[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ 12 January 1999]

[This was written with the aid of Leane Sedai]

Leane was awoken by a slight sound, perhaps a movement that jarred the bed she had to share with Tovienne and Halima. She opened her eyes just in time to see Logain disappearing through a Gateway, a small frown alighting on her rosy lips. "That man is going to work himself to death," she muttered under her breath. "Hardly a wink did he sleep since he Bonded Halima." She gave a small sigh and climbed out from under the covers, ignoring the urge to go back to sleep. It's almost daybreak anyway, and you have a work to do, if Logain agrees to it. The corners of her lips quirked into a smile. Whether he agrees to it or not, actually. As she reached the door, she tossed a glance at the two figures still huddled in sleep. I can't help wishing I had Logain to myself again. He doesn't dare show me too much attention in front of those two, the Light burn the man,he could tell him that he can't bind me to his will through the Bond and end this, no need to hide this.. I didn't agree to the Bond for nothing. She smiled again, affectionately, a touch of sadness hovering in her eyes, and reached for a towel and a robe before opening the door.

A gust of cold air met her skin, making her shiver a little, out of instinct. She couldn't feel the cold, but she was aware of it. She pulled on the robe hastily; a shift was not suitable for this weather, even if she was witless enough to walk in the open with nothing else on. Not that there was a single soul hundred miles from here. She wove flows of Air into a shield surrounding her, a simple weave to keep away the softly falling rain, then walked the short distance to the pool she had gone to yesterday, - was it only yesterday?- with Tovienne and Halima. As she pushed open the door of the bathhouse, she released the Shield around her and stepped quickly inside. It was dark; the early hours of the morning did naught to light the inside of the chamber. Saidar pulsed in her with life, channeling, a luminescent, faintly glowing ball of light appeared above the palm of her hand. She made it bigger, brighter, then fastened into on a wall, tying off the flows. To Toviene or any other woman that could touch saidar a glowing nimbus still surrounded her, the light of saidar, but she couldn't see it, of course. No more steam rose from the water, so she wove flows of Fire to heat it, carefully maintaining the weaves. Fire was dangerous to tie off, no matter how strong you were, at least for women, Fire was something men usualy were strong at. She poured a strong perfume into the water, savoring the scent of it and shrugged off her robe and shift, releasing the weave of Fire, unable to maintain it while she was swimming as her concentration would waver, and dived cleanly into the water, with barely a ripple. The pool was just deep enough in this side. Logain chose his hiding places wisely, or had he created this place?

The water caressed her skin sensuously, swirling around her as she moved, lifting her hair as she sank deeper into the water, allowing it to cover her mouth. There was a feeling of ... contentment from Logain, dimly felt, but pleasing to her. She wanted to see him, she realized, and smiled at her folly. Moving over to the shallows, she sat down on the base of the pool. She was tall enough so that the water only touched her chin when she sat down. Crossing her arms behind her head, she leaned back against the side, and closed her eyes, letting her thoughts drift ... until she found that they always returned to Logain. She chuckled, ruefully, feeling glad that the Bond only conveyed feelings and not thoughts as well. That would be embarrassing. She concentrated on the small part of her mind that was him, that was exclusively his. Coming closer, he returned - so soon? She wouldn't have been surprised if he had been gone for the whole day - and tired, as he always was of late. Her forehead creased into a frown, that was probably caused by the visit to al'Thor with Halima yesterday, and his trying to explain to Halima about the Bond. Why couldn't Halima leave him alone for a while? Doesn't she see how tired he is? I had better make sure he is rested before I leave for the Tower again. She had to admit that Halima's questions were... interesting, troubling, she had a mind to question Logain about it herself, but later! When he was in the right condition, not now. She was worried, worried about him. She pushed those troubled thoughts of him aside, to the back of her mind, and let her tense limbs relax, floating in her private thoughts.Logain would come here, she knew it as surely as she knew her own name.

... She had still been in Salidar that night. It was late, dusk had long settled over the land. A lone candle gave out a flickering light near her, illuminating the area around her bed. She was outlined in shadow against the canvas of the tent, lying on her front, propped up on an elbow, head bent in pursuit of a book, a rare pleasure, when a large, slightly roughened hand was laid on her shoulder. Nothing had alerted her to his presence, his footsteps had been utterly silent, she turned onto her side, her eyes travelling up and up and up... "Logain!" An explosion of breath. The last time she had talked to him, his face had been devoid of purpose, drained. Now, the emptiness was filled, his eyes glittered in the light and expression gave his features life. She shrank away from his hand, the warmth of it terrifying, but letting only uncertainty show on her face. He's come back here to take his vengeance. She thought with deadly certainty. On me and Siuan, and probably others too, the Light burn him. "What are you doing here, Logain?" Her voice was the slightest bit unsteady, but clear.

He had looked at her for a while, carefully keeping his eyes away from the thin silk shift she wore, focusing on her face. Silently, he reached out a hand for her to pull her up into a sitting position. He sat on the edge of the foot of her bed, not looking at her. A bit of red stained his cheeks, she thought, or was it the light? Clearing his throat, he spoke, "I came here to... pay a debt, Leane." Despite herself, she goggled at him, but quickly rearranged her features to their cool sereneness of a few moments before. He hadn't noticed.

"Me?" More surprise than she would've liked mingled in her voice, it was almost a squeak! Light! Get a grip, woman. She told herself sternly. "Me?" She said again - it still didn't sound right - in a more normal tone. Relief coursed through her. He had not come for revenge, as she had earlier thought.

"Um, yes. Sort of," Logain raked a hand through his hair, he still hadn't quite looked at her, "To thank you. I didn't mean to startle you by appearing in your tent like that. But I couldn't very well walk in, the camp would have been awakened in a few minutes. It wouldn't be... pleasant," He stumbled over his own words, making her feel a bit better. He was just as flustered as she was, though for a different reason.

"Siuan was the one who took you from the Tower, and it was Nynaeve was the one that Healed you. Why do you thank me?" Her cool, self-possession was back, her voice decidingly neutral. It seemed to spur him to match her coolness.

Logain laughed shortly, for a moment, he looked truly amused, "Siuan took me from the Tower for a reason, to serve her own ends." He told her coolly. "Nynaeve used me to practice on, not because she pitied me, she despised me, her pride was pricked because she could not Heal those that have been Stilled. She always wanted to be able to Heal everything. Beside, I have already paid my debt to Siuan, telling everyone the Reds made me claim that I was the Dragon Reborn. And my debt to Nynaeve will be paid, but you ... even when you were stilled, you've sense of purpose was there. And you helped me through gentling. Even if you never knew it, in those last few days, before we reached Salidar, it was you who gave me te strength to carry on just the little bit that was needed, you were the one who kept me alive, who pulled me through. And it was never for anything else but to help me live through it." At the beginning of the speech, his voice had been hard, emotionless, but towards the end, he had bared his heart, and a hint of tears actually sounded in his voice.

She could only stare at him, her cool facade beginning to crumble. Her voice shook when she spoke, "I am the one who ought to thank you, Logain. You were the one that pulled me through. You were at the point of death, and yet you came back. You showed me that I could live without the Power, without that, I would have give up long before Nynaeve had a chance to ply her skills. You showed me... what strength means. What it means to be a survivor." She finished, almost sadly. She realize now that this was the first time she ever talked about the time she was stilled with anyone. The absence of saidar, the lack of life was the nightmare every Aes Sedai feared from, and Logain had survived it, somehow. "A man of honor is rarely found. And it's even rarer to find a man of such strength." After that speech, a comfortable silence fell over them. He gave a start to her words, he had not noticed it, but somehow, during their talk, she had inched closer to him, bit by bit, until she was sitting curled up by his side. Or maybe not so surprising, since he had not dared to look at her, garbed as she was.

He was certainly lecherous, she had seen him looking at women, only looking, but it was enough. More than enough, idly, she wondered how he could make a woman so aware of herself just by looking at her. Aware of him, too. It took her much more effort to do the same with men. Yet she had never seen him like he was now with a woman, never. "Tell me about the Black Tower, Logain." Her voice was sudden in that silence, chiming softly in the emptiness. "I have always wondered, what it is like. Is it alike to the White Tower?"

Emotions passed across his face, surprise, maybe a touch of anger? "How did you know I was with the Asha'man, Leane?" He asked, almost roughly.

The corners of her lips quirked up. Did he think her blind? "Where else? You have nowhere else to be, and you hadn't bothered to change, what can a man garbed all in black mean except for a man that can Channel? Beside, I have eyes and ears even in your Black Tower." She added decisively, it was almost a lie, almost. She had tried to convince someone in the Black Tower to report to her, but it was so frustrating she wanted to scream. She had tried simply everything, everything! There seemed to be no servants in the Black Tower, and those who were in the Black Tower save the Asha'man were usually tied to an Asha'man. Wives or lovers, she was stunned to hear that they let children live there too. All in all, it was very frustrating, servants talked, and they could be bought. But there was not a single servant in the Black Tower, the Black Tower held it's secrets well.

He expressed surprise, and to her shock, she understood she had said all this aloud. Relaxing visibly after her explanation, he told her about the Black Tower, their way of training, everything. Whenever he hesitated, she claimed she didn't want him to betray the Black Tower's secrets, and he would continue. He stopped several of times, refusing to answer the more innocent questions, although he answered her in details about others. Giving her precious knowledge. Egwene would be thrilled to learn that there were less than fifty Asha'man, the rest were still studying the One Power. If needed, the Black Tower could be beaten.

They talked of many other topics, through the night, and gray dawn was near when she mentioned Bonding. She asked him to be her Warder, with her heart racing to beat horses. The man gave a visible start at that. He looked at her sideways, considering, then shook his head. "It could never be, Leane." She didn't even know why she had brought the topic up, but she knew it was no jest.

When the sun came peeping over the horizon, she had dissapeared, leaving behind two notes, one for Egwene, and the other, Siuan. Warded, the notes could only be read by them, anyone else save those two would have a rather unpleasant shock. She and Logain left to the hut in Altara that he, Halima and Tovienne were in at this moment. Where she had seduced him, literally. "I have always found you attractive, Logain, you should know that. Even in the White Tower." She told him one day, it wasn't a lie. It was a day later before he had returned to the Black Tower, and she along with him, his Warder, bonded to him. Taim, The M'Hael as the Asha'man called him, was displeased about the whole affair, at best. But done was done, and Logain had refused to even chance breaking the Bond. It wasn't the one he had used to bond Halima, or Toviene, she wasn't forced to obey him, as the two other women were, but in some manners, it was just as different from the bond she knew as the one that altered to compel obedience. It was a dream that she had lived in, only for a week.

Then, she had surfaced to reality again, and had told Logain that she needed to return to the Salidar Aes Sedai camp once more. Alone, this journey, and there she had stayed, for another two months. The army was in Tar Valon, they had won the city. She had told everything to Egwene, after making her promise she would do nothing to Logain, or try to stop her. "Tell them! You are the Amyrlin Seat. Say you dispatched me to analyze worldly affairs. It will not be entirely a lie, I will send pigeons to you, from my eyesand ears. But I will stay with Logain. If you need me, at the Battle, I will be there, if sooner, send a courier, yourself, Siuan ... I do not abandon you, but I cannot abandon him either. I agreed to the Bond. I love him, Egwene, like you love Gawyn." Egwene refused her, logically, Leane had to admit the woman was right. But she didn't like it, and then he suddenly appeared in the middle of the White Tower, his face like a winter storm and, giving no reasons, took her away. And so she had returned once again to the Black Tower, to discover Tovienne Gazal also Bonded to him. That Halima was one of the Forsaken. "What do you think I am?" She had demanded bitterly. "Another toy? Will you also tell me you have ..." She choked on the words, "... taken her to ... to... A Red, Logain! One of Elaida's followers! And that is not to mention Halima, a Red wasn't enough for you, so you had choosen to Bond one of the Forsaken. Egwene was right! I should never have left the Tower for you." She could not regret it, a part of the Bond, her words were half-hearted, but the feeling was there, however small, of hurt, betrayal. For once, all sereneness, pretense at self-possession was gone, replaced by fury."Have you tired of a Domani? Now you need an uptight, weak-willed woman whom you can dominate, is that it?" She knew Tovienne was not at all weak-willed, but tears had come into her eyes, and she made herself angry to hide them, "And how can you even begin to explain bonding Halima?" finally turning away, unwilling to let him see her crying.

She could feel him, next to her, trying to explain. "It has nothing to do with us, Leane." He had insisted, trying to soothe her, wrapping arms around her, but she was angry, stiff and unyielding. "I love you. I would never do anything like that to hurt you. I Bonded them because I'd to, the Bond will force them to do whatever I say, and it is nothing like what is between us. As you said, a Red, a Darkfriend. I could not love a Red, they are the ones who ... gentled me. And it was the Dark One who tainted saidin. Or did you forget this too?" Soothed, for a time at least, she gave in, saying nothing, letting him cradle her in his arms. "But it is best if they did not know that I Bonded you differently, best if they wouldn't know there is another way." he added. She was so tired, that she let it go, instead of arguing.

True to his word, it was not like what had been between her and him, but it was also the end of letting their feelings for one another show. He did not act any differently to her in front of Tovienne and Halima, even when theywas nearby. Occasionally, they went to the hut in Altara, or somewhere far away, until all he could feel from his other two Warders was only the dim awareness of their locations. Then, and only then, did let any emotion show, not that it happened often, and it had taken yesterday's conversation to understand why. Perhaps he was afraid, afraid that the other two would find out, and he would not have any peace, perhaps. She had all but forgotten that night of anger, letting it drown in the depths of her mind, suffocated by their love.

Tovienne and Halima loved him as she did. He loved them too, after a fashion, but it was something that was created by the Bond, with her, it had been there long before. He seem very puzzled when he hadn't found that she and Tovienne and Halima weren't at each other's throat. "Why, you treat them with more warmth than you do me, I thought you would be angry at them being Bonded to me." He sounded so disgruntled that she had come very close to laughing.

"I am angry at you Bonding Toveine, she never agreed to be Bonded, she had nothing to do with it. And she is a Sister, even if she wasn't Aes Sedai, she is a woman, that is enough to make me side with her instead of you men who tangle up a woman's wits, then do exactly what you've done. Halima... is another matter." He hadn't bother to ask further.

The realization was sudden and shocked her out off her thoughts; Logain was close, very close. She opened her eyes to see him push open the door. A smile played about her lips. The light she had made went out, she hadn't bothered to tie it strongly. He knew she was there, but he couldn't see her, she realized. "Leane?" He called softly. Careful not to make any noise, she slid under the surface, moving towards where he stood, at the side. Surfacing, she grabbed hold of his legs, he looked down, realizing she was there, a split second too late before she pulled him into the water. "Still tired?" Her voice rang out, mocking. He stood up, spluttering, drenched. "What was that for!?!" He frowned at her, then hastily pulled his eyes away. He had the strangest ideas about modesty.

"For loving all three of us, for acting like the worse lecher I've ever met. For being the most wool headed man I've ever met. For acting like al'Thor and..." She replied unconcernedly, his glare sliding past her.

He raised a hand, tiredly. "Not now, Leane, I don't feel like arguing with you."

"Who said a word about arguing?" Her voice turned sultry, suddenly, throaty."It was also because you told me I needed a bath, yesterday." She affected a sniff, and scolded him in a mock-angry voice. "That was not polite, you know. Sometimes I think you will never learn manners." She shook a finger at him, climbing out of the pool. "Oh, by the way, the water is lavender-scented, you'd better get out. Or else you will smell like a flower field all day long." He stared at her, ignoring her nakedness, and scrambled out. "Lavender-scented! Blood and ashes! The Asha'man are going to... " That worked pretty well, she thought. He didn't feel troubled anymore, rather, scandalized, probably over the scent, and amused. Putting on her robe, she used a flick of the Power to dry his clothes out, squeezing them dry. Water ran in rivulets down his face to pool at his feet. She flashed a wry grin at the image he presented, damp clothes, wet hair, and smelling strongly of lavender. "There, I thought you needed a dunking to untangle your wits. If you fall dead from exhaustion, I will dig your grave myself, after killing you a second time. You'd better have a proper night sleep tonight, not exhaust yourself and expect us to tend to you. You shouldn't act like a ten year old boy, sulking over being sent to bed." Hestared at her; she was amused to no end!

"Women!" That was all he seemed able to say.

"As I said, studying women is all a man can do sometimes." She sighed languidly, and stretched, then kissed him as thoroughly as he had ever been kissed before. Shaking his head, he sat down on the edge of the pool.

"You almost made me forget what I came to find you for. I'm going to cleanse saidin with the Lord Dragon and Nynaeve tomorrow. I'm moving you, this place isn't going to be safe for long."

She sprang up. Her eyes so wide that she must have resembled an owl. "What!? What do you mean?"

"Saidin is going to be cleansed." He replied patiently, too patiently.

"I heard you, Logain Ablar. Why are you attempting such a foolhardy thing? Elayne told me this was how Rand al'Thor acted, you are catching his hard-headedness from being around him so much." She said, certainty showing in her voice. "You could get yourself killed." Seeing that talking would not convince him, she tried to cajole him out of it.

"What must be done, will be done. I follow the Dragon Reborn." He said quickly, and she signed heavily, he would walk bare in a blizzard and claim he was sweating in this mood! He was determined, she could feel it. Nothing was going to persuade him otherwise.

She sighed. "I don't know who's the bigger fool, him for going, you for following, or me for not leaving you both. Come, let us go back to Tovienne and Halima. We can talk about it there." And get Tovienne to help me talk some sense into him, hopefully. Too much to hope for Halima's help. She stood behind him as he wove a Gateway, then followed him through it to the hut. Halima and Toviene were already dressed, suprisingly, there was a bowl with water near the bed, it wasn't there when she was awake. She supressed a guilty stab quickly, she had a luxury bath, while the two women had to suffice with a quick wash. But on the other hand, they had lazed around for half the morning! Both women sat on the bed and glared at Logain, hard. "You don't need to follow me, Leane. You don't even need to be nearby. I am sending you, Halima and Tovienne to Andor." She whirled around, sparks in her eyes. "You are sending me nowhere. I am going with you when you attempt this... effort. I was strong before I was stilled, and I still have skill if not strength, not to mention this ..." She pulled out a belt buckle from the pouch on her bed, and his eyes widen as he laid his eyes on it. Halima gasped in surprise, and took a step forward. "And those... and this." She touched the rings in her ears, and the necklace snugged around her throat. "Angreals, this one for you." She held out the belt-buckle. Toviene looked eagerly at the necklace, Leane did mean to share one of the angreals but not quite yet, only when they had need of it.

"Whether you like it or not, I am opening a Gateway right now for you and Tovienne. I think my Lord Dragon wants Halima there, but he shall have to wait until after the cleansing." He said, addressing the other two women in the room as well, Halima was bloodless pale, but she nodded, weakly. She said nothing, al'Thor truly frightened her. As he reached for the buckle, she tossed the belt-buckle back into her pouch, quick as a flash. "The angreal, please?" He reached out a hand for it.

Tovienne leaped up from the bed, words already tumbling from her lips, her face angry. "If you are sending us anywhere," she said, silently signaling to Tovienne, they had planned this, though not quite in this way, not for this occasion, playing along, "Then it should be Kandor. I had a very troubling report from my eyes-and-ears there, when you dragged me here to meet Halima. Tovienne and Halima can help me." Tovienne to gather those who admire Aes Sedai, are loyal to them. It should be easy for her to impress them. Halima, those that are easily bought and she can use her considerable powers of persuasion as well. The most loyal ones, I shall have to attend to. Those that have been saved from some catastrophe, perhaps. She didn't want to admit even to herself that Halima would probably use Darkfriends as spies. Maybe she could convince Halima to kill the ones she will find. He nodded, and a Gateway opened in a corner. "Go in." He ordered, in a tone that brooked no opposition. Tovienne and Halima had to obey, but she stood her ground. "Are you forgetting something, Logain?" Her voice was dangerously soft. Tovienne and Halima were already on the other side, looking through.

"I don't think so, what?" His brow creased. "They know what to do, right? I have already told them to help you in whatever you tell them to do." She nodded. "Tovienne knows what to do. Tell Halima to listen to her. Just do what I ask, for once in your life." Nodding, and sending hard glares in her direction, he put his head into the Gateway, and told the listening two something she couldn't quite hear. "Alright. Anything else I might have forgotten? They already have money. The angreal?" The man needed a good spanking! "Yes." Raising a finely arched brow at him, she put her hands on her hips. " You can't order me around, the Bond to me doesn't work that way, remember? I don't have to do what you say." She said loudly, for the benefit of his two other Warders. They gasped, and made to walk back through, anger writ plain on their faces. She smiled. Logain groaned. The Gateway closed within a hairsbreath of their faces as they ran back through.

Good, the fool man deserved all the trouble he would get, and judging by the expression on Toviene's face, he would have all the trouble he could handle. Halima looked puzzled as well as angry, and as the Gateway closed, she heard the woman ask Tovienne, "Does he smell of flowers?"

"I thought we agreed that we wouldn't tell them?!" He whirled around, cape swirling, his expression half-angered, half-exasperated. "I have enough troubles as it is... I thought you promised me..."

"I broke my promise. It's as simple as that." She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. She didn't understand why the fool man looked so wounded, and why she felt so guilty on seeing that. When it came to men, women just naturally lacked the sense to pour water out of a boot.

"Why? Is it because of Tovienne and Halima ?"

"You have hit the nail on the head, my good man," she said with false gaiety, fingers unconsciously pulling the folds of her barely opaque red silk dress tight around her. "Don't even think for one moment that I blame them either. You were disloyal! After the vows and protestations of love, the very moment I turn my back you go chasing after other women, who didn't seem to relish the thought of this intimacy with you either! You, you, you ... I can't think of a word bad enough, you mule-brained lecher!"

He rose an eyebrow, "You forget one thing, Leane Sharif." Logain said sharply, "With Toviene and Halima both, I had no choice." Halima laughed to this, bitterly. He tilted his head and looked at her sharply, "Are you jealous?" With a few strides he had crossed the floor and folded her in his arms. He looked absurdly pleased!

"Don't even think of it!" She stamped her foot. Actually stamped it! Shegroaned inwardly at the thought of how far she had fallen since the days when she had held the position of Keeper of the Chronicles. She hadn't done such things in years! She pounded his chest with both fists, ineffectually, of course. It was so unfair that the Creator had made men so much larger physically than women. Wouldn't she have loved to give him a black eye! Well, that wasn't true. She would have given herself a black eye first rather than injure him. It disgruntled her somewhat. But she wanted to know that she could, even if she would never do this.

"You are jealous!" the incorrigible man chuckled, and kissed her till she was breathless.

"Do you think we should leave them alone? Give them some privacy?" Toviene's acid whisper could be heard in the other side of the world.

"Privacy?" Halima chuckled, "Considerring that Logain is in the back ofour heads, it would be hard for them to get any privacy whatsoever."

Leane ignored them, but she could see Logain's cheeks reddening. "You're not going to get off this easy," she warned him when she could speak properly again. The light in his eye when he looked at her said otherwise, and he was probably right. The mere pressure of his hands on her waist was making her knees knock together. "Have youever considered what the consequences of your volunteering to cleanse saidin will be?"

That stopped him for a moment. "If we succeed, it means that we will have given birth to the Age of Legends all over again! Imagine what wonders male and female Aes Sedai working together could acheive! We will have a much better chance of defeating the Dark One in Tarmon Gai'don and the Black and White Towers will be able to do everything together! And that is if you want to ignore the little matter of me not going mad, or the taste of saidin without the taint." There was a light in his eyes that made her smile, he often looked at her that way. She could feel his excitement. "If we fail...well, I am willing to risk it. Better dying quickly than rotting." Then his eyes darkened. "Do we have to talk about this now? I can think of several more pleasant ways to pass the time."

"I do not doubt it," Halima muttered, "Why do I feel suddenly feel unwanted?" This time, Leane doubted Logain even heard his warder.

She shook her head sadly. "You really have not thought of it at all, have you? Well, not that I can blame you, you have never gone through the torment that every Aes Sedai has at one time or another. Or maybe you don't even know. If... something happen to you, in the efforts of cleansing saidin or just from not being careful, we will die too. All three of us. Even if we survive the initial shock, we will be walking corpses waiting to lie down and die."

Expressions ran across the crags of his face like waves whipped by wind and his arms dropped to his side. For one moment she was terribly, achingly sorry that he no longer held her, but then the moment passed and she turned away with a small, bittersweet laugh. "I've not thought about it." He muttered, and then his eyes met hers, and slid to Toveine and Halima. "Get some rest tonight. You need your sleep for the big day tomorrow." He said quietly, "As you said, I will need to be careful. And at the moment, I think I will fall off my feet if I will not have some sleep." Yawning, he threw himself on the bed, clothed. He was asleep in less then a minute. Leane stared at him, at least she prevent him from sending her away. Halima had a small grin on her face.

"I must learn how Domani women do it," She said, "if this is their affect of men, I could find some use for the knowledge." Toviene didn't stop laughing even when Leane threw a pillow at her and stormed outside.

She was up by cockcrow the next morning. Sometime during the night Logain had rolled over on his stomach and buried his face in the pillows, pinning down the blankets with his arm, trapping her under the blanket. She had had to Channel to lift his arm off. This added inconvenience had not improved her bleak mood.

Red silk was out of the question. What she felt like wearing was a suit of armor. Instead, she pulled on a high-necked, fur-ruffed gown of fine gray wool. The water in the pitcher was cold enough to make her gasp and shiver. Nynaeve and Elayne had done their work well with the Bowl of the Winds. What she wouldn't give to have that for study now...but some heat would be welcome now. Maybe they did their work just a bit too well.

Logain jerked her out of her thoughts as he greeted her perfunctorily and began washing. No quips, no smiles. Despite his bravado, she felt his tenseness, saw the tightness around his eyes. It was the day of life or death. He did not even thank her when she smoothed his high-collared coat,   pinning the dragon and the sword to his collar, fastening the angreal buckle onto his belt, but when the time came to go, he put his arm around her and held her tightly, as if glad of her presence. Halima and Toviene watched all this with expressionless faces. But Logain still muttered something to them when he weaved the gateway. Whatever it was, it made Halima blush and Toviene laugh. Logain threw his arms in the air. "Women!" The word sound like a curse.

When the Gateway opened into the subterranean-looking caverns and passages carved out of the solid rock of Dragonmount, she saw that there were two black-coated men awaiting them already. Boys, really, both young, smooth-cheeked and still without their mature bulk. They saluted Logain fist to heart as they stepped through the Gateway, and nodded curtly to her, though their eyes followed her with curiosity hidden behind the wariness. Since Logain's bonding of her and the others, the Asha'man had begun talking among themselves, and many looked with favor on the novel idea of bonding more than one woman,despite the M'Hael's objections, though most for the wrong reasons. These were no Asha'man though. Both were merely Dedicated. As far as she knew, there were only men who could channel here. For some reason, Rand did not seem to trust the vast majority of his own men, preferring that most of them wouldn't even know where he was hiding.

The walls and the roof were smooth-hewn, as if to remind anyone travelling through the passages of the Power that had been used to create them. Torches burnt in conces set in the walls, but other than that the corridors were mainly bare.

The great cavern they were led into was better furnished. Fine carpets and rugs of Kandori and Aiel make lay on the floors, and furniture of mixed styles stood about, the tables and many of the chairs groaning under the weight of large books, rolled maps and scrolls, from Cairhein, Andor and the Stone of Tear. There were hangings on the walls as well, and there was something about the place that suggested a feminine touch. No doubt Min's work. She wondered how Elmindreda Farshaw handled the Dragon Reborn. Despite denying it wholeheartedly, Min was much alike her name sake. A pang of pain came with rememberring the young woman. Her situation was by far too much like that of Min's.

Those thoughts had soon flown into the fireplace and up the chimney, for there were people in the room. A few more black-coated men ... and the Dragon Reborn himself. With Min on one side clad in very fitting rose-colored breeches and coat, and a fiercely lovely flame-haired girl in blue on the other. Aviendha, she thought, she had met the Aiel woman for a short time only. Was the Dragon Reborn trying to establish himself a harem? Was Logain, too? Logain must have sensed her rising anger and humiliation, for he turned to look at her, his eyes puzzled. She ignored him coldly.

Then the icy blue eyes of the man the world called the Dragon Reborn slashed to her. She returned his gaze with equal coolness and full serenity, but her stomach turned. She could see nothing of the Rand al'Thor she had known in this ruthlessly hard leader. Noneof the still-gawky young lion who had stalked in to seek audience with Siuan that day, wearing the gait, sword and manners of a gaidin in a touching show of bravado. That young man had hit a soft spot in her, but the man who faced her now made her want to turn away.

"Why have you brought them?" His voice was not much changed ... save for its lack of warmth. "We said nothing of it. I told you to bring Aran'gar, not the entire bloody White Tower." Just another sign of how low in his contempt Aes Sedai were now. Elayne had heard of what he had done, they met briefly when Rand had talked with Logain and Halima. Making sisters swear to him, Aes Sedai toiling in the broiling sun under Aiel guard, being whipped... She held herself ramrod-straight so as not to shudder. "They don't belong here, certainly not now, they are Aes Sedai for the love of the Light! What were you thinking?!" She almost winced from the sound of the whipcrack in his voice as it bounced off the rock walls. Aviendha laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, one hand fingering her belt-knife thoughtfully, but Min stared at her with unreadable eyes. She wondered uneasily what signs the girl saw around her this time. Signs of death?

Logain took a breath, to answer, but then Min touched Rand's sleeve. Bending close to his ear, she spoke to him for a few moments, and he listened, the silence was as thick as smoke over a bonfire. Rand settled back as Min straightened, his eyes boring into her. Logain clutched her tighter, protectively she knew, his brow creased in a frown. "They are my Warders." That was all the explanation Logain offered. Halima looked like a rabbit it the fox's mouth. Toveine eyed the man carefully. She had both hands pressed to her stomach.

"They may stay, then." It seemed the words took an eternity to fan themselvesout in the air. "They may stay and..." As his words petered off the Dragon Reborn seemed to frown, cocking his head as his eyes stared at her. There was a soft, persistent sound in the air, just too low for her to make out ... then she realized that Rand was humming, rubbing the lobe of one ear with his thumb as he looked distractedly at her. Was the man going mad already, just before cleansing saidin?! The Light forbid!

The humming snapped off abruptly as he straightened. "They might be of some use, Logain," his voice was weighted with irony, "And so will you." His eyes turned to Halima, her face was bloodless, "I think I have something you will enjoy doing, Aran'gar." Her fingers had clenched at the beginning of his sentence, but now she watched him with narrowed eyes. She licked her lips nervously. "Most Aes Sedai hold a networks of spies, Logain. And your Warder here," he pointed with one hand at Halima, "is an expert in spying. And Leane.. Leane Sharif," He turned to her. "I know that you are well practised in espionage, plotting, politics and every dirty trick the world has ever managed to create, so your talents should be put to good use."Her eyes narrowed, she already had a intricate, far-reaching network of spies throughout the known world, but all this was secret!

" I want to know everything that happens in the world, Logain Albar. And you are going to run a network of eyes-and-ears for me."

Logain looked at him wide eyes, "I know nothing about..." He began to protest.

"You can learn, and you have Aran'gar, just in case your Aes Sedai don't have at least some eyes-and-ears. She equaled Moghedien in this area, in the War of Power."

"I have a network, My Lord Dragon." Leane said, carefully, she didn't want to anger the man. "I can give you the reports they send me, but you will have to agree that I will give the report to..." she fell silent suddenly, not knowing how to continue. Fire blazed in his eyes. Logain took half a step forward, placing himself between her and the Dragon Reborn. She looked at Min and Aviendha through narrowed eyes. His weak points. A little leverage, perhaps, for the Tower.

Rand's words were delivered in a frozen tone, his eyes were ice. "I want you to run a network of spies, or eyes and ears as you call them, for me. Loyal only to me, the Dragon Reborn." She looked at him silently, considering.

"Logain, do you mind?" She touched his hand, pushing him a little away, so she could look at the other man. The anger was gone, the interruption was carefully planned. Rand was humming again, rubbing the lobe of one ear, watching her. Logain looked at her, and shook his head. She tightened the pressure of her hand.
"I already have a network of spies, as you call them." Throughout the known world, intricate, and carefully planned and guarded. She interjected scorn into the word, her face as serene as ever, the glassy surface of a pool, no matter what ripples or currents disturbed the deeper waters. ". . . who relay information to me on a regular basis, throughout the known world, except for the Aiel, but you don't need eyes and ears there, do you? And none of the Seanchan. But, they are loyal to me only, and you will have to be satisfied with that."

"But who does your loyalty stand to?" His voice was hard. "If I cannot trust you, why should I trust a network of eyes and ears loyal to you?" He looked at Logain, and something passed between them. Logain nodded to him, relieved! He had no reason to be.

She smiled. "Even if I were willing, I could not make them loyal to you. And the question of my loyalty? I know the Prophecies; I know what your destiny is. Perhaps you should question the loyalty of your Asha'man instead, I've heard about the hunting that goes now. Asha'man hunting Asha'man throughout the world. You will simply have to trust me."

"How do I know what you speak is true?" He demanded, face tightening. "The Three Oaths." She mentally thanked the fact that she was no longer bound to the Three Oaths, it made things so much easier. "The truth an Aes Sedai speaks is not always the truth you hear," he quoted and smiled, "And here is proof of it.You've been stilled, and the Oaths are fastened to the ability to Channel. You were freed from them the moment you lost touch with the Power." Shock heated her, how could he know? She could see, from the side of her eyes, Toviene straightening her back, her face aghast. There would be explanations to be done there.

"Her loyality lies with me, My Lord Dragon." Logain said, as if they talked about a cup of tea, "I trust you don't doubt my loyality."

Rand turned to Logain, his eyes warm for the first time, slightly warm. "I trust you, Logain. The Light alone know why, considering what you've done. Make sure never to betray my trust." Logain nodded curtly. But there was a small smile on his lips he tried to hide. "Good." Rand tapped a finger on his chin thoughtfully, eyes fastened on the buckle she had given to Logain. "An angreal. I can feel the ... echo." He raised his eyes to Logain's face. "What are you doing with an angreal?"

Logain opened his mouth to answer, but she cut in. "It is mine."

"Yours?" She almost flinched at the wintry coldness of his voice, but her expression showed nothing more than cool self-possession. "What would you do with an angreal attuned to men?"

She ground her teeth. "I brought it to give to him, not you. You probably have more hidden away somewhere, not to mention Callandor, you don't need his. Isn't Callandor strong enough for you?"

"Callandor is too strong," He murmured, as if thinking aloud, "I need something weaker, not stronger." His eyes sharpened suddenly, she felt like he could read her mind. "And where would you have obtained such a thing? The Tower? I don't think so; the Amyrlin would no sooner gift you an angreal attuned to men to give him, than she would marry the Lord Captain Commander of the Whitecloaks."

"Many things of the Power have been scattered, some are not known for what they are. I bought this, and this," She touched the silver hammered snowflake at her ear, he would have known soon anyway, with the girl Aviendha here. "From a thief in Tear,the angreal belonged to Stonebow, so he claimed, and was stored in Tear. He claimed that he stole it from the Stone. I always thought he lied, appearantly he didn't."

He studied her for a while. "He may keep it, then." She smiled to herself, a smile of triumph. Too soon, he gave a tight-lipped smile. "Very well then, Leane Sedai." A wealth of mocking was infused in the title. "Logain, you had better take advantage of some other... talents of your Warder. Aran'gar is extremely good as a spy. I didn't joke about wanting to know everything, you have Leane's network to start with, but you are going to widen it considerably. And fast! I expect to hear reports made, one every other day." His voice was stony hard, "Don't fail me, Logain Ablar."

[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ 14 December 1998]

Aran'gar paced the borders of her prison for the Great Lord alone know how long. A small room, made of wood, with a single bed and a door that had no lock.

She had never faced such prison before, for the tenth time, she walked to the door and open it. Outside, there was freedom. She couldn't make herself walk through the door. She had no desire to do so.

It was very annoying. Not even a Mindtrap could imprison a person as well as this Logain had imprisoned her. You could always choose death, no matter how good you were imprisoned. But the thought flashed in her head for instance only before she denied it. She could think about killing herself, all she could do it think about, she wasn't used to be stopped in such a way. Nothing ever stopped her half as well as this cursed weave did. She pictured the weave in her mind again, going through every last possible result. Not the first time she had done so, she was sure it wouldn't be the last time she would do so. Again, she found no way to escape. There was just too many possibilities, it may take days for her to understand all of it. She wondered idly if Logain understood it completely.

It was the best trap she had ever encounter. Bonding, that was how Logain had called it, but it went far deeper than it was with a bond made by saidar, as far as she understood it. She would do, happily, everything she would be commanded to do by Logain. She couldn't harm Logain, she would give her life for him , if needed. Shadow consume her soul, she would give the man her life, knowing it was the bond helped not a bit. The only comfort she had so far was so small it didn't even count. Trust, the bond had force loyalty into her, there was no dog more loyal then her in the world. But it forced Logain's thinking too, she suspected, he would trust her with his life, or more. A cold part of her mind whispered her that he must had a good reason for it. She pushed it back, hard. There must be a way out, and she will find it.

In the back of her head, she could feel Logain, feel him as closely as she felt her own body. It was very disturbing all together. Since the time she felt the gateway being opened in the Amiralyn study, while she was busy tying the girl, Egwene, even more strongly to her, nothing seemed to be going fine. Logain was as strong as she was in the power, something she certainly didn't expect to find. Nor that strange method of forcing her to obey to his will. At least he hadn't taken advantage of it, save one kiss. Yet. She was afraid of what he might do when he will decide to take the advantage. The bond force her to trust him, forced her mind to a certain pattern. She couldn't lie to him, or even give him a false image of what she was saying. Hiding things was allowed, as long as she hadn't been asked directly about it. She shivered, not stopping to pace, hugging herself tightly.

She didn't want to think about it. So many impossibilities. A simple order left saidin as far from her as the moon. She could feel the light of it just behind her shoulder. But couldn't make herself touch it. Since the first time she touched saidin the urge to draw it was constant. Now, she thought she might even survive being severed, she had no desire to touch the source. Another impossibility. Logain came closer, she could feel him coming to her, he was troubled. And she hate herself for being concerned about him, about wanting to know the reason for this, to smooth his worries. Another affect of the bond, but it was as real as if it was truly her own emotion. The bond changed her very being. And there was no bloody thing she could do about it. She wished she had something to drink beside water. Maybe it was all a nightmare, maybe. Aran'gar continued pacing the length of the room, twelve feet from one end to another, pacing endlessly, waiting excitingly for the man who caged her. She refused to admit it even to herself, but she wanted to see him. She began to curse, she wanted to cry.

Logain came closer, barely ten miles away. It took another two heartbeats before a dark slash opened in the air just outside the door. A hole into a darkness that seemed to swallow every shred of light. Two women walked through the gateway, one of them she recognized, Leane. Clad in one of the Domani's dress the woman seemed to be so fond of in green and blue. The other woman she hadn't recognized, ageless face of an Aes Sedai and hard eyes. The woman could have been pretty, had she had a spark of warmth in her. Logain followed them, the gateway winked out.

"Halima," Logain said, he was stony determined now. He had made his mind about her, "This is Leane, and Toviene." He gesture at each woman in her turn. "Leane, Toviene, this is Halima," The man held saidin to the point the sense of life became meaningless, where only the struggle against saidin was important, where a mistake would cost you your life. Dancing was always sweater on the edge of the sword, and touching saidin, was always like walking on the razor edge. "My new warder." Leane gape at him, and then at her.

The frost on Toviene's eyes melt away when her look touched Logain. "Are you going to bond every woman you lie your eyes on?"

"I doubt it," Aran'gar said dryly, "I also doubt that he likes to have me bonded to him any more than I like being bonded to him." Logain simply stared at her, she didn't care, he could hurt her no more than she could hurt him. That was also something that was forced by the bond. "I belong to the Shadow, Toviene. Few are deeper in the Shadow than I am. I'm one of the Forsaken." She said the last coldly. Anywhere in the world, her words would have brought her death. Logain was the only one she could say such thing to that she knew she was completely safe with.

Her skin prickled, one of the women or both was holding saidar. "Enough! All of you!" Logain barked angrily. "Leane, Toviene release the source! You have nothing to be afraid of Halima!" He crossed the space between them, face twisted in rage. He was burning fury inside. He caught her with one hand under her chin. Hard enough to make her wince, she had no need to hide anything from Logain. And it was useless beside.

"What are you planning to do, Logain Albar?" She asked him, she wasn't afraid, she couldn't be, of him. "Kill me? You can grow wings as much as harm me." For a long moment, he stared at her. Angry enough to kill her, without the bond, she would have died in an instant. With a curse, he pushed her away. Sending her flailing until she hit the wall, it took her a moment or two to arrange her breath again.

Logain was seating on the bed, his head between his hands. "Come!" He ordered, she had no choice but to obey. At the same time, Leane and Toviene came close. "What am I going to do with you, Halima?" Logain asked, he was no longer angry, only the calmness of k'doi, the emotionless quality of a man touching the True Source. She began to answer before realizing he hadn't directed the question to her, he asked himself the question. Apparently finding no answer. "You're my warder, Halima. And a woman that can channel saidin. Not to mention being a darkfriend for sure, and claiming to be one of the Forsakens. What am I going to do with you?"

"Release me from the bond." Aran'gar replied. She very much doubted if he would, but she needed to know if this was even possible.

Logain snort in contempt, "Don't try to play the fool, Halima. I wouldn't even if this could have been done."

"It's forever?" She whispered, forever being bound to that man. Forever being caged. No way out. The next thing that she was aware of was lying in the bed, Logain holding her hand and feeling concerned a worried. Leane sat next to him. He was arguing with Toviene.

"...must be dealt with, Logain. You have no other choice, she is a darkfriend! The Light burn your soul." Toviene was quivering with fury.

"Take your knife and kill her then." Logain said, his voice hard, his eyes dark storm. "See if you can do more than drawing it. No even an order from me would change it. Neither one of us can harm the other, not the slightest. You should know this by now."

Burn her soul, that was not what she needed to hear. "Logain," She said weakly, he squeeze her hand tightly. "I agree with Toviene. The Light can burn your soul." For some reason, it made him laugh.

"Who are you?" Leane asked, "What where you doing in Salidar?" She shivered suddenly. "You were the one that released Moghedien!"

"My name is Aran'gar." She answered, "and I was." Logain closed his eyes shut. He regretted bonding her, very much regretted it, by what she could feel.

"Tell me everything about yourself." He asked, there was a difference. She thought she could refuse to this, she could resist him this time. She hadn't, the Aes Sedai of this days, ignorant children of the most part, regarded their warders as both their property and part of themselves. She began to understand why, her life belonged to him. Her future, her very soul. For some reason, it didn't bother her half as much as it should have. "You're beginning to see, Aran'gar." Hearing the name from him hurt her, "the bond take some adjusting to both of us. Nothing of any importance, usually, small things to make life easier. But with your case, I fear very much the adjustment will change your entire way of thinking. And mine." Logain's voice was soft. He bent to kiss her forehead. "Sleep," He whispered the command to her, and her eyes closed instantly. Aran'gar fell asleep almost as quickly. Chest rising and falling more and more slowly. Logain hunted her dreams.

Halima walked slowly, she didn't want to wake. Logain was saying the nicest things to her. "Do you mean to wake anytime in this age?" Toviene's sharp voice was all the encouragement she needed to wake up fully. She looked up, Toviene smiled at her unpleasantly. "You slept for a whole day," She said, then fell silent, and looked at her more closely. "It happened." She muttered angrily. "Nothing to be done about it now."

"What happened?" Halima asked, there was a change in Toviene's voice. Almost warmth. It occurred to her suddenly that the woman could touch the source, and Logain's command still blocked her off saidin as surely as any thirteen women could.

"I belonged to the Red ajah for more then a century." Toviene didn't seem to understand the joke she was saying. But on the other hand, very few would. Ajah rarely lasted more than a year at most cases. "Yet I'm a warder to a man that can channel." Her eyes were sad suddenly. "What I'm now stands against everything I was, everything I've lived for from the day I've reached the shawl." Halima sat on the bed, someone took her dress off and covered her, she doubted if Logain was the one who had done it. He wasn't that kind of man. Silencing quickly that small part of her mind that mourned of Logain not being the one to undress her, she began to search for her clothing. She wasn't about to walk around in a shift. "It's not enough to be forced to obey Logain, you know." Halima didn't, she hadn't the faintest idea what the woman was talking about. But she let her talk, the more Toviene talked, the more chance there would be less pitfall along the way of being Logain's warder. She didn't even wonder how she got so accepted to the idea of being his warder, it wasn't like her. "The bond change the way you act, the way you think. It change you in more ways than I could believe possible." Halima considered it for a second.

"Not even Compulsation can be so deep," she said, "and at the same time, leave you fully aware of the changes that had been done to you. It works both more deeply and more efficiently than Compulsation, and at the same time, it can not be used for ill cause." If she had to be on a leash, this would probably the best she could be leashed on. Of course, she would have preferred not to being leashed at all.

Toviene gave her a strange look, "You know Compulsation..." She began, "Of course you do, being who you are." Halima rose a hand tiredly. She didn't want to talk about it now, or ever. Toviene seemed to understand, "Later," Toviene murmured. "What was I was talking about? Oh, the bond. It's not only what you've seen so far. It means to be used over lifetime, with any red, it's supposed to be impossible. The changes are being forced into you. Often without you being aware of it until it's too late. Not that there is anything to do about it anyway. I doubt that even Logain can do something about it." Halima closed her eyes, she traced the weave Logain used to bond her again, she had missed that. What else had she missed.

"I see," Halima said weakly.

"It's not that bad, not really." Toviene wasn't very good in cheering her up. "The bond takes care of this too. There is little enough the bond doesn't take care of." She sounded bitter, but only a little bit. "Logain said he is unable to control it, changing us. The bond was created to last a lifetime." There was a small smile on Toviene's face as she repeated her words. She didn't seem to be aware of it. "The bond changes us, so Logain would be able to live with us without going mad with having to have us around him."

Halima laughed suddenly, "The bond makes us into women Logain can live with. Isn't it right? Women that would be his ideal." It was funny, in a way. She had to laugh at it, or else she will began to cry.

"Not quite," Leane said, she came through the door, gliding forward swiftly. Logain wasn't anywhere nearby. She would have known if he was. "I would have came before, had I known you're awake." She hadn't had her dress with her, Halima began to wonder about it, sooner or later, Logain would return, it wasn't pleasant, to have him away from her. She thought it must be unpleasant to him too, and she wasn't going to welcome him in her shift. Leane carried a pitcher which she tossed at her, water. The sweetest thing she had ever tasted. Now, if only she will find something to eat.... "You don't understand," Leane said, a troubled look on her face "the bond is not a chain of bondage. Although it can be used that way, I think. Logain, at least, would do us no such thing. I know this for sure."

Toviene said something that wasn't quite audible. "Consider what we are doing now, Halima." She said, "I'm suppose to kill you, by the Three Oaths, I can. By Tower Law, I must. I'm not supposed to chat with you like you were a childhood friend. I'm not supposed to like you." Halima blinked at the woman's words, "Another gift from the bond, Halima. You will, or already have, began to like me and Leane." The woman sound bitter.

"What would you have?" Leane asked softly, "Without the bond making us like each other both of us would have been on each other's throat long ago. Even without Halima's... problem." She titled her head, "I don't know what we're talking about this. We can change nothing about it."

"I'm glad that at least one of you can be reasonable." Logain's voice made all of them jump, Halima felt her cheeks warming. Another thing that shouldn't have happened. Cursed that bond, and cursed that man too. He was clad in black, as he always seemed to be now. For the first time, Halima observed him, not simply looking, but staring at him and searching for every detail she could find. He was huge in every dimension. Taller than even Leane by a head, and twice as wide as any of them. He had black hair that reached his shoulder, and almost black eyes. Despite the sharp words, his tone was soft. And he was... strange inside. Troubled to begin with. "What were you talking about exactly?" He asked, he carried a large box in his hands, and tossed it to the floor without even looking at it. He stood, towering over them. He should have frighten her, he captured her so easily. Turned her loyalty to him as easily. And her loyalty was to him, and as strange as it sound, to the Light. He was more than handsome, in black shining silk. The sword on his hip was tossed aside as he sat on the bed, catching her chin with one hand. Making her eyes meet his. She clutched to the blanket that covered her in death grip.

"The bond messing up with our mind!" She answered him sharply, had she had anything to throw at him, she would have. But she hadn't made any move to make him loose his grip in her. He had no right making her feel sorry she couldn't lie her head against his chest and hug him as hard as she could and... The smile on Logain's face was all too... knowledgeable. "I can see no difference from making us your slaves. The bond making us into women you can like. What is the difference between this and making us your dogs?"

For a long moment, Logain simply looked at her flatly, emotionlessly. He let his hand drop, "I couldn't even begin to count the differences, not in a single lifetime, Halima." He growled at her, "But maybe it's time you will learn exactly what the bond does, and why."

"You never bothered to explain it before," Toviene said, "why now?" Leane sat on Logain's side. With Toviene on the other, and her on the bed, it made a scene that made her want to laugh, or cry.

"You never asked," Logain said with a frown. "That is why, Toviene. Ask! The bond is named so for a reason. It binds you, but also binds me, maybe even more than it does you." Leane sniffed in disbelief.

"What it does?" The Domani woman asked, "I'm asking you, humbly. Asha'man Logain." If this was what she considered as humble, even Logain would cowed when she would decide to be arrogant.

"It doesn't change you, not in the way you are thinking of." He said, he rose from the bed, continued to talk as he paced the length of the room. "Not really," He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering. "The bond," He said after a moment, "was created by Deral in order to make sure he wouldn't harm his wife if he will go mad. That was what he is meant to do, at least at first. But Deral hadn't expect the... side affects." Logain was frozen inside, full of saidin, fighting it, filled with life. His stomach burned as the taint turned it over. "As far as I understand, and none of the Asha'man truly understands everything the bond does, not harming his wife was in itself a side affect of the weave Deral discovered." His eyes were still close, he sounded almost amused, almost. "The only harm I can make you now is with words, believe me, even if I will go mad this instant, you will be as safe as in your mothers' arms. Safer, the bond also forces me to protect you. But that is off topic. The ability to tell each other's emotion, each other's physical state is the main advantage on the bond. I assume that Deral didn't felt... close enough to his wife." Now he was certainly amused, Leane and Toviene watched Logain as closely as she herself did. Catching every word. "Trust, loyalty, they are also part of what the bond does. I will give my life for you," It didn't sound like something he didn't mean to. "I already put you before everything else," Another saying that sound true. "And the same goes for you." Logain opened his eyes, watching their reaction to his words.

"Carry on," Halima said, "what is the worst part?" She stilled herself for the worst she could think of.

"It's not that bad, not really." Logain sighed, but he was certainly... worried of their reaction. "The bond doesn't really change who you're, Halima. What it did was... removing the parts in you I couldn't live with. Belonging to the shadow, for example." He hadn't continue, he had no need of it, much else had change in her. And his words hurt her already. "You're still the person you've always been, only..."

"Gentled," Toviene said, "that is what it does to us." Logain took a deep breath, gentled was the word they used this day to describe the severing of a man from the power. He somehow survived this, he was severed and somehow lived the pain of not touching the power. "Cutting away what you don't like, you told me how it pained when you were gentled. How could you do such thing to us?"

"You are a red," Logain's words affected Toviene like a slap on the face, "And Halima tried to kill me, I bonded her to save my life."

"I agreed to be your warder," Leane said, "although I think I might be beginning to regret it." She sound as if she was trying to cheer him up.

Logain snort, "You can't, another thing the bond take care of, nor can I, if you were about to bring this up." He turned his eyes to Toviene, Halima clutched the blanket harder, and prayed that he wasn't lying about the bond preventing him from harming them. He was so angry... "As for what you said, I have no answer for this. Maybe you're right, I don't know." He sounded so tired suddenly, deadly tired. Leane rose swiftly, gliding at him, Halima saw her making men do whatever she wish. Now she seemed to try to do the same with Logain. At least in order to cheer him up. The way she walked would certainly made any man watch, but there was nothing in Logain as he watched Leane coming closer to hug him. Logain's arms went around Leane, softly. "All I know that there is nothing to do about it. The only thing I can say about it is that as much as you may be angry at me at the moment, remember that the bond affects me in much the same way." He rose a hand to silence Toviene, "Think! The bond doesn't change who I am, it simply take away every restriction I've for you."

"I don't understand," Halima said, "if you can't live with a... darkfriend," she had to make herself say the word, "then I can understand why it changes me." She smiled at him suddenly, he showed no affect that the smile usually had on men. "I'm grateful of that, that I don't belong to the shadow anymore. Of course, it's the person you've changed that is happy about being changed, not the one that died." Aran'gar did died soon after Logain bonded her, she didn't even thought of herself as Aran'gar anymore. She became Halima. "But if the bond removes your restrictions to me once being a darkfriend then I shouldn't have changed." She was grateful of not being of the Shadow anymore, but she wanted so much to understand, so much wanted him to stop thinking of her as a darkfriend. One again, she understood the way the Aes Sedai of this days behaved toward their warders, both as their property and as a part of themselves.

Logain considered her words for a long time, Leane hadn't made a move to walk away. "We meet in the middle, more or less," Logain said, "you see, the bond can't change me too much, only so I would agree to..." He hesitated for a moment, avoiding something. "It can change you, and it did, but even as you are, I doubt if I would agree to have you as my warder if I would have the choice. It changes you as little as possible, only so I can live with you without hating myself for ever bonding you, and changes me so I would be able to..." Again he hesitated, avoiding something again, the same something, Halima was sure of, but what it was. He stepped away from Leane, to Halima's relief, she had to suppress jealously for quite a time. He seemed to be trying to look at all the three of them in the eye. "In the Black Tower, the bond is usually used between husbands and wives." He said, "That was what it was meant to be used, the bond change you so I could live with you for a long time without hating myself," why was he repeating himself? "Not love you, simply live with you without wanting to kill you. And then it change me so I can... like you."

Leane blinked, and Toviene simply stared at him, face aghast, maybe they didn't understood it to the end, she thought she did. "We are changed only to the point where you are ready to let us stay near you. And your idea of what kind of woman you can love is changed to fit us. Isn't it?" She should have been furious at him, all she felt was... affection.

"And it's not only this," Toviene said quietly, "one of the changes in us is to make us love you, isn't it?" Her voice was flat as a stone.

Logain murmured something too low for them to hear, "No, that is the only thing it doesn't do." He said, "It doesn't force you to love me, it does force me to... like you, in a way, it does. What it does do, when the adjustment is being done, is making me love you, and..." He signed and gestured sharply in the air, unable to speak suddenly. "I don't have the words for this, you can say it make me act the way you want to, but it's not what the whole of it. It doesn't force you to love me, Toviene. It simply happens, not a result of the bond." So he loved them, all three of them, somehow, the idea seemed right for her.

Leane took one step toward from him, Toviene rose to her feet, fury blooming on her face. Her gaze hard enough to break through stones. Logain sighed again, sadly. "I have the words for you, Logain." Halima said, she sat, wrapping the blanket around her, for some reason, she feared him seeing her in her shift. She didn't feared him, she knew his words for true. He couldn't hurt her, she doubted if he could even think of commanding her to come to him, and the bond has nothing to do with her feeling about it. He wouldn't have done it. She simply know he wouldn't. So way she felt ashamed of him? "The bond will make me see you as someone I can fall in love with, it doesn't force me to love you. Only make me consider the idea, and then it affects you so you will be more... loveable. I still have the decision, but in the same time, I don't."

Logain nodded sharply to her words, "Very good, Halima." He said, "But this conversation, as pleasant as it may be, is not here nor there." Toviene growled something, she relaxed a little after the explanation Halima had offered, but Halima didn't doubt that the woman was still angry about Logain. I should be angry about him too! Halima thought, she wasn't. He admitted that he loved her, and Toviene and Leane too. What did it matter why he loved her, her own feeling for him came from the same source. Leane's eyes were soft, she breath hard. "You," Logain's fingered stabbed in the air toward her, "are going to be a trouble."

Halima blinked, "You are more fool than you look like, Logain." She told him calmly, "If you haven't realize this from the start. But just for general curiosity, what did I did?"

"The Lord Dragon want to see you," Logain said, fear stabbed her heart, not even the Dark One himself could make her be as afraid as facing Lews Therin. Light, she had to escape, had to. She rose to her feet, letting the blanket fall. Panic had her, she ran to the door of the small room. Unaware that she was dress in her shift alone, barefoot.

"Stop!" Logain's roar stopped her on her track, her muscles refusing to obey her. "Come to me, now!" The man that had her commanded again, coldness in his voice to match a grave. She came to him, what choice did she had? "You will never escape from me like this again," He whispered harshly to her. "Never! For no reason!" Then, as if he noticed for the first time of her fear, he embraced her, supporting her shaking knees. "I will let nothing harm you, Halima! I promise!"

She pushed him away, hitting him with her fists. It had no affect of him, she could have attack a rock with the same results. But he did let her go. "Don't you understand?" She shouted at him, her cheeks were red, with anger, and fear. "He's Lews Therin! There is nothing you can do to stop him from getting what he want! Not from him!"

Logain fell silent for quite some time, then he rose her eyes to meet his. "You might be surprise at what I can find possible," he said finally. "Now, as long as you're out of the bed, I suggest that you will take a bath, there is a pool not far north from here. After you've washed, and ate, we can talk. The two of you can use a bath too," Logain said to Leane and Toviene. "And you can eat a horse right now." Leane and Toviene looked nothing alike. But staring at Logain with frozen faces, they were mirror copies of each other. The glares slide past Logain to no affect. She did need a bath, and the sooner the better.

"What are we suppose to wear?" Halima asked desperately, she had her shift only. Her dress was nowhere to be seen, and she saw nothing to indicate that Leane and Toviene had anything but what they stood in. She thought she might be blushing, this was something she hadn't expected. It shouldn't have bother her the slightest. But it did.

Logain blinked, surprised for a minute. "There are some towels I left near the pool, big enough to cover you from head to toe. I will... take care of your clothing later." It wasn't a suggestion, somehow he managed to order them without using the bond. He rarely used it, as far as Halima could see, a true relief. They obeyed, not because they had to, simply because Logain didn't look as if he was ready to argue with them. Logain guide them to the pool. The ground was cover with snow. And as she was, barefoot and in her shift only, she shivered her way forward. Did he really believed that they would take a bath in a pool that was probably more ice than water? She refused three times to Logain's offer to help her. The forth time, he hadn't ask. Simply picking her up from the ground as if she weight nothing. It took few minutes before they reached a small building, much like the one where Logain left her. This one, at least, had a door. Now she thought about it, Logain must have wards to keep the warmth in and the cold out. The cabin wasn't warm, but it was frozen either.

"You seem to know this place quite well," She said to Logain. Anything to make herself forget that he held her in his arms. "Where are we?"

"Altara," Logain said curtly, "this is a place I came to when I learn that I could channel. For a very long time, it was all my world." A flow of Air opened the door to the cabin they were heading to. As soon as they were inside Halima began to sweat, it was warm! A pool ten feet at length and twice that in width. Maybe five feet deep filled most of the cabin. "Here," Logain said, setting on the ground. She had no reason to regret him leaving her. No reason at all! The warmth came from the pool, it was steaming! In midwinter! Logain regarded each one of them with a stern look, he seemed to be trying to memorize them. "You can take your bath here. I will be back when you're done." With this, he went to the door and walked away before any of them could say a word. Both amused and angry to no end.

"What is wrong with him now?" Toviene murmured. But Halima paid her no mind, she needed the bath. There was everything she could hope for there. Some kind of soap that gave a smell of strawberry, of all things. And Logain didn't exaggerate about the size of the towels. She sank to the bath with a relieved sigh. It wasn't as hot as she expected. It took some time, but finally all three of them were done. Logain was no where to be seen. Just thinking about wearing the dirty cloths again was enough to make Halima curse.

"It's not as if we have a choice," Leane said, wrapping a towel around her like a robe. "He does not seem to be willing to come."

"He is not that type of man, Halima." Toviene said gently, reading her emotion more clearly than she herself did. "The Light knows that he could have enter me to his bed simply by ordering it, long time ago. But he hadn't done so. He is a good man." Her mouth clamped suddenly shut, as if she hadn't mean to say this words.

"That he is," Leane whispered, "That he is." Halima wrapped a towel around her, she felt like she was clouding herself in her own shroud.

"You agreed to be bond?" Halima asked the taller woman, that was what Leane said, before. "why?"

"He showed me that you can live without the power." Leane said, her voice pained. "Logain reach the point of dying, and returned. Without him, I would have killed myself long before Nynaeve has a chance to heal me. Not to mention that without him, there would have never been healing for stilling." Halima doubt if the woman was ever so straight forward in her life. She couldn't lie to Logain, apparently, she couldn't lie to Leane or Toviene too. And vise versa. Leane seemed to be deep in the past. "He came to my tent one night, simply appearing from the night and scaring me half way to death. I thought he might have returned to avenge." Leane shock her head, making long air swing. Seemingly young features lost there expressionless quality. "He came to thank me, it was Suian that took him from the Tower, the White Tower, that is, but he came to thank me. A man of honor is rarely found. I don't know why I've done this, but I suggested him to be my warder. A the time, I didn't care a bit of him being able to channel." Leane avoided looking at any of them, "you can guess the rest." Instead of bonding Logain, she agreed to being bonded by him. With everything it meant, Halima wondered if Logain bothered to explain Leane what being his warder meant. But then again, he hadn't misused it, yet.

Toviene wrapped a towel around herself too, and they were heading toward Logain, using the bond as a guide. He was lying on the bed, fully clothed. Sound asleep. Three perfect sets of clothing beside him, green and blue and silver. They were frozen. But inside the hut it was warm and almost lovely. The cloths were exactly in their sizes. From shoes to dresses. There was also a tray with enough food to feed a pack of rabid wolves. They attacked the food eagerly. Halima thought they must have ate and chatted for an hour or so, speaking in low voices, Logain continued to sleep. He needed to sleep.

"Light!" Logain cursed suddenly, his eyes opening wide. He scramble to his feet and was half way toward the exit before he noticed them. Seating on the floor, the empty tray near them. "I forgot you," He said, guilt burning him. "I finish readying everything and you weren't done yet. So I just lied down for a moment. I'm sorry," He apologized, all three of them looked at him with wide eyes. None expected this. "I shouldn't have done this."

"Who was the seamstress that made this dress, Logain?" Leane asked, trying to change the subject, not the most gentle way. But it worked. "I would have like to talk to her, I never saw sewing so delicate."

"You're talking to the seamstress." Logain said, Halima nodded, that was what she thought.

Toviene laughed, "With those hands of yours?" Logain did seemed too big to be able to make any sewing. Logain's sewing was something she couldn't quite picture in her mind.

"I don't have to use my hands to do this." Logain said, face twisted with half smile. "That is why I've the power." Halima was forced to smile. That was something she never considered to put the One Power to, making cloths. Logain sat on the floor near her, close enough for her to touch him, had she wanted, what she didn't, of course. "Now that you've washed and ate, tell me why you're afraid so much from Rand al'Thor." And Halima knew that the moment she feared had reached.

"What do you know about me? Really know about me?" Halima asked Logain. When she will finish, he will turn away from her, hate her. But she had to tell him, she couldn't lie to him, but she thought he might let it go if she will tell him she doesn't want to talk about it. She couldn't do this, not to him, not to herself. The idea of living in lie wasn't so strange to her not two full days ago.

Logain hesitated for a long moment. "You're my warder, Halima. That is what matter to more than everything else, beyond everything else. And the Light burn my soul if few words can change this!"

"They can," Halima murmured sadly, and they will, soon enough. She took a deep breath, and began to talk. Hiding nothing, she wanted him to know everything. Everything at all. Or else she wouldn't be able to live with herself. She talked in a law voice, looking at her shoes and never rising an eyes to look at Logain, or Leane, or Toviene. She knew what they would say, do. She revealed anything. From the reasons that led her to turning into the shadow to every last crime she had committed since wakening and before. She took no mercy on herself. She could afford none of it. She was a different woman now. But it didn't matter, she had been changed, something that was outside her control. She shivered and feared the actions she herself did, long ago, and not that long ago. But she forced herself to tell it all. It took more than three hours. And her throat was dry, her voice cracked, by the time she finished. Logain handed her a wine cup, she had no idea where did he took it from. He gave Leane and Toviene cups too, but poured none to himself."Well," She asked, she could read no expression on Logain's face, and he was emotionless inside too. Leane was green in the face, Toviene had both hands against her stomach, her face was bloodless. "Does none of you going to say something?" She was on the edge of tears. She never cried, never!

"What are we suppose to say?" Logain asked, "Whatever you have done is already done. Nothing can be done to change this. And you will not do this again," He was right, only thinking of what she had done was almost enough to make her cry. "The bond will take care of that, already took care of that. You're not the woman I've bonded, Halima. And Rand will know it, you have no reason to be afraid of him." But Leane and Toviene still had those looks in their eyes, as if they only know really saw her. She hadn't dare to look at Logain.

Halima took a deep sip from her cup, and threw it on Logain. She cursed him with every vile word she knew. Saidin caught the cup in mid air, and the wine that spilled in the air gather itself into a ball. The cup settled down near her. Logain made no attempt to silence her, or showed that the curses disturb him in anyway. Leane and Toviene looked at her wide eyes, some of those curses were ridiculous. The rest were impossible. She stopped to breath, and to calm herself. She always hated herself for those tantrums, but she never been able to control herself when fury held her. The bond made nothing to affect her in this area. Apparently Logain didn't mind being angry at. Or didn't mind it that much. Logain was half asleep. Leane and Toviene talked in quiet voices, the three simply ignored her. "Don't you understand who he is?" She said after the fury faded. After she could control herself again.

"He's the Dragon Reborn, Halima." Logain said, not opening his eyes, "That is all I care."

Halima's anger gone, of course, he didn't knew. No one could. "Before the War of Shadow," She said, "I was an historian." Logain nodded, she already told him much about herself, soon after he had bonded her. "It seem I've a chance to be one again," She liked being an historian, but time had changed, and she wanted to make history, not write about it. "Lews Therin was the most known man in the Age of Legends," She began, she liked the name people had given her he, although they remember so little of what was. "And for good reasons."

"He was the most powerful man in the Age of Legends," Toviene said, she and Leane stopped talking as soon as she began. "And the First of Servants. He had to be known." Halima blinked at her, she didn't expect her to know this. "I'm a red," Toviene said angrily.

"Not anymore, Toviene. You're not." Logain's words were said in a quiet voice, but they held absolute sureness.

Toviene glared at him, then the glare fade, and she bow her head slightly. Inclining Logain's words, "I was a red, if this is what you like, Logain. Every red is required to learn everything we can about men that can channel. Lews Therin caused the taint, he's the obvious start point." Logain's face changed not a bit. But fury well in him like a flood.

"Lews Therin was not responsible for the taint, Toviene." Halima said, "He did what he did for reasons that still hold. He had some knowledge of what might happen, but would you like him not to try it? It was a matter of months before the Shadow victory. Without his actions, the world would have been under the Dark One's control." Halima shivered, once it was a shiver for pleasant, now it was for fear. She didn't want the Dark One to win. Not now, before, she did want it, with all her heart. Now, she doubt if there was a price too high to avoid it.

"Tell me about Lews Therin, Halima." Logain was not sleepy anymore. Interest shined in his eyes. "I've always wondered about..." He fell quite for a minute, "Tell me everything you know about Lews Therin. Why are you so afraid of him?"

She closed her eyes, and remembered. Let herself remember an age of glory and beauty more than anything this age could offer. She began to talk, quiet voice, almost calm, but she grieved inside of all the beauty that died, all the glory that vanish. And she let herself remember Lews Therin, you couldn't talk about the War of Shadow without talking about Lews Therin. And you couldn't talk about Lews Therin part in the War without knowing the man. "Lews Therin always demand from himself ten times than anybody else demanded from him. Reaching his full strength in half the time it usually had to take. He was the fastest student in a hundred year or so." Halima began, Before the opening of the bore, Lews Therin was already the most known man in her age. "In every area he was interested in, he was always the first, always the best. It never came easily to him, but he was ready to push himself half way to death in order to be the best he could be. The best, always the best. No wonder he was envied." She laughed softly as she remember one incident when Lews Therin's argue to be the first got in his way. She gave as short summery as she thought Logain would allow of Lews Therin's life, she wanted to see Logain's face when she will tell him what she had in her mind.

"You know that Lews Therin and Lanfear were lovers?" She asked, one of the few things they knew this days about the war that ended an age of beauty. She hadn't waited for their nods, "Lews Therin and Lanfear were lovers for more than two hundreds years. Since they were students learning about the power and until about fifty years before the opening of the bore. After he left her, Lanfear wasn't ready to see him with another woman. She had tried more than once to kill him, whenever he was with another woman."

Logain smiled faintly, "It can be... troubling, sometimes." He said, "I remember once that ...." He fell quite suddenly, his face frozen, grief inside, "It was a long time ago, and it matter nothing now." He said with a sigh finally. "So Lews Therin was stubborn, it isn't a big surprise. Nor that he wanted to be the best in everything. You might have not noticed, but many want the same."

"Let me give you an example," Halima said, she couldn't ask for a better opening. "About twenty years after the bore was open, Lews Therin had a... suggestion to the Hall of Servants." A demand, more than a suggestion, "It would take too long to explain what it was about, but it applied to the laws of violence, Lews Therin claimed they needed to be changed, since they didn't fit to the changing times anymore. Looking back, he was right, but this was something unheard of. The head of those opposing his plan was Ilyena Moerelle Dalisar -"

"Ilyena Sunhair," Logain murmured absently, as if he wasn't aware of it. "Lews Therin's Ilyena, supposedly an Aes Sedai easily as strong as Lanfear, and she hated Lanfear as much as Lanfear hated her. During the War of Shadow they engaged each other more than once. It's said that 'The hate between The Daughter of the Night and Ilynea Sunhair was bested only by the hate between the Betrayer of Hope and The Lord of Morning.' " The last he said as thought quoting.

"Burn my soul!" Halima gasped, "How you can know it? Nothing remained to even hint it!" But he was right, and the quote was right, both the words and the meaning. Toviene and Leane goggled at the man.

Logain moved uneasily under their gazes, the first time he looked unnerved. But inside he was calmed, if they bothered him, they didn't make much impression. "No one bothered to hinder a dead man, isn't it?" He said, fury held him, he seemed to be wanting to leash out at something. "And I was a dead man after I was... gentled, you only waited for the corpse to lie down and died. Nobody thought it's wrong for me to read a little, even those records you Aes Sedai doesn't usually let anyone save Aes Sedai read." Leane moved her gaze from him quickly, her cheeks burning. Toviene didn't, there was something in her eyes, something Halima couldn't recognize. Affection? To a man that could channel? Even with the bond, Toviene was red.

"I... see," Halima said when the quiet lingered for far too long, she hadn't expected Logain to know this. "Ilyena opposed Lews Therin, but at the end, Lews Therin's suggestion were accepted, although barely." She had no interest in the business of the Hall at the time, she hadn't much interest in anything save drinking and women at the time. Of course, this was when she was still a man, still an Aes Sedai in the age that must be the most beautiful age of all. But later, she learned everything she could about Lews Therin, it was only reasonable, Lews Therin was the enemy. She have heard the Grea- Dark One saying, more than once, that Lews Therin, The Dragon, was the true enemy, not the Light. "Lews Therin didn't like to be angry on," Although that at the time, it was almost a fashion, hating Lews Therin. It always seemed that he was getting everything he wanted, and that he worked twice as much as everyone else mattered nothing. People always envied those above them, and always will. And a man that reached the top in every last area he had the slightest interest in was an easy target. She had to admit now, with the bond either clearing or clouding her thoughts, that Lews Therin gained nothing he hadn't deserved, but at the time, even him working harder than most others seemed arrogant. "So he went to Ilyena, I would have give my soul to know what they talked about. All I know of that he left Ilyena with lightning practically on him." Ilyena usually had a good control on her temper, in many ways, although none of them would admit it, she and Lanfear were much alike each other. Lews Therin was the only one that seemed able to drive both women over the edge. She had envied this self control more than once, her own rages had cost her dearly.

"That I didn't know." Logain said quietly, leaning forward, "What did he do?" Until now, he was merely listening to her, trying to understand why she was so much afraid of Lews Therin. What she told him was not the slightest, it wasn't the Lews Therin of the days before the war she feared of, it was the Dragon that turn her stomach into ice. The same man that send thousands to die if he thought he would gain something worth the price.

" 'Emotions are no part of any battle', that was what Lews Therin said, after Paran Disen." Halima murmured, "And I'm almost sure that at the time he had no emotion for Ilyena. But she was the very first to turn him down in such a way."

Logain laughed suddenly, "I can understand why he was envied." He seemed to want to say more, but she let him none of it.

"Think of who he was, at the time, he was the most famous man in the world, the strongest in the power ever to be seen. And he could be very... charming when he wanted. Of course no woman would have refused to him. Until that day, Lews Therin never had such an incident." She took a sip from the all but forgotten cup in her hand, she felt the need of it. "What would you do, Logain?" She asked, and regretted it when he smiled at her, a very warm smile. She could feel her pulse racing, and he did nothing save smiling at her! Leane laughed suddenly, an amused laugh that made her even more angry. "Never mind that," She whispered angrily. "Lews Therin might have been hurt by this, but he was no fool, and he was more stubborn than any mule that I've met." And in this age, she certainly met far too many mules. Why couldn't they reserve the memory of how to make a simple jo-car? "He tried once more with Ilyena, with the same results, before he left his studies to take a new one." She fell quiet for ten heartbeats, she had to lecture many times in the past, usually to crowds far bigger than this three people she would share her life with, but she felt pleased that she could still make her crowd tense. "For the next twenty five years, Lews Therin studied women." Logain had just took a sip from his wine. He spluttered the wine all over at her words. The affect on Leane and Toveine was just as great."Women!" Toviene exclaimed, "How can any man study women?"Leane nodded in agreement to Toviene words.

"Usually," Logain said, staring at his stained coat with cold eyes, Halima had no idea who he was angry at, her or himself. "That is all what a man can do with women. What I want to know, is how you can study women?"

Halima smiled, the affect of her words were even better than she hoped it would be. Maybe there were some advantages to this age. Everyone knew the story about Lews Therin and Ilyena in her own age. And of course, Logain is in this age, a small voice mocked her. That had nothing to do with what I feel! She thought angrily. Logain had nothing to do with the please feeling inside her, nothing! "For almost twenty five years, Lews Therin was a worse lecher than I could even dream of being." Logain rose an eyebrow to this, then frowned as he remembered what she told him about herself. She had hard time accepting her new body, she still felt... peculiar, remembering the times when she was a man.

"That is no way to win a woman's heart, the worst fool in the world should understand it." Leane comment calmly. The woman believed her, but she didn't believed

"Maybe Lews Therin didn't know it," Halima answered her, "I don't know, all I know is that for twenty five years Lews Therin seemed to drown himself in women. From every rank, from every land and city. Whatever they could channel or not, he rarely spent more than a week with the same woman, never more than two. Lanfear was furious, somehow, she felt Lews Therin was doing it to avenge him on her."

"What did Ilyena?" Toviene asked, she seemed to be as curious as Leane and Logain were.

"She was even more angry than Lanfear, if that was possible," Halima smiled to herself, "until she rejected him, Lews Therin wouldn't have even dreamed about doing it. The worst of it, from her point of view, was that everyone knew that Lews Therin did it to win her. Of course, at the time, no one knew what Lews Therin was doing, he simply seemed trying to drown himself in women."

"Not a bad thing to do, when you need something to cheer you up," Logain murmured, almost too law for her to hear. Toviene glared at him, Leane leaned to touch his knee, whispering something Halima didn't caught. Halima stared at Logain in amazement, whatever Leane said, Logain cheeks flushed like two suns. Although he was amused at the same time. He said something back to Leane, Halima would have gave much to know what the two said to each other. Whatever Logain told to Leane in return, it made her laugh, although she, too, blushed as furiously as Logain had.

Toviene snorted, attempting to enter true disgust into her voice, and failing miserably. "Carry on, Halima. They can continue doing this for hours." There was a hint in the Red's voice, she was interested in the two's words as much as she herself was.

Halima cleared her throat, for the forth time, before either Logain or Leane paid her any attention. Both looked startled, Leane blushed again, Logain only looked ashamed. "What were you saying, Halima?" Leane said, "Something about Lews Therin being a lecher."

Halima tightened her mouth, one of the things that always made her lose her control on her temper was losing the listeners' attention. "We're sorry," Logain said, he was sorry. It surprised her deeply, she hadn't thought he care about her feeling. Being who, and what, she was. "You said Lews Therin wasn't a fool, if Rand al'Thor is close to Lews Therin in any way, save being him reborn, of course," He smiled shortly at that, could you be any more closer than that? "Thinking about the Dragon as a fool is a mistake I'm not about to do. Why under the Light would he do such a thing? It's worse than madness!"

"He needed to understand why Ilyena rejected him, and apparently he decided that this is the best way to learn how." Halima answered, at least she had his attention now. It surprised her how much she wanted it.

"He won her heart, in the end, but..." Logain signed deeply, "I wish I could talk with Lews Therin," There was a far off look in his eyes.

"You can," Halima couldn't stop a shudder, "I met al'Thor only once, and I don't remember much of it. Death tend to make strange things to your mind," It surprised her that she could laugh at this, it was the most horrible incident in her life, by far. "Death is not something I would choose, Logain Albar," She said in a quiet tone, certainly not when she already knew what was expecting her, "I've died once, I doubt if I'll have another change, and there is no one who know better than me what is waiting from me, but believe me when I say you this. I will kill myself and not let Lews Therin have me," She rose one hand tiredly, she was so tired suddenly, "Rand al'Thor is Lews Therin, you can see The Lord of Morning staring back at you when you look at al'Thor! I've seen them both. And there is nothing that can frighten me more than death save being in the Dragon's hands." She shivered uncontrolled now, what Lews Therin had promised to do to her... She could still remember cold hard eyes, staring at her through the miles that separated them, saidin filled her that day, and a day that should have been victorious became horror. Lews Therin cried, she remembered, cried over a young woman's body, one of those heroes he had adopted that she had killed. But his voice held the coldness of saidin itself when his words seemed to echo throughout the world. He promised to avenged her. And say whatever you wanted about Lews Therin, he always kept loyal to his word. "He promised me... something," Even now, so many years after that day, she couldn't help trembling at the memory, "and he will keep what he said. I would die before letting him have me, I will!" Why was she so tired suddenly?

"Lews Therin died long time ago," Logain said to her, "Rand may be Lews Therin Reborn, but he isn't Lews Therin himself. He can't remember something that he hadn't lived. You have no reason to-"

"I've looked at your Rand's eyes, Logain!" Halima shouted, she jumped to her feet, tried to, she was so weak suddenly she could barely move, Logain caught her with flows of air, or else she would have fall back. "He's Lews Therin, oh Light, why can't you understand-" Blackness took her, she didn't have the power to open her eyes.

She caught Logain muttering "I'm sorry," before the darkness had her fully. No power remaining in her body.

Halima woke slowly, she lied on a hard wooden chair, something soft were tuck behind her head. "I will not allow it!" Logain said, he was standing near her, she could feel his hand on her shoulder. "Not even you can demand it from you, Rand al'Thor! Not even you have the right!" Controlled fury held Logain. "Is it not enough that you've nearly killed me and her both, cutting her off from the Dark One?" Halima felt weak, almost as weak as she felt when she fainted, too weak even to open her eyes. But she noted the absence of the her bond. Something that she hadn't truly felt until it was gone. Something she was happy to be rid of.

"She is asleep because you've drain away almost every bit of power she had." A cold voice answer Logain, the accent, the choosing of the words, even the pauses between the words. The voice itself was different, but in anything else, it was Lews Therin who spoke. "What you can take, you can also give. And don't you dare tell me you've not thought about it. She will answer the questions I've, or else..." Lews Therin fell silent of less than a heartbeat, enough to make her imagine the worst. Lews Therin and the Dark One were feared equally, in her heart. Both could make her wish to die again, she, who know what was waiting for her. She felt Logain hesitating, fear, angry and worry battling in the back of her head. In the back of her head, she could feel the knot of emotions that were Logain beginning to warm up, glowing. Warmth flowed into her, it felt a little like what she felt when Logain had bonded her. Opening her eyes, she stared at the room.

Logain stood next to her, one hand on her shoulder, another running on the long hilt of his sword, he didn't seem to be aware of it. He held saidin to bursting. Flows of Air and Earth and Fire ready inside him, he could weave them instantly. A shield of some sort, Halima thought. She had no doubt that Lews Therin knew it too. It touched something inside her, Logain sided her, even when it came to confronting Lews Therin. She knew herself well enough to know that had their cases been reverse, she wouldn't have do the same. She suppress the stab shame she felt, it was no time or place to think about her flaws. Logain wore black, as usual, but he was coatless, his coat making a pillow for her. She was in a large room, the walls were smooth by the One Power, maybe she was in some sort of a cave. Few chairs were scattered all over the room. And two tables she could see. One loaded with maps to bursting, the other's content was hidden from her eyes by a tall women with red hair and green eyes that stare at her flat eyes. She wore blue and gray, strangely enough, she wore breaches and coat in a man's style. Halima was sure she had seen her before. Aviendha, was that was her name? She noticed that she did anything to avoid looking at Lews Therin. But she was force to stare at him. "Eval Ramman," The man's voice came in a hiss, so much like Lews Therin's voice that she shuddered. She was in Lews Therin's hands, unable to channel. The man stood in front of her, slightly taller than even Logain. He had red hair, not deep brown, and blue-gray eyes instead of almost black. The way he stood, the way he eyed her coldly, even the way his mouth twisted at the sight of her, everything hinted about Lews Therin. The man that promise to make her pay in the ways that could send chill even into Semirhage's heart. The man wore blue coat, and she could see muscles moving under his coat as he walked slowly toward her. "It has been long since that day in M'Jinn." The last confirmation she had needed. He remembered, she was becoming stronger with the moment. But she could rise from the chair for her life. Fear stabbing through her life a knife.

Logain flowed between her and Lews Therin, "You will not harm her, I agree that you will question her, and she will answer you. But you-will-not-harm-her!" Lews Therin eyed Logain coldly. He was stronger than Logain. Halima doubted if Logain had the advantage of superior knowledge, if Lews Therin remembered the only time she had met him before she forsook the Light, what else did he remembered? If Logain would face him, Logain would die. And she couldn't allow it. Logain and Lews Therin stared at each other, none of them wanted violence, both were ready to begin it. She rose to her feet unsteadily. And both men turned to gaze at her. Logain moved to support her. "You will not harm her." He repeat, "I will not allow you to harm her."

"You have my word on it, Logain Albar." The woman, Aviendha, said suddenly, walking to lie a hand on Lews Therin's shoulder. "He will not harm her." Lews Therin turned to look at the woman.

"What in the name of the Light you think-?" He began angrily. The woman said something, Halima's skin tingled. She should have heard something, the woman must have erected a barrier against eavesdropping. Lews Therin and the woman in blue and gray talked for few moments. Halima knew that Logain's life, her own, maybe even Leane's and Toviene's as well were in the stake her. Neither she nor Logain made any sound.

"As you say, Aviendha." Lews Therin said, the sound of her voice gave her a start. Halima gave this Aviendha a second glance, who was she, to have such affect on Lews Therin? Ilyena might have succeeded in such task, but none else Halima could remember.

Before he could turn to her, Halima spoke, directing her words to Lews Therin, "I will answer your question the best I can, Lews Therin." Her bond to the Dark One gone, the hunters were already set, the Dark One wouldn't let her slip away without a punishment, she didn't even want to consider what that punishment would be. Giving herself to Lews Therin might be better, but only might.

"You've better had," Lews Therin said, his voice mild. The look in his eyes gave the true meaning. She swallowed hard and moved away from Logain, she doubt if she could stand for long. She sat down as gracefully as she could. No use trying to seduce him, with other men, it might have worked, with him... He hadn't wasted all those years studying women. She have seen him make women fall in love with him while not an hour ago they proclaimed their eternal hate to him. She had heard stories about Lews Therin, some were rumors, some were not. She knew of three times for sure where it was said he had broken men in moments. Even Semirhage couldn't be that quick. She had run a spying network, a network of eyes and ears that equaled, if not bested, Moghedien's. She knew much more the the Light thought, much more the the Light feared. She knew what Lews Therin was capable of doing, more than any other of those who belonged to the Shadow did. Her fear had it's reason. Lews Therin looked at her, a hawk watching a rabbit. She had ignored Burning Heats and Freezing Chills for time longer than memory, but she began to sweat under the gaze of those blue gray eyes.

It was more than eight hours later when Halima left the room where she had been questioned. Lews Therin had probed out of her anything she knew. Everything about the Dark One's plans. Everything she knew about Osan'gar, her guesses about Naeb'lis, the man who called himself Moridin. Simply everything she knew. Logain had a hand around her, supporting her. She had no idea how he held on. Save the catnap when she had taken that bath she needed so much, he hadn't slept since he had bonded her. "Everything will be fine, Halima." Logain reassured her. She laughed softly to this, and tripped her own feet. Logain didn't even bother to ask her, he took her up in his arms like she was a child. As if she weighted nothing.

It was very nice, being so close to him. Faintly, she could her his heart beating. For some reason, she felt safe when he was near. He would let nothing harm her. She wasn't sure about her name anymore, she thought about herself as Halima now, an interesting side affect. But she had other names. Names that she had more right to bear than Halima. But she had no wish to bear them. Aran'gar, Balthamel, the name she once had, weren't something she could continued to be called. And she had lost every right to her own name, all but forgotten, Eval Ramman. Eval Ramman died with Balthamel, Aran'gar died with the bond, now I'm only Halima. "I wish I could be so sure myself, Logain." She whispered, his arms tighten around her for a heartbeat. "And the hunt after me already began." She was tired, exhausted, both in the body and in the mind. Being near Lews Therin for so long, close enough to touch him had she had any wish to do so had its affect on her. And she still hadn't recovered fully from Logain drawing her strength from her. He continued to send his own strength into her, but even this wasn't enough. He kept a steady flow of warmth, but he couldn't make it stronger without emptying himself. "Few survived the Dark One's fury, Logain." She murmured. His arms were so strong around her, but at the same time so tender. Logain said nothing to this, there was nothing to say. She hadn't regret him bonding her. She only regretted the pain that would be cause to Logain. "What was that last bit, Logain? Why Lews Therin wanted me not to hear it?"

"He told me that you could be either be his, or die." Logain said grimly. His pace hadn't slow, but she felt anger in him.

Halima struggled to get to her feet, but Logain held her easily. "You're going to give him my bond?" She have heard it was possible, with the bond Aes Sedai created. She had never dreamed about Logain doing something of the like to her. She didn't even want to dream what life would be, eternity bound to Lews Therin.

Logain halted immediately, her struggle made no impression on him, but her words seem to hurt him. "Even if this was possible, not even to save you life, or mine, I will not give your bond to another." It had the sound of an oath, in a way, it was exactly this. "Halima, this is something not done, not for any reason. It'll be more merciful to kill you. For both of us."

"Then what did you mean then?" Relief drowned her, she wouldn't be Lews Therin's warder, she would remain near Logain. It troubled her to find out that the last bother her more than the first.

"He didn't like the color of your dress, Halima." Logain said, he began trotting again. She made no move to escape his arms. It felt too good. "You're going to be an Asha'man." He laughed suddenly, "The only female Asha'man ever, so it seems."

That brought another question, a question that was vital for her. "Logain," She hesitated, but only for a heartbeat, "when are you going to allow me to touch saidin again?'

Logain sighed, she could feel saidin pulsing in him, "At the moment, I can't let you touch it." He said, his voice trying to be gentle. She stiffened, fine, if he doesn't trust me, burn him! "As far as I understand, Halima," Logain's voice hadn't changed a hair, but she bite back sharp words. "Your bond to the Dark One had protected you from the taint. If you will draw saidin now, you will draw the taint too. I would have rather have you avoiding the taint."

"And when will it be safe for me to touch the power? When it will be cleansed?" Her body stiffened again, Logain said not a word. He didn't even try to hide what was clear on his face. "Is he mad already?" She asked breathlessly, "And you too? There is no way you could reach half the power needed to cleanse saidin, not a tenth of was is needed, that is to say you know how to do this."

"I believe that it can be done, Halima. And even if we will fail, it still worth trying." Logain said absently. He seemed to be thinking deeply.

"When?" Halima knew there was no way of convincing him not to take part of this. She wouldn't even try, but...

"The day after tomorrow, Halima." Logain carried her through a wide corridor now, and waved Air to open a door. He seemed to think that she couldn't walk by herself. He moved through three or four rooms. Modestly decorated, as she noticed when he passed quickly through them. He took her to the bedchamber. The flow of warmth, of strength into her faded slowly. She had no idea how tired she was the moment she couldn't lean any longer on Logain's strength. All she could do was to seat down on a bed big enough for seven or eight people while Logain undressed her, leaving her with her shift alone. He tucked her under a blanket and walked out the room, muttering something about a bath. The bed already contained Leane and Toviene. It seemed that there was only one bed in Logain's rooms. She could worry about it another time, she fell asleep before Logain was outside the room. She didn't even had the time to wonder whatever Lews Therin would get her note, she feared to tell him what she guessed in his face, and feared almost as much not telling him at all.

Aviendha poured herself a cup of chilled wine. She could feel Rand's eyes on her back. She was surprised to realize how adopted she became of dresses. Returning to breaches and coats look almost... unnatural to her. But breaches and coat were far more comfortable than any dress could be, thought not as pretty. "What did she meant, Rand? Asking whatever you can still hold saidin?"

"It's a joke, Avi." Rand replayed, his eyes never leaving her, it felt good, very good, to have him looking at her that way. It was even better when he used her honey name. "A very old one, 'When you can't find saidin around a woman, it's already too late to run," He stopped as she slumped on his lap, trying to look casual. He took her face with his hand and kissed her. Somehow, she managed both being kissed and not spilling a drop of her wine.

"What is the only thing you can do?" She asked her, her cheeks felt like fire. Light, but she loved the man with all her heart.

" 'Marry her.' " Rand murmured, his mouth almost touching hers. Careful not to spill the wine, he embraced her.

"Here is a nice idea," She smiled at him, it always stunned her to see, to feel, what a simple smile could do to him. His eyes turned soft, morning skies eyes full of love. Inside, he was filled with the senses of her, her touch, her smell.

"But I can still hold saidin near you, Avi." His grin vanish as she hit him in the ribs. Not hard, he could take almost anything, but the pain inside him had nothing to do with the body. They were the only weak spot in his armor. The only one he opened his heart to, revealing secrets Aviendha sometimes he had hidden from himself. She kissed him, just so he would know what she feel for him. A man had the right to know this, after all.

She broke the kiss to give him a level look, "Rand, are you sure it's wise? What you're about to do?" She thought it was madness, but she, too, saw no other way. "You listed the dangers yourself, what if something will go wrong and - "

Rand kept one hand around her waist, the other he put against her mouth. "Avi, what if I will do nothing?" She bite his hand, hard. He had no right to be reasonable just when she wanted him to be gravely wrong. He said it himself, he was going mad, and it was either cleansing saidin, or risking him going mad before the Last Battle. Either way, the world would might pay dearly. But when one path offered hope, although small one. Another held nothing save fears and pitfalls and constant worry, with even less hope than the first one.

She desperately searched another topic to talk about. Maybe it was the best time to try Min's advice. Kissing the trouble away. When Elayne asked her where did she found out about it, Min claimed that it was Rand's method. And a method that certainly worked on her, and Elayne. Suddenly she remembered the piece of paper Logain's warder had given her. She had no intention of getting off Rand any time soon. Touching saidar momentarily, she wove Air and a paper float in the air at her direction. "Halima gave me this, Rand." Aviendha said, Rand's face turned to stone in less than a heartbeat. "She said you will need to read it." She already taken a look, few sentences, scribed hastily in the Old Tongue. She knew little of the Old Tongue, not enough to read what it was said.

Rand had taken the sheet of paper from her hand and eyed it with cold eyes. His face became pale slowly. "Ilyena," He whispered, "No, it can't be! It can't be!" He rose to his feet suddenly, send her, the wine and the paper to the floor. He even ignored her startled shout. Fury and anger and grief and sorrow and hate battled into him, along with other half a dozen emotion she had no name for. Rand rose his hand, Aviendha saw tendrils of flames between the fingers. He rose his hand, ready to destroy everything he saw. He rose his hand, and saw her. He looked at her as if he didn't know her. The world was lost, he had gone mad. with only few days remaining until saidin will be cleaned. The world was lost. She only thanked the Light for being the first victim, not having to watch the disaster. "Light," Rand gasped, sliding to his knees next to her. He sat directly on the wet spot where the wine had spilled.

Aviendha didn't trust her feet, relief and fear made them too weak. She crawled to Rand, hugging him. Giving him what comfort she could. "What is wrong, what the letter says?" If the woman did it on purpose, Aviendha would made her eat this paper. Former Forsaken or no Former Forsaken.

"Ilyena," Rand whispered, "Ishmael said he can give her back to me. But I refused, and died. Balthamel think that she might be back." Aviendha closed her eyes. What do I feel about it? She had no idea. "Cyndane, Balthamel says she is easily as strong as Lanfear," His hands went around her slowly, did he felt her trembling? She feared the very memory of the woman. "And there are..." Rand took a deep breath, looking up at him, she could clearly see unshed tears in his eyes. "There are other evidences why it can't be Lanfear. And only my Ilyena was as strong as Lanfear." Aviendha could think of a hundred reasons why this couldn't be, the strongest of them, men had more than hard time, trying to guess a woman's strength. They could, roughly, by trying to shield a woman and measuring the resistance. "Avi," Rand whispered to her hair, "what can I do?" She had never seen him helpless before. "What can I do?" She had no answer for him.

Halima woke slowly, a dream hunted her. She hugged Logain even more tightly, and tried to go back to sleep. She was suddenly awake, Logain's arms were wrapped around her, and she had her own hands around his neck.

She still had her shift on, and she thought she could dimly remember how Logain slipped into the bed. She was half asleep when he did it. But she remembered him staying well away from her. It was she who moved to embrace him. Save sleeping in his arms, nothing happened that shouldn't have. Save everything, of course, she thought, the bond should have never been created. Some part of her mind mourned what shouldn't have, mustn't have, and wouldn't have happened.

She laid with Logain's arms around her, hugging him, arguing with herself for hours. In this area, the bond has almost no affects, but it never once occurred to her that she could simply move away. Not even once.

[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ 3 June 1998]

He was awakened by a soft sound, barely audible. But a warrior cannot let himself ignore the weakest sound. And Arthur always prided himself at being an example for his soldiers. He rose to a seating position on the hard bed, there was someone else in the tent beside him. Sword in hand - he never let it be far away from him, not from the day he picked it up - he jumped off the bed.

"That would be a little use again me, Hawkwings." A deep male voice muttered, despite the tent's total darkness. "Few things would, in truth. But a sword certainly wouldn't."

Arthur founded himself a little reliefed - there were women with strange ideas that tried to sneak into his tent more than once - and a little worried. The voice was full of all the confidence in the world.

A light brusted into existence, and Arthur blinked in pain, his eyes burning as they adjusted into the strong light. The light resulted from a ball of fire, about the size of his fist, hanging in the air without nothing to support it. When he could see again without spots blinding him, he stare at a dark man, easily a hand or two above him. The tallest man Arthur had ever seen. He looked about his forthies, well muscled and dangerous. He cladded himself in plain blue breach and coats, and on the left side of his breast there was a circle.

Arthur had no need to see more than to know who he was facing. Nor to know what that sign held. Half black and half white, what once was the symbol of Aes Sedai.

"So you are Guiare Amsalam," He said lightly. Laying his sword on the bed, the man was right, there would be no use of a sword here.

"That is one of the names I'm using, Hawkwings." The man said. Deep brown eyes captured the light, and made it seem, for an instance only, that fire burned in the man's eyes. "The same as Arthur is one of yours. It doesn't matter now, and wouldn't for many years to come in the future. I've not came here to chat with you about what was, I came here to talk about what is."

"Tomorrow," Arthur made the word as dry as he could. Fear threaten to drown him. Tomorrow would be the final battle. Only one could win, Arthur was almost sure he had the advantage, that he had a better chance to win this battle. To defeat that man who conquered half the known world so quickly. The man whose symbol was the ancient symbol of Aes Sedai on blue background. Guiare Amsalam, the man who claimed to be the Dragon.

"Tomorrow," Guiare agreed, "Without you, your army can never win. I could kill you now, and the battle would end." Arthur took his sword back, if he was to die, he would die fighting!

"Put this toy down, Hawkwings. If I would have came here to kill you, I wouldn't have toy with you so. Whatever those Aes Sedai told you, I'm no more madder than you are. For the time being, at least."

"Then why have you came?"

"To lose," The man replied with no hesitation. "This battle I must not win. My task here has over, you've been dragged out of that rat hole you call home."

"Oh?" He risk no further reply.

"You should be flattered, you know." The man noted, "I wouldn't have done it for anyone, you know. But I doubt if you thank me, duty is a heavy load to carry."

"You said you've came here to lose. You've came to give yourself in. Finally!" He meant to say more, but was cut off.

"Don't be a total moron, Hawkwings. You know I can't do it. If I'm to lose, I shall lose in battle."

"Thousands of people would die, if the Light have its mercy on us. Tens of thousands, if we shall not have the Light's mercy. And you dare discuss pride!"

"Pride left me long ago, Hawkwings." The man replied coldly, "None should know it better than you. For you, for the world, I'm about to give in for something that is dearer to me than life itself. It's not game for me any more than it's a game for you." The man unsheathed his sword, and Arthur prefered himself to die.

"She is called Justice, Hawkwings." The man whispered slowly, it was a long sword, few men could use it as a two hands sword, the man held it in one hald, as easily as he would have held a sabre. "She followed me to many places, in many battles. To thousands of horrors and countless terrors. I took it with me to the Pit of Doom itself! And now she is yours."

"She?" Was the man truly mad? He didn't sound so, but then again, Arhtur met no madman before. "It's like having a wife, hawkwing. Carrying this sword, it's a ter'angreal, one made for me in the Age of Legends. Use it well and wisely, Hawkwings. Never turn it against those who does not deserve it. Remember Aridhol lessons. And remember that whatever I do, I did. Was done for what must be. For if not I, there wouldn't have been you."

Arthur swallowed, there wasn't a single doubt that the man was mad. "Tomorrow would be a day of victory for you, Hawkwings. And the beginning of death for me. Carry Justice into battle. Fight for what is right, and trust no Aes Sedai. They will use you, old friend. Use you until you can be of no good, and then will get rid of you. Goodbye, old friend, old enemy of mine. The wheel of time weave strange combination sometimes, and we aren't the only ones."

Fire bloomed, and the man was gone, and so was the fire ball he ahd created. The sword he named Justice rang as it hit the floor. Slwoly, Arthur took it in his hands, it was lighter than he expected. Hard steel that shined from inner light.

"Justice," Arthur whispered slowly, then fell on the bed and began laughing.

[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ 22 November 1998]

[Here is a continuation for PoD I wrote, by what I've heard, the next book is going to be called Towers of Midnight, so that is the name I've chosen. I hope you will like it. I'm stuck right now. Let see if you can continue this yourself.]

The royal palace in Caemlyn was a place of beauty, but today, Elayne saw none of it. She stared at Dyelin, unbelievingly. "It's impossible! Impossible!" She said, even to her own ears, it sounded like a whimper. It was strange, what she noticed. Birgitte's showed no emotion, face blank as new snow. But inside... Fear surged, and grief that was almost as vast as her own. But woven underneath it, woven through it all. Was worry, for her. Birgitte could feel what she did. Could feel that grief that seemed to be ready to swallow her. Sorrow that seemed endless. Coldness inside that burned her heart. Aviendha was pale in her green dress. She sat hard on the floor, unable to stand, and breathed hard. Usually the Aielwoman had her emotion in control. But now her eyes were wide with shock. Nynaeve held a hand to her mouth, eyes agonized.

"I fear it happened, Elayne." Dyelin said, Elayne closed her eyes. To shut the world out. To shut out the sight of the woman. She wanted so much to embrace saidar. To touch the True Source and destroy Dyelin, destroy the message she had brought with her to the Palace. "My cousin is very reliable. I trust him, The Dragon Reborn has gone mad."

Aviendha made a sound, half a groan, half a chuckle. "His name is Rand al'Thor, can't you say it?" She asked fiercely. Elayne opened her eyes tiredly, but the Aielwoman already had taken a hold on herself.

"Elayne...?" Reene Harfor hesitated at her glare, standing near the door, she looked almost frightened. The very first time she saw the woman hesitating, she always thought the woman as hard as the mountains. Her curtsy was deep enough for a scullery maid, "There is a man, coming to see you. He says he was sent by the Dragon Reborn and..." That was all she had a chance to say. The light of saidar enveloped Aviendha, and the first maid was dragged to the dais.

"Are you sure?" Aviendha voice held the quietness of the grave. "Did he came from Rand al'Thor?"

Reene nodded, that seemed to be the only thing she could do, Aviendha held her two feet above the floor. Elayne watched, another time, she might have stopped Aviendha. Now, she couldn't make herself care. "Send him in! Now!" She ordered. "Aviendha, release her."

Reene fell to her knees, "But... he's one of the Dragon's men." An Asha'man, not surprising that Rand would send an Asha'man, but why hadn't he come himself.

"I said, send him in! Go!" Elayne was surprised at the sound of her voice.

"That would not be necessary." A voice said, a man stood by the doors to her rooms. A tall man, a very tall man. In his middle age, with brown eyes and hair. He was clad in black, breech and coat. The sword on his hip looked like they were of one flesh. He had two strange pins on his collar. A silver one shaped like a sword, and another, on the other side, shining gold and red. Shaped like a snake with four legs. A dragon. The man was an Asha'man, a man that could touch saidin. A man that would go mad by the Dark One's taint on the male half of the True Source. A reason to the horror she saw on Reene's face, and even the fear, poorly hidden, in Dyelin's eyes. "I'm here." He had a very deep voice. And eyes that seemed to bore into her head. "Out!" He ordered, both Dyelin and Reene Harfor obeyed eagerly. The doors closed behind him, without a hand touching them. Elayne knew she had to be afraid, terrified. Only the Dark One has to be more feared than a man that can channel. So she was taught, but now, with the news Dyelin had brought, he could be Asmodean or Demandred for all she cared. If only he had some message from Rand, something to say that he wasn't mad. That she hadn't lost him before she even had a chance to claim him. Something... anything... the pain inside her increased with every heart beat. The man's eyes were locked on her, his gaze shifted to Aviendha, and back to her. Only his eyes moved, from her to Aviendha and from Aviendha to her. He made no sound.

A sound behind her made her spin back. Birgitte stared at the man with wide eyes. The shock she sensed within her was something she never felt before. Relief surged in her warder in waves that seemed to drown everything else. Relief! And another thing, Elayne couldn't put a name to it, it was as if someone promised Birgitte that everything would be fine. And she believed him. "I should have known that this was some kind of a trick." Birgitte said, her voice was warm, as if she talked to an old friend. "It fits you, doesn't it?" She smiled at him, "Elayne, may I present you Lews Therin Telamon, The Lord of the Morning, The Prince of Dawn." She made a strange bow, left hand on left knee, her right hand gesturing in invitation.

"Birgitte," There was no surprise in the man's voice. "It's... interesting to see you here." He seemed to shiver, and then he melted. Rand stood where the man - Lews Therin? - was. "I haven't expected anyone to recognize me." The smile faded, he returned his eyes to Aviendha, then it slid back to her.

Elayne stared at him, she hated herself for doing it, but she searched the signs of madness in him. She found none of it. Save the shifting look, as if he couldn't decide who to look at. Her or Aviendha. He wore the same black clothes as the other man wore. But he had no pins on his collar. On the left side of his breast there was a red blood circle. In the center of it float the ancient symbol of the Aes Sedai. It did float, it must have been the One Power. Rand's eyes lied on her, blue and gray eyes. A troubled look in them. But that was the only sign of nervousness in him. He was so beautiful that she barely held herself erect. The relief she felt was almost enough to make her faint. She realized how she looked at him, her eyes wide open, smiling at him like a child. She couldn't erase the expression from her face.

Aviendha was the first to overcome her shock. Nynaeve still stared at him, with eyes that seemed to be ready to fall off her face. She jumped to her feet and glid to him. Rand watched her coming close, without moving a muscle, he seemed to be drawing back. He rose a hard, "Aviendha," he started, his voice were... hesitant. That was all he had time to say. Aviendha slapped him, as hard as she could. Elayne winced, she knew how strong Aviendha was. Rand's head barely moved. Aviendha rose another hand, and Elayne thought she might slap him again. Rand thought so too. She could see it in his eyes. She began to move to Aviendha, her knees were so week she could barely stand. Birgitte was on her side in a heartbeat. Steadying her. Aviendha sent two hands and caught Rand by his ears. Elayne wondered why he hadn't stopped her, he could. Aviendha was strong, but Rand was stronger. Aviendha pulled Rand's head down. Pulling his mouth to her, she kissed him. Rand hadn't moved away, he couldn't, Aviendha had a good grip on his ears. And Elayne doubted if he would have had he could.

Aviendha released his ears, apparently making the same decision. She put her hands on his neck, hugging him. Rand's arms went around her. Embracing Aviendha. Elayne moved her eyes away. It wasn't that she was jealous in Aviendha, not anymore. But she wanted to be in the other woman's place. Birgitte gave her a comforting look. "Go out," Elayne said, "and take Nynaeve with you." Nynaeve hadn't overcome her shock yet. But now Elayne thought she had another reason to be stunned. She looked at Aviendha as if she never saw her before. Birgitte stared at her for three heartbeats. Then she nodded. She practically had to push Nynaeve out of the room. By the time they were out and the doors were closed again, Elayne had calmed herself. Rand was still kissing Aviendha. Finally, he rose his head, taking a deep breath. Aviendha lied her head on his chest, breathing hard. "The last time you kissed me, Aviendha." Rand said pleasantly, "You made me chase you half way around the world and run five miles in a snow blizzard first. Did anything happened that I don't know?"

"I thought you have gone mad, or worse!" Aviendha said, her voice still held the fear Elayne felt herself. "I thought... I..." Elayne stared at Aviendha, her eyes wide. The Aielwoman had tears in her eyes. And she blinked, trying to hide it. Rand saw it too. He rose Aviendha face at him with one hand, the other still held Aviendha close to him, he didn't seem to be ready to let go, forever, and kissed Aviendha again. It was even longer this time. Or so Elayne felt, she hadn't divert her eyes this time. She was surprised to find out that she hadn't felt that stab of jealously this time. She still wanted to be in Aviendha's place. But she hadn't felt it half as strong as before.

Elayne cleared her throat, for the third time, before they took any notice of her. Aviendha moved back, Rand's hands slid off Aviendha's shoulders, regretfully. He didn't even have the manners to blush. The red in his cheeks came from Aviendha's slap.

Rand smiled at her, her mouth tightened. He had no right to smile at her that way. And that with him still holding Aviendha's shoulder. But she couldn't make herself angry about him. Simply couldn't! But there was something she could do. Something she promised herself she would do. She had to force herself to walk to him, a part of her wanted to run to him.To be sure that he wasn't a dream. To hug him, to be sure that he was... sane. That last thought came in a grimace, she didn't like thinking about it. She embraced saidar, and readied waves of Spirit. She sent a hand to his face. He would be her warder. She hadn't realized that she was smiling at him, a soft smile. She wove the flows.

The air against her was fire. Every breath was agony, every heartbeat sent weaves of pain through her. Saidar surged in her, feeling her till she thought she would burst from that flow of light. And more. She was reaching her limit. Despite the pain, she tried to stop it, she failed. Something fell between her and the source. A wall that cut her off the light that filled her. A shield. But not one she could feel. Rand's shield. The pain began to fade almost immediately. And she rose to her knees, she wasn't sure she could stand. She was ten feet away from Rand. He was on the floor, breathing as hard as she was. His face was agonize. Aviendha was by his side. Sending worried glances at her, and demanding to know what happened. Rand hadn't even noticed her, he was too busy cursing. Every curse she had ever heard, and many she hadn't. She thought he might have a better control on the dirtier parts of the language than Mat had. As if he had read her mind, he shifted to the Old Tongue. She didn't even know he knew it.

She was on her feet, leaning on the wall. When Birgitte rushed in, a long dagger, almost a short sword, in each of her hands. "What happened, I felt... " She began, she stared at her for a heartbeat, than moved her eyes to Rand. Readying herself to attack him. Rand stopped cursing, he took Aviendha's hand and stood. Obviously leaning on her. It was a sign to his weakness, she doubted if he could stand by his own. She thought she could, barely. He felt it worse than she did, whatever it was. "Next time you will try to kill me, Elayne," Rand said, with only a touch of anger in his voice. His eyes burned a hole into her, "use a dagger."

"What happened, Elayne?" Aviendha said, helping Rand to sit on a carved chair. "You wove something, and..." She seemed to be searching for the words.

"She tried to do something impossible." Rand said, his face was still pale. But every sign of pain was gone from him, how he managed it she had no idea. She still felt her skin burning. "Saidar will let you guide it, you can't force it to do something. It should have been the first lesson you had to get in the White Tower. It will kill you if you will misuse it. What did you tried to do?" Birgitte held a hand for her, but she nodded, for now, even with Birgitte's help, she doubt if she could make three steps without falling flat of her face.

Elayne wiped a tear from her eyes, her body still ached. "You had to thank the pain, Elayne." Rand said grimly, she hadn't realize she said it aloud. "You are lucky to be only shielded, I tried to sever you. A reflex your sisters were quite good at teaching me." His voice was full of bitterness. Sever, the thought echoed in her mind. That was how they called stilling in the Age of Legends. Never again to touch the True Source. She shivered. This time, Birgitte didn't bother to see if she want her help or not. She carried her to a chair near Rand as easily as she would have carried a little boy.

"What were you trying to do?" Aviendha asked worriedly, "It almost killed you and Rand both." Birgitte glared at her, her warder never believed that she could take care of herself crossing the street.

"Birgitte, there is nothing here for you to guard from. Will you leave us?" It was an order, and surprisingly, Birgitte obeyed.

"Guard her." She said to Rand, just before she left.

"With my life and more." Rand's murmur was direct to himself alone, not to Birgitte. But she heard it, and Aviendha too.

With a groan, Rand rose from the chair, only to seat on the floor. He motion Aviendha to seat too, Aviendha never sat on a chair. For some reason, it surprised her that Rand was so polite. She hadn't expected it, though she should have. And looked at her, "What were you trying to do, Elayne?"

"I was trying to bond you, as my warder." She said, seating, falling, on the floor. "It... didn't work quite well." To say the least, if Rand wasn't shielding her, she would have burned out. Aviendha lied a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she hadn't took her eyes from Rand. The woman looked... eager.

"You tried to do what?" Rand's voice was sharper than any sword. He seemed to be looking inward for a moment. "Allana..." It was barely a whisper. "She it gone." He threw back his head and laughed. That rich laugh she remembered so well. "Light, she is gone!" He looked at her, "You made me a great service today, Elayne. Greater than you know. And as for the bonding," She didn't even saw him raising. All she was aware of was that she was suddenly standing, feet dangling a foot in the air. And Rand arms were around her. He kissed her, as thoroughly as she had ever been kissed.

Warmth flowed into her, a little like the light of saidar, only stronger, softer somehow. Light that filled her to bursting, and beyond. She was a ray of light, dancing over a frozen lake. She was a flower, a rose, warming itself in the sun. Then it faded, all the warmth in her simply disappeared. And with it, every last shred of pain remain in her from that accident. In the back of her head, two sets of emotions lied. One, the familiar one, was Birgitte's emotion. The other one... Rand's emotion, she was suddenly aware of how good he felt, holding her. She could sense his pleasure, his surprise, his joy. But more than all, she could feel love, as strong as she felt to him. But there were other feelings also. He was pain from head to toe. How he ignored it, how he kept it hidden so well, she had no idea, the pain was fading, it already faded completely in her, but it lingered on him. The pain she had caused him, it made her want to cry. She wanted nothing to hurt him. Nothing!

But although the pain was beginning to fade from him, one pain remained. His side, it felt like fire. As if the pain he felt at the moment of stabbing never ceased. In horror, Elayne understood that that was what happened. There were tears in her eyes, for him. How could he live like this, she felt him pushing the pain away, ignoring it. How could he do it? How could he smile at her so, full with pleasure, when his side burned like fire? He saw the tears in her eyes, he understood. He hugged her even more tightly, "What cannot be changed must be endure, Elayne. The Wheel weaves as it will." It didn't help her, she still wanted to cry. But she understood, she thought she loved him more for this acceptance. If she could love him more than she already did. She was still floating in the air, saidin, strangely, it didn't made her even slightly nervous. It should have, although Rand was the one channeling it. She touched Rand's cheek. Aviendha's hand was marked in red, and she could feel the pain of it. Aviendha was very strong, but he ignored this too. So many pains in him, so many he ignored. She didn't understand how he could do it. She wanted to cure every last pain in him, every last one of them. He deserved none of them, he was a good man, the best she had ever met. And that she loved him didn't affected her judgment in this area. Although the light knew that it did in many others.

Rand's hand wiped the tears from her eyes, gently, his touch burned on her skin. Aviendha watched this, smiling approvingly. Approvingly! How the woman did it, Elayne had no idea. When she was in Aviendha's place... Rand laughed suddenly. For no reason she could see. He laid her on the floor gently. He still grinned to himself when he took a step back and made a bow. Finer than she thought he could, a flower appeared in his hand seemingly from the air, blue and green and yellow and white. "I promised you a flower, Elayne. In the Stone." Was all the explanation he offered. She took the flower, the trembling in her hands had to be the affect of the bonding. She didn't tremble because of Rand. She didn't shiver because what the man felt inside. This time, the tears in her eyes were of joy, not of grief. I can't spend my life crying about everything Rand does, no matter how sweet it's. She thought to herself, she was acting as bad as Nynaeve. It was beautiful rose, cold as metal in her hands, and as she watch, the color of it shifted, blue becoming white, green darkening into black, white becoming yellow, and yellow turned into red.

"Thank you." Was all what she could say. But it wasn't enough, she crossed the space between them, and kissed him, a noticeably longer kiss than the first one. Noticeably more pleasurable than the first one. It was the first time she could feel Rand's side of the kiss. It must be as strange to him as it was to her. An eternity passed before she found herself leaning on Rand's chest, breathing hard. He said something, but she didn't bother hearing it. She was aware to her arms around him, and his around her. The sound of his heart beating, the sound of his breath, his smell, everything else was ignored. Rand didn't seem to mind. Part of her mind was amused, the method of bonding Rand had chosen was peculiar to say the least. "It's a strange way to bond someone." She said. Stepping away from him was harder than releasing saidar. And his hands lingered on her shoulders for a moment, he didn't want to let go of her.

Rand shrugged, "It's the way the Asha'man use, the way they taught me, it works well enough." He smiled at her suddenly, "Besides, it had its... advantages." His mood shifted, as quick as a lightning. He became deadly serious suddenly. He looked at Aviendha, the Aielwoman came close as soon as she herself left Rand's arms. "Elayne wanted the bond, and Min forced it on me. But you have the choice, Aviendha. You can..." Aviendha didn't waited for him to finish.

"I... didn't knew this hurt you so." Aviendha said quietly some time later. Her hand almost touched Rand's side then snatched back. It pulsed with every breath he took. Elayne couldn't understand how Aviendha kept her calm so well. She still had to fight down tears. Maybe being an Aiel had something to do with this, Aiels were like warders in many ways. And Elayne had yet to see the warder that would complain if he had a spear in him. She didn't doubt that Rand could be a warder as good as Lan. A warder to me, so I thought, but now I'm the one who is bonded. She thought, amused. Nothing seemed to be going as she planned, but on the other hand, it wasn't going too bad at all.

"What did you say, before, about Min?" Aviendha asked, Elayne had almost forgotten it. Min forced him to bond her.

Rand suddenly became cold, grim as death and twice as dangerous. "Seat! It's a long story." He said, "And not a pleasant one." He added in a murmur barely heard."You will not believe me," he began. "Light, I don't know if I believe it myself. But I've to. I hear a... voice, in my mind. Lews Therin's voice." Elayne heart froze, Aviendha's face became blank. Rand winced, muttering something she was glad she hadn't fully heard. Something changed in him, she wasn't aware of it until it was gone. A turning of Rand's stomach. A rotten taste on his tongue. The Dark One's taint. It was gone now, he released saidin. The small knot of emotion in her head became... dizzy, fading quickly. Then it became normal again. "I'm not holding saidin." He said, before she even began to form the question. "You felt it, haven't you? Like there are two of me?" He didn't wait to their nods, and reluctance ones at that. "It happen every time I grab the Source, or release it. As if not only I grasping saidin. It must be Lews Therin!" He sounded as if he wasn't certain, as if he wanted them very much to believe it. "It's not the taint. I know this, at least." He closed his eyes shut. Pain that had nothing to do with the body well in him, "I remember being mad. It was nothing like this." The pain was push aside, ignored but not forgotten. He opened his eyes. Elayne was ashamed in herself, and in Aviendha too. None of them made any move to comfort him. The pain in him was as real as any knife wound. If only she could understand why.

"Do you mind, for once, to give me some privacy?" Rand growled suddenly, talking to the air. His eyes were unfocused, he seemed to be trying to look into his own skull. One of Rand's hands began to tremble. Inside, Rand was full of hate and rage and fear. Grief and sorrow, pain and amusement! And half a dozen others she couldn't even name. Rand flowed to his feet, as if he had no bones in his body. "Come! Lews Therin has a... suggestion. I can show you him." She felt the dizziness in her head as he grasp the source. The air... shimmered for a moment, that was all. Rand took five steps forward. Elayne saw no difference whatsoever from where he was standing before and where he was standing now. "Come." He said again.

Aviendha rose slowly, and arranging her skirts, walked to him. She had a strange look on her face, Elayne thought she had the same on her own. She didn't thought that Rand was mad, but she couldn't accept what he was saying.

As soon as she reached Rand she stopped, aghast. "Tel'aran'rhiod!" She whispered. There was no mistaken in that feeling. "Rand, it's dangerous to be here in the flesh, the Wise Ones said that it can take away what makes you human." No one had ever ignored her as fully as Rand did. He stood, eyes closed, shaking. She counted twenty heartbeats before he opened his eyes and took a deep breath. Aviendha put a hand on her shoulder.

"The Wise One remember something from long ago. The memory had been twisted too much to be recognize." Rand said suddenly. He still had his eyes close, but he didn't seem to be shaking anymore.

"Some of us had came here, where anything we harmed in our madness was fixed." A voice said behind her. The voice Rand had, when he first entered her rooms. Using illusion.

"Elayne, Aviendha," Rand said, opening his eyes and pointing at a man that suddenly stood near him, "let me introduce you Lews Therin Telamon." The man looked like the form Rand had chosen, using that weave of illusion, as tall as Rand, with brown sad eyes and dark hair. Wearing strange cut cloth in brown and gold and red. The man bowed slightly. Smiling faintly.

Elayne watched the man nervously. She couldn't decide whatever he was real or not. It could be something that Rand had created. A simple thought was enough to create things here. But she knew it can't be so. The small knot of emotions in her head seemed to... the best word she could put on it was split. One for Rand, and a second one for the man Rand called Lews Therin. And Birgitte too. The man, she couldn't think about him as Lews Therin, not quite yet, seemed sane. Not at all like she expected. She blinked, the cloths the man wore were as fine as she had ever seen, but they were covered in dust. And there was more than one spot of blood on them. There was tiredness in the man's eyes, and sadness that echoed through the bond to him. "You're suppose to be mad." That was Aviendha, as forward as always. Elayne winced, waiting for the explosion that must follow this words. Rand felt very amused for some reason, though he showed none of it. Lews Therin looked at the Aielwoman, simply staring at her. A chair appeared behind him, carved ivory and ebony, above his head the ancient sigh of the Aes Sedai shined.

"He is," Rand said quietly, "as much as he was when..." Lews Therin didn't look at him, but Rand fell silent, though for a heartbeat only. "The reason, though, is different." The sadness and grief in the older man hadn't weakened, maybe they couldn't. The grief had the feeling of something that never ceased, as if it was always there, always would be there.

"Grief can drive a man mad." Lews Therin said, his voice was deeper than Rand's, in a different accent. But the way he said it, the silent sureness, almost commanding tone, was so much like Rand's that Elayne blinked, stunned. "Especially after... what I've done." The only different was the sadness. Compared to Lews Therin's voice, to his tone. A fade sounded cheerful. "When you're going to tell them? You did the right thing, although I doubt if they would think so, but they have the right to know. They must know."

"Later." Rand said, glaring at Lews Therin, the man ignored the glare. How he could do this, Elayne had no idea, Rand's eyes burned. And he was full of fury to bursting. "I hadn't come here for this. Later will do."

Lews Therin shrugged to this, as if this wasn't important. Elayne could almost feel something passing between the two of them. "Then why have you came here? To show them I'm real?" The smile on Lews Therin's lips seem out of place. It quickly became to a snarl. "Or to prove this to yourself? Am I a creation of the madness?" The man spread his hands wide, "A madman's illusion?" He shifted his look to her and Aviendha, none of them said a word, Elayne doubted if she could make a sound. She barely breathed. "Maybe there is some justice in the turning of the wheel." He said. "The reason he brought you here, save from making you believe that he isn't mad, yet," Her heart missed a beat to the last word, "Is that he needs you. Loves you, both of you. And you need to see something." Rand gaped at him. Surprise and pain surging in him. Lews Therin felt... determined.

"See what?" Aviendha asked, she wasn't afraid. Aviendha was far braver than she herself was. Far braver than she could ever be.

"The day you died in," Rand said, his voice held no emotion. He looked, and felt, sane. "I hope it can be delayed, but..." He sighed, so tired suddenly that he barely stood erect. Lews Therin lied a hand on his shoulder, murmuring something that only Rand heard. Rand nodded, whatever Lews Therin said, it helped, a little. A window appeared in the air to their left. Fifteen feet tall and twice as wide. And she saw... Aiels was running through a gateway, a gateway into utter blankness. She recognized the place, the outer side of the garden when she first met Rand. There was seemingly no end to the column of Aiels spreading wide all across the gateway. Some of them began to climb on the wall. Rand and Aviendha passed through the gateway, the woman in the window had a hunted look in her eyes. Rand's face were ice. Mat followed them, holding that strange spear of him. The gateway closed behind Rand. "It's the day you killed Rahvin." Aviendha said, Elayne glanced at Rand, his back was firmly turned to the window. And his emotions were unreadable.

"Look!" Lews Therin commanded. And so they did. Lightnings stroked out of cloudless skies. In the window Rand looked up, his face were stone, his eyes fire. Something appeared in the air above him, a disturbance in the air. Spinning slowly. Lightinings that stark the disturbance were gone. But it was already too late. Elayne saw the lightning landing, directly on a man holding a harp. Mat had been hit by another. Aviendha stared at the window in horror. In it, another Aviendha lied on the ground, staring at the sun with open eyes. Rand stood three feet away. The disturbance still spreading above him. It took some time before he looked around him, he knelt near Aviendha, touching her cheek momentarily. His face, when he rose, was something that Elayne would always remember. She would face a Myradraal gladly, shielded, rather than see that expression on Rand's face. The prophecies of the Dragon said that he would break the world again, by the look on his face on the window Rand had made, he was eager to do so. "It wasn't so!" Aviendha said urgently. "It wasn't so at all! You were there, and then you weren't! This hadn't happened, Rand al'Thor! It hadn't!"

"It did," Rand's voice sounded distant. The window winked out. "Rahvin killed you, the day I killed him. You were dead." He laughed suddenly, bitterly. As if he couldn't help it, the sound of it made Elayne cringed. "Balefire," Rand's voice was dead, "balefire erases the pattern. Erases the actions one had done. Only the memories remains."

"You don't explain it very well." Lews Therin said, surprisingly, he sounded... calm. "Balefire burns threads of lives out of the pattern, the problem is, it burns it so strong that it burns the thread back in time. The result is that the actions of the one you killed using balefire were erased from the pattern. It can be dangerous, very dangerous. Every time you burn a thread, the pattern is weakening. In the War of Shadow, the pattern nearly unraveled itself." Lews Therin stopped suddenly. "It might be better if you will show them." He said.

Rand stared at him, his eyes were blue gray stone, slowly burning. He let out a long, ragged breath, before nodding slowly. Inside... he was trembling, shivering, a branch on the point of break of snapping. The window appeared again. Rand was on hands and knees, his eyes still had that look, as if he searched for something to destroy. Not caring at all if he would be destroyed too. He rose to his feet unsteadily, his eyes searched for something. Then he rose both his hands, and a ball of... light, jumped of his hands. Solid light, molten fire, brighter than the sun. Twice as wide as Rand was tall. Sweeping upward, everything it touch was simply... gone. The window was gone. The air shimmered once again, and Rand strode through it, face like stone. Eyes that burned through everything he looked at. Inside, there was a tight bundle of pain, stronger than any pain of the body. And this, he couldn't push aside, couldn't ignore.

As soon as Rand took three steps and Lews Therin, with a surprised expression, simply vanished. Rand exited Tel'aran'rhiod, Aviendha was the first to follow, but Elayne was the first to reach Rand. "Now you know what I'm afraid of." He had his back turned to them. "I've seen you die, Aviendha. There is nothing I wouldn't do to stop this. The actions erased, but the memories remain. And I will not have it again. Never!" He turned to look at them, determination, eagerness, anger, fury and grief welling up in him. Ready to explode. "The bond, it had a trap, woven into it. If forces you to obey. Ilyena died because she refused to leave. I will not have you dead for being to brave to know when it's time to leave. I... I..." his voice, utterly cold and commanding at the beginning, began to falter. Elayne came to him. Hugging him, and Aviendha was there too. Holding him up, looking at him, she thought he might begin to cry. Light, there is so much pain in him. So much he never let out. So much he endured, how much more can he endure without snapping? She hadn't realize she was humming. An old song Lini used to sing her while brushing her hair. A song its words she didn't  remember anymore. It always calmed her, and now, it seem to help Rand, just a little bit. But every bit was important now. Every bit to keep Rand sane. Blinking, Elayne chased the tears from her eyes. It was no time for crying. She could cry later. But she knew she might as well cry over Rand's corpse all too soon.

Aviendha stood on the dais in the Grand Hall in Elayne's palace. It took a true effort, only standing. She felt like her muscles might simply tear her body apart. In the last three hours she had more shocks than in all her life. Rand had seen her dead, no wonder he had been so cold afterward. Simply thinking of him harmed was enough to bring tears to her eyes. And he had seen her dead, she didn't doubt it, not anymore. No wonder he became so cold after he killed Rahvin. On top of Lanfear's attack, she could understand why he had try to avoid her. But that was only the beginning, he held no secrets from them, none at all. She had been practically on his heels ever since he reached the Three-Fold land. And he kept so many secrets from her even so.

Asmodean, the thought chilled her heart. She had knew the man, talked to him, even shouted at him once. She could hardly believe it. And now the man was free, Rand thought he might have broken Lanfear's shield. If so, only Rand was strong enough to face him. She didn't know when she began to think about him as only Rand. It seemed important, for some reason. And other secrets, so many of them, he kept so many things hidden, so many pains buried. And trusted them enough to let them know every last weakness in him. She was becoming soft. Light, any moment, she might start crying! And knowing about Asmodean was only the beginning. Elayne had flashed in rage stronger than Aviendha believed possible as soon as Rand mention Allana, and what she had done to him. At least it was gone now, Elayne's attempt to bond him severed the bond to Allana. Neither Rand nor Elayne knew why.

Light, she had lived next to him all this time, despite him trying to avoid her, she knew almost everything he had done. Following him without him being aware of it. And he had kept so many secrets that she hadn't even began to suspect it. Not even in the beginning, when she thought she hated him she thought him as less than he was. A very complex man, to do all he had done. A very complex man, and one with more self control one would expect to find in any Wise One. Elaida, the thought tighten her mouth. If she ever laid her hands on the woman... she didn't know what she will do. She couldn't think about something that would fit what had been done to Rand. He wasn't... forthcoming about the details of his prison. But she knew him enough to learn as much of what he hadn't said as she learned from what he had said. So many secrets, so many that he had hidden from everyone, maybe even from himself. But he had hidden nothing from her and Elayne. How much it had costed, to bare himself so for them? She couldn't see Rand, she could feel him being close. But she had the feeling he stared at her, he felt worried. For her, she was sure of. For some reason, it didn't made her angry at him as it had before. It made her feel warm inside.

Elayne sat on the Lion Throne uncomfortably. It wasn't hers, not yet. Aviendha didn't pretend that she understood the wetlanders customs, they had the strangest customs one could think of. But apparently, seating on it violated customs and laws. Not until she was crowned as the queen of Andor. Elayne was angry on Rand, she didn't like to admit that she needed his help. Rand meant her to seat on the Lion Throne, and the Sun Throne too, and today he was about to make sure she will.

It wasn't something Aviendha could even begin to understand, Elayne wasn't the only one who wanted to be the queen. And the other women who also wished for the crown might still be able to win it. Today, Rand mean to make sure they wouldn't. He smiled saying it, the same smile he showed on his face, facing Lanfear. They will learn how... interesting the Game of the Houses can be, with the One Power involved. He refused to tell them what he meant by this, he said he didn't want to spoil the surprise.

"You will refuse for help only because you're too proud?" Aviendha said in a murmur, just loud enough so her near-sister could hear her. Elayne didn't answer, but she nodded, sourly. That was something she liked about Elayne. She would admit if she was wrong. And Rand was very... forward, explaining her exactly what he had to do in order to keep the throne empty for her. She wanted to shiver, remembering his eyes, enormous white hot fury, mastered by willpower as strong as she had ever met.

Many eyes stared at Elayne, and at her, and Birgitte and Nynaeve. Almost every noble of Andor was present, and many eyes held fury, sliding on Elayne, in a white and red dress, seating on the Lion Throne. All the nobles were gathered here since The Dragon Reborn wished to meet Queen Elayne of Andor. None missed the title given to Elayne, they blamed it on Elayne. Although it was Rand's men who made this statement. Those Asha'man made her wish she had a dagger in her hands. At least they weren't here now, they brought the nobles, and were gone. "Where is he?" Elayne said, quite loudly, "I do not mean to wait here forever." Aviendha could feel Rand, standing ten feet from the dais, hidden by flows of saidin. Elayne could feel him too, but the words were a sign, for Rand. Almost immediately fire flared in the center of the Hall. A ball of fire, ten feet in size, as hot the sun and twice as bright. Hanging in the air, it flared in every color possible. Aviendha closed her eyes, the light was blinding. She counted fifteen heartbeats before the light began to fade.

Rand stood in the Grand Hall, he was clad in blood red coat and night black breach. The sword she had given him was hanged on his hip, as if it was a part of him. No, it was a part of him, used as naturally as he had used his hand. The buckle that shone on his belt in red and gold was also a gift from her. She stared at him, surprised, he was calm. She felt only calmness in him. The soft, strong calmness that didn't even waver ever since he broke in their arms. The left side of his face was clad on shadow, but he was standing in no shadows. His right hand was also dark. Aviendha could hear ripples of murmurs all across the hall. The sense of fear filled it, men that could channel had gone mad, and then they rotten alive. She forced herself not to flinch at the thought. It was clear what everyone must think. Even Nynaeve was pale around the eyes. Although Elayne had warned her that Rand knew how to use illusion. Birgitte said that in Lews Therin almost had a talent in illusions. He was far better than anyone else in the Age of Legends. She glanced at Elayne's warder, the fair woman was looked the same as she always did, in yellow wide breach, and blue coat. They didn't hide a secret from Rand too. Elayne said that Birgitte agreed that Rand would know who she is. Rand already knew, apparently. She still had trouble to think about the woman as the heroine from legends she enjoyed so much reading about. On the other hand, she had troubles thinking about the man she loved as two people that were one. Rand, or maybe Lews Therin, tried to explain it. But even he gave up after some time, there was too much they didn't know. It was somehow connected to the huge ter'angreal men had passed in order to be chiefs. At the end, even Elayne had to admit she didn't understood what Rand said, something about the ter'angreal being triggered to him. Not only to mark both his arms, but also to make him be Lews Therin. He sounded, and felt, amused, saying this. It hadn't worked quite well.

"I've heard rumors that you've gone mad." Elayne said, the sudden voice startled her. She barely stopped a grimace, she hadn't been paying attention. Light, she could almost smell the fear in the air. That was what Rand insisted Elayne would say.

Rand title his head, as if thinking. "Am I not?" He said finally, "Does it really matter for you, Elayne of Andor?" A smile that didn't touch his eyes appeared on his face. For the first time, Aviendha noticed how much he had changed, how much harder he became. It was like he was another man entirely, with them alone with him. "The taint has a... strange affect on me." He moved forward, behind him, Aviendha thought she caught a glimpse of something red and gold.

A young noble, maybe five years older than Rand. Muttered something, the only word she had caught was "Kinslayer". It had the sound of a curse. Rand stopped on his track, staring at the man. The left side of his face was clad in darkness. But a small sun suddenly came to life where his eyes should have been. Fury babbled in him in waves that erased everything else. Fury strong enough to burn the world. It was controlled in a heartbeat. And pushed aside, the calmness taken its place in another heartbeat. Rand walked the five steps between him and the young noble slowly. The man was about to faint. Pale face and wide eyes. "I didn't mean to..." He began, hysterically. Something leashed at him. A tail, two hands wide, and ten feet long. Gold and red snakelike skin. Wrapping around the young noble, lifting it from the ground easily. No one made a move, a sound. Aviendha thought all stopped breathing.

Rand grabbed the man's throat with his right hand, the blackness around it broke. It look much alike the tail. Sharp talons rose the man's head, he stared at Rand with wide eyes. There was no expression in Rand's face, eyes. He was cold, calm inside, with a hint of amusement. The fury still babbled in him, but it was controlled. Lews Therin's fury, Aviendha thought. "Rand al'Thor!" Elayne hissed, quivering with anger, not on Rand. It was Rand's anger she was quivering from. Aviendha felt it herself, as if it was her own. So strong, it could affect her, make her feel what he felt. "I will not allow murder! Not here! Not in my palace!"

Rand moved his gaze to her, the approval in him left no sign on his face. "I can always take him outside." He said, Elayne glared at him, or maybe it was the fool noble she was glaring at. Aviendha wasn't sure. The tail swung, the man floated in the air, crushing around one of the walls with a loud sound of bones snapping. "He will live." He said.

The tail was gone, the shadow wrapped around his hand again. He walked to the dais as if he had no bones in his body. Aviendha knew this walking, she heard warders talk about it. "A cat crossing the yard." It was called. She couldn't imagine a more arrogant way of walking. Rand stopped for a moment when he reached the dais. Then he climbed them, Elayne stood. Her face pale, eyes glaring. "Some of you trusted friends here," Rand began, no one could miss the emphasis in his voice, "are afraid that I will control you. That you will be a puppet under my control." This time, Elayne's anger was all hers. Rand had told her what he was about to say. But she still didn't like it one bit. "I swear this to you, and may the light be witness to this words, Queen Elayne of Andor. I promised to Dyelin that as soon as you will be crowned, I will leave Andor. I promise this to you, for as long as you rule Andor and wish it, I will never set a foot in Andor." The gasp that run through the Hall was half of surprise, half of relief. Some of the women, those who wished for the crown and the throne, were pale as snow. Aviendha smiled inside, it was brilliant, those noble hated Rand and feared him. They would do anything to keep him out of Andor. What Rand had just said promised that they would support Elayne. Aviendha wondered if anyone noticed the loophole Rand had left himself. Elayne would want him in Andor.

Rand turned and walked down the dais, as soon as he stood on the floor of the Grand Hall shadows envelop him. Fire blazed around him. He was a dead black figure, framed by white hot flame. The the fire burned the shadows away. And Rand was gone. Wrapped in saidin again, she could feel him coming closer to her. He lied a hand on her shoulder, quite pleased with himself. It was disturbing, in a way, not seeing it, in another, it was fascinating. Elayne must have said something, the nobles were leaving the room. Few looked at the young noble, unconsciousness on the floor. Nynaeve stared at him for a long moment, Nynaeve always wanted to heal everything. With a tug of her braid, she left the hall. Without once looking at the man again. He deserved what he got. As soon as the last man was outside the room, Rand unmasked himself. He had a pleased grin on his lips.

"What did he said," Elayne said, motioning at the man on the floor, "to deserve this?"

Rand smile faltered for a heartbeat. "He said enough. I will send one of the Asha'man to heal him. You will be able to trust him with your life, afterward."

"How far you trust the your Asha'man, Rand?" Aviendha said, they were dangerous. Rand told them what that man, Dashiva, had done.

"I left them to guard Min." Was all the answer she had got, this was all the answer she needed. He trusted them fully. She will have to learn to trust them too. At least, those Rand trusted. He rarely gave trust, and as far as she had seen, never put his trust on the wrong person. It wasn't a cheerful thought.

Rand wondered idly whatever he was mad, he thought he must be. In the back of his head, three knots of emotions pulsed. Three women he loved, so beautiful he could barely breath, staring at them. Three women that loved him enough that they agreed to share him. Rand couldn't even begin to understand how they agreed to this. As much as they could never even begin to understand how glad he was, no having to choose between them.

Of course that having all three in love with you had nothing to do with it. Lews Therin whispered wryly. He was sane, lately. Ever since he had bonded Min, ever since Min had forced him to bond her. Rand could lift her of the ground with one hand, never touching saidin once. But all Min had to do was to look at him through long eyelashes and he had given up. The bond had no affect on the mind, not as far as he knew. But Lews Therin had all but wrapped himself around the knot of emotions in the back of his head. And he hadn't flared out in rage ever since. One can grief only so much, Lews Therin said, responding to his thoughts. It's time to leave Ilyena behind. Rand hadn't believed him for a heartbeat. Had he been in Lews Therin place, merely thinking about it made him shiver, he wouldn't stop grieving as long as the wheel turned. Something had happened when he bonded Min, something that only became stronger as soon as he had Elayne and Aviendha too.

What are you hiding from me? He asked, what is it that you don't want to tell me? He received no answer, he expected none. Once again, Lews Therin concentrated on the knots of emotion. Directing all his attention to them. What are you doing? Rand asked, the man was doing something. Lews Therin had a knowledge far vaster than his own, in the One Power, and in other areas. He concentrated in the bonds.

Elayne, grimacing at him, still seating on the Lion Throne, worried and anger flashed in her. She had stumbled on her on feet before, and it left a bruise on her leg. The dress wasn't quite in her size, and she was angry about this too. But underneath it all, he could feel her love to him. Warming her, warming him. Elayne, so beautiful he wanted to kneel to her, a dangerous thought. You could never win a lost ground to a woman. And already she could twist him to her will all too easily.

Aviendha, he could feel the weight of his hand on her shoulder, she was comforted by his touch. Lews Therin laughed at the thought. Rand almost wished Lews Therin would be mad again, he had a tongue that could be even more acid than Aviendha's when she was angry about him. And he knew almost everything he thought about. Shaking the thoughts away, he felt his way to Aviendha, listening was the best word he could find to what he was doing. Letting Aviendha's feeling fill him. Until there was so little difference between what he felt and she did that it barely mattered. She loved him too, but she was also afraid, for him, he thought. Once, the thought might have amused him, not anymore. He couldn't make himself laugh for her worries. Nothing that he could find would interest Lews Therin. He tried to search deeper, listen harder, there was something in her that troubled him. Something that he couldn't understand. Why would she feel so pleased with herself, and at the same time, strange worried. Something she pushed away, trying to ignore it. This at least, wasn't because of him. He had no idea how he knew it. He simply knew. He was surprised to find that she felt something that had no connection to him. Everything in the world seemed to turn around him lately. Aviendha, with eyes that were green and blue at the same time, and red fire hair and a temper as fiery.

Min, the bond hadn't lessened as his bond to Allana had been. He could never thank Elayne enough for releasing him from Allana. But it was still far off, dim. She felt troubled, but at the same time, at her ease. Maybe she was reading, she often felt so, reading one of Herid Fel's books. She spend as much time with those books as she did with him. He knew it was foolish, to be angry on a book, but he couldn't help it for his life. The worst of it, Min knew it, and she took advantage on it. He could picture her to himself without even trying. Deep dark eyes, and a hair as dark, hanging in ringlets to her shoulders. Min, with a light of amusement shining in her eyes constantly and a that small smile that made her so beautiful in his eyes.

"Rand?" Elayne sounded worried, she felt so, too. "Are you... fine?" Sane. He realized that he was standing, eyes unfocused, for a long time. Aviendha had stepped away. Looking at him with unreadable expression.

"I'm fine, I was just thinking." Birgitte looked at him amused, as if she hadn't believed him, he had hard time thinking about her as Birgitte, part of him wanted to name her Teadra. Lews Therin was stunned at the sight of her, to say the least. And he himself no less. He would have to have a long talk with her, and the sooner he will do it, the better it will be. "How long before you can be crowned?" He asked Elayne, he wanted it to be done with. After Andor, she could have Cairhien too. And save him from all the troubles ruling lands he never wished for. Of course, he still had Illian, but he left strict orders for the Council of Nine. He trusted them, to some extent, with Illian, at least.

"In a week, I think." Elayne answered, "It's not something that can be done hastily. Nor something that you can change." Her eyes were full of fury, he ignored it. She would refuse to ask for his hand if she was hanging from a cliff by fingernails. And she didn't like him helping her with something she thought she alone should be able to handle. There was no use in pointing that she was wrong.

"Good." He said, "Then you can spare some time for visiting my... home." He wanted to say grave, but both Elayne and Aviendha had heard enough for today. No need to hurt them more. Light, I can't remember the last time I cried that was. Like a child, too much pain he had tried to hide came to the surface. He couldn't control it, but couldn't regret it either. They had to know him as who he truly was. Not as they wished him to be.

"The Two Rivers?" Aviendha asked, startled. "What do you have..." He put a finger on her lips, silencing her. She bite him, not hard, but strong enough so he would know what her current opinion of the car'a'carn was.

"Not the Two Rivers." He could protect the place he had grown on, at least that would be saved, if not anything else in the world. He would take the troubles of the world into the Two Rivers. Maybe it would be safe, maybe. "Come." Birgitte looked at him questioning. And he nodded curtly, she would go too, he trusted her as much as he trusted Elayne. Although for a very different reasons. Trust is death, but none can trust no one. Give your trust carefully, and never let anyone be on your guard unwatched. Lews Therin whispered, and then he was gone again, back into observing the bonds. Rand took this advice to heart, but he still wondered what Lews Therin was doing. What could be so fascinating about the bonds that Lews Therin would forget himself completely that way was something Rand wasn't able to understand.

He drew more of saidin, enough to make a gateway, and hesitated, their might be dangerous for them. The flows formed, as if by themselves. And a gateway began to turn, not too close, he had to be careful. Not of them, he could trust Birgitte with his life, and Elayne and Aviendha with far more. More than he could trust himself. He had to be careful for them. His... home might not be welcoming for them.

He passed through first, and each of the women followed him. Each with very different expression. Birgitte walked through the gateway without a sign to be anything but calm. Elayne, that came eagerly, curious almost replacing the anger in her mind. And Aviendha, that looked at the gateway for a moment and blushed faintly. She had done so before, blushing, that is. Not looking at him that way, that look she gave him now made him feel... troubled.

Aviendha passed through the gateway, slightly red faced. She wondered what Rand would have said had she told him what she was thinking about. Nothing, she thought, he had changed so much from the man I once knew. And not all the changes were on the good side. This changes will have to go, she decided. She will not have the man she was in love with walk around half the time with a mood fitting to death bed. She will also have to... She dismissed all the thought of the future, she had yet to meet Min. She wouldn't share Rand with a woman she couldn't love as much as she did Elayne. She doubt if Min was a woman she wouldn't be able to love. Elayne loved Min, and she trusted her. Rand loved Min too, as much as he did her and Elayne, apparently. She could feel love in him, underneath everything else. Always existing, for her, for Elayne, and for this woman Min. She knew Rand better than she knew anyone else. Better he knew himself, she thought sometimes. She had to admit that she knew him better than she knew herself. She trusted his judgement, he wouldn't fall in love with...

"Ta'veren." Rand said suddenly. And she gave a start, looking at him. He had this far off feeling in him. Maybe he was talking to Lews Therin. You accepted what the pattern wove for you, you didn't tried to fight it. It was a lesson Rand thought her, far better than any of the Wise One could. And she had to accept that the man she loved was actually two men. Both real, and one that was older than the mountains. Ta'veren, she thought, half amused, half desperate, it was a ta'veren twist of the pattern that made fall in love with you, Rand al'Thor. What had the pattern destine to you? Ta'veren were woven far more strictly into the pattern than others, and had the pattern required it, Rand could fall in love with any milkheart wetlander that the pattern wished. "Stop!" Rand ordered, and she barely stopped herself before bumping into him. "There are traps woven here, I need to adjust them to you." For the first time, Aviendha looked around, they were in a huge hall, huge indeed, maybe ten times the size of any sept. Clans could be comfortably here. She thought, stunned. The hall ended in the distance, maybe ten or fifteen miles away. And to her right it linger for at least three miles. To her left, she thought it must be ten miles until she saw a wall. The ceiling was about twenty feet above the floor. There was a door about every fifty feet. All around the perimeter. She couldn't believe humans could actually build such thing. But the floor, the wall, everywhere she looked at, were far too smooth to be made by nature. Far too smooth to be do by any human too.

"The One Power," she said, "this was build with the One Power, wasn't it?" But even so, the size of the task amazed her, who would build such a large place, and why.

"Of course," Rand said lightly, too lightly. There was sweat on his face, and she thought he might be throwing up any moment. Saidin, what it's like, to want to vomit every time you touch the true source? "How else could I do it? This was only a mountain not a week ago."

"A mountain?" Elayne asked, "Where are we?" Rand was silent for some time, ignoring everything. Then he tremble, and let out a deep sign.

"Done." He said, "Now the traps will know you." He turned his eyes to Elayne. "You said something? I wasn't listening." He was tired inside, exhausted. Whatever the traps he set here. They must be the deadliest he could think of. She didn't even want to imagine what they might do. Unpleasant and nasty to the beginning, that was how Rand always was, to his enemies alone. She couldn't even start thinking about what he might have done without shivering. He could think of the most dreadful things in the worlds sometimes, or so it seemed.

"I asked, where are we?" Only a hint in her voice to anger, she felt the tiredness in Rand too. She must have, and she had to understand what it meant. Aviendha never thought Rand weak in the Power. She had seen him doing things that were beyond even Nynaeve, far beyond. And it wasn't the lack of knowledge that would hinder Nynaeve if she will ever try to compete him. He was maybe twice Nynaeve strength, maybe more. And what he had just done had left him exhausted. It was something she never saw. In Cairhien, she saw him channeling for hours upon hours. She could estimate the amount of power he was drawing, even with the aid of the angreal he had. He was strong.

"The traps here are nasty things, dead is the only thing you don't have to fear they would do to you, Aviendha." Rand said, as if he had read her mind. Not the first time he had done so, but every time it startle her anew. It wasn't fair for him to be able to do so, guess what she was thinking about so accurately. "The strongest I and the Asha'man could create, the worst we could think of." He smiled at her, softly, gently. Light, but he was so beautiful. "We're on the place I've created dying. The place I've born on, Elayne." His grin reached his eyes, feeling them with warmth. Reminding her why she love that stubborn wool head so much. "The Dragonmount welcomes you."

Elayne opened her mouth, then closed it and swallowed hard. Her eyes were wide, and the light of saidar enveloped her. "My Lord Dragon," An angry voice said. Aviendha blinked, and blushed, she stared at Rand so hard she didn't even notice what was happening around her. In the Three-Folds Land, this could have cost her in her life. And near Rand it was usually more dangerous than it was in her home. The man who spoke was young, a year or two below Rand. With almost white skin, and huge eyes. It was the hair that attracted Aviendha's eyes. It was night dark, and was as long as Elayne's if not longer. Arranged in two braids, two silver bells were tied in the braids' end. As Rand was, the man was clad all in black. The coat was strange, with high collar and made of shining silk, dead black save two pins on his collar. One shaped as a small silver sword. And on the opposite side of his throat, a snakelike creature in red and gold. A dragon. Those two pins shined bright on the coat's darkness.

"Narishma," Rand said calmly, "is something wrong? You don't like being a full Asha'man?" He sounded amused, slightly. He certainly felt amused, not so slightly. He had to force a grin down.

"You know it's not this." The young man said, touching hastily the dragon pin on the left side of his collar, as if to remind himself it's there. "It's that... woman! I can't turn around without seeing her behind me! She make me nervous!" For some reason, this made Rand even more amused. "You said we mustn't harm them. But can't you tell her to stop this. She make me feel like a horse she is trying to decide if she want to buy." This time Rand actually barked a laugh, she couldn't remember when he laughed so freely.

Narishma blushed deeply. With his pale skin, it looked like he was on fire. Rand muted the laugh quickly, but the amused smile lingered on his lips. She didn't believe it was possible but the man blushed even more. "Why don't show her the more... " he hesitate for a heartbeat, looking at her and Elayne. He seemed to think again about what he was about to say. Choosing his words carefully. "Show her the more unpleasant side of what you are. Carefully. I don't want her to be too afraid of the Asha'man." Both she and Elayne noticed the slight empathize in Rand's words. Aviendha wanted to cry, what had happened to him? How could he have changed so much? Manipulating the fear and hate people had for him for his use. It wasn't the Rand she left behind. It was a much wiser Rand, and despite all the times she wished him to be like this. She regretted this wish, it was nothing like she hoped.

Narishma seemed to be thinking for a long moment, then he smiled at Rand. "I think I know what to do." He said, for the first time, he looked at her he gave her the impression that he was looking into the inside of her skull. He looked amused suddenly, his gaze slide to Elayne. He was amused, the smile on his face matched Rand's. Had matched, as soon as Rand noticed the look Narishma gave them the smile, and most of the amusement were gone. "My Lord Dragon." Narishma said, still smiling despite Rand's glare. He touched the left side of his breast with a fist. And walked away, the opposite direction they were heading for. She heard him muttering something about sharp knifes and terrorizing Aes Sedai before he was too far to hear anything.

Elayne took a deep breath, she was on the point of trembling. "It was one of your... men, wasn't he?" She said, disgust clear in her voice, Rand staggered back at her words, pained expression on his face. He looked like he had been kicked. "What he's doing here, I thought you said this is a safe place." Anger burned pain in Rand, fury that washed away any other emotion.

"What is the difference between me and Narishma, Elayne? If needed, Narishma would give his life for me, for you, I trust him! If it will be needed, I will trust him with your life! He's as loyal as I can ask him to be, and more!" The words were delivered by ice cold voice, frozen fire. Rand suddenly looked taller, his hands were clutches to fists. Knuckles white. Inside, he was empty, no emotion, no thought, only that twisting of his stomach, and the feeling she knew from herself, the ecstasy of holding the One Power. "What give you the right to be disgusted of him, Elayne Tarkand? What give you the right to see what he is and judge him for this alone?" Rand hasn't rised his voice, but Elayne flinched. Aviendha remembered seeing Rand so angry only once before. When he learned about Elayne's mother's death. She could feel the inside of him. The fury inside he forced aside. Not letting it touch him.
"Narishma is an Asha'man, a guardian, not one of my men. I price his life as much as I price mine! What gives you the right to look at him and see only a man that can channel? What gives you the right to look at me and not see the man that can channel?" The worst of all were his eyes, emotionless when they looked at Elayne. Empty of every emotion save the glint of fury that anyone that didn't know him enough would have missed. Without adding a word, he turned sharply from Elayne and trotted along one of the walls of the huge hall they were in.

"Lews Therin!" Birgitte's shout made him stop on his track. He turned slowly, glaring so hard at Birgitte that the woman paled. Elayne simply stared at Rand, as she herself did, unbelievingly. She had never expected him to be so... protective about those Asha'man of his.

"My name is Rand al'Thor." Rand said quietly, coldly, the coldness of the grave, the quietness of death.

Birgitte took a deep breath, but she hadn't backed away. Aviendha thought that had Rand stared at her that way she would run away. As far as she could, there was so much emotions in him suddenly. Disappointed and rage were obvious on his face, but there were others, emotions he controlled so tightly that were barely existing. Pain, sorrow and grief were the only one she recognized. And love, almost muted. Elayne closed her eyes, she leaned against the wall. Refusing to look at Rand, Aviendha understood her, she could face anything from Rand, even hate. She thought she could, but not disappointment. "Lews Therin," Brigitte started, then she had to take another breath. Rand's glare match Sorilea's best. "I need your help." The fair warder said.

"Later!" Rand growled, "Whatever you want, it can wait!"

He already began to turn, to walk away, Birgitte call chased him, "I've given you an oath, Lews Therin, and kept it. But you have given me your word! Would you break your oath?" Rand had stopped, as if he had walked into a stone wall. He turned to Birgitte, no longer glaring, or even staring hard. Simply looking at her, for thirty heartbeats he stood, while all the emotions that flood into him vanished.

He didn't run to Birgitte, but certainly walked fast. A step away from the warder, he made a small bow. Rand bowed to no one! "I gave my word." He said plainly, "Whatever your need is, if I can help it, I will." Elayne opened her eyes to look at the two of them with eyes as wide as they could go. For herself, Aviendha thought her eyes might fall to the floor, her mouth hanged open. She didn't seem able to close it. Rand gave them a single look, and took Birgitte's arm, there was a door fifteen feet away. Birgitte and he passed through, three breathes later, a very bemused black clad man walked, trotted, out. Even younger than Narishma. He also had those two pins on his collar. He gave them a hard glare, and opened a gateway. To another part of this place, so it seemed.

"Rand feels... like an arrow." Elayne said. Aviendha stared at her, not quite the words she would have chosen. He always seemed to be thinking about three dozens things at the same time. How he kept them all in order was beyond her, but he did. Now... he seemed to forget anyone else. Concentrating on Birgitte alone. She thought he might even forget them entirely. "It was foolish of me." Elayne said to her, "to talk to him like this, I mean."

"Elayne!" The gasp behind them made both her and Elayne jump. "I thought you're in Andor!" Laughing, the woman hugged Elayne. Elayne hugged her back, her smile almost as wide as the other woman's. Aviendha looked at the two of them in surprise. The other woman wore blue coat, soft cream blue. With a matching breaches. That made Aviendha open her eyes. She had never met a wetlander woman who wore breaches. Save those Cairhienins fools who claimed to adopt ji'e'toh. The woman had dark brown hair. And, as she stepped away from Elayne, Aviendha noted the big dark eyes, and the mouth that seemed natural laughing.

"Min," Elayne said finally, "it's so good to see you again." So this was Min, Aviendha stared at her with open interest now. She had to admit that the woman was beautiful, as beautiful as Elayne was. Far more than she herself was.

"And you must be Aviendha." Min said warmly, the woman looked at her, openly examining her. "I'm Min. You're... different than I've expected." That made her blink. What under the light the woman expected to? "What happened to Rand?" Min asked, "He feels... focused, more focused in something than I ever seen him before." Aviendha hadn't thought about it that way, it might be the best word to describe how Rand felt, in the back of her head.

"My Lady Min?" A man said, Aviendha hadn't even noticed him. Another one of those Asha'man. A graying man, he had the look of a soldier. Tough and hard as any clan chief she had met. "Do you still need me? I doubt if there is anything here to attack you, and I've my own study to resume." Min's face became slightly green.

"Of course, Flinn." She said quickly. "I... wouldn't want to keep you away from your studies." She swallowed hard. The man touched his heart with a fist, just like the other Asha'man did. Turning his look to Elayne, he bowed, slightly. And murmured something that made Elayne stand strait. Staring at him wide eyes. Before Elayne could say something, he was already beyond a gateway.

"He's from Andor!" Elayne exclaimed, "I know him! He was in the Queen Guard!" She looked as if she didn't believe to what she herself was saying.

"An Andoran with very strange habits." Min murmured, her face still pale. Aviendha didn't think that they were suppose to hear it.

"What do you mean?" Elayne asked, her face amazed. "I don't remember much of him, but I remember enough. He used to guard me while I was a little child."

"He is as interested in Healing as Nynaeve is." Min said, "But he wants to know everything about it. He need to know how muscles works and how the body heal itself. He can't learn it from human, so he goes to the blight every couple of days, and get few Trollocs to examine. Apparently, they are enough for him to study." Her face became even greener. "I once entered to his... study. I feel pity over the Trollocs."

"How many people Rand have here?" Elayne asked, "Surely not enough to fill all this space," That was as far as she went.

Min began to laugh, the green disappeared from her face. "There is Rand and me, and the two of you, of course. And the Asha'man, six of them, as of now. Rand said he may go to the Black Tower to get more of them." Elayne shivered to this, and Aviendha barely stopped hers. Min said it so... naturally. As if it was something common, men channeling. "And the Aes Sedai, of course, twelve of them. With the two of you, twenty two."

"Aes Sedai?" Elayne asked sharply, "What twelve Aes Sedai? You went with only nine."

Min bit her lower lip. "Why don't the three of us go to Rand's... my rooms and drink something?" She suggested, "I think you will need something to drink, it's a long story. And..." Her voice dwindled, Aviendha felt Rand coming closer rather than heard him. He was... worried wasn't quite the word. Concerned was the word that came to her mind.

Rand opened a gateway, and passed through without a word, he at least had the manner to leave the gateway open so they could follow him. "Rand," Min said as soon as she walked through the gateway, "what is wrong?"

They were in a dark room, lighten by half a dozen glowing balls of light. The walls were maybe twenty feet apart in width, and twice that in length. There wasn't even one window in the room, and only one door. By what she saw through it, it led to Rand's bedchamber. The thought alone made her blush, Light, She thought, can't I think about anything else? There were about two dozen chairs, simple dark brown wood. Without any gilding or carving. Three tables caught her attention. One was loaded with books, on the point of cracking from the weight it carried. The other table was almost as loaded, but with maps instead of books. "Wrong?" Rand wondered, he was standing near the third table, his back hiding what he was doing. Turning around, three cups float in the air at them, it looked like a reflex. Min caught hers as naturally as she breath. Elayne grab it with a grimace so vile Aviendha thought she might sour the wine. For herself, she had to force herself to take the cup. It smell of plums, and something else she didn't recognize. "Nothing is wrong, save that bloody wool headed woman that Elayne had bonded as warder." His voice, the way he moved, even the way he stood, his eyes never resting on one spot, spoke of immense tense. "Women!" He muttered, throwing himself into a dark chair. It had the sound of a curse.

Aviendha look at him, then quickly searched something else to talk about, anything save Birgitte. The way he was, it would only darken his mood. This had to be avoided. "What did Narishma want?" Was the first thing that came to her mind, at least the first that wouldn't darken Rand's mood. The first that she can make herself say aloud without dying blushing.

"Narishma?" Rand sounded surprised, but some of the tense faded, the smile returned to his face. He was much more beautiful, smiling. "Narishma has a problem, Aviendha. I've... taken some of those who... taken me prisoner under... my custody. As I did with those Salidar sent me." The hesitation were painful, he had to force the words out. "Beldeine is one of those I've brought here." The smile changed, holding no mirth in it. "I needed saidar, to make such a huge task. And I can trust them, to some extent." He looked at Min saying it, and she nodded shortly. He seemed to relax a little, seeing it. How could the woman make him so... ? No, this could wait. "Maybe Beldeine is trying to prove herself that she isn't afraid of the Asha'man. Maybe she thinks she can have some use of an Asha'man as a warder." Min nodded to herself, without taking her eyes from Rand once. She sipped from her cup slowly, Aviendha doubted if Min even felt the taste of the wine. "Maybe it's me again," Aviendha blinked at him, Min open her eyes wide, only Elayne seemed to understand what he meant, "twisting the pattern again. Or maybe she is in love with Narishma." He sounded more than amused for the last. "Light, it's no stranger choice than falling in love with me." Aviendha glared at him, there was a difference between falling in love with him and falling in love in any other man. With others, I might have been able to maintain my wits. Rand smiled as if he read her mind, again! "Moghedien," He muttered, almost to himself, "if I ever lie my hands on that woman..." His voice fade, as if he didn't know the words to fit what he planned.

Elayne walked to him, and, holding her cup carefully, trying to look natural, sat on his lap. He smiled at her for a moment, then return to stare darkly at his cup. "What happened to Birgitte, Rand? This is the reason you are angry about Moghedien, isn't it?" She asked softly. For the first time, Aviendha notice that she had been holding a wine cup without drinking. She needed it, the wine was made of plums, soft and sweet and warm. She had the feeling that this was the way it should be, both the wine and Elayne. Min took a chair near Rand, folding her legs and wearing an unreadable expression. Aviendha hesitated for a long moment, she didn't like seating on chairs. But she didn't seem to have a choice. If she would seat on the floor, Rand would too. Elayne tried to make him forget his anger for her. She wouldn't get in the way of her near sister like that. And standing would have the same affect. She sat on the very edge of a chair. Uncomfortable.

Rand wrapped a hand around Elayne's shoulder, "Birgitte," He said, he titled his head, and his eyes had that far off stare in them. As if he was listening to something only he could hear. Lews Therin, it still made her want to shiver. After a long moment, Rand signed to himself. "She wanted to know if I can take her back to Tel'aran'rhiod. To unmake what Moghedien did."

Elayne sat very straight suddenly. Staring at Rand with all the dignity she could master. Aviendha wonder if she had to take notes. It must be hard, looking that way at a man while seating in his lap. "Can you do this?" Her voice was empty.

"What, taking her back? I think I can, at least. Lews Therin think it's too much a risk." He smile at this, as if he had just said something funny. Whatever it was, none save him smiled. "But I believe it can be done. I even think I know how Moghedien learned how it can be done. I even found a way to avoid the problems in your bond to her." His smile gone, blue gray eyes intent on Elayne's blue. Min stared at them, one eyebrow rise. Of course, she didn't know about Birgitte.

Elayne tried to rise, "When are you taking her? I want to say her goodbye before she..." Rand didn't let her go.

"I don't take her." He said simply.

"What!" Elayne exclaimed, "Why? What give you the right to make such decision for her..." She fell silent as Rand threw his head back, laughing.

Rand had tears in his eyes by the time he controlled himself, and Elayne cheeks were red spots in pale face. "A moment ago you were grieving her for leaving, and now you're angry of me for not taking her away from you." Rand said, amusement heavy in his voice. "It's not my choice, Elayne. It's her. All she wanted to know is whatever I can do it."

"She don't want to leave? Why? Rand, she is pain inside, missing Gaidal all the time." Elayne said, her voice held enough strength to make any Wise One pride. Min's eyes went wide the soon Gaidal's name was mention. She stared at Elayne as if she had never seen her before. Aviendha thought she might have guessed. Min remained silent, and so she herself did. This was between Rand and Elayne, and Birgitte, of course.

"She is your friend, not only your warder." The man answered, he took a sip from his cup. And didn't look at Elayne. Quite obviously hadn't looked at Elayne. "As for Gaidal..." He sighed heavily. "I rise her, did you know it? In the Age of Legends. My little band of heroes." His voice, his eyes, were unfocused, staring at something long pass. "I needed something more than simple soldiers. Twenty five years before the War of Shadow began, I already knew about the existence of the Dark One, about what he was. It wasn't hard to find orphans. The Light know there were too much orphans those days. I gather little more than one hundred," He smiled faintly. "Even Ilyena was shocked by what I planned, some of them weren't even five years old. But she helped, for pity of the children if for nothing else." He returned to the present suddenly. "I thought them how to use every weapon possible. Trained them to be my hounds." There was disgust in his voice, "I did what I thought necessary, never because I liked it. And every last of them swore an oath to me. And I swore the same to them." He stopped to swallow, he wasn't lost anymore in the past, he was explaining something, Aviendha wished she knew what it was. " 'As long as one drop of blood still flows in veins, as long as the wheel turn and the Dark One exist. To death and beyond.' " He quoted. "The Wheel sometimes has a strange humor. My band of heroes, so I called them. And every last one of was a hero. None of them survive to the last year of the War of Shadow. And I will make sure that their murderers will die, their death avenged." He looked at Elayne, at Min, at her.
There was something in his eyes, something she didn't understood. Inside, he was frozen metal. Nothing touched him. "I called them from the grave, on the day I... sealed the Dark One away from the world." The day he killed Ilyena. "I promised them that everything I can do for them I will. None ever asked me for a thing." The wine in his cup trembled. There was grief in him, about a time long past. "Go away!" he whispered suddenly, seemingly to the air. "I'm sorry," he said a moment later, "it happens sometimes, I get carried away by the memories. It doesn't matter anymore, save that Birgitte has the right to ask whatever she wish from me." He looked at Elayne, morning skies eyes with no expression. "Birgitte is your friend, Elayne. She wouldn't leave you. Not even for Gaidal, she always had too much pride. Without Gaidal, she always got herself into troubles." Fury burned inside him, lasting heartbeat only. "Moghedien promise to hurt her as badly as she could, when I will find her, I will make her beg to suffer as much pain as she had given." He said the words in a quiet voice, Aviendha believed him. He had the sound of utter truth in his voice. "Birgitte wouldn't let me return her to where she belongs. But I did... something to... help her a little." Rand was never so hesitant, never!

"What have you done?" Elayne asked in a small voice. "What could you do?" Her eyes widen in shock suddenly. "Loving Gaidal was the reason she was the reason she was always sad, so you..." She choked on her words.

"I erased the memory of loving Gaidal from her. Compulsation." Rand said, he sounded as disgusted from what he was saying as Elayne looked. "Before you will throw up a tantrum," he said quickly, "tell me what else could I do. I set it to unravel when she will meet Gaidal again. And she will meet Gaidal again. In a new body, a new mind. But it will be her Gaidal. As ugly as always. The pattern would allow nothing else. I would allow nothing else. And let me burn for it!" He glared back at Elayne, as hard as she glared at him. "What else I could do? I had no intention to leave her to bleed inside, Elayne. I owe her too much."

"I don't know." Elayne muttered finally. Her glare faded slowly. "I don't know, but I can't like it."

Min cleared her throat, loudly. "Would any of you mind explaining me what you're talking about?" She said, "It's a very interesting argument, but I would like to know the rest of it."

Rand laughed softly. "Of course," for the first time, he seemed to notice that she was seating in a chair. Hadn't Elayne been in his lap, she would have threw her cup on the fool. The way he stared at her... Rand stood easily, and set Elayne on the floor carefully. "Elayne, why wouldn't you start telling Min what you've told me, I need to make some... arrangement, I will be back soon." With this, he took a long step back, and flames enveloped him, he was gone in a heartbeat. He hadn't gone far, maybe to another room in this huge hold of him.

"Show off!" Min noted calmly, "the first time he did it, he frighten me half way to death." Aviendha had to agree, for a moment, she thought he was burning. Min rose from the chair, and sat on the floor, Elayne did the same. Aviendha appreciate it, she couldn't feel comfortable, seating on a chair.

"Min," she had to ask this, "how can you be so calm about this." Her gesture include the entire strange hold, build inside the Dragonmount, the Asha'man in it. "Those Asha'man, they can go mad any moment, killing anyone in their sight."

Min was silent for a long moment, her eyes, when she lifted them from her wine cup were dark storms. "So can Rand, and there is nothing any of us can do about it." Her tone changed, sadden, "Morr had gone mad, he was barely a boy. Rand gave him something to make him sleep, too much of it." She shivered, Aviendha caught a glimpse of unshed tears in her eyes. "I liked him, I grieve his death, Aviendha." Her eyes changed, for a heartbeat, they reminded her Rand's, frozen calm and burning fury. "Two Asha'man had given their life already for Rand. I know about two times he would have died without them. There are probably more I don't know about. They aren't the monsters from the stories." Min stopped to take a breath. "I like them, the one Rand's has with him, at least. They are men, they can channel, that is true, but they are still men nevertheless."

Elayne had red spots on her cheeks. What Min said was so much like Rand's words, so much unlike what she herself said that it seemed deliberate. For herself, Aviendha had her cheeks on fire too. Her thoughts weren't that much different than Elayne's, at least when it came to those Asha'man. Elayne emptied her cup, and Aviendha took a long drink from hers.

"Who was Morr, Min? What are you talking about?" Aviendha asked. Min took a deep breath and began talking. Aviendha drunk more of the cup as Min continued, that Rand hadn't told. He hadn't have a chance, after telling them about his kidnapping. Neither she nor Elayne was ready to listen to any further word of him. She thought he mentioned something about Aes Sedai swearing fealty to him. She was too furious to listen to anything. Min completed what they hadn't let Rand tell them. In some ways, it was as disturbing as the what Rand had said. He had another wound on his side, and that Darkfriend, Padan Fain, wanted him dead. For the first time, she heard what happened in the Sun Palace. She didn't know what to think. There was too much she didn't understood. Renegade Asha'man who wished Rand's death. The mad Asha'man Min had to take care for while Rand hunted for the attackers.

"Light," Elayne murmured at the end, "it there anybody who doesn't want to kill Rand?" She sounded desperate, no wonder about it, Aviendha understood long ago how frustrating Rand could be. He took no care for his life, and he had enough enemies to make Sorilea afraid.

"The three of us." Min said quietly, she didn't sound as if she was joking. Min looked at the cup in her hand and seemed to give herself a shake. "I think this is as far as I'm going to drink for today." She said loudly. Her cup was full of wine, as if she hadn't taken more than one sip. "I suggest that you would do the same."

Aviendha stared at her cup, it was almost as full as Min. She knew she drunk more of it. "I thought I've drunk more than one sip." She said, wondering.

Min smiled at her, a very amused smile. "You drunk at least three cups, if not more, Aviendha. You too, Elayne, so you can stop being so pleased with yourself. It's a trick that have to do with gateways, as far as I understand it. An old party trick, so Rand call it. This can get fool around with it even when you know about it." She blushed, "It happened to me, twice." Elayne took one more sip and put her cup on the floor. Aviendha settled her cup on the floor hastily.

"Three times, actually." Rand said from behind them, Aviendha hadn't felt him coming. She would have, he must have just come in. "You... were too drunk to remember the first time." His smile were so like Mat's for a moment, that Aviendha froze. There was a glint in his eyes. Something in his movement, amusement of sort. Not of them, or so she thought, something else. "Did I miss anything," Rand asked, he carried a tray. Her stomached rumbled, reminding her she hadn't eaten since yesterday, she couldn't eat, not when she thought Rand had gone mad. And later, there seemed to be no time for this. Rand's smile widened, as both she and Elayne snatched bowls from the tray before he even sat it on the ground. "I thought you will be hungry," Rand said, even more amused than before. She was too hungry at first to feel what she was eating. Some kind of a soup, with some kind of a meat in it. Rand took one bowl for himself and gave Min another. Two other bowls remained on the tray. Light, if I wasn't too hungry, Aviendha thought, I would kiss him. She glanced at him over her bowl, too hungry to do anything save eating. For some reason, being with him almost made her forget her body entirely, Rand and Min ate far more slowly. Min looked at them, amazed. Rand only smiled. It felt good, relaxed, to see him smiling. Light, there wouldn't a thing she wouldn't do just to see him smiling. He was so beautiful when he didn't. When he did, she had troubles thinking.

[Originally posted on as Barid Bel Medar @ 6 November 1998]

You shouldn't take this story too seriously. I made it mainly because I wanted a mad story. And after you read it, you will have to admit that this is a mad story. I began as a theory, but since I could find nothing to support it... At least I could make a story out of it. I don't know if it's good. But it's certainly not the kind of stories I usually write. And it's certainly something you will never see in the books. Beside, I can't write another story until I will have Path of Daggers, so I made as story that can fit always, or so I think. It might be mad, but I wish it was a part of the story. Just because of all the trouble this would make.

Elayne woke slowly. She didn't want to. She expected the pain, but she felt none of it. Her fingers met unbroken skin, but she didn't feel the weakness of being healed. She stood slowly, she was lying on the floor, wearing only a simple white dress. She was in a room, not small, but certainly not large. One of the walls was a mirror, the larger she had ever seen in her life. She looked at herself. Save her hair, she was fine. Then her eyes locked on her face. The hair was at the same color, and the eyes were in the same shade of blue. But the face were different, only slightly, the nose was smaller, and the mouth bigger. The face was wider. Small changes, but it wasn't her body. The implications made her shiver.

What happened to me? She remembered the Trollocs attacking, being led by dark-clad fades. She remembered Rand screaming in fury, facing a dark man with hawk nose with a face that barely belonged to him. And she remembered the other man, the man that cut off her flows and shielded her, and Aviendha. And then it was only the pain, endless pain.
You're dead, child. A voice whispered in her mind. Just like the two others died. As I died, so long ago, dead by those who were sent by the Lord of all the Darkness. There was endless sadness in the voice. Gloom and grief and sorrowfulness more than she could ever imagine.
Who are you? What are you doing in my mind? Where am I? What happened! She demanded in fury. What happened?
Don't be hasty, child. Let the others awake first, they would have as much questions as you will. And I don't like repeating myself. The voice was female, she was sure of it. But she didn't like it.
Others? She, her body, sat on the floor, leaning on the wall, and her hands arranged the skirt around her carefully. She did none of it. It was the other woman's doing. What are you doing? Stop using my body!
Tsk! Tsk! Child, it's my body, not yours, at least, it's so close to the one I born with that it make no difference. She felt amusement from the other women. It was much like having a warder you can talk to with your mind.
Brigitte! She thought in shook. What happened to Brigitte? She hadn't felt the other woman, but she didn't feel the pain of the warder bond being cut. She hadn't died, I would have known had she died.
She could feel something else moving, awakening. What... what happened? Min, Elayne was never happier to hear another voice as she was now. Well, maybe Rand's.
The other one is wakening too, the other woman's voice noted.
Min made a sound, half a scream, and half a cry of surprise. What are you? Who are you? Where am I?
Min, Elayne said, or thought, it was the same. I don't know where we are -
Inside my head, children. The women whispered, amused. It seemed that the Lord of Darkness does have sense of humor. I never believed it.
Elayne felt another presence. She would have bet anything that this was Aviendha. Who are you? That was all the Aielwoman said. What had you done to me. By what she felt from Aviendha, the woman was ready to violence. Elayne doubt if this could do any help here. Inside their mind.
So you have awaken, little da'shain. The voice murmured in satisfaction. Now we can talk. Aviendha growled. And her fury was stronger than Elayne ever believed the Aielwoman could feel. Aviendha was also calm.
It's you body, isn't it? The... The Dark One put us in your body! Our souls! He did! Min's voice sounded small and frightened. Amusement became stronger in the other woman.
Very good child. It something that, as far as I know, had never been done. Never four in one body. You might have to excuse me for being amused by... the situation. But it's funny, in a way.
What was so amusing in this? Elayne didn't had a clue. We are in the hands of the Dark One? How Aviendha made her voice sound so steady. Elayne thought that if she will try to speak she will never stop screaming.
In the hands of the Dark One? Amusement grew even stronger. You can call it that. They want to... use me. To win. They are no fools. Turning me to the Dark One, in whatever method they would use, would do them no good. Lews Therin would kill any that belong to the Shadow without blinking twice. Even me. But if I still belong to the light... I don't think he could choose. And now they had put you in my body also. For the same purpose, I assume. Who are you? Why holding you can stop the Dragon from sealing again the Dark One's prison?
Elayne couldn't think, nor feel anything. The woman's words. Impossible, you can't her! She died three thousands years ago!

I died, but I still live, your bodies are death. But you are still breathing. The dead walk, and the dead speak, to foretell the Dark One's coming. Lews Therin killed me, in his madness. And would never forgive himself this. He had no choice, but he would blame himself still. He caught me, The Lord of all the Darkness. Through the seals, and although I never swore myself to him. Caught my soul at the moment of dying. It nearly killed him, even the Dark One has his limits. But he did. And now he had you as well. Who are you that can stop the Wheel of Time from turning? Who are you that can stop the Dragon from fulfilling a prophecy as old as the mountains and the seas? What make you so important to them?
Ilyena, Lews Therin's dead wife. Min's voice was barely a whisper. But Elayne could almost see the nod of approval.
That is what I was, before I died. Maybe I'm still, I don't know. Who are you? It wasn't a question, it was a command.
I'm Elayne, the others are Min and Aviendha. Elayne thought quietly. We are, were, Rand's lovers. And more, had they convinced Rand into marrying them. He is Lews Therin Telamon reborn.

Stunned shock was the only thing that came from the other woman, from Ilyena. She could barely believe it. He took you? All three of you? Ilyena asked suddenly, after a time so long Elayne feared that the woman had gone. What did he feel for you? What do you feel for him? It took her a moment to understand what Ilyena meant.
Love! Min shouted. Nothing but love. Do you think that we would have agreed to... what are you thinking of? Do you truly think that he would have agreed to this? Aviendha remain quiet, but Elayne would have bet her soul, a miserable expression, that the Aielwoman searched ways to attack Ilyena.
It was... unlikely, but who can know. In this age? With Aes Sedai that are less than savages are. And da'shain that are worse than Friends of the Dark.

This time Aviendha explode. You! Elayne felt her reaching for saidar, what she meant to do with it she had no idea. They were at the same body as Ilyena was. She herself for furious on the other woman, she had no right to judge! Aviendha's anger faded away. I can't touch saidar! I can't even feel the source!
Aviendha's words had frozen her, she opened herself to saidar, feeling herself with the warmth and life and - there was nothing there, it was as if saidar had gone. As if she was stilled! Here, the True Source cannot be reached. Ilyena whispered. You have no idea how many times I have tried. Saidar cannot reach here. We are not stilled, if this give you any comfort.
What are they going to do to us? Min asked, surprisingly calm. Why putting us all in one body. And why you?
I'm who I am, and who I was. Ilyena answered. As you are who you are. Lews Therin, Rand, as you say he call himself now, would never act against our good. Blackmail.
He will never... he can't decide that we are more important than the world! He can't! Aviendha said urgently. He must not.
What would you would do if you had the choice? Elayne asked Aviendha, the other woman didn't bother to answer.
We are wasting time, Min said, there must be a way out of here. We must escape.
There is no way, I'm here for a long time, ever since Ishmael pulled me out from the stasis box, and there is no way out.

The body rose to its feet, and began to pace the length of the room, Elayne had no idea which one of them commanded it. They had to escape. They couldn't let Rand make the choice, he might choose wrong. For a moment she had no idea what choice she meant. But they had to escape. Rand mustn't allowed to choice. It would tear him inside, kill him from inside like nothing else could do. He shielded himself from anything, but not from them. If he would have to choose, if he... It would kill him.

Ilyena shut herself off the argument. It was useless, there was no way out. And the Light only knew how long had she been trying to break free. She had lost count of time long ago. She thought it must be a year or two at least.

She moved the body, there were always some food in a room that was attach to this. It was always full with food, but she never saw anyone filling the room with food. The body was hungry, strangely, she couldn't think about it as her body anymore. It wasn't. It was their body. Hers, and the other three women's. It looked a lot like the one she was originally born with. So close that she sometimes wondered about it. The body was younger than the one she died in. When she woke the body was about nineteen years old. Now it was about twenty-one, she thought. She had no idea if she will slow in this body too. She was allowed out of this room rarely, only enough so she could touch saidar. Enough so the lack of the One Power wouldn't kill her.

They took a good care of her, she had known that the wildest rumors she had heard in the War of Power had been only the edge of what actually happened to the prisoners of the Shadow. The War of Power, so long ago, if Ishmael was to be believe, three thousands years ago and more. She remembered waking, and how much this had terrified her. One wasn't suppose to wake from death. And she remembered dying. Remembered her husband, Lews Therin, the man she loved more than anything else, leashing out with the power. All the while laughing madly. She remembered facing him, and...

She had been awaken once afterwards. When they pushed her into the stasis box. "To keep you safe until you will be of use again, Ilyena." As Ishmael said. Time didn't pass inside stasis boxes. And it was as if they simply close the box and opened it immediately. But three thousands years passed. And the world she knew was no more. Saidin was tainted, and men that could channel were hunted down. Worse of all, the Aiels, those gentle men and women, sworn never to rise a weapon, had become something that was worse than the soldiers they had to breed in the War of Power. They had to do this, of course, but none like it. It was too much like Aginor's doings. And the Aes Sedai, they were less than savages. All this according to Ishmael's stories, but she didn't think that the Forsaken lied to her. He had no need to, and Ishmael never did anything unless he had reason too. It made her nervous, all their talks. She wasn't exactly afraid of him, no in the way she would had he been Rahvin, or Sammael, or worse, Demandred. His lust of power burned long ago any other lust.

Why did he tell me all this? She wondered idly, she forgot that she wasn't alone in her head anymore.
Who did what? Elayne demanded, the girl had to learn patience. She ignored her.
What are you doing? That was another voice, Ilyena thought the woman was named Min. So far she was the calmest, and the most reasonable.
Eating, if you didn't notice, I... we are hungry. It was strange, more than strange, to share a mind, a body, with another. Not to say three others.
Aviendha began to laugh suddenly. The mouth of the body twisted. I just thought about this. She said, but the Dark One did Rand a favor! She actually giggled saying this.
What! All three of them thought united, shocked.
Think, none of us liked having to share Rand with the two others. Ilyena never heard about such things, a man with three women, Lews Therin with three other women. It was enough to make her mad. Now we don't have to share him. He can love one woman only. Now we not only share the same man, we share the same body! She laughed more at this. The other two, on the other hands, wasn't amused. She herself wasn't, she saw nothing funny in this.
"We still have to get out of here, Aviendha. Before we can meet Rand. Or have you forgotten." This time Elayne had used the mouth to form the words. It was... disturbing. She felt the mouth moving, but didn't order it to move. More than disturbing.

"That can be arranged." A voice said behind her. A voice she knew, a voice she dreaded of. She turned back. Or at least tried to, the four of them tried to control the body at the same time. And the body tripped on its own feet, she fell hard on the floor. Too confuse even to send her hands forward to stop her fall. Let me have control! She shouted inwardly, I know him, and I know the body more than you do! We can't all control this body at the same time! She felt them moving back, and she could move the body again, they were just voices. But they sensed her fear, and fell silent.
"It can be hard to get use to a new body, Ilyena. Especially when you have to share it." The man said. He had another body, but she knew him. He visited her before. He called himself Moridin, he deserved the name. He also had other names. It didn't took long to guess the truth. Elan Morin, Ishmael, Ba'alzmon. He was the same man. None but Ishmael knew about her, and Moridin remembered her conversations with Ishmael. "You are leaving now."
"What?!" This was the last she could expected.
Why he's letting us go? Elayne asked.
He's evil! That was Min, Even Myradraals are pure near him. I could believe him to be the Dark One in the flesh.
Have you seen something, Min? Elayne asked.
Little, enough. More than I wanted. He and Rand are going to struggle against each other. I don't know who will win.
Quiet, Aviendha said. You can tell us all about this latter, we have to deal with him first.
A voice of reason, at last. Ilyena thought at them, Be quiet!
"Do you want to stay? You're a... message for Lews Therin, Ilyena. A warning. He will understand." He meant to explain no further. And she meant to argue no more, she wanted to be out of this place!
"Well? Are you going to let us go or not?" She asked.
"Tell him about me, Ilyena, tell him about what we did to those he loved. Ask him how high the price he's willing to pay is." He moved closer, and she danced back. She didn't like being too close to him. She didn't like him. But she was wrapped in air suddenly. And something she couldn't see threw her back. She flailed in the air. She was about to crush against the wall. She hadn't seen the gateway. But somehow, in the middle of the flight, she passed through it. She fell into the ocean.

As soon as she understood where she was she started swimming. Aviendha was afraid, she could feel it as well as she could feel her own fear. But the woman wasn't afraid facing the Forsaken. But she was terrified from the water. She felt something else, a knot of emotion, much like the way she sensed the other women. But there was no awareness in it.
Birgitte, Elayne called. Relieved. She is alive!
How many more surprises she would have? How many women would feel her head? For some reason, Min giggled. She heard her thoughts. Nothing was funny in this! But the other woman began to laugh.

[Originally posted as Barid Bel Medar @ 21 March 1998]

[This is a different story than my PoD Prologue's #1]

The Story Part 1:

Min had never been so happy in her life, had never been so worried, never so full of fear. She paced the length of the room for hours already, she doubted if she could stand still without exploding. As usual Rand filled her thoughts. Even before she made him admit that he is in love with her, being near him was all what she needed to make herself overjoyed. Now that he said he love her, she felt as if her heart will beat itself through her chest whenever he was near. He had tried to deny his love to her, and to Elayne and this Aviendha she never met before, but she rushed that by, it was easy. She really didn't want to think about it. But he had as much choice as she herself had; none. She had done it at least a hundred times since he had gone with his Asha'man to kill Sammael, eight or nine hours ago, but she had called all the memories she had from him, every last one. Sad or happy, she summoned them all.

She met him first at Baerlon, when he came together with Moiraine and Lan and Perrin and Mat and Egwene. She liked him from the beginning, even before see saw that she is going to fall in love with the man. She had never seen anything about herself not before nor after. Nothing! Why the only viewing she had ever had that had some meaning was of three women crying over his body. How could she love a man while she knew he was going to die? But after she talked to him in the first time she already knew, already started to love him. It was madness!
She knew practically nothing about the man, except that he was going to tear the world apart. She had always wished to find herself in some kind of adventures, but certainly not one that was going to make her name hated for ages. Lews Therin Kinslayer died three thousand years ago and was still mentioned as the main cause for the breaking, the last thing she wanted was to be in love with a man that will do it again. And it only become worse after they all left in the middle of the night. And when she thought about it afterward the only one thing that could make any sense that she thought about was that Rand must be the Dragon Reborn. The thought made her laugh then, she never thought that the horrified Dragon Reborn would be a backward farm boy.
But she did go to the library on Baerlon; small one but they had a tatter copy of the prophecies of the dragon. And she read all of them, she meant to find some prove that he wasn't Lews Therin Kinslayer reborn. Only, the things she read there only confirmed her suspicion. She saw a sword that isn't a sword and a laurel crown with swords around him. And the others, the things she hadn't told him.
The dragon's fang and the flame of Tar Valon joined together on field of blood. And a heron flying over his head. She knew that he could channel since the first time she saw him. A black aura that was visible to her alone spoke of madness and death that would follow him wherever he would go. And that wasn't even the worst thing she saw. She learned long ago that when she know something it happen, but to have to share a man with two women she never even saw. A fair hair and blue eyes woman with dignity that could have easily match the sun, the great serpent ring on her finger and a green shawl on her shoulders. An Aes Sedai, but no Aes Sedai would even think of helping any man that can channel, even if he was the Dragon Reborn.
And a woman with red hair and blue-green eyes, in dark silk and an ivory bracelet she held while she cried on Rand's corpse. The bracelet was important to the woman more than her life that was all she understood from that viewing. But she had no intention of falling in love with a man that was going mad if he wouldn't gentled. And no intention at all of sharing any man at all with any other woman. But she hadn't have the choice, and as the days passed she started missing him, she saw him for less than two hours, and was in love with him. Tied to him as much as his belt. And then she got the letter from Moiraine, commanding her to come to the White Tower. She went there as much because of she want to know what happened to Rand as because of the Aes Sedai's command. She half feared to find him there, the red would have gentled him no matter who he was suppose to be. And half expected to see him there.
And in the Tower she found one of the women that came with Rand, Egwene. She loved him then, and he her. But she had known that they didn't belonged to each other. And a second woman, Elayne Tarkand, the second women she saw when she looked at Rand.
She had tried to treat it like a joke since the day she first saw it. It wasn't possible that the Dragon Reborn would love a woman, no matter what she felt for him. And it was less than possible that she let herself caught by a man that was as good as mad or death.

She tried that for a very long time, she even succeed to make herself laugh at that once or twice. And for all her determination to not let herself even think of Rand, when she saw him on Falme; when he walked across the skies, setting them aflame, all her stubbornness of not letting herself loving the man faded.How could she let herself doing so? But that was that, she couldn't laugh at it anymore. And she watched him fight with a man who had a face from fire, watched him walk on screens of fire while a golden and crimson creature that glitter as the sun waved behind him. She had understood then that all that left for her was to surrender. The wheel weaves as the wheel wills. And for some reason the wheel wanted her in love with that man, though she had no idea why. She saw the fight on the sky, watched Ba'alzmon speaking words that terrified her thought she didn't understood their meaning, watched Rand answering him in the same way. Saw how Ba'alzmon's spear stabbed the man she loved, saw him disappearing from the sky. And only then she became really aware of what was going on around her. The Seanchans fought against the Heroes of the Horn, she saw Artur Hawkwing cutting off the head of a soldier of his offsprings. Saw Gaidal Cain with his two swords and Birgitte with her silver bow, and the man that fought with the sword of the sun must have been Amaresu. She saw all the heroes she heard on the stories, but she barely noticed that more than one moment or two. As soon as Rand and Ba'alzmon disappeared see felt something dragging her as if she was tied with a string. As she was, in a manner of speaking.

When she reached Rand and saw him, she first felt joy for him being alive and than worry when she understood that he might not stay that way long. She dragged him into a servant's room in the building she found him. And saw Lanfear, during her days on the Tower she read every thing she could about Lews Therin Telamon, and she knew that Lanfear was once his lover. She had never even considered that the woman might want her lover back, more than three thousands years after he died in sorrow of killing his wife. She also never considered what would happen, had the woman known what she felt for Rand. The books only said that Lanfear hated Lews Therin's wife, and she didn't think that the woman would accept easily that she had more chances than the Forsaken to be Rand's wife. But one thing she viewed on the woman, that made her stomach to icy stone; Rand would have to confront her one-day, and she didn't see anything that would hint on the winner, only that Lanfear would hurt him.

When Nynaeve and Elayne and Egwene arrived she hid it from them, hid it from all save Moiraine. Which only listened and said nothing, sometimes the Aes Sedai 's serenity made her want to strangle her. She had stayed near Rand when he slept, stayed till Moiraine told her she could go to sleep or be dragged to bed. And she was back as soon as her eyes opened. Rand woke up only four days later, when they already were in the mountains of mist. And when he saw how the others in the camp treated him he could not even stay near them without wanting to vomit. She understood him, maybe more then she wanted, she could have pictured easily how she would have done if anyone would look at her as if she was the light itself.
She and Lan and Moiraine and Perrin was the only ones which treated him like a human being, and she was the only one that was never afraid of being around him. After the Trollocs attacked the camp, after she saw how Rand behaved… she had 0never seen him so hopeless before, nor after. Never so ready to die and end it all.
On that night he disappeared, going to Tear in the hope he could touch callandor, and she went to the Tower to inform Suian about it. To inform the Amirlyn, that was all what she intended to do, but she stayed there, trapped because of a man and love. And during all her time in the Tower she saw nothing that could point out even one black sister. She cursed him a lot during those seemingly endless days. She hoped desperately for something that might get her out of the Tower and near him. Though she hadn't prayed for what happened. But Suian and Leane were both stilled, and they escaped the Tower. Suian, Leane, Logain and she, fleeing Elaida and the Tower as fast as they could. And the only thing that kept her from going as unaware of the world as Logain became was a viewing she told nobody of. Elaida stand, with dozens of others Aes Sedai, in front of a tall, reddish hair man. Rand, she was sure thought she couldn't see his face, and screamed as if her soul was taken away from her. She thought it could be for kneeling to a man, after all Elaida was red.

After they fled the Tower and reached Salidar she met Elayne, and told her what she kept hidden for so long. And they had agreed that they would share Rand, though none of them knew who the third woman might be and none of them liked the idea of sharing him. And when the embassy went to Rand she went with them, she could have stayed in Salidar. Had Elayne asked her she would have, she thought she would have. The urge to go to Rand might have been too great for her to refuse it. But Elayne never asked, and she thanked the light for that, she only asked her to give Rand a letter.
So she went to Rand then, and he told her of Elayne and of a woman called Aviendha. He never mentioned herself but she was sure, sure beyond any reason that he loved her too. She thought her heart might stop when she realized that the joy and the shock she felt she had barely hid. But all that gone in flush when Rand said that he didn't see her as a woman! The bloody man thought of her as if she wasn't a woman! With anybody else she might have pass it by, she really didn't what others thought of her. But him! She wanted him to think of her as a woman, wanted him to see her as one. Had the man slapped her face for hours he couldn't hurt her more than that little remark had.
But just being near Rand had a strange affect on her, she couldn't be angry on him for long, not for any reason. The hours she spend with Rand passed as quickly as the hours away from him refused to pass. She had great pleasures from teasing him, and she could find something to fill the hours away from him. But when the Aes Sedai decided to challenge Rand, for a reason he and she still didn't know, and when the number of the Aes Sedai had reached thirteen, she felt fear as she had only once before, when he told her what thirteen Aes Sedai can do to any man in Falme, when she thought he was going to die. He told her then that he will send her away for her to be safe, she didn't understood why this mad her feel so warm inside and in the same time so angry, but when he added that he would cut off his hand before hurting her… She knew that he couldn't view, nobody else save her seemed to be able to do that, but she suspected that he might have a foretelling, if Aes Sedai could foretell why not man that could channel. She saw a hand when she first met him, a severed hand that she thought was his. A hand that she knew will be severed because of something he would do for one of them, the three woman that love him.

On Cairhien she felt that life slow down, Rand met nobles, and ruled the country. She teased him and kissed him, every thing seemed to go well, save that he sometime became bleak, and in others he seemed to be talking to something nobody save him could hear. She could do nothing in both cases, so she tried to ignore them both, without really succeeding. But beside that she doubted if life could have been better, maybe if she finally manage to make him admit that he is in love with her. She spend the days trying to satisfy both him and the Wise Ones, she thought that if viewing had taken a physical effort she might have collapsed the first day. As it was, she did collapse, from tiredness as much as of discussing of all the things she saw. Rand set there beside her after that, as she had done when he fainted when he closed the waygate to Cairhien. Then she thought of a hundreds ways to tell him that she loves him, thousands ways to make him admit that he loves her. Every last one of them would have make her aunts skin her and him, in strips and very slowly. When the Aes Sedai kidnapped him she actually considered trying some of them!
The Aes Sedai caught her in her way to Rand, and for days she didn't even know they held him too. She was sure he would come to save her, sure of that. And when she found out that they held him too, about three days after they gone from the city, she worried too much for him to be miserable as she was before. When he found that she in the camp, though… she shivered and told herself that it was long past now. But the pictures welled up in her despite her efforts to ignore them. Rand being beaten after he had gone mad and killed the warders, Rand stuffed inside the small box. The Aes Sedai had beaten him every morning and sunset. They beat her too, for not answering as they wanted, but they made her watch when they had beaten Rand.
But far worst was the day when they were attacked, she was left without a watcher and as soon as she could she went to Rand, if there was a time to help him free himself it was then. Only, when she reached the box she heard something exploding and piece of the chest hit her hard enough to trample her down. She recognized it and her heart became empty, a vast waste. Tears streamed down her face and grief that she thought would crush her, a bleakness that was so strong it left nothing else. Colder from inside than she ever believed anyone could be, emptier than she thought possible. Rand was the entire world for her, filling her from inside in life. He was gone now, never to return. She never even told him she loved him. She was turned by someone, she didn't care who or why, she didn't care for a thing right then. Rand is dead! The thought bought another wave of sobs, and returned tenfold stronger. Rand is dead and I never even told him I love him!
She stared at the one who turned her over without really seeing him till now and then she gasped. Rand! Alive! She said something then, after that she could never remember what, she only remember the warmth and joy that came instead of the grief she felt earlier, came ten time as strong as the bleakness. She still cried, but now the tears were of joy and not of that deadly empty feeling. He burned the cords that held her, and help her stand; he looked so weak then. So unlike the Dragon Reborn in a tatter shirt and breaches; yet his face was expressionless and cold enough to make winter heart look worm; and his eyes were full of concern and fury, the concern was for her, the fury for the Aes Sedai. He seemed to relax when he saw that she was fine, he didn't even care for himself, a strange oddity in him, he never seemed to care for his own life. She had never saw something more beautiful than his face while he helped her to stand, her knee trembled, the relief had weaken them. But even with weak knees she was still stronger than he was at the moment, so she wrapped her arms around him to help him stand. What she really wanted was to be sure he wasn't only an illusion, to be sure that he won't disappear.

He straightened and moved from her, his face was all calm again, as it always was when she saw him channeling. He scanned the border of the camp, and whenever he looked at an Aes Sedai she fell from her saddle to the ground. She wanted to leave this place; she didn't understand why he didn't just make one of those bloody holes in the air and jumped through. The Aes Sedai might just lock him again if he would stay there long enough. But the Aes Sedai fell and chaos took over the camp. Aiels and Cairhienins and Mayieners were every where suddenly. She clutched Rand and she could almost see the thought on Rand's head, he looked everywhere with eyebrows up. From him, while he channeled, it was like somebody else fainting from shock, and then glanced at her and shocked his head slightly. Obviously he thought that he might had gone mad, but decided that he isn't when he saw that she saw the men too. A group of Aiels came close to them; one of them raising a spear as if to throw it on them and flames suddenly burst out of them, burning them down. And Gawyn appeared in front of them, offering her a way out of the camp, as if she would have take it without Rand. But Gawyn didn't know that she love Rand; Rand himself didn't want to admit it. When she told Gawyn that his sister is in love with Rand she felt Rand stiffening, she couldn't understand why. He was in love with her too, why did he refuse to admit it. She passed the memories of the battle on Dumai's Well quickly, she didn't really want to remember how the earth raised to kill the Shaido, or the day after the battle, when Rand searched through the bodies for the maiden that died in the battle. She also really didn't want to remember what happened to Colavare.

But she did dwell upon her memories after she found what the once queen had done to herself. They were the memories she treasured most. But the way Rand reacted to what they did… she hadn't even thought of resisting him, why did he thought he raped her?
He had closed himself from the world for four days and would have more hadn't she came and talked with him. She didn't understand why and didn't think she ever would. She came and talked to him, she hadn't even linked his shutting himself of the world to what happened, but to find out that he thought he raped her was a shock. But when she considered what to do then she knew that just telling him that no matter what he had done it wasn't rape and never could be won't work with him. He would just assume that she lied in order to make him feel better, so she pretended to be angry with him, well she didn't have to pretend much. And the look on his face was priceless!
But then he said that he loves her and all the anger drained right out of her. That he said her what she dreamed of hearing from almost the first day she knew him made her want to kiss him, to hugged him, to comfort him again, to scream from the pure joy she felt. All at once and all jumbled together so she could decide what to do first. After he said he love her she felt as if she walked on clouds. The pleasure she felt when she was near him seemed to be doubled since he admitted that he loved her, and doubled again when she could finally tell him that she loves him too without fearing that he would try to send her away. He tried it anyway, of course, but it wasn't really hard to make him see that he needed her with him. So she stayed and he went to the Sea Folk's ship. Not before he made her tell him about the viewing that she had hidden from him, she still didn't understood why she gave up in that fashion. She feared that the viewing will make him bleak again, he became bleak too often as it was any way, but instead he laugh! The man would have probably laughing had she told him that he was going to die tomorrow! He never seemed to care one little bit about himself! Didn't care when he was wounded or hurt or too weak to stand! But letting her to try to make something when he thought she was unable to do it, that he can't allow, she might hurt herself. As if he wouldn't have done twice in her case as she would have done, going to kill Sammael when he could barely stand! Had she taken a cold he wouldn't have let her ten paces out of the bed! And it was worse because she could do nothing to stop him whenever he tried to make sure she was safe. And she would do it, the foolish things that woman did when they were in love!
He never explained her what he thought was funny in that viewing, and she couldn't ask him. And when they went to the See Folk; and every thing seemed to be going all right. Every thing. But then he came out with the bloody idea of going to the rebels, that nearly killed him, and the scar he got from Fain's dagger hadn't healed yet. It did eliminate the rebel in both Tear and Cairhien, but she didn't care if another rebel would have started on Andor too if she could forget those horrible two days when she thought he might die any moment. To forget the even more frightening hours she had at the moment. Hours she spent thinking about any thing that might have gone wrong and leave him to the Forsaken's mercy. She and Rand talked about many things, and one of them was the Forsakens, and from what she understood none of them had that particullar quality.
When her mind pictured a hundred disasters, and there was no way to know what happened, no way to know whatever he was even alive. She thought before that when he lied on the edge of death was the worse in her life, now she found out how much she mistaken that. That she didn't know what happened drove her to the edge of madness. She continued pacing the length of the room, her thoughts full of Rand and worries. The sun had already disappeared from the horizon when the door opened. And to the room entered the last two women in the world she could have think of.

The Story Part 2:

Aviendha leaned on the wall of the throne room in Illian watching a woman in livery rushing out of the room, they might have been a little to rush with her, but only a little, though. Her knees were week from relief. She was so wary for Rand al’Thor, so afraid he might be dead by Sammael and his own stubbornness. Why did he need to hunt down the Forsaken when he was barely able to rise from bed? Why the mighty car’a’carn hadn’t had the slightest bit of care for his life? Those were questions she doubted if she would ever find answers for.
But Rand bloody al’Thor was safe. After he had worried her and Elayne and Min half way to death. Burn the man! She thought grimly. He had no right to make me that frighten, I’m not a girl anymore. That was true enough, she wasn’t a girl anymore. Only a woman in love, and when she will see Rand al'Thor again she was sure she would posses less common sense than a child six years old. Elayne and Min were with her, but none of them showed any sigh that they were affected by what they just heard from the servant. Rand al'Thor is the king of Illian, and Lord Brend, Sammael was death. This wasn’t the sort of news Aviendha could have taken without being shocked, though she tried to hide it. And was sure that she succeeded far less than her near-sisters. She pushed herself from the wall firmly and started trotting toward the gilded doors of the throne room., Elayne and Min gave a start when she started moving but followed her stride for stride. None of them wanted to delay their meeting with Rand.
As they walked on the halls of the palace they were silent, none wanted to talk, each wrapped in her own thoughts. They had talked enough when they waited for Rand al'Thor. And only three hours after sunset it was when she suggested that they might want to go to Illian, to see if Rand al'Thor was safe. If he was, they were just torturing themselves. She had done enough of that when she had to pretend that she felt nothing for Rand al'Thor when her heart ached when she was near him. When she had to fight herself for every heartbeat not to tell him how she felt for him. It was enough for her entire life, more than that. The thought came dryly, but she pushed it away roughly, she didn’t wanted to remember.
But if Rand al'Thor had lost for the Destroyer of Hope… they might be able to help him if he was still fighting. Or ant least try to revenge him if he lost. That was a way she didn’t want her thoughts to take, she would have prefered to be stilled and not to lose Rand al'Thor.
She didn’t want to remember all the time she had been forced to be near Rand al'Thor. The memories were too painful, to live in lie wasn’t a thing she could do very well, or enjoy of. And for the better part of her time with Rand al'Thor that was exactly what she had to do. It wasn’t that there weren’t happy moments with him, but that they were too few. Far too few, and nothing she could do about it. Nothing that ji’e’toh would have allowed anyway, and she wouldn’t have broken ji’e’toh. She tried to force the memories down but they came anyway, without her wanting it, she would see Rand al'Thor soon, she could finally tell him what she felt for him. Tell him that she loved him, tell him…
She loved the man so much for such a long time, never telling him that she loved him, always cold and bitter. Most of the time she was near him she tried to make him hate her and her worse fear was that she managed to do that. Memories welled up, also about Rand, his smile and face, the way he moved. Every memory she had on him crossing her head.
She sank deeper on the soft bed, almost sleeping and let Rand cross her mind. She knew that she will fell in love with him since the first day at Rhuidean. He belonged to Elayne, yet the rings never lied, and she fell in love with him. All that was needed was to be near her for the journey to cold rock hold, after that she was caught. Caught in a leash the bloody man put around her heart without even to notice. However hard she tried to make herself hate him, she always found out that he somehow managed to make her love him. And however hard she tried to make herself hated in Rand al’Thor’s eyes the more he seemed to like her. He tied her emotions in knot, had shaken her whole world and the man hardly noticed. She wanted to make him her, she could have done it. In that she was sure, all that she needed to do was to tell him she was in love with him. And the hours and the days she spent arguing with herself about it. He belonged to Elayne, she had the first claim and no matter what Rand had done to her heart. And on the other hand was that she couldn’t be near him nor be away from him without wishing to be boil alive by Trollocs or fades. Compared to what the car’acarn had done to her it would have been pleasant.
What she didn’t understand was why he liked her; he couldn’t even suspect what she felt for him. And all she ever shown for him was hated or anger or cold, she hated the man and the more she hated him the more he liked her. But she had tried on Rhuidean to be away from him and what happen was that she felt as if he had taken a limb from her, felt an emptiness inside her if she was too far from him for too much time. And when she found Ishandre in his sleeping chamber, she thought that he was ready to go to bed with the woman. She would have killed them both without hesitating a moment. No woman save Elayne could have him. None. Not even she herself, and the man protected the wretch woman. And if the man dared to enter some woman to his bed, any woman at all save Elayne she had no doubt that she would kill her. She had hard time enough about stopping herself from him for Elayne, she would not for any other woman. ji’e’toh gave no other choice, for her the only chance to get him was to become a sister wife of Elayne and but what she managed to understand from Egwene there wasn’t really a question of it here. Wetlander women don’t share men. So there was no hope for her, save trying to convince Elayne to share Rand despite the customs of the wetlanders.
After that night the wise ones mad her sleep in his tent, and she learned what a torture was. Being close enough to touch him, only three paces from him and not stepping to him almost drove her mad. And every night she had to sleep with his breaths in her ears, listening to him, knowing that she could be in his embrace if ji’e’toh hadn’t stopped her as well as a stone wall was the worst thing that ever happened to her. And it all became more difficult in her sleep; he hunted her in her dreams and never let her go, always following her no matter what she did.
And the tortures of being in his tent after what had happen to them in the snow were nothing compared to what she had to do to stop herself from coming to him every night. She knew that doing this will be a mistake, even that one time was a mistake even if a pleasant one. She had toh toward Elayne for that time, and she would not shame herself more in doing it again.
Yet every night she dreamed of it, it was the worst time in her life, and the sweetest till now. Now she could tell Rand that she love him, she wouldn’t have to pretend that she was near him just because the wise ones mad her to. Unwanted, uninvited, a memory caught her, she could have as well ignore it as well ignore her needed for air.
Since she couldn’t have taken a sweat tent in the city she thought Rand’s way of washing might worth trying. Only, when she was ready to begin Rand entered to the room, shocked as much as she, he stood there goggling at her and fear took her in his hold. She heard herself mumbling something, but what she saw was Rand, how he looked at her and saidar opened to her. She was never able to remember what she had done then, only that she was suddenly running through stabbing cold from him. To shield her honor, she had to run as far as she could from her. But he followed her even to here. And the cold slowed her down, and however hard she was trying to run she was slowing.
Frozen cold became solid when she suddenly found herself inside a river, the cold overwhelmed her body and she gave up eagerly, any thing at all was better than what chased after her. She felt the cold sipping into her, she was going to die and she couldn’t make herself care.
She was on the edge of dying when a hand grabbed her hair pulling back to the air, back to life. She felt warm flesh touching her frozen, and Rand’s voice talked to her, about Elayne and a woman named Min, about his plans for the future and the last battle. About every thing he thought important and every thing the wise ones told her to find out.
But though the words burned on her heart all she was really aware of was his arms around her, her head lied on his chest and she could hear his heart beating. When she opened her eyes her body moved as if by its own, taking his head in her arms she pulled him toward her to kissed him. And the world was gone in pleasure, after some time, she wasn’t sure how much only that it was considerable amount. She lied on his chest again, filled with warm and love that overpowered even saidar itself.
And only then she rose up from his embrace idly fingering the old wound in his side. She understoond that what they had done didn’t really change anything. Only mad her toh toward Elayne far bigger than it was before.
She still had to hide what she felt for him, and though she managed to be more comfortable around him while they both were awake. The nights were far worse than before, and in her dreams she lived that night again and again. What really bothered her was how he was able to pretend that nothing changed between them, and how he was at his ease around her, while she felt as if she sat on a sharp rock.
She crossed the time between the night in the snow and the battle with the Shaido in a flash, there were only endless torture in those they. And on the day when the battle began the maiden managed to convince Rand to go to the tower with her and Egwene, instead of rushing to the battle like a fool. What really amazed her was how easy it was to make him change his mind, usually he was fool enough for any five men she had ever met, and stubborn enough for ten, well maybe twenty.
Until that day she had never seen Rand channelling enough to judge his strength, but on that day she saw him channel practically for all the day, and by the thing she had seen him doing there he was more than three time her strength. And in that day the man scared her more than she ever thought she could twice! When Sammael tried to kill them and she thought him dead and when she saw him arrive. Looking more than half death and collapsed like a corps. Moiraine healed him then but even the Aes Sedai couldn’t be sure that he hadn’t gentled himself. And the hours she sat there worrying about him. From what she heard about gentling and stilling they were only crueler than death. And on that time sitting on a pallet watching Rand sleeping with the gleeman, both locked in their worries and fears. She really didn’t understand why Rand kept that man near him.
On those hours she understood that she didn’t only loved the man but… it wasn’t exactly respect but that was the closest term she succeeded to put on it, a respect that had nothing to do with that she loved him. She respected him for what he was, for what he had done. He ignored half a dozen wounds, and the weariness that came from channeling so much of the power, ignored every thing to do what he had thought was his duty. It didn’t matter to him that what he had done almost killed him, on those seemingly endless hours when she watched him breathing, not knowing whatever this one might be his last, something changed in her. She was hopelessly in love with the man for a long time, but on those hours she understood that she would be able to live had he die. Had something happened to him some part of her would die, the part of her that belongs to him. But with all those feeling something else stayed in the back of her mind, he almost killed himself and that mad her so angry that she considered killing him herself. He had no right to do this to her, no right at all.
And when he did waked she was so relieve to see that he hadn’t harm himself and so frustrate at his stubbornness that she want to hugged him and to slap his face till he look like ten sunsets. And after that when he walked into the great hall in the treekillers’ palace, she watched him dominating the room, she felt so … proud of him. But then something happened there; his eyes grew stonier with each noble coming to him till his eyes shine with dark light. She saw that cold glint in his eyes and barely hid a shiver, she saw him like that before only when he tried to follow Sammael.
After that day she had to watch him closely. A stream of young women had tried to enter into his bed. She had rather enjoyed making the woman she found on their bedchamber running half-naked. And it was even funnier to make Colavare stop sending the women. But beside the women she had to chase the days were almost pleasant. Had she could have find Elayne and convince her to share Rand with her those days would have been perfect. But though Rand seemed to continue liking her all that end the day they all gone to Caemlyn.
When he had learned that Elayne’s mother was dead she saw something that she had never thought of seeing in him, he usually had a good control on his emotions; but when Matrim told him that Morgase was dead, she saw fury strong enough to destroy the world. Yet even so she hadn’t fear from him, she never feared him.
And the day after that she met Lanfear, she had never felt so vulnerable in her life. Never felt pain as much as the Daughter of the Night made her feel. But even when Rand cut off the flows that she could see but was in too much pain to even think of reaching saidar and sever them she felt fear that was no where near to what she felt when she thought she was going to die. The Forsaken’s offer made her feel more pain than any that she felt when she was tortured. If Rand had accepted what Lanfear demanded of him she was sure she would have died. Through pain that only started to fade she saw Rand’s face when he answered Lanfear. His face frozen as they almost always was when he held saidin but his eyes was full of hate and scorn. She couldn’t understand the answer, she thought it was in the old tongue, but from Rand’s face and the Forsaken’s she could have guess what it was. She never felt that proud of him as she did then, never before and never after. And then Moiraine died and she was with Rand near the place where he made a hole into utter blackness and when she looked at his face she could have seen that he loved her, see what he felt for her as well as he felt it.
But on Caemlyn he disappears suddenly. One heartbeat he was where she could have seen him and the next he was gone; vanished into the air. But even when the fight went on she couldn’t stop worrying about him. And then he came back, throwing those bars of solid fire all around him and the Trollocs gone he hugged her, swinging her into the air. That was the last time that he was ever warm toward her. Since that day he was always cold around her, always so hard. She hadn’t understood any of this. But that was almost the last time she saw him showing a human emotion to her.
In the nights, when she watch his face silently, hard enough to be used as an anvil even while he slept she thought she found the answer. She thought at first that he was trying to avoid her to her safe, keeping her away from him so she couldn’t be hurt by someone who want to strike him and might get her. That reason made her feel both angry enough to box his ears and warm enough so she wanted to kissed him.
It had taken her months to realize the real reason. And when she did, all what she wanted was to sit down and cry as a broken heart child. He hated her. She was sure of that. On the day the gray man try to kill him, she lectured him about toh and duty — Hadn’t the gray man appeared she would have told the man that she loved him, telling him everything. And he looked at her with expressionless face and eyes that shine as a morning sky. Looked at her and bit by bit his eyes become stone, and, only for a moment so quick that she could have imagine it hate forge up in his eyes. Never touching the face, the same look he directed to Lanfear. She couldn’t stay there with him, not after that, and she practically run away from his presence, after she reach the garden she find a place where no one will find her and cried.
She cried until she had no more tears, until she almost fell asleep from exhaustion. There was no other way to hurt her more. Yet the worst of it was that she know that she deserved it, for the better part of the time she was near Rand she had tried to make him hate her. She had acted as if she hated him, no matter how much it hurt. ji’e’toh left her no other choice. She had tried to make him hate her and apparently she had done just that. She only wished that it hadn’t hurt her so much.
And when she tried to come back to Rand’s rooms she almost cried again when she saw him, the man she loved, the man who hated her, he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. And he hated her.

That thought hadn’t left her, couldn’t have left her. She fell asleep in the moment she was in her pallet, and dreamed about Rand, about that night when she run away from him. Only when she open her eyes in the dream she wasn’t in Rand’s embrace. Rand’s body lied near her already stiffening lost forever for her, lost for what she had done. She woke to the sound of screams; screams that she first thought belonged to her. But it wasn’t her that was screaming; Rand was there sleeping in the bed and screaming as if his soul had taken away from him. She was there as fast as she could, waking him up. No matter what he felt for her she still loved him. And to see him screaming was beyond her, but when she did succeed to wake him he only sat there holding her as if she was the last thing in the world. With face twisted in pain that she never even thought possible and eyes that looked as if saw every horror that ever happened to a man or a woman since creation. He started to talk to her, in voice that made his face and his eyes look cheer. He told her about the War of Power, about the forsaken and the Dark One. He talked about Parran Disen and the Hall of Servants and a hundred other places. He talked about Lanfear and Ilyena, about saidin and the taint. About the time he forsook the light and had gone into the Pit of Doom to swear fealty to the Dark One on the third year of the War of Shadow. He spoke about how he led armies of shadowspawn and shadowrunners in numbers that she could barely imagine to a trap that save the light. He talked about the arguments on the Hall of Servant, about a woman he called Latra Posas. He said her name with as much hate as he gave Ishmael’s. He told her about the day when he gather the Hundred Companions to attack Shyol Ghul, and the taint that was the result. About how he killed all those he cared about and cared about him. He talked about the Betrayer of Hope. And that he had been healed to see what he had done. He told her that he killed himself for that when he understood what he had done in madness. He even told her about the world of dreams, about waking form what he wanted to be an eternal sleep. Without dreams or nightmares to make him relive that day when he lost all what he had. About endless years without end or dying, about grave that had eaten him. He told her all that while tears streamed down his face and sobs shaked his body. Crying on her shoulder he finishes his story. She stroke her fingers through his hair, whispering words that she knew were useless. Rocking back and forth with his head on her shoulder she had put her head on his shoulder and cried quietly.
Not for all those long dead men and women he cried about but for the man she loved. For the man that had to carry all that weight on him for so long and for all the things she could have done differently to change the outcome of the events. She felt him falling asleep on her shoulder, and covered him gently with a blanket. Then she sat herself on the bed, cross legs and put her chin between her hand and watched him. She couldn’t decide with whom she talked with. Was it Rand who had cried like a child in her arms, she couldn’t believe this, she had seen Rand angry and in fury, saw him showing any emotion save hurt. As far as she could tell he didn’t even felt it, she saw him with eyes that shone like the skies with fury or hate and even love, but he never cried, never. Or was it Lews Therin Kinslayer himself? Had she talked with the dragon himself, with the man that reborned as Rand? Or was it only the madness in working that talked?
Yet the most frightening thing in all that was that in the morning Rand remembered none of it. She had tried to question him about it, and he denied any such thing. All while wearing face as if her being near him hurt him. That was almost the last time they talked.
The next time she talked to him was when he stepped out of a gateway, smiling smugly and looking almost as if her presence hadn’t bothered him. When she understood why he was smiling about she felt stab of fear and another one of hope. She might not come back alive from her meeting her toh to Elayne but she might also come back with Elayne’s approval. Yet whatever outcome will come from that she would accept. One way or another she won’t have to pretend any more.
It had taken her very small time to convince him that she needed to see Elayne. And most amazing than all was that he looked regretful of her leaving. Maybe he didn’t hate her, maybe he only pretended to, as she herself had done so long.
And so she went to Elayne and told her that she is in love with Rand, told her that she had spend a night in his arms, and from the look on her face she read all she needed to know. Elayne would refuse to even consider her as a sister wife. She would probably kill her too. She closed her eyes and fingered the bracelet that Rand gave her in Cold Rock Hold, in what seem a thousand lifetimes ago. The bracelet was her most precious thing in the world. She would have preferred losing a hand or an eye than losing it. She held Rand’s face in her mind, as he looked like on that night in the snow, if she was going to die she would die with him. And then out of the blue Elayne had told her that they could share him, giving her own thoughts back. But even more startling than that was the discovery of Min. That another women loved him, that there was another woman that she had to share Rand with. And then there was all the time away from Rand. All the time when she felt as if she was uncompleted and tomorrow it would all end, tomorrow she would see Rand again. She could tell him that she loved him. She would make up for all the time she had to pretend that she didn’t like him, she would.
All that flashed in Aviendha’s head in moments. And she found herself standing with Min and Elayne in front of the king’s rooms in Illian; bleak faces had hid any emotion. But there were still things she could read in them. The slight tightness of Elayne mouth and the way Min walked talked about tense. She had no idea what mad Min so tense, they knew Rand was safe. But she could have guessed what the other thought of, Elayne didn’t really liked having to leave Birgitte behind. Even when her warder insisted on that, Birgitte refused even to listen Elayne in that matter.
I won’t meet Lews Therin, Elayne. Not before he will know about me, Lews Therin was a friend for long time, but he still might know me. Sometimes things passed from other lives, and he saw me in this life. Let him know who and what I’m first. That was what she said to Elayne then, after a moment she continued in hesitated voice. You can tell him about me. He needs to know, and I won’t hide it from him.
A thing that made no sense at all, but Elayne seemed to understand what Birgitte talked about. Though Elayne insisted about telling Min and Aviendha also. Aviendha had no idea what it was, Elayne just looked at her oddly when she asked her, and told her that she could tell her only after they would see Rand.
Elayne led the way, she had been in Illian before, and she knew where the king rooms were. And that if the servant had told them the truth and Aviendha doubted if she would have dared to lie to them after what Elayne had almost done to her was where Rand was. The gilded doors of the king rooms were drowned in shades, and two of them became real.
Two black clad men, one in his middle years and having the look of a soldier and another barely more than a boy. Aviendha gave a start at first, and saidar filled her. She had nothing to fear while she held saidar, unless one of the Forsakens was still around. And she doubted that very much, none of them would risk being near Rand. With the power she could smell the perfume from both Min and Elayne, she felt every stir of the air against her skin, saw the pins that decorated the men’s collar. A silver sword, perfect with blade and hilt shining against the da’tsang black.
The light of saidar surrounded Elayne, and she felt the same weaves she meant to weave. Air to bind hands and legs, if this was the guard Rand had placed to keep him safe he was more than the fool he sometimes act like. Anyone could pass those two guardians…. Her thought stopped sharply as the two men tensed, as if they could feel the power in her. That wasn’t possible, no man should be able to feel that. No man save… the True Source was gone from her as the men shielded her, the light of saidar was gone from Elayne, and she staggered and had to lean on one of the walls of the hall to keep herself standing. Aviendha heard herself grunting, fear babbled up in her.
Those two men must be of the Black Tower, those who came to Rand to learn to channel. They could channel! And she was caught in their weaves, it was far different with Rand al'Thor. She had never feared him.
"Aes Sedai." Whispered the older man, there wasn’t fear in his voice nor hate. As it was usually in men’s voices when they talked about Aes Sedai. He merely mentioned facts. “What do you trying to do, Min? Taking… those to the Lord Dragon. And how did you get here anyway, we left you on Cairhien?”
Min glanced at him in surprise; "Rand will want to see them, Flinn. You can be sure of that." The men still looked doubted but the shield was gone from her and they motioned them to enter, she didn’t touch saidar again though. There was no reason to be foolish. They entered the room, Elayne still peering over her shoulder to see the two men, though Aviendha didn’t understood why. They just melt back into the shadows, their cloths making part of it. She could understand easily why they reacted that way when they felt them channeling, what Min told them… she meant to find the Aes Sedai Rand and these men had captured and make them regret for ever hurting her Rand.
The throne room or whatever it was called in Illian was empty but when they entered the bedchamber Rand was there, a young reddish hair men with blue gray eyes that was usually as hard as stone. She stepped into the room, toward him, eagerly. And stopped short after two steps, and dismissed the 'young', she was in Rhuidean and some of the objects there were old. Very old. Rand could make them look young; he had been aged since she saw him last. Aged in more than the month or so she was away, he looked ancient. He was so beautiful, her heart ached and her knees trembled. Rand was smiling, and he glided toward them, rising from the chair he was sitting on and putting the cup of wine aside.
"So hard, oh light. He’s so hard." Murmured Elayne, her face stunned.

[Originally posted as Barid Bel Medar @ 21 January 1998]

Background story: After Nynaeve, Elayne, Aviendha and the rest used the Bowel of the Winds. They think Mat is dead, they were at the sun palace and from there sent to Illian. The point of view belongs to Aviendha. Characters: Rand, Min, Aviendha, Elayne, Birgitte, Lan, and Nynaeve.

The Story Part 1:

Letting the gateway disappear, Elayne trotted toward the king's rooms in Illian. The palace was dark, the drought that lasted so long finished. Aviendha was proud that she and Elayne Trakand were part of it, yet in Illian even winter was hot, not compared to Three-fold land, of course. Elayne quickened her step to almost running. Aviendha understood fully. She was away from Rand Al'Thor for about a month, yet she still had to fight the urge to run. Near the tall ornamented doors stood a dozen maidens, they recognized her, of course and opened a way for her. Handtalk flickering between them, Aviendha didn't even bother to look; Rand was behind those doors; that was all she could think of now. Elayne stared strait ahead, head high and eye full of determination, yet there was something in her that hinted of tensions, she doubt if any man would have seen it, they never seemed to.

Yet, she was sure that her first sister was on the brink from fear of what going to happen in here. She pushed the doors open and entered the chamber, Birgitte right on her heel, not even trying to hide a very amused grin. Nynaeve followed immediately and so did Lan, but as soon as they entered the room they stopped dead, goggling at the sight of it. The room looked like nothing Aviendha ever saw before and from the other's faces, they saw nothing like this either. Chairs and tables of unknown design hovered in the air seemingly without any thing to hold them, with colors and shapes that shouted of the one power, twisted and odd, a turning globe showed a map of nowhere that Aviendha knew, others things that she couldn't even recognize. Tied weaves of saidar cross the room, of fire and air and spirit, what they meant to do she had no idea. They looked... cut, twisted around something that just wasn't there. There was the only thing that could have describing this. Weaves that ended in the air, weaves that couldn't do anything, the way they were arranged and weaved all wrong. Everything she had ever learned told her that those weaves couldn't ever be created, saidar had done whatever you want it to as long as you remember that it was far stronger than you, but this.... Those weave looked as if somebody had forced its flow to shape against something that wasn't there. And the power that was needed to weave these flows, she was part of a circle of 13 once, when they had fixed the weather, and she doubted if they could have managed to reach a half of the power of those weaves. Yet that wasn't what stopped them, on the wall right in front of them, a painting of a man and woman hung in midair. The man, not young anymore but also not old, with brown hair and eyes, as tall as Rand, just short of handsome wearing breeches and coat in a strange fashion, all in shades of gray and brown; the ancient symbol on his breast shining as it caught the light, and the woman, in blue and green dress as odd as the man's clothes, with bright blue eyes and golden hair.
Both of them looking as happy as any human can be.

"She... she looks just like me" Elayne murmured in small voice. Now that she was looking, the woman truly looked like Elayne, only with self-confidence and certainty that could have matched any women that Aviendha ever met. If you would have took off these woman ten years or add ten to Elayne, they could have been mirror reflections. But that she thought in the small part of her mind that was not captured by the man's portrait, he looked nothing like Rand save maybe his height, yet there was something in him, something in the eyes that she couldn't pin down that she saw in her dreams every time she dreamed about Rand, somehow she was certain that he was Rand. The blood drained off her face, as she understood who he must be. When she looked at her friends, Elayne's eyes were as wide as they could go, she goggled at the man as she would have done had the creator appeared right here to have a chat. And Birgitte's face could make gai'shain's robes look like fade's, Nynaeve's jaw dropped to her chest and she hung on Lan as if he was the only thing that held her up. Only Lan looked unaffected by the portrait in front of them. He eyed it briefly and returned to his silent scan of the room. "Lord of the Morning, Prince of Dawn, Lews Therin Telamon, Lews Therin Kinslayer and Illyana Sunhair his wife, on their wedding day." Said a man's voice behind them, Rand's voice but in an accent she never heard before.

She spun back, reaching for saidar as she turned, the sweetness of the power held her up, helped her to stand straight. She felt Elayne and Nynaeve doing the same, Birgitte held a long knife in her hand and Lan's sword was in his hand. The voice was Rand's, in that she had no doubt, despite the strange accent, yet the man that was standing in front of her looked like the one on the picture behind her; not in the way he looked -his features was just as she remembered-but in the way he stood and walked. He somehow managed to combine the wolfish grace of a warder and the self-confidence of ten Aes Sedai without looking absurd. He had an air of arrogance around him and power, power of will that Aviendha had seen in a man and only on two women. Sorilea was one and the second was the Mistress of Ships. She had known him for little less than a year and even at the beginning he was hard, she watched him harden as the time passed, but this.... Face cold as winter and eyes that showed no human emotions. He scanned all of them briefly, yet Aviendha was sure that he missed not one single thing, from her dress to Birgitte's way of standing, which was like a wolf meeting another, not knowing if the other is a friend or an enemy. Shifting her feet uneasily; she remembered what the wise ones said about entering the world of dream in flesh. Right here she could have believed it easily.
Elayne started to move forward, gliding toward him and stopped short as he shifted those cold eye to her, gray blue eyes that could have overpowered Sorilea's best. They seemed to know all your secrets, all the things you held close to yourself. Plainly Elayne had felt the same, and more plainly was that she didn't like it one little bit. Yet, even with those unreadable face and eyes she could see that something happened to him, something very unpleasant. He aged in years in the few weeks since she left, lines of pain and grief grooved in his face, and his eyes looked as if he saw all the world agony, all the sorrow he could. Sadness imprinted in his eyes. He looked tired to death, arrogant as a mountain, and so beautiful that she wanted to take his head in her arms, to stare at him till the end of time.

He, though, payed her no attention, he fixed all his attention on Birgitte, face expressionless, eyes that revealed nothing, showed nothing of what he thought.
"Once, on Falme you told me that I always choose women that make me trouble," he said softly in that strange accent, "you were wrong, Birgitte. I never choose those whom I fall in love with. The wheel choose the price I get and the price I pay, never me."
Startled, Birgitte looked at him as if he had just grew a third eye. "How much do you remember, Lews Therin?" She asked just as softly, "How much of you is Rand Al'Thor and how much is Kinslayer?" Nynaeve and Elayne looked at her in surprise, they apparently understood no more than she did.

Rand Al'Thor did not even bother to answer her, instead he looked at Nynaeve in… it was hard to tell what it was exactly, respect and suspicion was minor but there was also scorn and amusement. That sent chill in her back and stabs of fear that turned her stomach to ice. She had known that he would go mad eventually, she had known that since the first time she saw him, yet he couldn't be mad, not yet. He couldn't, if the man let himself go mad before she even had the chance to tell him that she loved him she… she… she didn't know what she would do.
"Logain is on the black tower, Nynaeve, he can channel, in that there is no doubt nor there is doubt that he is Logain. He claims that you have healed him, have you done so?" was all he said.
That was the last thing Nynaeve ever expected him to ask and she met his look wide eyes and startled look; after a moment she nodded.
"Good, good news at last" he muttered and his lips twisted in something that was very close to a grin, it didn't touch his eyes, though. A gateway opened in the air, a line rotating in the air as it opened into a large clearing of trees and leaves. The half finished black tower, five hundred paces tall already, slender and shining black in the sun, a golden dragon wound around a silver sword on it side stoodbeyond the trees. Men and women trotted around, and she saw some Ogiers standing about. The men, from every place and country on this side of the spine of the world wore all black, sometimes with silver sword or golden dragon on the collar, moved around with deadly grace, wrapped in pride and arrogance like cloak, the only drop of color on them save the collar was one strip of color from shoulder to waist. In blue and red, gray and brown, yellow and white and green, all the ajahs colors, a green band was the most common there and about third of them in blue, yet there was also large numbers of brown and yellow and gray. Few wore a white strip and even fewer reds. The women, mostly wetlanders, yet she though she saw here and there two or three of Far Dareis Mai in cadin'sor, usually encircling men with green strips. They have heard rumors about this for a long time, she never had been there yet she recognized the Black Tower.
As if she had read her mind Elayne gasped and turned from the gateway to look straight at Rand Al'Thor, "This is the Black Tower, isn't it?" Fear and unbelief mixed in her voice, "This is the bloody Black Tower. But… this already almost as tall as the white one, and you going to make it twice as high, aren't you?"
Rand did not bother to answer the obvious answer, instead he turned to Nynaeve and ordered her to go there, in voice winter cold and anvil hard.
"Ask any asha'man with yellow strip to lead you to Logain. He will know what to do with you, some of the asha'man burn themselves out and I want you to heal them." He added, looking at Nynaeve he went on in a stronger voice if that was possible. "Nothing will harm you on the Black Tower unless you start it. And you will go eventually, and it will easier for both of us if you just agree." Turning to Lan he scanned the man for a moment, then added in a much friendlier voice "Keep an eye on her, Lan. Make sure she will watch her mouth and sit straight, if you will not do so one of my asha'man might decide that she might need to learn how to do it. I believe that your method will be … gentler to her than those of the guardians."

Nynaeve's eyes widened by the word and outrage shown on her face. She opened her mouth, no doubt ready to lecture what she thought about Rand Al'Thor's orders, when Lan touched her arm and whispered something that made her shut her mouth in embarrassment and blushed, she stepped trough the gateway furiously, hand clutching her skirt and knuckles white. The gateway closed in the moment she and Lan passed it, but she could see that Nynaeve addressed herself to a yellow striped asha'man, face paint with fury yet managing to keep herself under control. That was all she could see before the gateway closed the view. Aviendha stared at Rand stunned, Nynaeve wasn't the sort of women who reacted to orders from any man that way. She half expected Nynaeve to snap his head off. For that matter she wasn't sure herself if she meant for Rand or Lan.
When she shifted her eyes to Rand again the cold disappeared, the lack of humanity was gone. She thought that she might want the coldness again, fury was clear on his face and strangely also relief. In three long stride he closed the distance between him and Birgitte, right hand raising as if to hit her, the dragon on his arm glittering as it caught the lamps' light. Birgitte stepped away from him, tried to anyway. Something seemed to seize her as Rand put his fingers on her forehead, Elayne and Birgitte gasped at the same time, as if thrown into hot water.
"What are you doing to her?" Elayne asked in anger. Birgitte was her warder after all. And the glow of saidar surrounded her. "What are you doing, Rand Al'Thor? Answer me, burn you!"
Rand answered with only part of his mind on the words, whatever he was doing to Birgitte taking his full attention. "I want to know if she if still bond to -" He cut off suddenly, cursing in low angry tone. He took his fingers away from Birgitte as she collapses on the floor. Rand channeled to lift Birgitte and than dropped her gently on a settee all in colors of green and brown. Birgitte looked as if she hadn't slept for a week, every drop of energy gone from her body. As soon as she touched the settee her eyes closed, her breath slowed, she seemed to sleep peacefully
"I rebound her, Elayne. That is all, not an easy thing to do, not for her nor for me." And he indeed looked just slightly better than Birgitte.
"Come" He said and went to a door that Aviendha hadn't noticed. They followed him after a moment of quick and wary conversation.
"Something is wrong with him, Aviendha. He talks like Moghedien did, and the way he moves…" Elayne whispered to her and shivered. Aviendha looked at her in surprise, the possibilities of that freezing her. She watched Rand changing from day to day since the day he came to the Three-Fold Land, yet he changed much since she saw him first.

Then she trotted after him frowning, she meant to find answers to this if it will kill her, or him! Elayne followed her with the same expression as she had.
The room Rand lead them to was full of furniture gild in gold and silver, large opened windows chilled the room. The moon shining brightly through one, silvery light and shadows covered the room; beside the moon the only light there was a large ball that shine with a light of its own. Inside three bracelets laid. One, made of ivory and ebony, for a man's hand, dozens symbols in black and white on it, each like the symbol on the crimson banner of light, made a chain about a inch or two wide. The two others were for women's hands, one of ruddily metal and ivory that creates the white lion of Andor on a red field. The second, of ivory too, the one who made this bracelets seemed to like ivory, was a simple circle at first look yet when you look at it again there were carvings on it, black on the ivory white, a thousand symbols too small to be done by anything save the power covered it. Each almost invisible unless you stare right on it, circling around its length.

A sleeping pretty young woman laid on the bed, naked arm and shoulder sticking out of the sheet, brown hair not much longer than her covered her face. By Elayne description it could be only the Min woman she hasn't meet yet. Elayne's face tried to match the sun, and for her felt like two or three. There could be no doubt at the reason that a young woman would lay naked on Rand's bed.
Anger and jealousy babbled up in her mind, she slept many night near Rand Al'Thor, listening to his breathing and every night she had to force herself to stay on her blankets, not to move into Rand's arms. Every night that she had to spend around him was a torture she could barely stand in. Every night she dreamed of what had happened between them after she opened the gateway to the storm, and this… this woman entered right into Rand's bed. Jealousy showed on Elayne face too yet she controled it, barely but she did. A thing that was wonder to Aviendha as much as the snow once had. Elayne controled herself far better than she ever could. She agreed to share Rand. She wouldn't give the smallest part of him to anyone if she had the choice yet Elayne and this Min had part of him too. She agreed, yet it was hard. Rand stood in front of Min, waking her gently.
Min opened her eyes lazily staring at him and mumbled something about the hour and that she was too tired to do anything save sleeping, but when she opened her eyes and saw her and Elayne, her cheeks went crimson. Yet even so she rised smoothly, though her face looked as if might burst in flame any moment, she let the sheet fall and trotted to a wardrobe and dressed herself quickly.
If her cheeks reddened before now they felt like fire, Min wasn't naked as she thought at first. Aviendha believed that if she was naked it will be more modest than the way she dressed. She was in Ebuo Dar and she heard Elayne and Nynaeve talking about the dress that women wear in Tarabon and in Arad Doman, yet what Min wore could have made a blind man blush from a mile. Some sort of shift that left the arms and shoulders exposed, and that end high above Min's knees, very high. The cloth hid nothing, offered every thing.

"I heard that blushing is good to the skin," Rand said in amusement poorly hidden. "But don't you think you carry it too far." His cheeks haven't even redden, while all the three of them were blushing furiously. The hardness in his face remained, yet his eyes weren't cold any more. He grinned at Min in more than fondness; eyes full of love, but he directed the same toward her and Elayne.
A tray with wine cups rose from a table on the far side of the room, flying to Rand's side who took one of them and sent the tray toward her. Aviendha snatched one of the cups from the tray and drank deeply from it. Much changed in Rand when she wasn't here. Yet the only thing that she could think of was that he loved her, he was so cold toward her before she left that since the moment when Elayne told her they could share him she wasn't sure whatever he loved her still or not. The look on his face and more important the expression in his eyes told her that he did.

"We should talk." He said as soon as crimson Min finished to tie the lace of her shirt. She eyed Min curiosly when they began to talk, she still wished she could have worn cadin'sor, and breaches and shirts should be more comfortable than dresses to her. Then Rand began to talk, and all thoughts of clothes flew right over her head, he talked in soft voice, the strange accent that Elayne claimed to come from the age of legends strong as he talked.
What he told made her seat stiffly, yet from the corners of her eyes she saw stunned expressions on Min and Elayne faces, what she felt made stunning look like a scratch compared to a death wound. Drinking more from the wine she leaned forward to listen to Rand.
 

The Story Part 2:

(Point of view belongs to Elayne. Characters: Various asha'man, Logain, Rand, Elayne, Min, Aviendha, Nynaeve, Lan, Ogiers and maidens)

Elayne still felt dizzy, and the wine had only little part on it. Despite the promise she made for herself never to drink again more than one cup of wine, last night she hadn't even noticed how much she was drinking. The excitement of finally seeing Rand again, and what he told them, made her ignore any thing save him. That he learned from Asmodean was as big shook as learning what Allanna had done to him. Yesterday he talked about what happened to him since the moment he saw Moiraine in the first time, talking in a quite voice, half to himself. He told her about the eye of the world and the green man, about Falme and Ishmael hunting him in his dreams, about callandor and saidin, the taint and the confusion that the letters she gave him caused him, he talked about the great sa'angreals and Lews Therin, that was really shocking to learn. That a three thousand years dead madman talked to him; tried to take his body away from him. Talking till the sun climbed high in the sky and until his throath dried. He told them about the forsakens and Lanfear's offer, about Aviendah's death and how he erased Rahvin's actions, about love and hate, being what he was and who he was. Baring his soul to them as he had done to no one, he spoke about his fears and hope, every thing he felt or though, revealing everything, hiding nothing. The only thing he refused to talk about was the time he was prisoner in the Tower Aes Sedai's hands. That he passed quickly, only mentioning it before he continued, he wasn't ready to talk about it and when she tried to push him to telling them what happened there Min stopped her, whispering that she would tell her what happened there later. He trusted them fully, that was clear, what was also clear from what he said was that he would do anything they asked. That bothered her almost as much as Allanna's bond.

Men weren't supposed to act that way. That he told them that he would do anything for them was warming, but … She was not sure why she didn't like it, maybe it was that he bared his soul to them. Letting them enter to places he won't let himself see and expect nothing in exchange was what it was. When Aviendha started talking about her life he looked… stunned, as they were when he talked. But at the same time she noticed that he didn't expect this, he was glad that they trusted him enough to talk to him as he talked to them, he was stunned by this.
Trying to understand why was beyond her, and though she knew that he would answer her questions if she asked him she just couldn't ask him this. The bracelet on her wrist caught the light as she held her arm up so she could look at it. It wasn't a real bracelet, of course, but a ter'angreal that made from saidin. The lion of Andor from ivory on a field of red blood metal. These created something very close to the Aes Sedai warder link, only stronger, and there were others on the linking. She could feel the taint on saidin sinking into Rand as he opened a gateway into the black tower, feel the wound on his side. The wound that Healing had done nothing about. Feel that he loved her and Min and Aviendha, feel the love that beamed from Min and Aviendha. Feel every thing about them just if they were her warders. The bracelet on Rand's arm covering the dragon on his forearm was made of an inch wide chain, each link in the shape of the ancient symbol of the Aes Sedai on the age of legend. And the one on Min was an ivory circle - Rand apparently liked ivory very much; he was the one who made all these bracelets - carved with symbols that appear on stone portals. Rand claimed that they represented all the ways the pattern worked. Though he didn't seem able to explain it. The bracelet on Aviendha wrist was her old ivory bracelet of roses and thorns, Rand had some talent in making ter'angreal, he tried to explain her how he did it, but she was ready to admit that her knowledge didn't get close to Rand's in that area. Memories from his life as Lews Therin Telamon carried him farther than she believed she would reach in her lifetime, though she had the stronger talent in making ter'angreal.

Of course, some of the things they told was just as big surprise. Like that Aviendha had known that she was going to fall in love with Rand after the time she entered Rhuidean. Or what Min told her and Aviendha later about what the Aes Sedai had done to Rand. For herself she told them about tel'aran'rhiod and Birgitte, Rand apparently already knew and Birgitte agreed to let her tell Min and Aviendha two days ago. She glanced at the warderess, sleeping on the bed, the ring hold tightly on her hand. She was in tel'aran'rhiod doing something for Rand.
Rand, wearing black as the asha'man, with golden dragon and a silver sword on his collar. Green wide strip from right shoulder to the left side of his waist. For some reason he grinned at the strip as much as he grinned at them. Amuse for unknown reason. Or it might be the madness.
A sickening filling from Rand reminded her that he would go mad eventually if she could ever forget about that. Aviendha on his heels and she and Min on either side he went through, hundreds of miles cover in one step.
Not the madness, Elayne. Not yet. That wasn't her thought. One of the strange things about the bracelets was that they carried thoughts through the link, strong thoughts only, yet it was frightening to hear Rand's thoughts answering hers.
Aviendha looked at them oddly, she could hear the thoughts too, of course, but she would never let herself be worried about something she could do nothing about. Min on the other hand, looked as if the reminder of Rand's and every man-channeling path wasn't welcome.
She turned away to look on the black tower, yesterday she was able to see only little part of it through the gateway. A half build tower, six hundreds pace tall ruled the view, a dragon wound itself on a silver sword on its side, both at least hundred feet tall and half a wide. The tower was already one of the tallest building in the world, and if she wasn't missing her guess completely the asha'man meant to add to this building at least two hundreds paces. She knew that Rand had probably gathered every man who could learn to channel on the lands between the Arith ocean and the spine of the world, but these… she counted at least eight hundreds men in black, nearly twice that number women and children, she even thought she saw a few aiel women among them.
"All those in black are asha'man." Rand said, pride in his voice. "And any man a weapon."
Aviendha nodded in appreciation, that also came from the part in her mind where Aviendha took space. But Min shivered and Elayne barely stopped herself from doing the same. Men channeling were a thing of nightmare, and now there were eight hundreds of them. The breaking was caused by men, male Aes Sedai who had gone mad because of the taint on saidin. Because of the actions of Lews Therin Kinslayer and the hundred companions on the slopes of Shyol Ghul.
Don't you think I blame myself enough? Rand's voice whisper sadly in her mind. Every day is pain for me, for each one who dies I bled. For any man that has gone mad because of the taint I cried. Yet if I had to do it again I would, knowing what will happen. If I have to kill again those I love, I will do it. I have done so more times than I can count; I will do so as long as the wheel turns. To the end of time. He started walking quickly, toward the half finished tower, Min and Aviendha with him, Elayne followed them after a moment shuddering. She didn't like being forced to remember that Rand was Lews Therin, that he remembered his life as Lews Therin Telamon. Trying hard to think about something else she scanned the men in front of her. Each clad in black, grim faces and wrapped in pride. Carrying a sword on hip or back, they moved like warders, with the arrogance of a king with an army on his heels.
One of the strange things she noticed was that every man wore the same wide strip, in all the ajahs colors. Blue and red and white and gray, Green and brown and yellow. About half of than wore green strips, about a third carry a blue one, the rest split more or less equally, only the red strips were rare, only a dozen men or so wore them.
"What do the color mean, Rand Al'Thor?" Aviendha asked softly, she watched the men with flat eyes only the small knot of emotions in Elayne's head told her that her friend was uneasy. Rand to her surprise didn't looked as stone faced as he usually was near other people save the three of them, in fact he looked more… free than she saw him around other people.
"Just like the Aes Sedai's ajahs, they use different methods, of course, and there is no limit to the number of warderess you can bond. The colors are created to reflect what they support of, the greens are usually lechers, most of the blues are married, yellows heal, browns think too much, whites live in the void and the grays negotiate." Suddenly he barked with laugher. " Once a gray toldl his warderess to shut up or he would turn her into a chicken and eat her. She hadn't believed him of course, so he took her into tel'aran'rhiod and turned her, he didn't eat her, of course, but since then she refused to even look at birds." He finished with a wide grin, amusement in his voice. Aviendha burst out laughing and Min grinned, but Elayne didn't see anything laughing in that. If the asha'man could enter the world of dreams… she needed to tell Egwne about that, to warn all the Aes Sedai who followed Egwene, if one of them would find herself in front of an asha'man she would probably try to shield or kill him, without thinking twice about that he was stronger than her, and that unless she entered the world of dreams in the flesh because of the ter'angreal she was using she couldn't channel strong enough to scratch the man.
"What about the reds, Rand?" That was Min, she glanced at Elayne and a thought came to her. You can do nothing about it now, and I doubt if those women will listen to reason. Elayne laughed in spite of herself. Min described the Aes Sedai perfectly.
Rand smiled at that exchange of thoughts and answered Min's questions, save the grin he seemed to ignore what she thought.
"The reds study the taint. Not the loveliest thing to do; they try to prevent another breaking. Though like the rest of the asha'man they use other method. You will not notice much of them here, almost all of them are in the white tower now." Elayne tripped on flat ground and would have fallen if Rand hasn't catched her arm, stunned shock was the only thing that reached to her through the bracelet, two sets of emotions that duplicated each other, and third one from which no emotion reached her.
Rand rose his hand the brand heron on his palm showing, forestalling all the questions they were about to ask, and changed. A woman stood in front with blue eyes and golden hair, she look like her, yet… she wasn't able to pin down how this woman was different, only that it was a reflection of her, and the reflection looked much more beautiful than she. Startling even more was a sense of kinship for the woman, the same as she felt for Aviendha, the sense of a woman that can channel.
Rand returned to his own appearance, which was much better than the illusion.
"No one in the tower will recognize them." Rand said coldly, the lack of emotion fade slowly from the place that Rand's emotions were.
"We need ter'angreals, Min. And knowledge, they both exist inside the white tower." This time his voice warmer.
A figure started glowing about a hundred feet from them, the glow of a woman touching saidar she and Aviendha exchanged looks, as far as they knew Nynaeve was the only woman that could channel in the black tower. She wasn't so sure about to how to think to the other yet she formed the thought and directed it to the little knots of emotions in the back of her head. A little like what she was doing if she was wearing an a'dam bracelet and tried to make the woman with the collar feel something. Wait here a moment, I'm going to check this. Aviendha and Min stayed where they were, but Rand's hand suddenly lied on her shoulder. Stopping her short before she managed to step more than two steps.
"I've told you I will not let you die, woman. Do you think that you would have survived that long in here without being on my side. " he growled at her angrily.

Both thing were true she supposed, he told them that the only thing that he would not do if they asked was to watch them die, which came right after he told them why he had no intentions to marry them. She had to admit that his reasons were good, the forsakens, the black ajah, Padan Fain and the Dark One would not rest if they knew that there was some way to hurt Rand, and killing his wife or turning her to the shadow would be a good way to do so. And as for her surviving without him, see thought that this was true too, she saw few of those men looking at her, cold eyes like hawks at a mouse. "If Nynaeve is safe here so do I." She told him in her best regal voice, which did no impression on him. Love is more addictive than the one power, and more dangerous than surrendering to saidin. Always remember that, Elayne, always. he thought to her. The only emotions that reached her from him were anger and fear, both for her she was sure. Aviendha and Min were a few paces away talking to each other urgently. "What do you mean, Rand?" she asked loudly. She really didn't like others' thoughts in her head, even if they were of Rand and Min and Aviendha. She meant that for the quote he thought to her, yet he decided to misunderstand the question.

"Fifty Aes Sedai attacked the black tower a week ago, with thousand soldiers. I've lost fifteen asha'man in this, only three of them were soldiers and one dedicated. Eleven trained asha'man died there, men worth ten times their weight in gold. Anybody in here know that you are Aes Sedai, and those aren't welcome here. You would be lucky if you managed to open a gateway and run in time. If not… you might be stilled or dead! Do you understand that! Do you! I will not have you killed for being too proud! " He spoke quietly and urgently, every word with enough power behind it to make Suian obey to him without hesitations. She opened her mouth to tell him what she thought about that last remark of him. He wore pride like a cloak and arrogance was a term too little to describe the way he acted. Then a familiar face looked at her. A man with black long hair and broad shoulders, scorn in his eyes that never touched the face, Logain. He disappeared after a moment in the crowd, before she could regain enough breath to speak.

[Originally posted as Barid Bel Medar, with the aid of Lanfir @ 20 December 1999 {my birthday} ]

Part one deals with Lews Therin, Lanfear and Ilyena, the second with the War of Power itself. Unlike I expected, it was much easier to write the first part than the second. Usually, I have a fix starting point, and all the freedom I want to make the end. In this story, I had all the freedom in the start and the middle, only the end I couldn't change. And this I don't like. I asked many time why everything in the Wheel of Time seemed to go well (for the main characters, at least). Now I know why RJ didn't make tragedies so far, They are too painful to write. I love this characters, and I haven't sweated on making them live just so I could kill them. I hate the way this story end, and I mean really hate it. But when I let you choose the stories I also promised that I would write them. So here it is. For your pleasure. I hope you will enjoy it.

As a note: This is the largest story I ever wrote, save my PoD prologue. And I suspect that it can be considered as the best. Or at least I hope so.

Thanks to Lanfir (no, it is not a typo, that is how she named herself.) for writing Lanfear's part. Female point of views are the hardest for me to do. And her stories were a great help understanding Lanfear. And more than help enough in writing the second part of the story. And of course, I entered the stories she wrote into the story. I truly hope you will enjoy her work, and mine.

Please read this before you will read the story. This is important to the understanding of the story.

Timing:

Lews Therin and Lanfear were lover when they were young, "but he could remember that woman [Lanfear] in his arms, while they were still young and learning what they could do with the power." (The Fires of Heavens, Gateways.) I assumed that both Lanfear and Lews Therin found that they can channel between 10-25. If we'll assume that the training take ten years. The same as in the White Tower. Since I think that in the Age of Legends they taught much faster and better. And that both Lews Therin and Lanfear were good at what they were doing. (Since it usually take ten years to a girl to reach the Shawl. But Elayne could reach the shawl in a year, since she was so strong.) Both Lanfear and Lews Therin are stronger than Elayne by far, they would have study fast. But since they had to learn so much more... I assume it's ten years. From this we can safely assume that they were lovers when they were 20-30. The Guide say that they were lovers for "some years" (The Guide, The Female Forsakens and the darkfriends, Lanfear.) Since people live much longer in the Age of Legends I would have said that it's about 100-200 years. The Guide also state that Lews Therin married Ilyena fifty years before the War of Power. And in the Eye of the World's prologue we see that Lews Therin is in his middle age. For Aes Sedai at his strength, that mean something between 450-550 years. This mean that he spent close to 150 years before marring Ilyena after he left Lanfear. Let assume that he met her 20 years before marrying her. That was what I based about the timing when I wrote the story. I know it's long. But consider that normally, Aes Sedai could live up to 600-700 years. And the strongest they were, the longest they lived. Lews Therin was the strongest man ever save Ishmael who was in the same strength.

Characters: [Most of what is written here came from the Guide. The rest taken from the books.]

Lews Therin: he was a politician, held many offices with great success and wrote many good books.
Barid Bel Medar: Demandred's true name. Always followed Lews Therin, always a step behind. He never bested Lews Therin in anything. And was always angry about it.
Mierin Eronaile: Lanfear's true name. She was a researcher in the Sharom, she was the one who found out how to open the bore in the Dark One's prison.
Duram Laddel Cham: Bel'al's true name. Some kind of a lawyer.
Tel Janin Aellinsar: Sammael's true name. A sportsman.
Elan Morin Tedronai: Ishmael's true name. Great philosopher.
Ared Mosinel: Rahvin's true name. He was a pretty man and did nothing worth mentioning.
Lillen Moiral: Moghedien's true name. She was an investment advisor.
Saine Tarasind: Mesaana's true name. She was a teacher, more than reason enough to hate her.
Nemene Damendar Boann: Semirhage's true name. The best healer of the body.
Kamarile Maradim Nindar: Graendal's true name. The best healer of the mind.
Joar Addam Nessosin: Asmodean's true name. He was a good musician.
Eval Ramman: Balthamel's true name. A historian and a lecher. He was better in the latter.
Ishar Morrad Chuain: Aginor's true name. He was a biologist that couldn't live with the limits that he had to work under.
Latra Posae Decume: Lews Therin's rival in the Hall. Responsible to the lack of female in the attack on the bore. She was the one who came up with the great sa'angreals idea. And didn't approved Lews Therin's plan because she thought it was too dangerous.

Mierin sometimes saw him in the hallways when she went to class for study, in the Great Library or in the Dining Hall. And every time she felt that her heart missed a beating. What it was about him, she did not know, but she terribly attracted to him. He seemed a few years older than she was — she just reached twenty a few weeks ago — and was very tall and had those intense dark eyes that somehow made her melt inside. He was just wonderful! Sometimes, when she laid in bed, exhausted after a day of intense study of the One Power, she thought about how it would be to kiss and hold him and to… to share her bed with him.

His name was Lews Therin, she found out soon after she laid her eye on him, and he was one of the best students the school had had in many years. He was believed to be one of the strongest male channelers ever, maybe even equal to the great philosopher Elan Morin himself. When Mierin noticed that, she got her eye even more fixed on him. There was more than one reason to be interested in him.

He was usually in the company of another man in his age, quite short of handsome. The other man was named Barid Bel. He was quite interesting too, he was just below Lews Therin in everything. But Lews Therin was her first choice. He made her feel like a foolish girl when their eyes met. It happened to many times to be coincidence, and he always had that smile on his face when he looked at her. She was used to be looked at, she knew she was pretty, even beautiful, but the way Lews Therin looked at her made her feel weak inside. She thought she was close to fainting when he greeted her once, when they passed each other in a hallway. A red color burnt at her cheeks, and she had difficulties this time with smiling at him in the way that had the most disastrous impact on men. She never had that before, it was the other way around, always!

She had never been shy before, but somehow she just did not dare to speak with him. She had several boyfriends of course, before she found out she could channel, and at the University she had even more boyfriends, and she was always wanted. But somehow, she seemed afraid to be denied by this Lews Therin, he was so perfect. She couldn't survive a denial from him.

"You are really in love with Lews Therin, aren't you?" Lillen teased her often. She shared her room with Lillen Moiral for quite a while now, and although she did not really like the girl, and she supposed it was also the other way around, they often exchanged secrets in the dark, when they were supposed to sleep. "And you do not even know the guy! I mean, you never really talked…"

At that point, Mierin got always angry at herself. Why did she behave like an fool for him! She was a adult now, there was no need to act childish or even girlish anymore! Even as a girl she wasn't that foolish, certainly not because of any man. But him...

Yet, nothing happened for a few months, until Mierin had her exams, and graduated. Graduated with extremely high scores, to be honest. She was more than proud of it, because now she could pass on to other classes - the highest. No single female under twenty-five had ever managed that, and only five male ever did it. Elan Morin Tedronai, Barid Bel, Ishar Morrad, Tel Janin, and Lews Therin, of course. Her teachers called her extremely talented with the One Power, she was supposed to be the strongest female Aes Sedai ever. They all admired her somehow, but she was kind of used to be admired. She was admired since she was the age of five. But most of the time people admired her body, not her power. She was flattered by that. She could have never describe her feeling in the moment of graduation.

At her graduation ceremony, a handsome man suddenly appeared out of the crowd where people congratulated and hugged each other. It turned out to be Barid Bel, the eternal company of Lews Therin, this was only the third time she didn't saw him without Lews Therin. "Yes," he said admirably. "you must be Mierin Eronaile. No other woman fit this description. Congratulations with your passing." She actually blushed. And smiled at him in her sweetest way, and saw contently the disastrous effect on his face when she thanked him. She was used to it, but it amused her every time when a man was out of balance because she merely smiled at her. Barid Bel recovered quickly, and they chatted for a while, nothing important. "Would you like to join our study group? Only the best are allowed to join us, and your score is among the highest ever." The question had surprised her totally. She hadn't expected that, The Study Group was famous in the lower classes, and the higher. She always dreamed to join them, but always thought herself unworthy, she was good, but was she that good?

"I'd be honored. Who are in?" She said, already knowing the answer. Every one knew it. For every other study group you had to ask. But Lews Therin's study group was the Study Group. For those who were truly the best.

"Well, me, Lews Therin… do you know him?" She nodded, and he went on, "Duram Laddel, Tel Janin, Kamarile Maradim, Nemene Damendar, Joar Addam … we are studying hard and intense, but it can be real fun. So, are you in?"

"Of course I am. What are you studying at the moment?" She asked, it didn't matter, had they could have study anything, as far as she was concerned. The chance to meet Lews Therin daily... And it would be more than honorable to join The Study Group.

"Milking of Tears. Lews Therin and I are working on a real good essay. Tel Janin and Nemene Damendar are studying on something that has to do with Healing and muscles… I don't really know exactly what they are planning to find out, but I am certain it is interesting. They have had certainly enough rows and discussions about it already…" Barid Bel smiled faintly, and he looked really handsome smiling, the smile made up for the lack of beauty in his face. Had her attention wasn't already focused on Lews Therin, she might have chosen him. "But anyway, we will be in the Great Library tomorrow night. I'd like it to see you there."

"I'll be there," she promised. "I promise I will." She was surprised the feeling of giggling that bubbled inside her stomach and smiled back at him. "I am already looking forward on it."

As soon as she was alone in her room, she danced it around excitedly, singing and jumping in delight, until Lillen appeared in the room and asked that she was doing for Light's sake. Mierin told it to her, laughing and still dancing with excitement, and Lillen congratulated her, and told her just as excited that she passed her exams too, and that she was allowed to be in the classes Mierin had just left. And because she was three years younger, it was quite a good thing. Mierin was one of the brightest and fastest students, and she had finished those classes in two and a half years. She knew she was stronger in using the One Power than Lillen, so she was very happy for her. They talked the whole night about the things Mierin had learned in the classes she had left, about the wielding of Spirit and about tel'aran'rhiod. Lillen was very curious about it, she just could not wait to enter the Unseen World.

The talking about tel'aran'rhiod gave Mierin an idea; that night she entered Tel'aran'rhiod and looked for Lews Therin's dreams. It took a while before she found it and managed to have a look on it, he had shielded his Dream, although it was not a very strong shield. Only enough to warn people that he don't want others to watch at his dreams. But she ignored it, curiosity overcame her. She spied on his dreams, who were quite blurred and confusing, but found to her surprise that she herself was part of many of them. There was even a dream of she and Lews Therin kissing each other, though he dreamed of kissing another girl too. Kamarile Maradim, to be more precisely. A sudden change in the dream told her that he was aware of what she was doing. And she fled before he could recognize her. Pain and fury burned inside her, she was jealous. Light, being jealous already. He is not even mine yet. But I will… I will make him mine!

There was a determined look on her face when she woke that night. And she barely passed the day without any events. As night fell, she was already in the Great Library for three hours. Ready to join the Study Group.

Within three months, she managed to gain both his respect and eyes. She succeed in making him lose interest in that Kamarile quite quickly. She even got him so far that he left the study about Milking of Tears to Barid Bel, and instead studied with her on Compulsion! Honestly, she had very much impact on him. She made him write an essay on Compulsion and forced him to get his name on it, instead of her, as he suggested. When he protested it was just a work on science and that it did not needed his name on it, she pushed through that it would bring honor on him. She smiled at him, no men could ever resist that, "You'll gain a lot of honor on this school when you publish this, Lews Therin. Don't you want to be honored?"

He did it. He did what she wanted, and gained indeed even more honor than he had before. At that moment, she was sure about it. He liked her, and possibly more than that. Now he was ready for the period of seducing… a period that did not take longer than a few days. He didn't seemed to resist her wishes.

When she woke up on a sunny morning lying in his arms, triumph flooded through her veins and she wanted to scream in pleasure. His arms around her were soft, yet strong, and his smell was all around her. She looked at him, so beautiful in face and in body, and was filled with an other feeling; tenderness and love. Light, she thought amazed. I really love him!

She touched his face softly and murmured to herself: "You are perfect, Lews Therin. Perfect." He was sweet, intelligent and skilled in everything, from channeling to making love… He indeed was a very good lover, she thought with a faint smile. She made it. She actually did it. She could hardly believe it. She laughed in herself, very pleased with herself and the world. Her laugh waked him up. He opened his eyes and looked at her, and his tender, dark brown eyes were softer than she ever seen before... "Good morning, Mierin." he said in that warm, rich voice of him.

"Good morning for you too, Lews Therin," she said with still that faint smile. How she was fond of him!

"You're always more beautiful when you are smiling at me like that," he said and kissed her. The kiss was tender in the beginning, but as it took longer, it became more and more passionate, until they forgot all about the rest of the world and managed to get too late for their classes that day. When they noticed that a while later, a long while later, they decided to skip them entirely and spend the whole day in Lews Therin's quarters. The sunlight fell through the window, shattered in pieces of white, pure light. Dancing all over the room. So beautiful, so peaceful. Mierin had never been so happy and full of love before. He is mine, she thought several times that day. He is finally mine. And he will be mine forever.

The man stood erect, the sword in his hand blazed as he drove away his opponent's sword. Saidin pulsed in him, empty off emotion he float insidek'doi, the oneness, only saidin filled him, but it was enough. More than enough. He draw almost as much as he could from the power, his skin tingle, and his bones seemed to be on the point of breaking. But the sword he channeled was held steadily in his hand, shining in blue fire, leaving trail of light in the air as it moved. The red blood sword followed his moves, as fast as he was and faster. No blade touch flesh, but every move was followed by the clash of swords, and blue and red lightning appeared each time the swords touched. The parting of silk met the charging bear, and he attack low, but the other man met his attack with a speed that was more than any human can hope for. He doubled his speed, and doubled it again, and still the other man stood in it easily. He grinned to himself, though emotions was more than distance when he held saidin. His foe attacked, the rose falling, simple attack, easy to defend against. But he didn't defend himself, instead his sword darted forward, all his strength and speed behind it, it sank into the man's chest, where his heart was. It cost him, of course, the red sword slashed across his face, and the trail passed through one eye. He moved back and released saidin, the battle was over.

"A good fight." He said.

The other man simply snorted; his hand touching his chest, where a blue circle began to fade. Lews Therin himself saw through red blood screen, but he had won, and it felt good. The swords were weaves of saidin, fire and air, they could pass through anything, save another sword made by saidin. It was much better that the wooden swords the books said were once in use as a training sword. Now, even those who couldn't channel could use ter'angreal if they wanted to learn how to use a sword.

"In a real battle, Lews Therin," Duram Laddel said, "you would have been dead. I cut open your head."

"There was no real battle for more than seven thousands years, Duram Laddel." He signed, sometimes he though that the man actually wanted to return to those days. Only the books left from that violent age, and only a madman would want to live in that time. If the books were to believe, human fought against Aes Sedai for the entire age. They were not really Aes Sedai, but men and women channeling, whatever the name they called themselves, weren't suppose to enslave the rest of the human race. At the end, after all but constant war that lasted more than two thousands years, they reached an agreement, and the Aes Sedai were established.

It was ironic, actually. The titled itself was honored, he was pride that he was called Lews Therin Telamon Aes Sedai. But the books said that another war almost started for the name alone. What was wrong with Servants for All? He wondered, everybody was a servant, in one way or another. And it was honor to serve, the more you could serve the more honored you were. Maybe it wasn't so in the age before this. No book mention it, so few survived the turning of the Wheel. And seven thousands years was a long time.

"Sometimes I wish..." Duram Laddel's voice faded as he shoke his thoughts off, "Don't you ever wish to live where you can do something interesting for a change?"

Lews Therin blinked at him, "I have my studies, and my duties, isn't this enough? What more can I wish for?"

"Bah," The man sighed, "it's useless to talk with you about it, you know. You're too well tamed."

Lews Therin throw back his head and laughed at that, "Have you talked with Mierin lately, Duram Laddel?" He asked, he could laughed at it, now, "You sound much like her."

He left her more than one hundred and eighty years ago, but it took more than a century until he finally finished regretting about it. Mierinwas the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, or would see. But from the start he had wondered why she had chosen him, he knew himself good enough to know that he was no more than handsome. She was far more than that. He would have expected her to choose Ared Mosinel, they would be a fine couple. Both were far more beautiful than any human being deserved to be. He had heard several woman complaining about it, Ared Mosinel could make a seven hundred years old Aes Sedai to behave like a girl after her first kiss, and the light know that Mierin did it to him long enough. He wasn't seven hundreds years old, of course, he was barely twenty five when he first knew her, and fifty seven when he left her. After more than ten years of doubts. She always wanted him to be more ambitious, and more than once he suspected her wanting him only to reach a higher power. From the start he was marked as special. His strength in the power was equal by Elan Morin alone. He liked the man, though philosophy wasn't really something he was ever interested in. And he had a variety of talents to amaze his oldest teacher. To rose envy in more than one man, or woman.

The grimace at the thought was so fierce that Duram Laddel took a step back, "You were the one who left her, Lews Therin. And she would have you the instant you would want her. So I talked to her, what is the story? I thought you weren't interested in her anymore. Beside, it was more than one hundred years ago. Even in the way we count time it was long time ago."

"Never mind, Duram Laddel, it wasn't you I was angry about. Come, it's time for dinner." He said, he had done nothing to arose this envy, one could only live with what he was born with, and he was born to be one of the two strongest men in the entire world. And he had talents in almost every known field, from Cloud Dancing to Earth Singing, and from Healing to Compulsation. He had done nothing to gain those talents, he was born with them, why people could never understand this.

"For you, Lews Therin." Duram Laddel said, flows of air took his coat from outside the arena, it was empty now, of course. But anyone who wanted could come here to train himself before the games would started. "For me it's not even time for breakfast." He touched saidin and opened a gateway, a line that resolved to show a dark room, full with open books and papers, all in a mess. He wondered how the other man could find something there when he needed it, it must take him hours each time.

Lews Therin nodded, and open a gateway to his own quarters, his rooms was well lighted, and although he enjoyed reading, there was only a single book open on the desk. And the room was clean and neat. He smile fondly at the room, it wasn't his work, he could have never make the room look so neat. His mother used to say that he created a mess in his rooms even while he slept. He thought he liked it that way, until Saron Faren's grand father was assigned to him, given to him more exactly. The da'shain had simply took over his life entirely, sometimes it was more than irritating, but most of the time he couldn't imagine his life without the da'shain. He sat on a chair and channeled air to pour him some wine, he needed no more thought for this than he needed for breathing. For the like of him, saidin was used to do anything. He leaned back on the chair, putting his feet on the table the goblet of wine floating near his head, held by invisible hand. The book moved at him, but he didn't read it. Instead he let his thoughts wonder. Envy, that was his biggest problem. He never asked to be the strongest Aes Sedai ever to be known to this world. He had never asked to have all those talents. He could do nothing about having them, why people didn't understand it? He was also a ta'veren the strongest to be ever recorded. Everything should have going to his favor. Being a ta'veren was supposed to be a good thing.

"Women are supposed to faint whenever they see me," He muttered darkly, "people who opposed me are supposed to support me." that was what the records said, there was nota single ta'veren in more than millennium. "All I ever get is people hating me for what I am." He hated it, hated what he became to be, and hated more that he had no chance of breaking free of this.

"A honored member of the hall of servants." He snored, "I would have rather spend the night in Collam Daam." The city was said to be hunted, none survived a night there. "But then people would say I've done that only to prove that I can do it." Everything he did would bring those comment. "Nothing that I'll do will ever make them believe I want none of it." He stared darkly at the room. How much he had hated it. He would exchange it all, all the honor, with the simple life he could have. Even the third name he bore was bitter, he brought only more jealously. Barid Bel, reached his third name, Medar, only three weeks after he did, but as always, he wasn't satisfied with this. He thought that he and Barid Bel were friends, of sort, they were at the same age and liked much the same things. "But every bloody thing I do turn out to be better than he does." At first he enjoyed it, but even he thought it reached too far. The Wheel weaves as the wheel will. How many times he had been told that, and its weaving must be accepted. The next who would tell him that was about to have unpleasant surprise.

Barid Bel and he had shared the same interests, and although they didn't always agreed about certain things, they were friends for a long time. Almost since the first time they met each other, more than three hundreds and fifty years in the past. At first they competed each other because it was fun. But as time passed both of them understood that whatever he would do, Barid Bel would never match him. Lews Therin released saidin, catching the cup in mid air, he didn't want to have his emotions blocked away now. Barid Bel was the one who was first interested in taking a position in the Hall of Servants, and he had joined only to make him happy. He was much happier to take another path, a quiet place in the Sharom, before it was destroyed, and time to study the different aspects of the One Power was all he ever wanted. As for now, he had all but abandoned his studies entirely. Even that training battle with Duran Laddel was a stolen moment of pleasure, Duram Laddel might be envious of him, but at least he hid it well. He was glad that Barid Bel had never showed any interested in sword play. At least in this he wouldn't have to best the other man.

He placed the goblet of whine on the table and opened the book, "A study about powers in human and the other races, by Barid Bel Medar." He surrounded himself in k'doi but refused to let himself touch saidin, the power called him, sang to him, tempted him, but he ignored it. Or at least pushed it a little away from himself, one cannot simply ignore the One Power's call. With saidin he felt ten times as alive as without it, hundred times as much, or more. It help him forget his troubles, sometimes, fighting himself not to hold saidin. This time, as it almost always did, it worked. And he could concentrate in the book, it was a fascinating one, as usual with Barid Bel's work. Not at all the style he would, or could, write. His books were much more simpler than Barid Bel's ones. And although they had usually wrote more or less about the same subjects, his books always achieved better critical and higher popularity than Barid Bel's. Always. Even when he thought that Barid Bel's books were better than his. Saying it helped nothing. Barid Bel only saw it as false modesty. And it only made things worse. It didn't take long before he could let himself release k'doi, the book was fascinating. As most of Barid Bel's books were. He grabbed saidin again, and a pen began to scribed notes on a paper that Saron Faren had placed for this purpose exactly. He, his father and his grandfather knew him better than he knew himself.

The only warning he had was the tingling in his skin. He let the pen fall, and embrace as much of saidin as he could draw, jumping out of the chair, he prepared to use the power to defend himself, or to attack. The woman that stepped through the gateway looked surprised, her eyes were wide. But she had never had to face Mierin while the woman was angry. Mierin could never control herself when she was angry, and she was far more than angry about him ever since he left her. She had actually tried to kill him that day. And it had came to a fight between them, something new students sometimes did. She was supposed to be the strongest female ever. As he was the strongest male ever, save Elan Morin, who was equal to him, but there was one fact as hard as the One Power itself. Men, when it came to relative strengths, was far stronger than women. And although it took him more time than he expected it would he had her shielded at the end. It took him nine hours before he was finally convinced that she won't try to kill him again as soon as he would release the shield from her. Nine hours of channeling, with every drop of the power he could draw. He was close to severing himself, or killing himself when she finally stopped trying to break the shield. And she tried it once more, a week later. With the same results. From that point he was constantly aware of female channeling. He had a fair idea how Mierin's mind worked, you couldn't live with someone for more than twenty years without knowing how that someone thought. And he hadn't thought he would enjoy her catching him, even while he was stronger than her. If she would take the weakest angreal she could overcome him. That was one reason he never moved without an angreal of his own. A strong one, he sometimes had nightmares about what she might do. And it was another reason to shield his dreams, he knew as much as she knew about tel'aran'rhiod but there was no point at taking risks. The last time he saw her, five years ago, she seemed to be calm again. At least she didn't tried to rip his throat open with her fingernails. But she made it extremely clear that she meant to have him again. Sometimes he wondered if the woman was insane.

But it wasn't dark and beautiful Mierin who stand in front of him, the woman was different from Mierin in every aspect, save her height and beauty. She was as beautiful as Mierin. He thought he knew her, an Aes Sedai he sometimes saw in the meeting of the hall. "Ilyena Moerelle Dalisar," he said, she was a member of the hall, but not one to remember, she did her duties well and quickly, but that was to be expected, from an Aes Sedai in the hall. He remembered fondly the days where he looked in awe at the members of the hall, now he only felt scorn at them, himself included. Ilyena was simply one of the many members of the hall, he was surprised to find that he envied her, she had nothing to be envied about. And that was the reason he envied her. "why have you come here, if I may ask?" They were in his rooms, but he had always kept on his manners.

He released saidin slowly, he always hated let go of the feeling of life. At the same time the tingling disappeared from his skin. He let his eyes wonder on the woman standing in front of him, she had a waist long hair, in the color of the sun. And clear blue eyes that seem to read his soul. A mouth that was now a tight line, but he distantly remembered that she usually wore a smile on her face. She had a small nose, and a high cheek bones, she was more than beautiful, though this usually had no affect on him. After rejecting Mierin, beauty wasn't really high in his list of qualities he searched in a woman. She wore a green tight dress, and her streith was cool blue.

"Tomorrow they are going to ask you to be the First of Servants, Lews Therin." It was no explanation, but it sent all thoughts about Mierin and women out of his head.

"Are you sure?" He asked with a groan, this was the last thing he needed! There was no refusing to such offer. But he would have given his right hand to avoid it.

She blinked at him, "You don't want it? Any one else would have jumped on the offer." She sounded surprised, but the water in the hall of servants was muddier than the blackness outside the pattern.

"Ilyena Moerelle Dalisar," He snorted, "I have people jealous at me that I've never met, or will ever meet. I once had a friend, Barid Bel Medar," She nodded to the name, Barid Bel was only a bit less famous than he himself was. "now he would be more than happy to walk on my grave." Barid Bel would probably also make a lovely speech, he was good at speeches. "Tel Janin Aellinsar would dance on it. Duram Laddel Cham would probably use my grave as to climb up the scale of rank." He deliberately chose the more famous one, Tel Janin Aellinsar was the world champion in sword for a long time. He had beaten him once, but the man never forgot it. Duram Laddel Cham, he hid his jealously well, but you could feel it, the man was almost hundred years older than himself, but was still lower in rank than he was. "I have more than enough people envying me as it is. I don't need to have to add more to this. Someone of them might decide to take this personally and try to kill me." He saw the shock on her. Fifty or sixty years ago no one would have thought about such thing. Now, it might come true.

"Peace is collapsing, Ilyena Moerelle." He said, "Ever since the destruction of Collam Daam our society is collapsing. I have dedicated as much time as I can to study this, but have found no reason for this." As much time as he could, practically nothing, not the tenth he should have dedicated, but he had other duties too. "Elan Morin Tedronai is working about it ever since the Sharom collapsed, but he said he had no answer yet." Her streith began to darken. And he quickly wove air to drag a chair for her. She looked at him gratefully and sank back.

The streith return to the cool blue slowly. "You still have no other choice, you know it, Lews Therin." She said, "No one can refuse to be -"

He cut her off with sharp motion of his hand, he thought that if he would seat down the strain in his muscles would tear him apart. "I don't care what can be done, I will not be the First of Servants! Who suggested it anyway? I never did anything to hint that I want ed this position." He realize he was quivering with rage. Some people would think that he did want this. And they would hate him more for this. He never asked for this, never wanted this. Ilyena stood in a flash, her eyes blazing like the sword in his before. Her streith become the blood red of fury.

"You dare to shout at me, Lews Therin!" It wasn't a question, she reminded him a she wolf he once saw. Her fangs bare, ready to attack, but he wasn't the rabbit that the she-wolf was after. And here his strength in the power wouldn't help him. Strength wasn't something that was supposed to taken into consideration in the hall. And it was never considered much among the male Aes Sedai. Mainly because they had no fast way to measure that. Among females the situation was different, there strength did play its part. But when it came to female and male Aes Sedai, the female always seem to think that they could more than match the man. Ilyena wasn't different then most of other female Aes Sedai. And she wasn't even as strong as Mierin was. For some reason it disappointed him that she wasn't different. "Are you mad?" This was a question. But certainly not one he expected.

"What?!" He asked, he couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"It was a simple question, Lews Therin. Are you mad?" She said, the streith was now purple, between the blue of calm and the red of fury. "You refuse to take a position every one else would have leap on." She rose one finger, "You insulted more than one member of the hall," she rises another finger, "including me." He was amused to see that she hadn't rose anymore fingers to that. Modesty, even if it was a fake one, wasn't something he usually run into. "You're Aes Sedai for long time," He was Aes Sedai since he was forty, and that was long time ago. "and you turn down every offer to join an ajah or create one. And there were hundreds, if not thousands of such offers."

"Three thousands seven hundred and sixty four." He murmured softly, she rose an eyebrow, obviously surprised, "It give me something to do when I'm bored." And it was nice to know that so many people wanted him, every man had to have something to be pride it. And the things he did, the books he wrote and and offices he performed, all the things that gave him the publicity meant nothing to him. He could have done very well without them.

"You turned down three thousands seven hundred and sixty fouroffers?" She sounded as if she didn't believe him, no wonder, considering that at best, one might be be asked five or six hundreds times to join ajahs in a lifetime. "And you don't want to be the First of the Servants, and you don't keep your manners with you. Why, one may begin to wonder that you're not interested in power. Or perhaps you have others plans?"

"I've no interest in power, Ilynea." He said, he took a chair and motion her to sit again, she sat calmly, arranging her skirts around her carefully. Not for the first time he wonder why women bother to wear the streith, it reveal too much of what they felt. Green did fit her well, he noticed, then chased the thought out of his head. "You should have understand it already."

"Then why you came here in the first place?" She asked, "Why you don't leave?"

He laughed softly at that, "You can't leave this place, not after the first touch of real power. It's more addictive than the One Power, haven't you ever felt it? Oh, you might convince yourself that this is responsibility that make you stay and duty. But you can't really leave the power after you tasted it." She shift her position slightly, and the streith began to darken again, fear, and confusion. "And the first time I came here was for Mierin," Even before he was famous she found him, maybe she knew even then what would happen, all she had to do was to direct him a little. And once you enter this world you couldn't escape it. "for Mierin and Barid Bel." He saw her head move, startled, golden hair flowing like golden cascade. "You didn't knew that, didn't you?" She didn't like him knowing she didn't know it. But then again, even without the sudden movement, the streith was pure white.

"It's... unlikely to think so. Considering what he thinks of you." She said, "I didn't think that he might be the one that pulled you to politics, he seemed to be the one who would do the contrary."

Lews Therin sighed, "Ilyena, you should have made your homework. He didn't always hate me, we were friends, long ago." Good friends, and he still liked the man, but his success had poisoned their friendship.

"I... see." He didn't thought she saw, but it didn't matter. "You still haven't answered my questions."

"About turning down power? I had, I don't want it, but I can't leave this place." He pointed in a wide motion, this room, this position. As much as he hated them, he could not imagine his life without them. "But I can said that this is all I want, that I want nothing more. I should have said it long ago." Meririn had pushed him to where he was now. And he stick to his place with fingernails, had he wanted, he could have been long ago the First of the Servants. And she knew it.

"I think you're mad, Lews Therin." But her voice was light, and he took no offence. "Or at least the strangest man I've ever seen." She smile at that and stood, "But I must go now, I'll see you in the Hall." His skin tingled as she channeled, and a gateway began to resolve.

He caught her arm, "Why have you came here, Ilyena? Not just to tell me that they mean to offer me to be the First." The hall was considering who would be the next First for so long that he nearly forgot about it.

"To see you," she said, one hand patting on his cheek, "I wanted to see who would be the next First of Servants." With that, she smiled, and the smile changed her entirely. She was beautiful, but smiling, she was far more beautiful than any other woman he had ever seen, including Mierin. The smile seem to make her glow. He noted the view seen from the gateway, a room as clean as his, but in a mess as much as Duram Laddel's was. The gateway closed behind her, and left an empty feeling. Somehow, her leaving made the room look darker.

"Would be the next First?" He whispered to the air, "I think you're about to have a surprise, Ilyena Moerelle Dalisar. A big surprise." Saidin filled him, and the goblet of wine rose from the table, he forgot to offer her to drink something. Never mind, she didn't stay long enough to feel thirst. And she would have pour her a drink by her own, if so. But even as Ilyena filled his mind one cold decision remained intact in him. He would not be the First of Servants, and the Hall can burn for it.

Ilyena sat in front of the mirror, giving her hair the final touch, she knew she always looked beautiful in blue. And for that man, fo that cause, she took the trouble. She wasn't sure that it could even help with him. A man that could reject Mierin... She was pretty enough herself, no more, but Mierin was more than beautiful.

The gasp behind her was the first sign of him, he stare at her, deep brown wide eyes moving on her body, she felt it almost like a touch. "Light of heaven, Ilyena" Lews Therin murmured in admiration, "you're beautiful." He was very tall, taller than most man by a head or more. He wore light coat and breach in deep scarlet, and he moved like he was about to dance in every move.

She smile at him, "Thank you." It was nice of him to say it, usually men, especially if they were Aes Sedai, kept their emotion under tight control. She rose from the chair and lie the brush on the table. She wore a long blue dress that exposed her shoulders, and her hair was flood of gold. She knew that the contrast between the dress and her hair was stunning.

He gave her a hand to help her rise, she took it, but had to fight with herself not to giggle like a fifteen years old girl. she was more than fifteen time this age. For some reason men never seem to think that such behavior was noble. But it was one thing she didn't mean to tell him, for herself, she thought it sweet.

She led him to the garden, she kept it in endless spring, and it was her favorite place. He followed two steps behind her, his gaze left her to stare at her quarters, she didn't knew what there was there to see. She kept it clean, but no more. She never seemed to have the time to put everything in place. And she had never asked for a da'shain. For some reason she didn't felt comfortable with the idea of someone serving her. At some point he stopped suddenly, she half turned her head, looking at him. He stared at a sha'rah board, she was once quite skilled at the game, little short of a master, but she hadn't touched the board for more than a year and a half. Duty took to much of her time. As it was with every other member of the Hall.

"Barid Bel had been chosen to be the First of the Servants." She said, then bit her lip. She didn't mean to mention it until much later. "And you were the first to refuse that title in history."

He took his eyes off the sha'rah board and looked at her, deep brown eyes that seem to laugh at something. At himself, she thought. "I'm always the first, Ilyena." He said, for some reason his voice was bitter, and there wasn't a shred of pride in him, "No matter what I do, I'm always the first." She thought that he shook his head slightly, but she couldn't be sure. "Do you play?"

"Sha'rah? I didn't know you are playing it." Nothing that she heard indicate it, at least, and she studied everything she could on him, she had to.

"I'm not very good at this, I fear," Lews Therin said, "but it's certainly an interesting game. You on the other hand, are considered as a master in it. Or at least were considered, for some reason you stopped playing. Shortly after joining Latra Posae's ajah. Does she take too much of your time?" Now she was glad she didn't wore a streith, she kept her face blank. But the streith would have become utter black to his words. How did he know? She wondered, It was supposed to be a secret.

That was the reason she was chosen to approach him, she was all but anonymous, one of the many members of the Hall. She hadn't done anything to make people notice her. He sat down and began to arrange the red pieces. She took the opposite side and channeled to arrange her green pieces. She didn't understand this. Why he was doing it? If he thought her a master, while he was merely a beginner. He could win nothing that way.

"How did you found out?" She asked, she was proud in her voice, her surprised was well hidden.

"People talk, and they tend to remember you." He suddenly send her a twisted smile, "After last night, they was more than happy to talk to me."

She could have believe it, no one ever turned down an offer to be the First of Servants. It wasn't even exactly an offer, more a command. "Why you did it? And why did you said that Barid Bel is the one who is fit for that office? He hates you!" Men never seemed to care if what they did ever made sense, but she didn't believe he ever did something out of impulse. Most of what she knew of him came from rumors, and the Hall's records. And his books, of course, he wrote about almost anything. And although she almost always didn't agree with him, he did wrote good books.

"He doesn't hate me," She couldn't say for her life what emotion was that filled Lews Therin's voice. "he envies me. Envies my success." He closed his eyes for a moment, he looked tired to death, "I'm too tired of people being jealous on me. Now he has what he always wanted. To be above me, to have more glory that I had." Irony was heavy in his voice.

"It doesn't bother you?" She didn't wait for his nod to continue, "It wouldn't work, you know. People are not talking now about Barid Bel being the new First."

Lews Therin nodded, "They talk about great Lews Therin, sonobly stepping down to clear the way to a man that hate shim. Anything I do bring this result. I stopped hoping it will ever end." They finished arranging their tools. Lews Therin made the first move. A beginner step indeed, one that could be easily countered. She didn't mean to let herself lose, she hadn't lost in this game for more than hundred years.

"You are a ta'veren you know. You can't escape it." She move a stone, she could end the game in ten moves, and she would. Had he thought that just because he was so successful in so many area he could match her? A little humiliation wouldn't hurt him.

"Then the Wheel choose me to humiliate Barid Bel? Isn't it a noble goal, one that would be remembered forever in stories and songs?" She had to laugh at this, and his eyes lighten in amusement, imitating hers.

They each moved a tool before he talked again, he was a beginner, his style would lead to defeat even faster than she thought. "Do you envy me?" He asked it in a normal tone, as if there was nothing unusual in the question.

"What?!" She must have heard it wrong.

"It was simple enough question, Ilyena." He said, answering her with her own words, the words she used when he was at the same state of surprise she was now. There was questions that you simply didn't ask, she broke that. But never expected him to do so. "Do you envy me? Light know that there are enough people who envy me, do you, too?"

"I don't envy you, I don't think so, at least." It was sometimes hard to know what she really felt, and she sometimes preferred not to know what she felt. It was the same ever since Dejar Roran had died, he was at Collam Daam when the city was destroyed, few survived that disaster. And he wasn't one of them. Since that time she had sealed her feeling under a black wall. They were too painful to be felt. But she didn't think she was envying him. She didn't want to be in his place, she was happy enough where she was.

It was his turn to move again, but he lied his chin on his hand and looked at her, intent on her face. For some reason she felt like it was hot in the room. She had learned to ignore heat or cold long ago. Everyone who wanted could do this, but it didn't help her now. The heat she felt came from him. "Would it surprise you to know that I envy you?" Again, the question was asked in a flat voice, as if it was every day topic. She wondered where exactly she had lost control on the conversation.

Her eyes went wide before she could control them, "You?! In me?! Why? There is nothing in me to be jealous about me." She wasn't famous, or known, to either side. Some Aes Sedai, like Lews Therin, and Barid Bel, and Tel Janin, to count the males, or Kamarile Maradim and Nemene Damendar and Latra Posae to count the females, were famous and well known and respected. They had all received their third name long ago, by right. For deeds that were done for the good of all. Lews Therin, Latra Posae and Barid Bel, of course, specialized in politic and the high offices of the Hall of Servants. Tel Janin was one of the best sportsman the world had ever known. And Kamarile Maradim and Nemene Damendar who were both the best healers in thousand years or more. One of the mind and the second of the body.

Others, like Lillen Moiral, that not a week ago had been disciplined for breaking the ethics of her office,.or Mierin Eronaile that would be remembered forever as the one who destroyed the Sharom and Collam Daam, and Eval Ramman whose tempers had been the main reason he declined to gain the third name of honor were known and famous as well or more, but their reputation wasn't a good one, to say the least.

For herself, she stood in the middle, which was fine with her. She didn't want, or needed to feel famous.

He moved a tool, not really looking at the board, "That is the reason, you've nothing to be jealous about." Their was something in his voice, longing. For the time he was infamous? He was definitely the strangest man she had encountered. She would have laughed at his words if not for that undertone in his voice.

"You can always leave, Lews Therin." She said, she took a look on the board, what he did was something only a fool would do. In five moves she would win. "No matter the reasons that brought you to where you're. You can always leave."

He looked as if he didn't saw the trap closing on him, both in the game and in life. She had agreed to Latra Posae's plans for him, but in life, in the greater game they all played, none who were in the Hall for so long could be taken as a beginner. He has vever been involved in the intrigues in the Hall. He was simply who he was, a man that the power chased after, instead of him chasing power. "Don't you think I tried? I'm a ta'veren, Ilyena." He remind her, "I have less freedom than those tools." With that he rose to his feet.

"You're going? So soon?" She asked, the sadness in her voice was real, she didn't understood why.

"The same as you, Ilyena." He said, every sign of the tiredness in him was gone. "I've learned what I've came for." His face harden to stone. He was so pleasant before, that she could hardly believe it was the same man that stood in front of her. Eyes like cold ice burned into her, "Tell Latra Posae that I know the game she is playing. And tell her that in that game I'm going to win."

"You didn't win this one." She said, pointing at the game. He simply stare at her, and one tool changed places, without a hand touching it.

"But I did." That was all, he flashed her a smile, not a proud or arrogant one, he didn't delight on winning her. It was simply a smile. She couldn't understand why Barid Bel hated him so much. If that was how he was always. She blinked in surprised, he had already left, and she hadn't even felt it.

She was sure that she let him know nothing about the plans Latra Posae made for him, then why he was so pleased suddenly.

I've learned what I've came for, that was what he said. But all he asked her was about herself. It wasn't the plans he came for. She realized suddenly. Just as she did, he came to learn more about herself.

She stared at the board, a master game, disguised as a beginner. And she hadn't seen it until the very end. She didn't even know that he played it, certainly not that he was so skilled. "So you want play, Lews Therin?" She whispered into the empty room, this kind of game she hadn't played close to fifty years, but she thought, that for him, she might want to play that game. It had been long since she had looked at a man as a man. Maybe it was a time for a change.

Lews Therin walked through the corridors of the Hall of Servants. As always he had to stop himself from staring, the building was build to the pleasure of the watcher, and it was enough to make his heart ache from the beauty of it, and he was here for more than three hundreds years. He has seen Aes Sedai, at their first visit in the Hall, that had practically forgotten what they have came to do, instead they toured the entire building, moving from one place to another. Their eyes wide and their jaws open wide. He grinned to himself, at his first visit here, he had abandoned his mission and surrendered to the beauty of the building. Many books and songs and poems had been created about this building, but Lews Therin thought that nothing could make you feel how it was in truth. It could took your breath away from you, and it brought tears to the eyes of the watchers often.

Saidin filled him, it always did, in the Hall of Servants he wanted to be aware of anything, and the beauty of the building was only half a reason. A sweet perfume was the other reason, a woman as stubborn as she was beautiful. Or more, why she couldn't understand that he didn't want her anymore? He stopped and waited, he didn't have to wait long.

Mierin had gave a start as she saw him, black hair and eyes, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, even Ilyena wasn't as beautiful as she was. As always, she wore white and silver, she could blind a man with a smile. As always he felt that stab of regret, and had to remind himself all the reasons why he left her. Mierin was also furious, he hadn't seen her like this for a long time. She usually had a good control on her emotions.

"You!" She hissed at him, and he sighed inwardly, she have heard about him and Ilyena. He and Ilyena were... playing a game. He knew that he loved her, loved her with all his heart, as he onced love Mierin, and he was sure she felt the same for him. But, for some reason neither he nor she wanted to admit it, even to their self. They enjoyed this little game too much, and it allowed them to be together without risking being harmed again. As far as he understood, she had lost a man she loved in the destruction of Collam Daam, and Mierin always stood between him and other women. For a long time women had been an amusement for a night or a week. Never more than that. And only part of the reason was Mierin, there was no emotion. Nothing he could love with those women. Ilyena, in more than one way, was different. "I've just heard about that hay hair woman you have taken!" Her voice took a dangerous tone, "You're mine,Lews Therin! No other woman save me can have you!"

He was glad he was holding saidin, Mierin wasn't beyond violence when she was angry. And he knew about five women at least that she had terrorized away from him. He sighed again, loud this time. "I'm not yours, Mierin." He said, keeping his voice cold and calm was an effort, he wanted to slap her till she would understand that he didn't love her anymore. "When you're going to understand that? I loved you, once. It was a long time ago! I love you no more."

He could see that he hadn't reach her, What would it take to convince her? There was a way, but he did not dare to use it."You are mine, Lews Therin. And mine only. When will you understand it? If you will not have me you will have no one!" He had heard her using the same tone, just before she tried to kill him when he told her he was leaving her. He wouldn't, couldn't, let her harm Ilyena, and he could easily believe now that she could do it. Ilyena would be defenseless. She was strong, for a woman, but certainly not on Mierin's level. There was no one in the corridor, a good thing, in that hour not many was in the Hall of Servants. It must be one of those ta'veren twisting the pattern that brought Mierin and him in the same time to the same place.

She hadn't touched saidar, yet, but he still slid a shield between her and the True Source. What he was about to do would have no affect if she would hold even the smallest amount of saidar. "You will not hurt Ilyena, Meririn. Not in anyway. Never!" At the same time he wove Spirit and Air and Fire, placing the command deep inside her, deep enough so she could never break it by her own. He wished he could do the same with her love to him. But what he did was enough. More than enough. Doing it disgusted him, but there was no other way. Compulsation wasn't to be used in this way. But if Ilyena might be hurt because of Mierin...

Meririn stood rigid, not even breathing, staring at him unbelievingly. He had quite a talent in compulsation, and she had that talent only in a small amount only. She wouldn't be able to break it without some help. And she wouldn't do that. What he did, if anyone would ever know about it, would probably led to him being severed. But Mierin wouldn't risk that. She loved him, or so she thought, for himself, he suspected that all she ever wanted was power. She had convinced herself that she loved him, and she had made his life miserable ever since he left her. And that was to say the least. Even after she had left him she continued trying to push him up. Maybe in the thought that he would return to her one day. Her hand moved like lightning, and he barely stepped back in time. "You," she whimpered, "they can sever you for this!" She was still too stunnd to be angry.

"And then I will never be yours, you are trapped, Mierin. If you would turn me in it mean you don't love me. If you don't..." He left it hang in the air, he couldn't continue. He felt like he's about to throw out. He kept his face calm, a small grin on them.

"One way or another," She hissed at him, battering the edge of the shield, "you'll be mine." He was surprised to see tears in her eyes. But she turned away from him before he could do something, not that he had any idea what he could do. And she let both the shield and saidin go. He hit the white wall, accepting the pain gladly. He deserved it. He still have some love in him for Mierin, though not in the way she wanted it. And what he did sickened him. "I had no other choice." He could have lived with compelling her, but not with what he did later. Those words where chosen carefully to hurt her more than anything else. Taking a hold of saidin again he opened a gateway. He didn't care where, only that it would be far away from here, as far as he could. As far as he could get from the abomination he had just done.

Mierin stepped though the gateway to the most distant place she knew. A cliff, with a view for the ocean. It always made her calm. Not now, though. She could barely see through the tears that covered her eyes. She could feel the command he left on her, like a scar on her soul. She couldn't even say something that would insult Ilyena! Lews Therin was hers! He can belonge to no other! Tears trickled down her eyes, she didn't bother to wipe them. She had cried many times since he had left her. She loved him. She would have done everything for him. But he left her. She sank to her knees, sobbing, hugging herself desperately. There was nothing she could do, light, he's supposed to be mine! She thought, fury burning inside her. But even the fury was burned beneath the mass on sadness and grief in her. She had no idea how long she had cried. But when she rose her head the skies already began to darken. She had stood on unsteady feet. The sadness and the grief hadn't lessened, but she could endure them, for a little while. They were there ever since he left her.

She stared to the cliff's end, it could be so easy. Just to walk over the end, to fall over to the sea. They would never find her body. And all this would end. All the lives she had killed in the Sharom. All the lives that were lost when Collam Daam destroyed. She barely make it out of the city herself. And she hadn't stopped blaming herself for it, even though everyone else agreed that it wasn't her fault. but she was the one who drilled the open to... they still had no idea what it has been, only that it also caused people to act strange. Crimes, violent crime became common, where they once had all but forgotten.

"You will be mine, Lews Therin!" She whispered into the evening air, "No matter what I have to do to have you, you will be mine." More than that command, his words hurt her. He trapped her, trapped her in her love to him. Fury boiled inside her again. And this time it overcame the sadness. She couldn't break the command he gave her by her own. Nor could she go to anyone that could break it. "A perfect trap, Lews Therin. But there is a way out, and I will find her." But her already trapped her before. When she made her fall in love with him. And there was no way out of that trap!

It was more than foolish to be nervous. Lews Therin knew it, but couldn't help it for his life. All he could do was to try to hide it as much as he could. He wore blue and red, with a circle of black and white, divided in sinuous line on the left side of his chest. The cloths were soft against his skin, but not as soft as Ilyena's hand, he held it in his. And he could feel her pulse racing. It was their wedding night, and he could hardly believe it. He thought his heart might burst out of his ribcage. Ilyena must have been nervous too, she hadn't stopped smoothing her dress, and his collar and coat. She wore a blue dress, and was so beautiful his eyes ached only looking at her.

When she tried, for the sixth time, to smooth his collar, he caught her head in his hands and kissed her, there was no better way to calm her, and him. "I love you." He whispered at the woman that leaned against his chest when the kiss ended. "Light help me, I love you more than life itself." She simply signed, and wrapped her arms around him. Hugging him tightly.

They waited to be called, the ceremony was as old as time itself, or so it seemed, and Ilyena insisted that it would be kept. For himself, Lews Therin was just as pleased as she did from this. But he knew better than to tell her. As it was all it took from her was one look and he did as she would have ask. It he would ever let her know how deeply he love her... It wasn't that she would misuse it. Ilyena's face was buried in his chest, that was why she hadn't saw the dark hair woman that enter the room. Today, even Mierin looked pale compared to Ilyena. But her eyes held enough heat to burn the world. And as soon as she saw him, holding Ilyena, that heat seem to be double.

She stared at him, a tall woman, a woman he once loved. And he had to force his body to remain soft. Silently he prayed that the bar he compelled on her, the bar that prevented her from hurting Ilyena would hold. If not, he would have to take action, and the light alone know where it may lead. Fury babbled at him, why couldn't the woman leave him alone?

The compulation held. She straightened, and dark, liquid eyes looked at him. She didn't glare. But the stare had the force of a charging bull. Silently, she mouthed ten words, he knew her enough to read her lips. "You will be mine again! You have always been mine!" With that, she turned back and exited the room. White skirts swiveling without sound.

"What happened, Lews Therin?" Ilyena mumbled softly. Her hands tightened around him.

"Nothing, Ilyena. Nothing that should worried you." He said, caressing her hair softly. But until the moment they were called to enter he failed to chase Mierin out of his head.

Mierin entered the hallway silently. The air was cold around her, but it was nothing compared to the chill she felt inside. She heard it only a few minutes ago. Kamarile Maradim Nindar smiled at her in that knowing way that made Mierin always feel as if she knew her thoughts. Kamarile Maradim was a healer of the mind, and she always looked at people if she knew everything about them. Mierin did not want to be understood, she did not want to feel the pain and the void inside. And what she really did not want was Kamarile Maradim to understand these feelings!

"Didn't you know?" Kamarile had said, with that irritating smile on her face. "Lews Therin Telamon and Ilyena Moerelle Dalisar are getting married today." At that moment, Mierin wanted to die. The bubble of pain inside her stomach, where it rested for many years now, came to a terrible explosion and a few moments the world sank away in the pain and the shock. She wanted to scream, to hit the face of the other women. To destroy something. She had to release it, all the pain inside her, all the pain buried for so long.

"What is it, Mierin?" Kamarile asked in a pleasant tone, yet very sly. "Don’t you feel to well?"

In a outburst of fury, Mierin embrace saidar and struck with the power. Then she began to ran through the hallways, leaving Kamarile trembling and almost unconscious behind. She did not see the beauty of the hall, nor was she caught by it, she just ran and ran with a mist of tears blurring her vision. Until she was where she had to be. She knew where he must be.

She opened the door softly and looked into the last hallway, the hallway where the lovers had to wait until they were called. And there, there they stood! Together! And Lews Therin actually hugged her! Memories of him hugging her came to her mind. And she had to fight the tears again.

A few seconds she stood there, gasping for breath and watching how he caressed the blond hair of that.... of Ilyena Moerelle Dalisar. The Compulsion Lews Therin had lain on her, was too strong to get out. She could barely think bad of the other woman. Fury flared up inside of her, in the same instant as Lews Therin looked up from his wife-to-be and stared directly at her.

Mierin understood. A glimpse of a moment, she understood. Lews Therin was lost to her, forever. He loved someone else. She denied the thought before it could fully form in her mind, she pushed it away. The pain did not even had the chance to start. She just stood there, not talking, not moving. Staring. She couldn't even glare at the other woman.

Lews Therin stared back, his dark brown eyes seemed to ask her something. And angry too. He did not want to see her at this moment, when he was going to be married. No! she told herself. Anger because a part of him realizes that what he's doing is a mistake. The biggest in his life. A part of him still loves me, a part of him can't live without me. As I can't live without him.

She felt that her lips were forming the words she always repeated to herself, and to him. The words that kept her alive, that kept her from jumping off that cliff at the end of the world. You will be mine again. You have always been mine.

Lews Therin saw it, and understood. She could not see all his emotions, but he suddenly seemed very confused. Frustrated, hurt. He did still love her.

Mierin turned around and walked away without making any sound. The pain stopped running through her body, it comforted itself under in her stomach again. Where it had been for many years. Since the moment she realized that he would leave her, the pain began to grow. Twice before it had exploded; one time at the moment he told her he is going to leave her, and she, in her outrage, tried to kill him, and failed. Miserably failed. The next time when she noticed he had been with Ilyena and just knew she was loosing him definitely. At that moment, she wanted to kill Lews Therin again, and with him that ... Ilyena and herself too.

She loved Lews Therin more than life itself, more than ... Ilyena would ever be capable of. She loved him too much to let it be healthy. Well, she could not help it. The only thing she wanted in her life was that he would be hers again, and that all the troubles was forgotten. Including the trouble at Collar Daam and the Sharom.

She just wanted them to be lovers again, totally lost in each other, like they were in the beginning. She wanted that everything was like it used to be. A wish. If wishes had wings... A mist of tears blurred her vision. And at that moment. Even saidar couldn't comfort her.

Ishmael never felt so in his life. Saidin flowed in him, sweater than life. And the staff he held in his hands blazed like the sun with dark fire that landed between the defenders of Paran Desen. Flows of saidin race between the armies, carrying death. The air was full of lightnings, and fire and death and beauty. He titled his head back and laughed, today would bring victory. The final victory over the light's forces. They had centered all their armies defending their capital. Winning here would give them the world. Dozen Myradraals stood near him. When ever their gaze touch him he could feel the stab of fear that blazed in them. Myradraal's look entered fear into one's heart. But he was beyond it. Far beyond. He wore simple cloths, in black and red, the colors he made his own.

He stood on an isolated heel, three miles away from the battle, close enough to strike, far enough not to be hurt by the fight. It was easy to see where Demandred, Sammael and Bel'al were. Three spots constantly advancing. Three spots constantly surrounded by fire and lightning. They were fools, risking themselves so.

He felt saidin being woven behind him and spun back, ready to kill the fools that tried to challenge the Naeb'lis. The gateway opened into an utter darkness. And Lews Therin stepped out of it. Cutting the flows of balefire before they could even form themselves. The Myradraals screamed, sound so high it was beyond human hearing, and died in fire.

"Ishmael," Lews Therin said, emotionlessly. He was wrapped in the Oneness. Wrapped in saidin, drawing every drop he could. Drawing as much as Ishmael himself could. "it's time to died." He carried a sword that shone in silver in his fist. A sword that was made of heart stone. But so was the staff he was carrying. He was clad in red and gold and silver,with the symbol of the Aes Sedai, a circle half white half black, divided by a sinuous line, on the left side of his breast. Ishmael promised himself that soon the red would be of blood.

"For you, not for me." Ishmael snarled back at him. And struck, with the One Power and the staff both. Lews Therin didn't even rose his sword. He flow back. Faster than it was supposed to possible. And cut the flows that could rip his soul off his body.

"Why have you betrayed the light, Elan Morin Tedronai? What the Lord of Grave could have possibly offer you that you didn't have already?" There was sadness in Lews Therin's voice. But the sword moved like a serpent tongue, so fast it looked like a blur. And he held as much of saidin as he himself could. Weaves that could destroy his very existence was barely severed in time. And Ishmael answered this flows with weaves of his own, as dangerous as Lews Therin's, if not more.

"Power, Lews Therin. Power beyond your wildest dreams, and immortality. I will live forever!" Lews Therin snarled at that with contempt.

"You're a fool. Selling you soul for this!" He answered, the sword passed a hair width from his chest. And a wall of fire surrounded them. "You already had power, you could have been the First of Servants. Now you are less than a servant. A slave! And immortality? How old are you? Four hundreds? Five?" Ishmael replayed to the fire with earth. And the ground explode beneath Lews Therin's feet. The were moving faster than the eye could see. Half of their strength attacking, with the other half defending themselves, from the other man's action, and their own. "Normal people may need immortality, Ishmael! Not Aes Sedai! We live long enough as it is!"

"That is what you think, Lews Therin." The staff stabbed, like a spear, but Lews Therin's sword slid over it, and Ishmael nearly lost the staff. He abandoned talking, thrown down his staff and looked at Lews Therin's eyes. A storm of weaves landed on the man, stretching his abilities to their border. Lews Therin broke every last one of them, and returned a storm of his own. Fire and Spirit and Water and Air and Earth, flows of all the five powers. Cutting each of the flows was a hard work, but he did it. There was sweat on his face, he couldn't spare the necessary concentration to avoid it. But Lews Therin's face shone with sweat too.

To any woman or a man that couldn't channel, they were just two men, staring at each other with burning hate and fury.

A man that could channel would have known what was happening, and if he had the smallest shred of common sense, would have fled the place. Both men drew the power to the point the sense of life was painful. And beyond it. And the weaves they used weren't used in thousands of years. For a reason, even balefire, with all its might, wasn't truly a weapon in this fight.

The fight wasn't for the body, but for the soul. Somehow, Ishmael knew that it will not do to destroy the body alone. Somehow, the battle would renew itself elsewhere, at another time. Lews Therin knew it too. And accepted it gladly.

Ishmael could have destroyed everything in his sight, in heartbeats, and Lews Therin had as much strength. But neither one of them could bring this battle to an end. The only possible result would be the death of both of them. Lews Therin had a grin on his face, an eager one. But Ishmael wasn't so enthusiastic at the thought of death.

The earth exploded beneath their feet, erasing the heel they stood in, they now stood on air alone. They weren't aware of it. But every man that could channel had stopped fighting. They could see what was happening. But none of them could give aid. To this side or another. Any man that would even try to come close would die instantly. By both men. And none of them wanted to get any closer than they were already. The amount of power those two men draw was enough to level a city. Enough to destroy both armies. Those men knew what would be the result of the battle. Soon, one of those men would fail to counter one of the attacks. But the power he held would be released, uncontrolled, and would destroying everything miles away. No men that could channel strong enough to open a gateway left in the armies of the shadow. Seeing that, and, understanding why, the females that could channel that had betrayed the light had fled too.

The Aes Sedai, men and women, stayed on the battle. Killing in the armies of the dark. Some stayed because of duty. Some for glory, and some because they had no other place to go. If Paran Desen would lost, the light would be lost too. As it was, some of the Aes Sedai did fled, but those were few. With the disappearance of the dread lords and the Forsakens among their ranks, the armies of the shadow where driven back. Killed by saidin and saidar.

Ishmael couldn't see the reason for the sudden change in battle course, but he could see that the armies he commanded at, were being destroyed. With a scream of pure frustration. Ishmael directed all the power he could draw into a shield between him and the other man. Face twisted in hate, he fled.

Lews Therin fell to his knees, exhausted, staring at the place where Ishmael were. "No!" He whispered, "It can't end this way!" Scrambling to his feet slowly, he titled his head back and screamed, "ISHMAAAAEEEL!!!" Hate was burned on his face. He channeled, and his voice was carried across the entire battle field, where the last remnants of the shadowspawns and Friends of t Dark were slaughtered. "This isn't over yet, Ishmael! We will meet again!"

The gateways opened of all sides, making the air look full of holes. The Aes Sedai reached just in time to catch him. He was so exhausted that he had fainted. But Ishmael was even in a worse condition.

"Who won?" That was the first thing Lews Therin said, and Ilyena jumped to her feet. She was half asleep in a chair near his bed. He was unconscious for so long that she feared... She will not think about it!

"Are you fine, Lews Therin?" Channeling for so long, to such extent, could sever even him. And no male Aes Sedai could tell her one way or the other! Fool men! Any woman would have known it a moment, if it was another woman. But men couldn't do it. They had to be awake for him to resonance for other men channeling. There was no way to know whatever he had severed himself until he would be awake. And those hours of worry had sent her to the edge.

Lews Therin moved his eyes slowly across the room. It was a large room, but now it looked small. At least fifteen Aes Sedai and about that number normal people, who couldn't channel. All the Aes Sedai were their children, all their children born with the spark, all were quite strong. The others, she thought of as their children too.

"You won Lews Therin, can't you remember?" Shorin Kelal asked. That eternal grin of him returned to his face. He never looked as if he was worried of something. But he was, in those hours. Lord General Shorin Kelal Semar was a tall man, only a hand below Lews Therin. With blonde hair and green eyes. He seemed to have a strange affect of women, grown women who should have known better. He was handsome, no more, but only few women could resist him. She saw him once or twice with Aes Sedai that was more than twenty times his age. Or with women that was barely old enough to be considered so. He spent most of his time hunting, women usually. But seeing him as a lecher was a grave mistake.

He was probably the greatest general in the side of the light, thirty only. He wrote dozen books or so about war. She had read them, and could barely believe he was the one who wrote them. He was practically pushed by Lews Therin into the position of the second in command. Unlike others, he had no wishes for power. But Lews Therin was right, under his command, they won many battle. And although he lost few times, any other general would have taken more losses than him. Lews Therin shaped him to that, in purpose. Pushing him to study weapon and ancient wars, it was twenty years ago when Lews Therin somehow guessed that there would be a need in generals for the wars that would come. And weapons made of steal wasn't the only thing they needed. Lews Therin made weapons out of humans.

Shorin Kelal wasn't the only one he did it to. Almost two dozens men and women, some able to touch the True Source, some not. Had been found by him, between the age of five to the age of ten. All orphans, he told them, and her, what he was about to do. They agreed eagerly. Violence became a common thing in a world where it was unknown completely. And their parents were murdered all.

What he did disgusted him, so he said, but also fascinated him in a way. He wrote several essays about the development of the personality. And with those children, he had the opportunity to test his theories.

He rose them all as if they were their children, both he and she thought about them that way. And made weapons out of them. They adored him, from Shorin Kelal, who could lead a battle from sure defeat to victory, as he did in the battle on Paran Desen. To Teadra, who knew almost as much about battle, but preferred to be a soldier, a thing she was more than good at.

They would follow him to the Pit of Doom and back, if he would ask them. In many ways, she was happy for them, they were happy about themselves. In many other ways, she couldn't see the difference between what Lews Therin did and taming animals.

"I know that Ishmael run away." Lews Therin snapped, trying to seat up. "I asked about the battle. Who won?"

Ilyena put her hands on his shoulders and pushed. It was evidence to his weakness that she could push him back. "You're staying in bed, Lews Therin. Until you have rested enough." He looked at her stubbornly, she put her hands on her hips and lectured him. "You will stay in bed, shielded and tied, if this would be necessary. I will not let you kill yourself! And at the moment, you can't even touch saidin, and certainly not to break a shield!" The first thing he had done, she was sure, was to try to touch saidin, and he would have said something if he couldn't find the source. At the moment, he was too weak to touch saidin, but he would touch it again. Relief surged in her in waves that threaten to drown her.

Shorin Kelal laughed, and the laugher spread all across the room. "I would have suggested to you to stay in bed, Lews Therin. You don't want her angry on you. I will see you again when you're better." With that, he took his ashendri, a weapon he created himself, a spear with a sword blade on it, and left. The others followed him, they all carried weapons, that was the first lesson Lews Therin taught them, never to be unguarded. They had learned well. Every last one of them was almost as famous as Lews Therin. She was more than proud at them, as much as she was in their own children, and for the same reason.

"What happened in the battle, Ilyena?" Lews Therin asked as soon as only them left in the room.

"The dread lords and the Forsakens fled the battle. They knew what was about to happen. If either one of you would have died that day you would have destroyed everything in sight. With them gone, we won." Further explanation would have to wait. "Are you fine, I mean, the power..."

"I'm fine, Ilyena. Only weak as a newborn baby." He muttered, he never liked to be forced into something. And she could understand easily how much he wanted to be out of bed. But she wouldn't let him kill himself.

"Now, Lews Therin, what kind of soup you want?" She asked pleasantly, ignoring his glare.

Ilyena sat uneasily on the soft chair in the Hall of Servants. She never liked to be left behind. Especially when there was a battle to fight in outside. Lately, in the Hall, they did nothing save talking. Didn't they understood that there was a war outside the white walls that protected them? They were so blind that sometimes she wanted to scream on them till they would see the truth.

She blocked the disgust away from her face. It was easy, after so much time in the Hall. In the Hall, people could get hurt all too easily from being too open in the Hall. This began before the War of Shadow. Even before the bore was opened. Plots, schemes and lies in order to strengthen your position was common since the beginning or time. Or so she thought sometimes. The Dark Lord of Grave didn't create them. She tried to stop hearing the speaker, a woman dressed in gray, who she remembered only faintly. Her cloths were enough to distinguish her, though. Ilyena ignored every thing the grays did. Gray, the color between the black of shadow and the white of light. The peace factions hadn't died. In this, she fully agreed with her husband, there can be no peace with the shadow. Even if the Forsaken would keep there words, they couldn't let more than half the population of the world to be under the shadow control.

The colors were a new thing, started only a year or two ago. But now there wasn't single Aes Sedai that hadn't wore the distinguishing colors. It was a statement of opinions. For herself, she wore blue. She was pregnant, again. That was the reason she wasn't in green, and took part in the battle of Sharen Mazor. No pregnant woman was allowed to wear green. Most of them moved to the blue. Spying was almost as important as battling. And she had succeed, more than once, to achieve information that had won more than one battle.

In one look on the Hall she could see how it was divided. No one wore green, they were all in Sharen Mazor, fighting, and she longed to be there. But all around her there was blues. Almost all women, almost all pregnant. The few women who weren't pregnant, and the men, wore blue mainly because they were better in spying than fighting. Or because they were afraid of battles. There was no shame in that. For herself, she had more than one nightmare about those battle. The One Power, when used as a weapon, was horrible. They simply saw too much, too much to go back to battle.

Not many were grays, not many wanted a peace with the shadow. By many eyes, there was no real difference between gray and black.

Whites were even fewer, she felt only scorn for them. They refused to take part in the killing, or in the war, pretending that the world hasn't changed. It was a sickness that was worse than the grays. And much deadlier. At least it was limited, and didn't spread. Whites argued about the nature of the Lord of Grave, and about the reasons for the war, they argued about points of pure logic. But they did nothing to help in the war. Useless cowards! She thought in fury, They could be browns if they didn't want to take part in battle. They aren't da'shain who were sworn not to take part in battles. The Aiels not fighting was another things, and any Aiel that was found able to channel and became Aes Sedai took part in the fighting.

Browns, men and women, at least studied useful things. It was the browns who came up with the ideas of sealing the bore. They had dozen or more options. And although only two of them was useful, that had been the greatest help possible they could give. And they at least did something, even if they usually were blind to the outside world. Browns had brought the ideas of the shocklances, and other weapons. They were the ones discovering the affect of balefire. And the reason why it wasn't used anymore. She barely kept herself from shivering.

In the first year of the War of Shadow, reality itself was about to unravel. The browns stopped it, and literally saved the world.

Her eyes landed on a red sphere in the Hall. Women, with not even one man, clad in red blood dresses. The women who signed Latra Posae's concord. She couldn't make her mind about Latra Posae. For herself, she wasn't strong enough to be asked to join if Lews Therin's plan would ever carried out. And Latra Posae knew enough to not even ask. Once she belonged to her ajah, but she left it long ago. When she fell in love with Lews Therin. Light, he survived thousands battles, let him be fine this battle too. She prayed silently, but she had participated in battles, and knew well enough that anything could happen. The armies was led by Demandred. And Lews Therin and the Forsaken would seek each others blood. She knew it for certain. She had seen one of the battles between Lews Therin and Demandred, it was something to remember, almost as much as her husband's battle against the Ishmael, the Betrayer of Hope. There was no way to tell who would win if they would fight. So far, it had always ended even.

The gasp that run through every man in the Hall sent her to her feet, a gateway began to open, and then others. Dozens of them. All around her, women shone with the light of saidar, readying flows that would bring death on anything. By tradition stronger than any law none may travel into or from the Hall. The gateway opened, and Lews Therin stepped through. As always now, he wore green. And the sword that was made for him hanged on his side. His hair began to gray.

But he still carried himself with the same flexibility of the younger men that stepped through their own gateway. They moved like a pack of wolves. Hard faces and grim. The Hundred Companion. Clad in green, the each had a symbol on the left side of their breast, a circle divide by a sinuous line. Half black half white. The symbol for Aes Sedai, as old as the Hall of servant itself. The gray woman near the rostrum barely jumped back from Lews Therin's gateway. He carried a sword in his hand, though his own hanged on his hip. A sword blacker than the night. She blinked at it. It was a Myradraal's sword. There was stains of blood on his coat, but his face was stone hard. And his eyes shone with fury stronger than she ever seen with him. He had an absolute control on his emotions, all the time. But now it was clear that he was furious. The Hundred Companion was as furious as he was, sending dark stares across the Hall. Most of the glares were directed at the reds, and at Latra Posae. The Hundred Companion were more than ready to carry out Lews Therin's suggestion. As it was called now. Latra Posae's concord was the only thing that stopped them from carrying it out.

Lews Therin's gaze swept on the Hall. He might have stopped on Latra Posae, she couldn't be sure. There was no recognition in his eyes when he looked at her. No one moved, or made a sound.

"Sharen Mazor has fallen." He said, fury in his voice. Soft moans of despair run through the Hall. That was the last in the defeats that they had taken lately. "And you sit here, talking! Arguing!" Scorn chimed in his voice.

"There is a war out there!" He roared at them, "And it's a war we're losing. A war we can't afford to lose!"

His gaze turn to the grays' seats. "You! You talk about peace. Peace with those who would rip a child's heart out of his body for the mere reason that they can. And you!" He pointed at the whites, "Who pretend that the war does not happening."

"You hiding here. Refuse to see the truth. Hiding behind walls and pretend that the war wouldn't reach you." He rose the sword he held. Midnight black that reflected no light. "One way or the other you will have to face the war. And if you will not come to face it. It will face you. And then it would befar too late for you to do anything!" He changed his hold on the sword. Holding it with both hands, blade down. And thrust it down into the stand. He must have been channeling, the sword sank through the stone without a sound.

He looked at them, all of them, with such a look that for a moment she thought he would strike with the power. She felt so proud of him that moment that she thought her heart would explode. "This will stay here," He said, stating a fact. "until the war will over. One way or the other. This will stay here, to remind you." His gaze was fixed on Latra Posae's face, "that there is a war outside the Hall. That you cannot hide here and pray that it would end. Or that you have the time to consider what is the best path to choose." His voice faded for a heartbeat.

"And it will stay here also to remind you that I will destroy the world before letting the Lord of Grave have it." With that, he opened a gateway and passed through. Not looking back.

Latra Posae stood, and she started to walk toward the stand. Leon Daern, Lews Therin's second in the Hundred Companion pointed at her, and she stopped on her track. "Lews Therin was right, you know it." Only the emotionless of k'doi sounded in his voice. "You are a fool." The look he gave her was full of disgust. He was her son. "You all are. Do you think that because you don't want to be involve in the war it would not touch you?" He put a hand on the sword on the stand. "Who ever that would draw it would die. You can not allow yourself to forget that there is a war. You can not allow yourself this luxury anymore. You could never do it."

With that, his look moved on the Aes Sedai that sat on the Hall. It looked as if he stared at any one at the Hall in the eye. Few could meet his gaze. "And let me promise you one thing, Lews Therin was right. One way or the other, the Lord of Grave must not be allowed to win."

The gateways opened behind him. And the Hundred Companions left the Hall. Ilyena stood on her feet, and opened a gateway of her own. For skimming, she had no clue where she was about to go. Only that she couldn't stay here. Before closing the gateway, Ilyena stared at Latra Posae, "Do you really believe that you have a chance of succeeding?" Sharen Mazor was the last city before the hiding place where the great sa'angreals were kept. "Should the shadow move any father, all hope for your plan is lost. Yet you refuse to admit it. You claim that Lews Therin's plan is too risky to be carried out. Have you even considered the risks in your own actions?" She channeled, and her voice boomed from every corner in the Hall.

All around her, every man or woman wearing blue went through their own gateways. They were the firsts, but not the lasts. Men and Women, in brown or white or gray opened gateways. Supporting Lews Therin, or maybe escaping from the accusations they knew they deserved. Only the women in red stayed in the Hall left in the Hall. Some, mostly whites, who stuck to the tradition, left the Hall through the huge gilded doors. But none, save those women supporting Latra Posae, remained in the Hall. But it was enough. Without Latra Posae support, Lews Therin's plan would never be carried out.

And Latra Posae believed that she was right, she had never took a risk in her life, and rarely took a part in the battles that surged for the last ten years all over the world. She always took the safest path that there was. Ilyena could remember time when she thought it's logical. Now, with the war, she couldn't see much difference between Latra Posae's behavior and Moghedien's.

Lews Therin tightened the sword belt on his hips. Today he abandoned the green he wore usually. And dressed himself in red and brown and gold. Coat and breech that were made before the War of Power, before even the opening of the bore. He wanted to remember how it was in those days. The days when innocence wasn't a sure way to be death before you knew it.

He like those times, he longed for them. Maybe what he was about to do today would help bring them back, yet he didn't believe it. People had gone mad the last one hundred years, struggling for power was a common thing even back on those days, but now those struggles were bloody. And those who had touched violence wouldn't let it go. Society wouldn't regain sanity for a long time. Maybe never. He didn't think he would see it. He sent his look to the bed. Where Ilyena was still sleeping. She would sleep for another hour or two before she would awake, a simple weave took care of that. She would try to stop him, he knew that, she believed him, believed that there was no other choice. But she would try to stop him anyway, because there chances were close to nothing that he would stay alive to see the end of the day. Strange, that didn't seem to worry him any more. He accepted that, now. His only fear was that the plan wouldn't work, that some how he would fail, that somewhere there was a flaw where the Lord of Grave can press on, maybe collapsing the entire plan, but there was no other choice. How long till the final defeat? Months? Weeks? Or was it a matter of days only? What ever the result this day would bring with, it had to be better than not doing a thing.

"You might do mistakes if you do something," He whispered, exiting the room "but it's always a mistake not doing a thing!" It was an old saying he favored.

"You always used to say that." A familiar voice said, Shorin Kelal's voice. The man wore blue and green, as always. And his ashendri was in his hand, also as always. All around him stood all the children he took into his custody so long ago. The fifteen that survived the battle. More than the faces that were presented, he saw the faces that wasn't here. Teadra with that eternal smile of her, that never missed a shot with a bow. And her lover, the most ugliest man Lews Therin ever saw, but Teadra loved him. And... There was too many to list, too many he had lost. Too many friends, sons and daughters he had lost in this cursed war.

"You're going to Shayol Ghul today." Shorin Kelal said, somehow, he became the leader of this band. The other simply stared at him. "We will go with you."

"How under the light you have found out?!" He gasped, no one knew, save the Hundred Companions, he hid it even from Ilyena.

"We know you," Dark Aeral said, black hair and clad in dead black, she stared at him accusingly. "you said, when you first started to train us, that you will use us anywhere you need us. And now you decide you don't, why?"

Lews Therin sighed, he had to hide it better, "You will be no use there, Aeral, you know it. You can't channel and -"

"That is why you're taking ten thousands soldiers? Because of the fun of it? You need soldiers, and we don't need you to protect us anymore. Not now, certainly, if you're going to the Pit of Doom, we will go with you." Shorin Kelal was a general in battles for the last ten years. He knew well the voice of command. It also explained how they found out about it, Shorin Kelal knew just about everything about the armies of the Light. He wouldn't ignore the slightest move of forces.

"You don't have a choice, Lews Therin." Aeral said, "One way or the other, we are going with you." The others simply looked. He could simply tie them up with air. They would stay here until some one would sever the flows. He could, Ilyena would wake in an hour. She would free the, and... he owe them too much. He couldn't do this to them.

Sighing, he glared at them, but they stared at him right back. Nothing showed on their faces, they knew him as well as he knew himself and better. They knew they had won, maybe before he knew it.

Muttering under his breath he opened a gateway. They passed through without a word, there was no need of words between them. Sometimes he thought that they could share their thoughts. He had seen them fighting, it was like they all had one mind controlling them. Dancing in the battle like this.

He had taken them into a distant cliff. So far from the world nether the light nor the shadow battled on it. The Hundred Companions waited, none of them rising an eyebrow to the sight of the fools that insisted on coming along. They knew, but they, also, ignore his glares.

Leon Daern came close, smiling faintly at Shorin Kelal, "We are ready, we have close to ten thousands soldiers here." Lews Therin could see it by himself. Men and Women, carrying shocklances. And Ogiers too. Almost twice as tall as normal man. Waited silently. There would be no cheers today. They knew where they were heading too.

"Open the gateways!" He orders, and the sense of saidin filled the air. And the soldiers charged. The Hundred Companions were the first to pass through.

Later, he could never remember clearly what happened. Only images of trollocs and fades and shadowspawn charging. There were always large numbers of shadowspawn near Shayol Ghul. He killed them with saidin or with a blade. The clash of metals rang all around him. Sweet music to his ears.

He was only faintly aware of breaking through the line of shadowspawns. Only that suddenly he had nothing to stop him. And he moved forward, always forward. His target was a hole in the mountain side, not much different than any other. But it pull at him. That was the opening into the Lord of Grave's opening to the world. Into the Pit of Doom. The Hundred Companions were on his side. Leaving the fight for the soldiers, they had a greater target ahead.

"LEWS THERIN," The voice exploded inside his mind, crushing everything. He held into k'doi with fingernails. Wrapping himself in the soft warm of the power. "DRAGON. YOU HAVE COME AGAIN! COME, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE FOREVER!" He ignored it, tried to. Centering all his attention at the goal he had come to achieve today.

He moved forward, ignoring everything. All he cared about was the seals he carried in his pouch. And the mission they were here to accomplish.

He focused on placing one foot in front of the other. The air itself seemed to resist him. One corner held Ilyena's image, the way she smiled, moved. He would miss her, but what he was doing today wasn't for the world, it was for her, more than all.

Somehow they reached into the Put of Doom, against air that seem to push them back, against ground that seemed to open holes to trip their feet.

He saw, from the corner of his eyes, Ishmael looking at them, stunned, and beautiful Lanfear, a white drop on the black of Shayol Ghul, and Rahvin, and Asmodean, and Graendel, and Semiharge. And all the Forsakens, he pushed the question about what they were doing here for later, if there would be later for him. In a voice that was as dry as death he gave sharp orders, he could barely hear himself. But he could feel the Hundred Companions responding. None of the Forsakens made a move, or touched the True Source. That was strictly forbidden here for them, and even now they didn't dare to defy their Great Lord's orders.

He pulled out the seals from his belt pouch. Taking them in his hands, Seven seals, half shining white, the other dead black. Balance, the symbol of the Aes Sedai for so long. The balance that the Lord of Grave had broken. The Forsakens overcame their shook. And he could feel them filling themselves with the power, felt the tingle in his skin that said that the female Forsakens channeled. He gave them no time to react.

A net of all five powers appeared around them, waved by every last one of the Hundred Companions, pushing them into that lake of fire. "NO!" It was an order that something inside him longed to obeyed to, "YOU WILL NOT TRAP ME AGAIN, DRAGON! NOT THIS TIME!" Something came out of the bore, something so vile that wasn't even registered. Something that struck not at him. But at the link between him and the source. Something flowed into him, into the Hundred Companions, into the male half of the True Source.

He screamed in agony greater than he thought possible. He knew, he understood. He heard other screams behind him, the Hundred Companions, dying maybe. But the light burn him if he would give up now. The net the Hundred Companion wove was still in the air. Still pressing on the bore. He fought against it, whatever it was, that was pouring into him. He could have tried stopping it. But he ignored it, as much as he could. Shaping the flows the Hundred Companions continued to weave. Despite everything. Exactly as he had planned, as he dreamed so many times. Shaping it into the right pattern. Half way though, he already didn't know what he was doing. Continuing doing so only because of inner impulse. Something that was deep inside him. But then he dropped to his knees. The screams behind him hadn't stopped. If anything they had became stronger. He turned his gaze back. More bodies than he could count lied on the ground. Burned by black fire. But the rest. Saidin pulsed in him, and he struck with the power at the horror he saw. Destroying them one by one. But there were too many of them. Too many to fight with and survived. He fled, to the only place where he would be safe, to the place he called home. But those horror chased him there too. And he struck with the power. Defending his home, he wouldn't run away from this place, he would defend it until his last breath. Destroying horrors beyond belief.

He didn't even heard the screaming, or saw the blue eyes woman that faced him. He channeled Air, and she was thrust away. Hitting in a wall hard enough to bounce back, at the same times, flows of Fire and Earth stooped her heart. He barely noticed. Already striking at another monster. Another creature that existed in the madness of his actions alone.

Ok, here are the notes for the second part of the story. I don't like this story. Damn it, I had tears in my eyes when I finished it. Anyway, here is the things I had to take into count writing the story.

First, it was said that after three first years the shadow made major advance. And conquered many territories. But in the next four years, Lews Therin was able to drive them back. I had to find some explanation for this. The other piece of information I had was that Lews Therin had met Ishmael in the gates of Paran Desen and somehow won the battle but didn't kill the Forsaken. I had to think of something to explain this. So I made the Paran Desen's battle. Where they lost most of their soldiers, which would explain how they were winning for three years and losing in the next four. This would explain how this happened.

You also might have noticed the ajah I think that they were divided from before the war of powers. Into several factions. Green is now the battle ajah. It seemed logical that they were so in the Age of Legends also. Gray are now negotiating, and according to the Guide, there were some peace factions in the Age of Legends. So I gave them that color. White are utterly useless. Thinking about logic all day helps no body. I assume that they had to origin somewhere, and those people who denied reality seemed to me a good choice. I can prove you that the skies are yellow, logically. But it won't turn them yellow. The same with the whites. What they do is useless. If they wanted to research, they should have joined the browns. The browns job remained the same. The blue dealing with politic, and since they are known to have the largest networks of eye & ears I made them the spies of the Age of Legends. Since I don't think that there was much to deal with politic in the war. In the guide it's said that Rahvin enjoyed politic, and that he gained more than one territory by negotiating only. But if a land was in the hand of the shadow... there was no way back unless in battle. Since in the Age of Legends any one with the talent could heal almost anything, I didn't bother to make a special ajah for healing. There were Aes Sedai that was very strong in healing, Semiharge, before she turned. But they wouldn't devote their life to healing only. I believe that they had joined one of the other factions, and didn't create an ajah of their own. Only after they lost so much of the knowledge they had they had to create another ajah, so the knowledge wouldn't be lost. The reds, Latra Posae's ajah, I believe that Latra Posae was the cause of the breaking between the genders. The breaking in the Hall of Servants was between male and female. Large numbers of them refuse to even speak to one another.And Latra Posae, even when the end was clear, refused to admit that she was wrong. It sound close enough to a certain red we know. Elaida, and even with so little information, it's more than easy to despite Latra Posae as much as we despite Elaida or more.

And about the children Lews Therin had trained, it seemed to fit him. Rand had changed Mat's course of thought, forcing him to acknowledge duty. It seemed reasonable that he might do the same in the Age of Legends, and considering the life span of Aes Sedai, it is more than logical that he could have taken on himself such project. And another thing to consider about it is that in tSR, when Rand is in the ter'angreal he see a soldier, when the war is over. And the man he was then think, "he was taken to learn war from the age of ten." or some such, it means that they did such things. That was also something I thought of when writing this. If they made soldiers that way, why not making comandos?

Again, I'm not RJ, nor planning to be. I think it was much more cooler if RJ would have write New Spring about the Age of Legends and the War of Shadow instead about Lan and Moiraine. But to make the entire war I would have write something the size of New Spring. If you want it, I'm not the place to look for. Go to RJ and bug him. I took the scenes I think are most probable to appear in the War of Power and wrote them. I truly hope you would like it. And again, special thanks to Lanfir, for the great help.

Last night I posted four stories that I wrote ages ago (8 - 6 years), it has been quite amusing to read them, but they are long, and I don't really have the time to edit them as I would like.

I'm going to post them here as is, and edit them at my liesure later.

Sorry about the grammer and spelling, but do recall that I wrote this a long time ago. I hope that my english improved since then.