped on her feet with her knees trembling so badly she almost sank back to the chair. Fear crushing in her, threatening to overwhelm her.
"What under the light do you think you're do-!" Alanna started in a shaken voice. Rand merely pointed at the place where the eight men had stood only seconds ago. His face looked like a storm, it took another minute before the gateway started to open, and Min sank back with relief, not madness. She swallowed hard, and found that she want to swallow again. Not the madness, thank the light. Not yet, that thought came bitterly. How long doe we have? She wondered, there was nothing idle in the thought. How long before I lose him? How long before the madness has him?
A man stepped through the not fully open gateway. Clad in the Asha'man's dead black. He had a silver pin on one side of his collar, but the other side was black. Rand had explained this to her. A Dedicated. But even mere soldiers could overcome any Aes Sedai. The Asha'man looked worn out, there were stains of blood on his coat, and he limped slightly. One of the Asha'man, Flinn, moved to his side. They were so quiet she forgot entirely about them. The Dedicated's limp was gone after Flinn sent a hand to touch his forehead. With a grateful nod, the Dedicated turned his face to Rand. He touched his heart with a fist, a thing that Min considered as the Asha'man's version for a bow. "My Lord Dragon, the Black Tower was attacked by Aes Sedai not an hour ago." The look he gave Alanna was grim and full of scorn and hate. Something flushed over his head, and Min suddenly knew that there was something even worse coming. "They attacked under Elaida's orders, My Lord Dragon. Fifty Aes Sedai and some of the White Tower guards. And the M'hael was gone in the attack, we didn't find his body, so we can't be sure, but..." The Asha'man's voice faded under Rand's glare. If,before, his face looked like a storm now it was about to break. The council of nine, near the wall, was very quiet. They didn't want to attract Rand's attention now.
"This is more than I will take." Rand said quietly. Min would have preferred him to scream or shout. The dry, icy tone Rand used made her heart cringe. "How many dead or wounded?"
"The M'hael is the only one we didn't find, we had about sixty men wounded, all the Aes Sedai save one were killed. The guards ran before we could deal with them, but we sent some of us to chase them." The Asha'man's words made Min wince, she expected an explosion from Rand. Something, anything. But he just nodded.
"Dashiva, you and him," he pointed at the Dedicated, "are going to the Black Tower, gather every last Asha'man and bring them to me." He seem to be thinking for a moment. "Take them to the top of the dragonmount." A twisted grin appear on his face, "That's ought to fit."
***
The warder was drowning in grief, waves of sorrow and grief tore his mind to shreds. Seren was dead, his Aes Sedai, his bond holder and his wife. The tearing of the bond was bad enough, but to lose the one he loved, that was even worse. He tried to kill the black clad man that had killed her, but the man simply knocked him down with the Power. There was no pain greater than the one that tore at his heart now. They took him to the court of traitors, him and every other Aes Sedai, Warder, Novice or Accepted that they caught. For three thousands years the tower had stood. The shadow's army had tried to destroyed it in the Trollocs Wars, and had suffered its worse defeat, Arthur Hawkwings had tried to break the power of the tower and put siege for twenty years of it. But the tower survived it. The tower survived countless disasters, but this young man had destroyed it.
The warder knew the prophecies of the dragon, "and the unstained tower would be broken by its name." But he never thought that something worse than the breaking of the Tower could happen. Only now it did. And the warder wanted revenge. They tied him and took his sword, but he had a dagger in his sleeve, he could be free in heartbeats. He might be able to take one of those men before they would kill him, everything in him longed for death, for the release from the pain that torture him. Every shred of his mind longed to Seren, he could end it, he can join her in the silent death. But he held it in. He didn't want to kill the weapon, he wanted the man who wielded it. He wanted his dagger in the Dragon Reborn's heart. Maybe it would destroy the world, maybe it would let the Dark One win. The warder couldn't make himself care. He wanted the man dead. But he wasn't here, not yet, at least. The man would come here one way or another. To savor his victory, to savor Seren's death. And then it would be the time, the time to join Seren.
He scanned the crowd, nearly two hundred women sitting on the floor, none of them could ignore the place where they were chosen to be held in. The court of traitors had only three functions, executions, stilling and gentling. There would be no gentling today. But each sister would go to the headsman gladly to avoid being stilled. He could almost smell their fear. Every Aes Sedai was a strong woman, but they never faced such a threat. The red sisters looked sick, they had no doubts about their fate. Some of those black clad man, Asha'man, that was how they called themselves, "guardian of justice" in the Old Tongue, had made some comments that made absolutely clear what they meant to do to the reds. Some of the red had fainted, some of them cried. Few sat quietly and tried to maintain their dignity. Elaida was one, though her face was pale as snow. One of them, a man that had an andorian accent, the one who was in command, told the other to guard her with their life. And made extremely clear why. The Amyrlin Seat was to be kept for the Dragon Reborn. As far as he could understand, the Dragon was here earlier, but went to bring some women. At least that was what the Asha'man thought.
Elaida's jaw was locked tight, she seemed to be trying to convince herself that this is not happening. Seren always said that Elaida was never really ready to admit that she can be wrong. Or that something bad can happen to her. The sisters of the other ajahs say quietly, some of the green sobbed, they had lost their warders. The others looked straight through the Asha'man, as if by ignoring their presence they could make them go away. He saw some sisters that seemed to be praying. His gaze went to another group near him, maybe six or seven Asha'man, all staring at a single Aes Sedai, they looked like hawks staring at a rabbit. The warder didn't knew her name, a brown sister that came to Elaida's call. He had seen her killing two Asha'man before she was taken down. Every Asha'man near her had two pins on his collar, one shaped like a silver sword, the second a red and gold dragon. He thought it somehow connected to rank. The Aes Sedai stared at them, sometimes one of the Asha'man said something to her. One time they all started to laugh, and her cheeks redden in fury.
The warder understood none of it, the Asha'man was obviously shielding the Aes Sedai, but all it took was one man for two and sometimes three sisters, five or six when it were Accepteds or Novices that he was shielding. Why so many just for one Aes Sedai?
The warder look at the rest of the gaidin, they were tensed but they didn't move, their gaze sliding over the court, observing, searching. They would do nothing unless they thought that they had a chance, some of them, like him, had lost their Aes Sedai. They search for a time to attack, were they can kill one of the Asha'man. Some must be also waiting for the Dragon Reborn, waiting to kill him.
It was as if his thought summon the man, a tall man, almost a hand taller than the warder, with dark reddish hair. The warder suspected that women might find his handsome. He wore black, like the Asha'man, but his collar was blank, on the left side of his chest there was a sign, a dragon circling the ancient symbol of Aes Sedai. A sword hanged to his side, and his hand ran over its hilt. He was moving in a way the warder knew well, Leopard in High Grass, used when there was enemies all around you. Two women stepped few feet behind him, one tall and dark, in green riding dress, the warder knew her, Alanna. He gritted his teeth in fury, to think that an Aes Sedai from the same ajah as Seren had cooperated with this man. One glance at al'Thor and Alanna said that he was the one in control. The other woman was also familiar, a girl in boy's cloths, thought the last time he had seen her she was wearing rough cloths. Now her cloths were made of silk, in pale rose. He searched for a name for her, Min he thought she called herself.
Al'Thor turned back for a moment and said something to the women, Alanna merely nodded. But Min seemed to be arguing with him. Finally she nodded too, thought it was clear she didn't like it. When al'Thor moved on both women were left behind, Alanna touched Min's arm, who was frowning at al'Thor's back. They began to talk in quiet voices.
The warder ignored them, his eyes were fixed on al'Thor, as were everyone's else. The Aes Sedai tensed as soon as they saw him enterring the court of traitors. But he ignored every last one of them, his stare was directed straight at Elaida, and he trotted toward her, by his face, he would have been walking strait through anything that would have been on his way. Elaida looked like she was about to throw up.
"Elaida," al'Thor said in a quiet voice, just enough so the warder could hear him. "it's so good to see you again. I was afraid some of the Asha'man might harm you." There was no emotion in his voice. The comment rose many heads in the Aes Sedai. If al'Thor had met Elaida before, then all the rumors about reds rising false dragons may be true after all. The warder cared nothing one way or another.
"What do you want from me, you filth?" Elaida snapped, the worst response that the warder could think of, didn't she understand that she was in his hands? That he could decide to kill or still her just for this? Elaida tried to rise to her feet, a hard task, her hands were bound. Al'Thor bent down and grabbed her by the beck, raising her easily. Elaida face became slowly purple, al'Thor held her a foot above ground, her eyes straight with his.
After a moment or two of observing her he opened his mouth, "I was afraid that we will not have time for the long conversation I plan to have with you, Elaida. Very long conversation. After all, how could I resist your invitation to visit the Tower." He let her drop, and she collapsed on the ground, gasping for air. "I suggest that you will learn some manners in the meantime. Or else I'll make sure you will." The treat was obvious, the warder had no idea why the man had such hate toward Elaida, but he held no pity for her. Seren was green, and Elaida humiliated every green in the tower. He saw Min staring at the man, her face pained. Then her gaze slid toward Elaida, and her face become stone. She touched her sleeve lightly, the warder could see the shape of a dagger there. Elaida ought to fear the woman more than al'Thor.
Al'Thor turned to the rest of the Aes Sedai, under his gaze many shifted their positions, almost all the Aes Sedai became pale. There was no emotion in the look, only ice. "You call yourself Aes Sedai." He said, "and you don't even know what it meant to be an Aes Sedai." His words made many of the Aes Sedai wince. "But under the light, and my hope to rebirth and salvation I swear that I will teach every last one of you what it means to be a servant to all." Some Aes Sedai fainted, such an oath couldn't be broken. And his tone of speaking made it extremely clear how he was going to teach them it.
Al'Thor's gaze swept over the Aes Sedai, it reached to the group of Asha'man guarding the brown sister. And for the first time there was emotion clear on his face, surprise, and shock. He all but run to the woman.
"My Lord Dragon," Said one of the black-clad men near the brown sister. "she is stronger than any other Aes Sedai here. Almost as strong as one of us, we thought it's better to-" al'Thor only nodded.
You were right, more than right." He looked at the woman with the faintest smile. "It good to see you again, Saine Tarasind. Though this is the last place I would have ever expected to see you ." The warder tensed, the dagger in his sleeve sliding to his hand, he had taken it from a Gray Man's body. It burned it's way through almost anything. The cords that tied his hands were gone. Everyone's attention was directed to al'Thor and the sister. It was almost the time, all he needed was another small distraction.
The woman become rigid, al'Thor's hand touched her chin, rising her eyes to meet his. She seemed to become blurred for a moment, then the same woman stood in front of al'Thor. Without the Aes Sedai agelessness. The warder estimated her age at late twenties. She was also trying very hard to hide her fear, and failing in it. "Lews Therin," The woman said in a pleasant voice. It was hard detecting the fear in her voice, yet the warder heard it. "I'm surprised to see you here, I never thought you would come here by your own will." She bit her tongue suddenly, fear blazing in her eyes.
Al'Thor smiled unpleasantly. "I thought that Elaida couldn't make such plan by herself, you were the one behind it." Behind him Elaida jumped, kicking with her feet at the floor and thrashing around, trying to escape something. Her mouth were open, but no sound came out of it. Then she fell down, her body still. Dead. Al'Thor didn't even stop talking, "I made a promised so long ago, Mesaana. I hope you remember it. I truly hope you do. Because now it's time for you to pay for all what you've done." The woman, the warder couldn't believe her to be Mesaana, al'Thor was mad, must be mad, had fainted. The Asha'man had strange expression on their face. But none moved to stop her fall. p>"Is she really-" On of the Asha'man started to ask, but that was the moment the warder chose to move, he jumped to his feet, and throw himself at al'Thor. He was close, not twenty feet away, and nobody was looking at his direction. He kept his mouth shut, no need to warn the man about his death coming. All around him warders jumped to their feet, covering him. They understood, they knew, and if he would succeed then their Aes Sedai might break the shield. Might break free. The warders attacked the Asha'man that was near. Most had daggers in hand, the Asha'man didn't botherto search them for weapons other than their swords.
The warder raced toward al'Thor, and, as always in battle, the world seem to slow down. Only he moved in normal speed. al'Thor tried to turn back, but his movement was so slow, fifteen feet. He saw a graying warder throw its dagger strait at one of the Asha'man.
At ten feet it struck, sinking in the Asha'man's shoulder. Fire blazed around the graying warder, and took the life of two other warders too. Al'Thor almost finished his turn. The Aes Sedai were scrambling to their feet, some seemed to be able to touch the True Source.
At seven feet something passed near him, a ball of fire that moved through the chest of a warder and burned the hand of another before exploding on a wall. Al'Thor's eyes widened slightly at the sight of him, running at him with a dagger in his hand.
At six feet the world stopped existing. Only he and his target. Only he and the man who ordered Seren's death. The pain that soon will be end, the grief that would be done. Seren that waited for him in the death.
Five, four and three feet passed, al'Thor suddenly seemed to be moving as fast as he did. Not in the slow motion that everyone else seemed to. Al'Thor slid at him, there was no time to draw his sword, and he has a dagger in his hand. Al'Thor would be dead, all will be over with.
At two feet he struck with the dagger, straight to the man's heart. But al'Thor twisted at body around it. Too late to stop his direction. He crushed at al'Thor. Carrying him with his motion, his dagger rose again to stab, it left a red trail on the other man's cheek. And another on his shoulder.
The warder never saw the hand that crushed against his throat, crushing it. He couldn't have stopped her if he would have seen it, if he could make himself care about his own death. All he knew was that suddenly he couldn't strike again, that the pain inside him was fading. He still tried to hit at the man with all his strength. But his arms hadn't the power needed to crush a butterfly. "Seren." He tried to whispered, but his throat was ruined, her face, her smile was the last thing he could think about before his heart stop beating.
Rand pushed away the corpse from him, his face hurt, and he could barely move his left arm. He rise his eyes to look for Min, Alanna was ordered to keep her safe with her life. He sighed with relief when he saw her safe. Alanna was standing in front of her, not doubt holding the power. It was Alanna's sudden fear that made him turn around. He looked over the hall, the court of traitors they call it,a fitting name. The Asha'man had already took control for everything. As he watch he saw the last shield being placed on an Aes Sedai that stared at a man's corpse and cried. He spotted out three black clad figure on the floor, with saidin in him he could see that all of them was breathing, thought weakly. A soldier and two dedicated ran to them, and helped them sit straight, their wounds gone. Other Asha'man, those who weren't wounded, moved and healed any black clad man with even the slightest sign of wound. One of them came close and touched his forehead with both hands, the pain on his shoulder and face gone, thought the Old Wound and the new one were throbbing.
The Asha'man that healed him continued on without a word, there were too many wounded to stop even by the Dragon Reborn. Min was watching him, and from the look on her face he was going to hear very sharp wards from her as soon as they would be alone. She nodded toward Elaida's body. And he understood. He didn't kill the woman, only put her to sleep. Deep sleep, so she hardly breathed. He had to prove those Aes Sedai he meant what he said. But he couldn't kill a defenseless woman, even if it was Elaida. Mesaana was another matter, he could easily recall too many of her crimes. And there were too many murders in her past than he could ignore. He would pry any last scrap of information out of her before he would kill her. And even this thought, the thought of killing a Forsaken that killed thousands, the thought of killing the Forsaken that had planned his kidnapped, made his stomach cringe. Elaida he already had a plan for, shielding her and sending her to the same farm he meant to send Colaevare to, and this time he meant to make sure that the woman wouldn't kill herself, he couldn't think of any other punishment that he could have done to her that was worse, not one he could do, anyway.
There were bodies of warders all around them, the Asha'man had no time to be gentle. And even an Aiel was less dangerous than an Asha'man full of the power. Even while most of them had time for hand and knees only.
The sight disgusted him, he touched Dashiva's shoulder, "Have the bodies buried, and tied those shields. There must be dungeons somewhere in the Tower. Find them, the Aes Sedai could be kept there for a time. The warders must be held elsewhere. Mesaana would be kept in the Tower, with at least three Asha'man near her all the time. I want it to be Asha'man only. No Dedicated or Soldiers." Dashiva nodded and start giving orders to the Asha'man.
Rand had all but ran out of the room. With Min and Alanna joining him as soon as he passed near them. His stomach was turning, it was easy to guess why that man came at him so. I never want it, never asked for it, never wished for it to happened, he cried in his mind. Suddenly he wished for Lews Therin, wished to hear the other man. A man that might have seen enough for this not to touch him. You never see enough to ignore this, it was something he said, so long ago. He remembered it. On a city that he took away from the shadow. The gateway opened into the utter darkness outside the pattern. He waited only for Min and Alanna to step on it before it was closed. They said nothing, one could feel what he felt, the second could understand. They knew, they understood. There was no need in talking. He didn't know where he was going, only that he needed to go away. To run away from a revenge that became bitter.
[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ Sometime on 1998]
There are no words to describe the help I had from, Seeker and Asha Sedai and Serafelle Sedai, Seeker for giving me the great idea of writing Elayne's letter and convincing me to do so and the help he gave me with his suggestions. And for being cursed so many times {without ever being deserved to} for making me sweat over this project. And Asha for the great suggestions she gave me. Without her, I doubt if I would have ever finished the second letter, and the hardest of the two. Serafelle Sedai for being the greatest help possible with finding and fixing foolish grammar and spelling I made. Those letters are as much their work as they are mine.
Elayne's First Letter to Rand
Rand,
when you will read this letter I will be already away from you, on my way to Tanchico. This letter isn't easy for me to write, in fact it's the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life, but I have to. It wouldn't be fair otherwise. To you and me. The moments we have together in the last days were so romantic, I savor every moment of them. Leaving you will sear my flesh, will burn my very heart. There are things I must do, no matter how much I would have preferred to stay with you. You understand duty, you would understand that I must follow mine.
I would miss you so much, even now, before I even left my heart tremble when I'm thinking of leaving you. I would miss talking to you, laughing with you, and kissing you. But more than all, I would miss you. I couldn't say it to your face, and even now it is hard to me.
There is no easy way to say this, I never told you this before.
I love you.
There, I said it, I love you. You are the only one that I want, because no one can compare to you. It feels so good to tell you this, to let you know what I truly feel. I couldn't find the courage to tell you this straight on the face, but I love you with all my heart. The stains on the page are tears, I can't help crying. I keep thinking I can be strong enough, but I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am. A part of me is screaming I can't leave you, that it's insane leaving you. You're my love, my heart, and my soul.
I love you with all my heart, I can't put into words how much I love you. Words are just not enough You are the only light for me, one that make the sun look weak. I haven't known you for a long time, and I already feel as though I've known you my whole life. I can't begin to imagine what my life would be like without you. If there is one thing that I do know, it is that I will always love you. To the end of time.
I couldn't go away without telling you this, without making sure that you would know that all I dream about is you, when I'm asleep I turn and toss with dreams of you in my head. Every time I look in you and see the man I love my heart misses a beat, and my knees tremble.
Every night I see you in my dreams, you are my heart, my soul. You give me strength when I am weak. When you hold me close, I want to cry, for I love you so much it hurts inside. I love you, my beloved, my heart, my soul, and my love. You allow me to be me, and you let me be no one but myself.
We had such fun talking and laughing together. Whenever I am with you, I hear a bell ringing, and I think of you every single minute, day, hour, and second. I can't get you out of my mind, and I can't even dream of wanting to.
I want you to know that treasure every single minute I spent with you is something deep in my heart.
By the time you read this I will be gone. I know I need to tell you my feelings I couldn't have left you without knowing you know how much I feel for you.
I love you unconditionally, and when you hold me in your arms I feel as though I have been lifted on a cloud and brought to heaven. The world disappears when I'm around you, being with you, I can hardly stand up, you make me shiver inside, make my knees get weak. When we go out in public I feel as though I should stand up on something and scream that this man and I are in love and he is mine. I just want to let the whole world know that I love you and always will love you.
I know in my heart you love me, I feel like I can't live without you. All I can think of is you. I feel as if I have loved you all my life.
I feel I am alone without you. As if some part of me is not there. My heart was crushed by the heavy weight of sadness when I had to leave you. I feel that I could never be whole again without you on my side. You have became a part of me, a part of my soul you stole together with my heart.
I love you so much. You were everything I'd ever asked for, I'd ever wanted. Words can not describe the way I felt when we talked. I could have talked forever, as long as it would have been with you. It was like we were enclosed in a bubble, just the two of us. Only the two of us, in a world that was only ours.
I have never had so many feelings for anyone. You mean more to me than life itself, my life had become an empty space which I can't seem to fill. Which only you can.
It hurts so much inside, leaving you. Since the day I met you, I knew that you were the one for me. I can't stop thinking about you. I need you so much. I miss kissing your soft, sweet lips. I miss you holding me in your arms.
At first, I didn't understand what I felt, but when I saw you again it came back ten times greater than before. I didn't know what was happening until I caught myself daydreaming about how I would feel in your arms. After weeks of denying it, I have to admit that you are the one I want. The only one I want.
You will be always in my mind, Rand. Think of me.
With all my love,
~Elayne
Some notes about this letter: First, it was suggested to me as a challenge to try to write Elayne's letters. I accepted the challenge and made a research both in the web and in the books. Here are some conclusions I reached due to this research:
Elayne wrote this letter when she left Tear. The whole letter was aimed to bind Rand to her. At the time she thought that Berelain might want Rand, and the whole idea was to make sure that Rand would realize whom he should choose. Elayne said, in tSR, that the letter "set her heart open for him". And Rand said that this letter had "set his ears aflame". This is all I have in the books to lean on.
Elayne's Second Letter to Rand
Rand,
I, as you, have duties, but there is a limit even to duty. All the actions I have done in the past few days in the Stone were done for Andor.. But even the sake of Andor can't make me pretend anymore that I love you. Soon I will be Aes Sedai, and take the three oaths. The first oath allows no lies, so there is no reason to continue pretending when I will be forced to tell you the truth as soon as I become Aes Sedai.. I obviously overestimated your wits and intelligence. I thought you were wiser than you have shown yourself to be in the past few days. But, like any other man, you are so concerned with yourself that you think that anyone else should be too. Maybe someday you can find a woman fool enough to love you, though I doubt it gravely. Until that day I have no wish to see you again. And I trust you not to try to force your presence on me. You are one of the cruelest and coldest men I have ever met in my life, but I hope that you still have some manners, but I hope that you still have some decency left, even if you have a heart of stone. Or perhaps no heart whatsoever.
~Elayne
Some notes about this letter: About this letter we have even less information than about the first one, if this can be possible. "another [letter] making him wonder whatever he had grown fangs and horns like a Trolloc." and "one [letter] full of love. The second ripped him better than Aviendha ever had." and "both letters were exact opposites of one another." That is all we have about this letter directly in the books. What is hinted is that it was enough to make Rand so angry he would topple down the Stone. And also that it was enough to make him doubt her love for him even with the first letter and messages saying that she loves him from Egwene.
[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ 27 June 1999]
"She was raped and tortured, more than once." Rand's voice held no emotion whatsoever. The voice of a man dead while his heart still beat. He knelt near the crumpled body of the golden hair woman. His face was blank as he forced Elayne's jaw open, the teeth were all broken and cracked, Min saw.
"Whatever they wanted to know, she didn't tell them." Rand continued, still emotionless. That was about all Min's stomach could handle, her knees could support her weight no longer, she fell to the ground, emptying her stomach for what seemed to be enternity. Sobs nearly tearing her body apart.
"No!" Someone whispered, "It can't be!" Distantly Min recognized Nynaeve've voice. There were tears in the woman's voice as well.
"It happened," Rand said. "Where are Birgitte, and Aviendha? I want to get the two of them out of here as soon as I can manage that."
Nynaeve's face were covered with moistness, but she answered still, silent sobs sending shivers through her body. "Birgitte... Birgitte is no longer with us."
"The Bond," Rand said coolly, "With Elayne dead, it affected Birgitte as well. It didn't happened long ago, the body is still worm. Whoever killed her, they couldn't have gone away."
"Is that is all you can think about?" Nynaeve demanded, "Catching those who did it to her, not a single thought about mourning her? She loved you, you damned man!"
"And I loved her," Hearing that, while knowing the truth, Min still founded herself doubting the man's words. A corpse sounded more alive than Rand.
"But she is no longer," He glanced at the body, he arranged the naked body a little, not enough to hide what was done to Elayne. The eyes Rand close didn't wipe the look of pain and terror and horror that was imprinted on Elayne's face. "This is nothing but an empty corpse." He rose to his feet, "I don't think I'll manage to attend the funeral, Nynaeve." His voice was still emotionless, hard, cold, but tears flows down his face.
"I'll find them, who did it, and when I do, they will beg to be given to the Dark One." It wasn't a shout, but it was a cold promise. Min believe it. In a heartbeat, he was gone, leaving her alone, to deal with her greif on her on, while he dealt with his own greif, hunting those who caused it.
Aviendha hated being confined back, away from battle, but she had given her word, and she wouldn't break it. Certainly not when it was Rand al'Thor she promised to keep herself in a safe place. Rand al'Thor, who was and wasn't the man she loved. Min touched her arm, and pointed north, "Look," Was all she said.
Aviendha stared north, her eyes went wide, half in surprise, half in sorrow. Fire, a mountain made of fire, was visible at distance. The Pit of Doom was few thousands miles away from the Blight border, but even so, Aviendha felt the slight warming of the air as soon as that fire appear. It could resource only from Shayol Ghul, where Rand al'thor had went to. Went to die for a world that gave him nothing but sorrow.
"Strangely," Min said slowly, "I don't think that I can grief him."
"He died together with Elayne, Min," Aviendha said, there were tears on Min's face, as well on her own, but there was no point mentioning it, "Our grief ended long ago, he closed his heart with Elayne's death. The body remained, the sense of purpose, but it was nothing but the Dragon. Rand al'Thor died the with the Queen of Andor."
"We should have been able to do something," Min insisted. "We loved him, the Light forsake my soul! There was something we could have done."
"You gave birth to his son, Min." Aviendha reminded the dark woman, "I don't think he had even been aware that he has a son, or that we love him. I don't think he was very much human. All he cared about was the destruction of the Shadow."
"Still," Min argue, then she silenced, the fire at the distance died, "And so it ends, Aviendha."
Aviendha took off her eyes from the horizon, where the fire burned and died. The battle hadn't die, she saw, the Last Battle, a diversition only, and a costly one, she saw Trollocs and Shadowspawn cutting their way through her people, Aiels died in countless numbers. She could not stop the tears, she realized, even while he wove saidar to destroy as much Shadowspawn as she could. Fire and Earth and Water and Air and Spirit, all the five power in endless attack.
She still held to the female half of the One Power when the ground began to tremble and shake. And a rift appeared in the Blight's border, ten miles across, twenty miles deep, following the trail of the Blight border. Unable to do a thing, she watch as half the huge army Rand had gather either fell into that huge rift or been swayed into the Blight, the unreachable Blight, now.
"And a remant of the remant he shall leave of you," She whispered, and left Min on the isolated hill, that was the time to join her people. As few of them as remained.
No future posts left, oh my!
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